I’m a single guy who’s finding the search for a girlfriend frustrating, because one of my absolute requirements for any woman I date that she be at least libertarian-leaning. I have friends of different political persuasions, of course, because politics aren’t the crux of our friendship, so we do [shared interest activity] then part ways. But I don’t think I could stand coming home to someone who supposed to be a source of solace and moral support yet I think is at best naïve and at worst stupid or immoral or both. How could I connect with someone who doesn’t even understand my frustrations with the world outside the walls of our home? How could I respect as an equal someone who thinks such a world is moral or just?
So, for those of you who are dating/married to non-libertarians, how do you make peace with that? Am I doing myself a disservice by maintaining such a strict requirement?
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waiting until you find the right person. Previously, I was married to someone who might have considered himself a libertarian, but he definitely fell into a standard Republican square, in my estimation. Things didn’t work out–for plenty of reasons, not just because we couldn’t see eye-to-eye ideologically. One thing I’ve found about libertarians and libertarianism is that it isn’t just a political philosophy; for me, it’s more of a life philosophy. I would not be able to push my ideals aside for my romantic partner and I have a whole failed relationship to prove it. As you said above, how could I come home to someone who has an entirely different approach/reaction to the world than I do? I couldn’t. Mr. Riven and I met on OKCupid, where it was easy to see on each other’s profiles if there was going to be any compatibility or not. Luckily we were both painfully honest, and meeting in person only reinforced that compatibility further. The rest, they say, is history. Hold out for that unicorn.
A thrice divorced hopelessly romantic former coworker of mine once told me a story. He was almost about to give up on finding “the one” when a friend of his point blank asked him a question. “What do all the women you have been married to/dated over your life have in common?” He thought about it for a second and then said “I met them all in bars.” His friend then said “If you want to catch a different kind of fish, you need to start fishing in different ponds.” My coworker took his friend’s advice to heart, found a different pond, and has been happily married ever since. Shortly after being told that story, I started fishing on Reason and caught myself a sloopy. I know of another couple who are soon to be married who found each other through Reason’s comment section, as well. So my simple advice is this: If you want a libertarian fish, fish in libertarian ponds.
First of all, we know there are no libertarian women out there, Banjos and Riven are taken. But beating our heads against the wall of impossible is obviously attractive to the libertarian leaning. What worked well for me was to find one who didn’t care at all about politics and really didn’t think much about how society should be ordered. And then show her the outrageous things that happen every day that this site and certain others are good at highlighting. Mrs. L still doesn’t care about politics, per se, but she sure does say a lot of things that sound like they came off this message board in response to the petty statism we encounter day-to-day. However, Mrs. L is awesome, sane, and puts up with me, so good luck finding your own unicorn.
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