“Can’t you just play golf, Donald?” the hair asked quietly.
“Oh, shut up,” the hat replied. “Let him do what he wants. It’s his vacation.”
“Working vacation,” Donald mumbled, flipping through the photos again on his phone. “I’m working this vacation. Phone calls and meetings.” He was dragging his driver behind him as he walked the green.
“Give your driver to the caddy, Donald,” the hat told him.
“Reince used to be my caddy. He was an OK, caddy. Not the best,” Donald mumbled. He dropped the driver to hold the phone in both of his hands, bring it up close to his face. The hair looked down at the phone from under the hat.
“Donald, you shouldn’t be doing this to yourself,” the hair said. “It’s not healthy.”
“I have perfect health. The best health. My healthy is so classy,” Donald replied absently.
“I want to go fishing,” Donald said.
“You’re playing golf right now,” the hat said, “And you just walked right past your ball.”
“My balls are so healthy,” Donald said, the phone almost touching his nose as he stared into it. “I’ll have my doctor release my testicle report.”
“DONALD!” the hair yelled, “You’re about to walk into a tree!”
“All honest, hardworking trees love my administration,” Donald replied but stopped before hitting the tree.
“You’ve got to snap out of it,” the hat said sternly. “It’s over between the two of you. He’s never coming back.”
“He’s the only man that ever made me feel like a woman,” Donald said quietly.
“I know, Donald. But he’s the President of Russia and you are the President of the United States. You can’t be together like that any longer.”
“Listen to the hair, Donald.”
“I hate golf,” Donald said.
“We’ll go powerboating in Florida next time,” the hat said. “You can run over as many manatees as you feel like.”
“Ocean Rosies,” Donald said wistfully. He let the phone hang at his side.
“Go ahead and put the phone away, Donald,” the hair said. “We are keeping the reporters away, but someone still might see.”
“I have to pee,” Donald said.
“Only one more hole, Donald,” the hat said. “There’s a comfort station after that.”
“I have to pee now,” Donald said petulantly.
“No, Donald,” the hat and hair said simultaneously.
Donald walked behind the tree he was standing in front of an unzipped his pants.
“Donald! Put your penis away!” the hair commanded.
“Don’t press that button,” the hat warned. But it was too late. The erection sequence on Donald’s penis pump was already engaged.
“Bigly,” Donald said. “So bigly.” He began to salivate at the muted sounds of the implanted motor making his penis rigid.
“Goddammit, stop him!” the hat told the hair.
“I can’t! The scalp controls aren’t responding!”
Donald brought the phone up and flipped to his favorite photo.
Ocean Rosies.
No more calls please. We have a winner.
Agreed.
Pulitzer prize.
^THIS^
Yeah, that sort of ended the day, that did.
He’s had some great phrases and scenes in this series.
Brilliant!!
SugarFree, you are the greatest writer of our generation, and you need serious psychiatric help.
Like Ezra Pound, but with less fascism and more dick jokes.
Leaked footage of the last psychiatrist that attempted to counsel SugarFree.
Even Russia’s river banks are drab.
Yeesh.
Why are people afraid of that man? O.K. shape for a 60+ guy but if that’s Russian virility,They lose any battle they pick.
Placekickers are built better than him
B
Because his former job was having ‘conversations’ with East Germans who mysteriously wouldn’t be around for questioning afterwards.
I would love to read his private thoughts on Justin.
“I once killed mink with fur as soft and luscious as his hair. I wear it as underpants now.”
I would assume an almost overwhelming sense of contempt at his constantly-applauded simpering weakness and idiocy.
Canadian, right? Sense of humor, none?
No Football? Russophobia?
Putin’s not looking very swole anymore. And what’s the over-under on him wearing the cross just to score a few points with the Orthodox?
I saw that, All American, Russian style. i wonder what Trump looks like shirtless
Then there was that election campaign that compared voting for Putin to losing your virginity.
please don’t say things like this in a sugarfree post. it encourages him.
Probably no worse than any other 70-year-old who mostly eats fast food.
But then, few 70-year-olds that most eat fast food are alive…
Which is why we need single payer. Duh!!
Nonononono!
SF, is that a Musslebitches reference in the title, Love that band
Sadly, no. I just put it in as a placeholder, but couldn’t think of anything better.
Got me going 🙂
/bad euphemism?
I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that these aren’t candid photos, and therefore were conceived on purpose…or the fact that they seemed to have worked in Russia.
Let’s be real, if Ivanka Trump ran for office and released a swimsuit calendar she’d jump twenty points with the male demographic, even here with her progderp.
Fair point, shouldn’t single out Russia as if US voters are any more informed. I do think, however, that we are more discerning – while Ivanka or the Rock might get the 20 point jump for the skimpy photos, a dude with Putin’s dad bod wouldn’t.
Gotta agree. Obama would have gone starkers without hesitation if he had thought it would give him a quarter point in the polls – but it wouldn’t, so he didn’t.
I don’t know if it wouldn’t have, Jezebel writers’ creepy sexual attraction to him wasn’t exactly unknown. But I suppose those people are already on your side in the first place, its the moderates who demand the beefcake.
moderates who demand the beefcake
Bravo!
Oh, I’m sure a disquieting number of people would have swooned over starkers Obama. But those would have been people who were already part of the cult – they would have swooned over him if he had grown a headful of snakes, and looking at him turned you to stone. (And not in *that* sense.)
I’d vote for her from my bunk.
Hell, remember when Palin first hit the scenes there was a lot of male gaze directed at her.
….including mine.
The VPILF.
Let’s be fair, didn’t we see much the same sort of hero worship at TOS when Gary Johnson had a few pics of him shirtless, or when he was mountain-climbing?
By the commentariat? Or the staff?
The staff did go all gooey about him.
Linking fail. Trying again.
Here’s what Nick Gillespie had to say.
Vaguely remember some of the commenters swooning as well, tarran. No specific posts come to mind, though.
I was impressed at his drive, as exemplified by his climbing hobby. I really shouldn’t have been though, considering what I’ve read about politicians’ workload. Most of the successful ones work like galley slaves. Of course, to them, all of that socializing and dealing isn’t work.
Funny that Trump by all accounts eats like shit but is able to work people half his age into the ground.
It gives me great pleasure to say this.
Hillary Clinton isnt going to be president. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
Trump isnt going to be impeached no matter how much it gets fantasized about. He will be re-elected. The economy will take off like a rocket and I will get much wealthier. All of you naysayers line up and start kissing my ass.
Choir, Preaching, Happiness all around 🙂
A-real-men
True.
True. True.
True. 50/50. 50/50 and probably.
Still not going to happen.
I definitely share the sentiment of the first part. The fact that her ascendancy to the throne was derailed by a loud mouthed vulgarian whose mere existence curdles all of the ethically sourced organic GMO-free soy milk in fridges of liberals across the country and beyond is like the perfectly ripened cherry on top.
As for the last part about the personal wealth growth, may it rain down upon you like a cascading waterfall. Me, well… I’ll believe my own good fortunes when I see them.
Two minutes of Libertarian Bliss, and no I don’t know how to format links, maybe NSFW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92i5m3tV5XY
(a href=”*insert link here*”)*Insert Text here*(/a)
Replace the (s with their respective <s.
/Millennialsplaining.
If I might add:
If the site is a fountain of derp and don’t want them to get a backlink for SEO purposes (not that this site probably wields a lot of SEO weight, yeabutstill), make sure to add a nofollow to the link as well:
a href=”*insert link here*” rel=”nofollow”)*Insert Text here*(/a)
I like it. Now do a happy dance. Horseshit fades away.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x2MP2gGND8
Putin holds that fish like a pansy.
Dat muffin top doe.
I’ll be 54 in a few weeks and look a whole lot better than that flabmeister,
Now off to work, enjoy the Day everyone!
I have a 3 tier wedding cake top but I don’t wade around fishing shirtless either so I’m a step up from Pooty Mcpootface.
OT: I’m back on the wagon after about six months of eating any-and-everything I damn well pleased. My question is, what are youse guys’ opinions of a cheat meal? My cheat system works like this: I eat two meals a day. I stick to the program on days one and two, then on day three I have one cheat meal. So, one out of every six meals is gonna have plenty of carbs, plenty of sugar. I’ve got friends saying absolutely not on cheat meals, but I feel like spacing the cheats out at that interval keeps cravings at bay but is infrequent enough to not make the diet pointless. What say you?
You guys lead complicated lives.
/downs glass of Kool-Aid.
So sounds like you are doing a keto-type approach. Which, if I am not mistaken, it can take up to 3 days to regain ketosis after you have done something like a cheat meal. So I am worried that having your cheat meals that often might keep you running in place.
Moderation in all things F.
That is 2500 year old good advice.
This.
Moderate carbs. No need to cheat.
What Zunalter said. The idea is to break yourself of the sugar habit, which you won’t do if you have cheat meals so often. I don’t usually do cheat meals, but I think most people will limit them to one day or one meal a week.
My advice is to change your eating habits versus dieting. Smaller portions and replace the carbs with vegetables. Eat it long enough and you don’t have the sugar cravings anymore. Take all the calories out of your drinks. Water, unsweet tea, black coffee are your friends. I find that by getting enough fat, protein and fiber I’m not hungry. I lost 40 pounds in a year by doing that.
This right here. Stop drinking sugar entirely and you should see an immediate weight loss. In fact if you cut sugar (not necessarily carbs but that works too) completely out of your diet you will see massive weight loss immediately.
If you do cheat days they have to be very infrequent. No more than once a month until you hit your target weight and then once a week max.
Dwayne Johnson (AKA the rock) has a pretty famous system where he eats like a monk 29 days of the month and his cheat day he eats something like 10 whole pizzas. He’s pretty healthy so I think his system works.
I feel sorry for the poor kids trying to meet the new Presidential Fitness Award requirements when President Rock is sworn in.
Yeah but think about how awesome it would be seeing Paul Ryan get the People’s Elbow.
exercise more, worry about diet less
This is 100% false. You cannot outrun a bad diet and a good diet with no exercise will allow you to lose weight. Losing weight is 80% kitchen 20% gym.
Where did he say he was trying to lose weight?
I didn’t say it explicitly, but I thought that me saying that I ate whatever I wanted for six months implied it sufficiently.
I do need to make time to exercise, but right now it’s hard finding the spare time. Which sucks monkey scro.
I did well adjusting my diet for ~3 months before I went on vacation (Vacation trumps diet). I managed to stay within 5 lbs. of my weight for the vacation, and two weeks after. I’m now back on the schedule to keep dropping some weight. Through the diet I allowed myself 1 cheat day a week, and any day in which I rode more then 50 miles. Even on the cheat day I kept it under control, it was just nice not needing to count calories for a day. The riding days were another story, but i don’t want to bonk while I’m 20 miles away from home.
It’s tough, but doable.
my comment was more responding in the vein of “what’s the best way to stay healthy”, not “how can i lose weight the fastest”.
i’m not exactly svelte myself lately, so pay no mind to me.
If we’re talking about fat rather than weight, I half disagree.
I lift weights every day and basically ignore caloric intake while concentrating on maximizing my protein intake and letting the other macronutrients kind of work themselves out, within some general guidelines. For example, I shoot for around 200 grams of protein, and then fill out the rest while trying to eat a variety of stuff, more vegetables than not, easy on the carbs but not avoiding them, etc. I’ve maintained my weight, but have lost fat slowly but steadily.
Sure, if I paid more attention to my diet and was perhaps more strict, I could lose fat faster, but the odds of my sticking with it are slim to none. To contrast, I’ve lost weight by only dieting, but the interesting thing to me is that while I weighed 20 pounds less, I wore the same size clothing as I do now, in both instances going down a shirt-size and in a waist-size.
Mind you, my shirts are starting to get a little tight around the shoulders and I have trouble getting pants over my quads because I am all that is man…
Skip the carbs & sugars. Eat more bacon. Drink more bourbon.
Also, don’t skip meals.
“take bacon, put in blender with maple syrup and bourbon. consume this 10 times a day while binge-watching soap operas”
Too much sugar in maple syrup.
How about ranch dressing & cheddar cheese?
So, I do the Simple & Sinister kettlebell routine. It’s a fixed routine of 100 swings and 10 get-ups (5 per side) every day, at whatever pace allows you to finish using whatever weight provides a moderate challenge while allowing you to recover in time to do it again the next day. In the book, Pavel writes something to the effect of, “If you don’t do ‘heavy’ days, you don’t need to do ‘light’ days.”
I say that to suggest that if you make more moderate, gradual changes to your diet you don’t need cheat days. In my experience, and I’m no expert in anything, I have found that the most effective way for me to alter my diet is to focus on a modest calorie reduction if need be and gradually work in better foods and leave out “junk” foods. If I’m eating roast beets, half a breast of chicken, and romaine lettuce for three days in the knowledge that on day four I’m going to annihilate a bacon cheeseburger and a pound of fries, that burger is all I’ll be able to think of. And I might stick with the system for a little while, but it won’t be long before I start finding excuses to move the cheat day closer a little bit, or maybe “borrow” some of the cheat to apply to earlier days, and next thing I know I’m cheating every day.
So, again, with the caveat that I’m a stranger on the Internet giving you advice, I would say you should look at the foods you would eat on a “cheat” day and find a way to keep those in your current diet but slowly, gradually sub them out for better foods. Eventually you’ll get to a point where you aren’t craving them as much if at all, and it will be much easier to eat them in moderation if you want to because the experience won’t be freighted with all the excitement and good feelings of a “cheat” or a “treat” day.
my LGS is closing.
it was relatively new. a few years maybe. still. awesome atmosphere. i’ve taken my dad there for lunch outings to bond over firearms. i haz sad.
https://www.facebook.com/TheGunDudeDotCom/
Too much competition or did he just have terrible prices?
I’ve noticed that a lot of gun stores were floating on consumer ignorance and selling way above margins. The internet has wrecked a lot of that and many gun stores didn’t adapt.
some local competition (two other brick and mortar FFLs within 10 miles). his prices were the best of the lot. and the delta between his price (retail + 5.3% sales tax) and grabagun (retail + $9 shipping + $25 FFL xfer) was around 6% which accounted for the state’s cut.
i’m guessing the rent was too damn high. and he was a younger guy so likely undercapitalized. unable to handle the recent downturn in the market.
i’ll miss that great atmosphere. many many firearms were cabled to the walls and displays throughout the store and not behind the counter so you didn’t have to get permission to handle anything.
That does suck. I feel bad sometimes about never buying guns from my lgs but I figure the $20 they get from my 10 minutes worth of work isn’t a bad haul.
I suspect the FFL transfer will increase at the other two LGSs now. Dude’s $25 transfer was very deflationary for our market. I’m trying to get one more out of him before they close.. that CZ 455 Scout I was talking about last week. Dude’s out of stock.. but not Grabagun.
It’s almost worth it to open a pawn shop just to do transfers.
quite a few folks are at-home FFLs around here. fees are $50-$100 though and by appointment only. also, they’re kinda creepy.
You mean you’re NOT use to doing shady gun deals in some guy’s living room?
What is this, some made for TV drama? You do shady gun deals in the Wal Mart parking lot, noob.
Commnent from zerohedge:
When one, HONESTLY, looks at whom is running these corporations, (((parasites))) is a much more appropriate term to use.
SERIOUSLY.
EVERY
FUCKING
TIME.
You stay classy, zerohedge commenter.
looks at whom is running these corporations
The worst crimes are against grammar.
If you’re applying for grammar Nazi zerohedge might have an opening
Grammar focus optional.
My favourite part about the internet anti-Semitism idiocy now is that you don’t even have to actually be a practicing Jew, any taint of the Jewblood is sufficient enough for you to be in on the (((conspiracy))). With the recent attempts at hiding conservative videos on youtube, there were a ton of people whining about Susan Wojcicki, the obviously Polack CEO. But because her mother is descended from Russian Jews (and I’m pretty sure neither of them are practicing) these idiots just chant “DURR HURR THE JOOS”.
I dunno, does that really distinguish the Internet variety of antisemitism from the other forms?
Not really, my point is more that these idiots try to frame themselves as some kind of rational rebels exposing some kind of conspiracy to undermine the white race by the Semitic monsters who want to maintain their ethnic dominance (the ‘EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. shit is a meme they constantly post to indicate its all the Jews’ fault). But they go after half-castes and non-practicing ones that have pretty much abandoned their culture and ethnicity. It explicitly shows that their conspiracy theory is bullshit, it’s just hilariously stupid.
Micah Curtis on youtube has a couple videos where he has to explicitly state that despite his first name he’s not Jewish, so the people sending him anti-Semitic trash look like idiots.
I think Franklin missed one universal constant. Death, taxes, and nonsensical Jew-hate are the true certainties of the universe.
WTF?
I know I am slow but I always get everything sooner or later. This I never got.
TL;DR version: Social justice and progressivism are the fault of the Jews trying to destroy Western civilization and dominate the white race while they get an ethnostate in Israel. Their ‘evidence’ is to point to any SJW or progressive who is Jewish and go “YOU SEE, YOU SEE, THE JEWS DID IT, I’M BRAVE FOR BEING ANTI-SEMITIC”.
They haven’t noticed that the vast majority of Jews are white? Not only white but western european in culture? That the vast majority of SJIdiots are not Jewish?
Of all the ‘others’ to hate this seems like the dumbest one to me.
Jews aren’t white according to them, they’re Semites with a culture separate from whites. In reality the entire exercise is a way to excuse and remove the blame on the ‘white/European’ race for the creation of things like social justice, progressivism, communism, etc.
“It’s not our fault these things exist, our group didn’t make them, they were pushed into our culture by an evil other race that wants to undermine us.”
It’s the exact same horseshit as progressives blaming whitey for dysfunctions in the black community or in the Middle East, it can’t be dysfunctions in the actual culture, it must be some nefarious influence we can demonize. Because that’s easier than actually addressing problems.
Well now that I look closer I guess they aren’t white at all. Nope, not white.
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/429390145692828353
Nope, this chick is definitely not white.
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/536702480569548643
Take it up with the alt-right guys, I’m just saying what they’re saying.
I know. I get it John. I never understood antisemitism. I have heard it all it just doesnt make any sense to me.
I understand anti semitism as well as I understand any sort of hardcore bigotry. People want someone to blame for their shitty life, and a faceless blob like ‘the jews’ or ‘the blacks’ makes a very convenient scapegoat.
I guess that’s why it doesnt make sense to me. I cant fool myself into believing in bigfoot just because I want to.
*glances cautiously around for STEVE SMITH*
How exactly do they square their circle with the fact that SJWs in general abhor Israel and love them some jihadis?
Selectively misquoting and pretending Jews are all the same pretty much. When you argue with them they’ll often times post a ton of articles ‘proving’ their points. And it will be stuff like people on the Israeli right-wing claiming that ‘yes Israel is a Jewish state’ even thought the Israeli right have fuck all to do with the Jewish left in the U.S. White SJWs are effectively portrayed as useful idiots to be manipulated (which is tying into the whole ‘social justice isn’t the fault of the white race’ idiocy) so they say what they’re against isn’t reflective of their true goal. There’s particularly dumb arguments about how anti-Israeli groups are controlled opposition to give the appearance that they’re anti-Israel, when in reality those people have no influence while (((they))) control large parts of the U.S. government to pursue their goals.
White SJWs are effectively portrayed as useful idiots to be manipulated
I’ve never gotten how supremacists can use an argument like this. If your race is constantly being tricked by another race, how can you be superior? And if the Jews control the media/government, wouldn’t that make them the superior race?
The alt-right/alt-white/whatever you want to call them somewhat distance themselves from the ‘supremacist’ angle, focusing more on a kind of ‘racial solidarity’ angle. They’re pretty obsessed with the various racial IQ data, so a lot of their argument for that is that Jews have higher IQs than whites based on their data so they’re better manipulators. They’re perfectly willing, however, to take the data for blacks and Hispanics and use that as proof that they have no right to be in ‘white societies’.
The general ideas are more focused on homogeneous race and “what have you done for your race?” logic than anything else.
Tricknology man, tricknology.
In Russia antisemitism has absolutely nothing to do with religion. A drop of (((blood))) is enough. Back in the Soviet Union everyone was an atheist anyway. So I’m actually unfamiliar with the antisemitism that depends on practicing Judaism.
Related: Jewish (Math) Problems
You know who else was suspected of being tainted with Jew blood…
Jesus?
Damn it.
Moses?
Jesus?
OMG ITS THE SECOND COMING!
That’s what she said.
Ivanka Trump?
Definitely not Brian.
+1 I’m a Rea Sea Pedestrian!
*red
Emmanuel Goldstein?
Mel Gibson?
What the hell is that?
It’s all the Jews’ fault.
I just thought I’d check up on what the google news is hacking up. Not available, try later.
Retribution for firing Sexism Guy?
Doubtful. Russian hacking is much more plausible.
You stay classy, zerohedge commenter.
That guy’d be right at home commenting on Krugabe’s NYT column.
I had to stop reading that. It was so painfully stupid and arrogant all at the same time.
I lol’ed at the””If you google, “how to be a better man”, we will give youarticles written by lesbians….” -line
https://twitter.com/OwenBenjamin/status/894957917123878913
I’ve never been able to get Twitter video to play on my computer (Firefox on Linux).
You are probably better off for that.
Wow, that’s the most sense I’ve seen from a blue checkmark in a while.
There is something very wrong in this country – someone funded Cenk Uygur and his band of cretins to the tune of $20 million.
Goddammit, I know I put the quotation marks in that time!
There’s no link in that first one at all.
There is something very wrong in this country – someone funded Cenk Uygur and his band of cretins to the tune of [a / rel=”nofollow”] $20 million.[/a]
Brackets mine.
Maybe I’m losing my mind then
Sometimes if you screw up it will strip the url completely out before posting it.
Most of the proggiest B.S. is funded by angels.
I don’t see why people should be impressed. the problem w/ TYT is that they NEED funding. The fact they get it isn’t “good for business”. If they were a business they wouldn’t need outside money.
They’re already whores to the Qatari government, so their complaints about money corrupting the Democrats is a bit rich.
@EricRWeinstein
Dear @Google,
Stop teaching my girl that her path to financial freedom lies not in coding but in complaining to HR.
Thx in advance,
A dad
http://twitchy.com/samj-3930/2017/08/08/wow-sjws-dogpile-progressive-dad-after-he-calls-google-out-for-sending-his-daughter-the-wrong-message/
assume they’d shit their collective pants if they heard of the NRA’s “refuse to be a victim” program.
And her dad isn’t even Liam Neeson
Did they mention the name of this website? Asking for a friend.
Something about this case doesn’t seem right to me. Hoax to boost her career?
That was my gut reaction too, although they did arrest a guy for this. We’ll see, I guess.
You’d go to jail for a night with her. Don’t lie.
This brought to mind a riff from the MST classic Cave Dwellers:
Joel: Lisa Foster? Is that Jody Foster’s sister?
Crow: Oh, I’d shoot Donald Regan to prove my love for Lisa Foster!
That. “Oh yeah, we’ve gone to the trouble of kidnapping a 20 year old woman for sex slavery, let’s totally let her go and make a perfect witness against us!” Nevermind that AIUI, 20 is a little old for the kind of market who buys sex slaves, (But see…) And that Russia and other Eastern European countries have a near inexhaustible supply of desperate teenage white girls who nobody will miss.
Probably kidnapped by the same gang of Hispanic women that “kidnapped” ‘Supermom’ in Northern California a year or two ago.
My first thought as well. Someone without a career that needs exposure I might be less skeptical.
“Something about this case doesn’t seem right to me. Hoax to boost her career?”
Ah spoken like true Libertarians. “Don’t trust, then verify.”
I’ll only believe this happened if she does a porno reenactment like mattress girl.
the word you’re looking for is “skeptical”
The kidnappers laying out the business plan for her, weird.
“We will kill you eventually” is not exactly the best way to get a kidnap victim to cooperate.
Rule 9: You must notify us of any home address changes, so we can find you if we have to kill you.
From another article.
“The 20-year-old model initially said she was held at a remote farmhouse for six days without ever leaving, but on the second day of questioning, she was confronted with witness testimony that said she and the main suspect had bought shoes for her the day before her release.”
So it was actually a remake of Pretty Woman