Did anything crazy happen yesterday in the world of soccer? Not really, unless you consider Argentina falling out of World Cup qualification with one match left to play “crazy”. They’ve been to every tournament since 1970, so this would be HUGE. In Europe, Germany and England punched their tickets. Its time for the United States to step up tonight against Panama. If they don’t win that game, I don’t see them making it to Russia next year. And that means Trump and Putin will have to find another excuse to have a secret meeting so they can further their world-domination scheme.
It takes one hell of a player to win a Heisman Trophy. It takes a lot more than that to win a pair of them. Archie Griffin is the only man to have ever done so. And after the last few weeks, I can safely say that he will continue to be the only man to have ever done so for at least a couple more years. Sorry, Jefe Hayek and the rest of Louisville fans. Jackson just doesn’t seem to have the goods this season. But you know who did have the goods at Louisville? Rick Pitino. At least when it comes top raking in 98% of the shoe contract there school inked with Adidas. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish. You guys are better off without that piece of shit anywhere near campus. It might not feel like it for a couple years, but you’re better off in the long run.
I wanted to give a recap of the Astros game, but I was afraid if I started it, I’d have to constantly be editing it because Altuve would hit another home run when I was halfway through. Why, he was only one dinger shy of matching Aaron Judge’s strikeout total from last night’s tilt against the Indians. Anyway, while we was possibly locking up the MVP (and yes, I know voters aren’t supposed to take the postseason into account when they cast their ballots, but they do anyway), the Astros were pasting the Red Sox 8-2. Sale was serving up meatballs from the word jump and it never felt like the Beantown boys were gonna challenge the home team. In the nightcap, the Yankees failed to even get a hit until the sixth, as Trevor Bauer was filthy from the hill. The bullpen came in for the last seven outs to finish off the Pinstripes 4-0 (the 4 is for the Indians runs, not Judge’s strikeout total. Which, to my recollection, was also 4). They both go back at it today, as the Astros are relegated to the early game (fuck you, MLB schedulers) at 1, The Yanks and Indians start back up at 4. Then the National League gets their divisional series underway with the Cubbies heading to Washington at 6:30 and the nightcap is the D-backs at the Dodgers at 9:30 (sorry east-coast fans). All games Central Time, as God himself intended.
Alrighty then. You know what’s next. Time for…the links!
Slate goes full retard on guns. (TW: Slate – duh!)
California is now a sanctuary state. Jerry Brown signed the bill into law yesterday and pretty much ensures Trump will cut federal funds at the first opportunity. I’m grabbing the popcorn.
Robert Mueller met with the former british spy who was paid by John McCain and then the DNC to write the Trump dossier. I wonder if he had a stack of immunity agreements as he interviewed the man. Or is that more of a Comey thing?
Who is gonna help NASA destroy asteroids? Why, college students of course! I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and wager they’re the STEM kids. After all, you can’t “art history” or “women’s studies” an asteroid out of the planet’s path. Unless there’s a way to bore an asteroid into killing itself.
Nate is coming for the gulf coast. And as Brett mentioned, if anybody needs help, let us know in the comments or send something to the firstname.lastname@example.org mailbox. We’ll help you or get word to someone that can.
And last, but certainly not least, I give you the Harvey Weinstein story. Jesus, what a piece of shit. He’s pretty much been a serial sexual assaulter his entire professional life. Nut its cool. He’s taking a leave of absence from running his studio so he can reflect on his life of debasing women and then focus his energy, I shit you not, on going after the NRA and Donald Trump. That’s how he ended his letter acknowledging that he was a serial abuser of women. By saying how he was going after the NRA. Christ, what an asshole.
Thank you for a funky week!
You guys are the best. Never forget it! Now I’m off to a 7 am dentist appointment. Wish me luck.