“BOLTON! BOLTON! BOLTON!” the hat chanted. “We’re bringing the glory years of George the 2nd back, baby!”
The hair lay motionless on the desk in the Oval Office, not a single strand reacting. The hat had been raving at it for a solid hour.
“We’ve got to be tough, dammit,” the hat continued. “Real politics. The nattering nabobs of negativity have to be torn out by the root!”
“There was nothing wrong with McMasters,” the hair said in a hoarse whisper.
“There was everything wrong with McMasters,” Donald grumbled from the filthy couch. “He was the National Security ADVISER. ADVISER. What’s the use of being ADVISED by someone who never agrees with you? Nothing, I tell you. No use. Useless.”
“Donald…” the hair began.
“And he was bald,” Donald said diversely. “Can’t trust a bald guy. A bald guy’s got no hair, fer Chrissakes!”
“Donald…” the hair tried again.
“Oh, shut up, you whiny slut,” the hat told him.
“How can you trust someone with no hair?” Donald asked. “They are naked when God is looking down on them. Disrespectful, if you ask me.”
“But did it have to be Bolton? The bow ties, the eyebrows, that fucking mustache?” the hair asked plaintively.
“Yes,” the hat hissed, “It had to be Bolton. We want the world to take us seriously, don’t we? And there’s only so many hours in the day I can tweet, right?”
Donald pulled his knees toward his chest and farted like an angry bugle.
“Besides, with Hope gone,” the hat said, ”We have to up the hotness quotient around here and Bolton is one sexy motherfucker.”
The hair, with no nose or sinus passages, managed to snort loudly.
“Laugh all you want, you keratinous cretin, you cowlick cunt, but a lot of women really go for the Bloodthirsty Wilford Brimley. There’s not a woman alive that wouldn’t want to peel those eyebrows off and rub them on their nipples!”
“I always wanted a mustache,” Donald said wistfully.
“We’ll get you one, Donald,” the hat told him. “And he won’t be a yellow-pinko Commie peacenik bastard like your hair.”
“You motherfucker!” the hair yelled and raised into the threat display of a Funnel-web spider.
“Bring it! Bring it!” the hat screeched.
Does Bolton still wear his class ring? Christ, this guy is even worse than I thought. I’m with the Hair. That Hat can go fuck off, as far as I’m concerned
#teamHair
I got a class ring at my parents’ insistence. … I’m not sure where it even is at this point. :O
I gave my class ring to my girlfriend in high school and never got it back. It’s pretty useless, though, by the time you get to high school. Unless, you’re John Bolton, of course
*college*
Unless you go to a bowl game. I know the Rose Bowl gives them out; don’t know if the others do.
Always interesting to see who actually wears their pro championship ring. I remember reading in Sports Illustrated as a kid about one coach who did. And that Michael Jordan post-retirement longform (the definitive one) talked about his best friend, who wears one of the Bulls rings because MJ gave him one and MJ’s dad made him actually wear it.
Lawrence Taylor gave one of his Super Bowl rings to his son (who ended up pawning it) and actually lost his NFL MVP trophy.
And by lost, he meant sold for cocaine money.
I had the letter jacket but never got the ring, I can’t remember why not. I’ve never once thought; “Gee I wish I had one of those”
For that matter I never understood high school nostalgia, my 20’s were much more fun.
I imagine you have to lead a pretty sad life if you pine for your high school years.
Obviously you never scored four touchdowns in a single game for Polk High. You think the life of a respected women’s shoe salesman is “sad”?
It depends, is the shoe salesman balding?
Are you guys talking about Roy, the video game?
You really wasted your 30s with that whole bird-watching phase, Morty.
That’s a code 3 Douchebag Alert.
I lol’ed
Me too.
Sometimes you just have to wonder…how did we snare such talent here?
Sometimes you just have to wonder…how did we snare such talent here?
He was banned from all the lesser forums on the net. Great art is rarely recognized in its own time.
Promise me one thing, SF. No matter what they offer you, no matter the temptation, never do a Hat and Hair origin story.
Some things simply must remain shrouded in mystery.
Only forward, like a shark.
Time’s arrow, and all that.
Sheep have necks… Sharks don’t…. Anyone with a neck will be fired!
Awesome… awesome to the max
This is too depressing to laugh at,
Laugh at the fact that Bolton appears to still wear his high school class ring
Maybe he still wears his high school letter jacket, too!
+1 Trans AM under a sheet in his garage
John Bolton peaked in high school
Maybe he still wears a high school cheerleader outfit.
Seems a little odd to be paging SugarFree in his own piece…
Pics?
Maybe it’s his college ring? My wife wears hers as she is quite proud of her Alma Mater.
That was my thought too.
Stop defending John Bolton. It’s high school, ok. John Bolton peaked in high school- just like his mustache
What’s the use of being ADVISED by someone who never agrees with you? Nothing, I tell you. No use. Useless.
$20 says this exact sentence has come out of Trumps mouth since becoming president.
No bet. Sounds like SugarFree has been wiretapping the Oval Office.
SugarFree is the FBI’s mole!?
Look for angry tweets from the Donald over who leaked this.
“Mr. President, you need to see this!”
“I found out in the newspaper the next morning, same as all of you.”
Like many things, I’m of the opinion that we should wait and see what happens re: Bolton.
Experience tells us he’s like a slavering, crazy dog, but you know, the issue is how long and how heavy the chain is. There’s nothing wrong with having a junkyard dog, if you own a junkyard and want to make sure nobody trespasses.
That’s a good point. Bolton published an op-ed last month laying out the justification for a first strike against North Korea. I’ve read Trump may have chosen Bolton to send a message about consequences of failure to the Norks ahead of their summit.
Having a loud junkyard dog can be an effective deterrent, but also a good distraction if you want the trespasser to focus on the dog and not Jim Bob racking his shotgun off to the side.
Although, I would agree with Bolton that we would be justified in a first strike. That doesn’t mean it’s the best course of action. I was completely justified in shooting my neighbor’s dogs when they were killing my chickens*, but I spared them and that ended up being a very good call.
*it’s always my damn chickens dying.
There’s good eatin’ on a chicken-fattened dog.
Keeping chickens alive is hard work. There are a lot of critters that would like to eat them and they are pretty defenseless.
On the bright side, this being the Trump administration, Bolton will likely only last a few months. Hopefully he can manage to not start any new wars during that time period.
https://twitter.com/ShimonPro/status/976957036910006273
Well that’s a relief
Was Bolton crossing his fingers at the time?
I wonder what Bolton thinks that says about him that such a conversation piece would even be mentioned.
I guess they are blissfully unaware that a national security advisor can’t start a war.
Don’t know about starting a war,, but declaring a war: That is congress’s job.
CNN: Trump replaces McMaster with long-time Putin friend, John Bolton
MSNBC: Literally Hitler chooses literally Russian spy to head up national security
FOX: Do you smell that? Smells like nuclear fallout! Fuck’n-A! Trump picks alpha male, John Bolton, and ousts beta male, McMaster
Me: WTF?
No one can tell the truth anymore. Including neoliberals who masquerade as libertarians.
CATO: Bolton is a neoconservative chickenhawk
Also CATO: OMG- David Frum’s book is so great! We need more measured people like Frum
Me: W.T.F?
For those unfamiliar with Frum before he became the head of the #resistence: https://www.nationalreview.com/2003/03/unpatriotic-conservatives-david-frum/
He’s an unrepentant warhawk who denounced every conservative or libertarian that questioned that war as ‘unpatriotic’
Canukistanian, too
David Frum makes me want to burn my Canadian passport.
Why? Burn his instead. Preferably while it’s in his pocket.
What does WTF have to do with any of this?
All of those statements make absolutely no sense?
I was making a joke referencing our beloved Glib-commenter WTF. It didn’t work.
*I* got it.
Some people are not that clever…. just saying.
I am aware that I lack cleverness
Bastard!
I was expecting a riposte. And I had my counter all ready!
But you didn’t follow my plan! You denied me my satisfaction!!!
YOU SHALL PAY!!!!! BEHOLD MY WRATH!!!!!!!
Sometimes the only winning move, is not to play.
+1 JS
WTF?
Yes?
They did not say that! They did not say that! They couldn’t have said that. Are you sure?
Frum is a centrist. Almost nothing he has ever said had jack shit to do with libertarianism. I can see him working well with AEI or something like that, but not Cato. I know they get a lot of shit for their Kochtarianism, but please. There are limits. They might as well say we need more measured people like Mike Bloomberg.
I exaggerated. That was based off of some Tweets by one of their analysts who covers immigration.
I’m not terribly up and up on the DC who’s who. I hear Bolton is a warmonger. What evidence is there of this. He worked for Bush II?
I think I’ve read a few things by/about him, and my impression is that he hasn’t yet met a problem we couldn’t bomb ourselves out of. IIRC they love him at National Review.
*some* of the writers like him at National Review. National Review has diversified its foreign policy writing after the Iraq War. He’s the ‘great satan’ among the antiwar.com and The American Conservative set.
But, the guys at The Weekly Standard are ecstatic
Interesting. I had thought the Standard, and perhaps that whole wing of the ideological demography, was starting to edge over into mainstream conservatism as times change and issues shifted. I’d have had to say that 80% of articles at The Federalist, National Review, and Weekly Standard could have been written at any of those publications, last I checked.
I’d have had to say that 80% of articles at The Federalist, National Review, and Weekly Standard could have been written at any of those publications, last I checked.
Well, I’ve seen articles in NR by writers from both TF and WS, so it’s not too far off.
Bolton’s the kind of guy who would gladly declare war on the UN itself.
Which on its own, might actually justify his appointment. Sadly, he’s also the kind of guy who would gladly declare war on individual countries too, if he had the power to do so.
“declare war on the UN itself”
If he stopped there, I think I’d be ok with it.
“Bolton bombs NYC in first strike against U.N.”
Yeah, great choice for UN ambassador but horrible choice for anything justice department, security, or pentagon related.
What I think of every time Trump retires yet another staffer.
OT: Cause it’s Friday, more titties.
http://archive.is/HkGLT
20 for obvious reasons, 29 looks fun and 5 has a great rack but an unholy looking smile.
Great collection today, Q.
I’ll be in my bunk.
The trigger discipline is nice for #20. I find that can be a problem for my enjoying cheesecake where you have a hot girl + gun but poor trigger discipline.
I think that is the hottest bunch of chicks to date. Nice work. Definitely in the top 2 of chives links you’ve shared.
…and raised into the threat display of a Funnel-web spider.
This is why I read.
I am eagerly awaiting the Duel. First STEVE SMITH vs ZARDOZ, now this?! Can’t we all just get along?
It’s a cruel, random and brutal world out there.
Mike Tyson, famous philosopher
I laughed
Although he actually did say “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.”
Because it’s Friday, I’m dog-tired and the world makes no sense at all.
I feel better already.
Can we get some 4Chan-like analysis done on the ring? High school, college, illuminati type society?
It’s a college ring of some type. You can read “Univer” going around the stone.
But Benjamin Tallmadge, founder of the Culper Spy Ring used the alias “John Bolton,” so there’s obviously some sort of conspiracy shenanigans afoot.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culper_Ring
“Univer…sal Domination”
IT IS THE ILLUMINATI!!!!!!
(((Them.)))
Pretty sure it’s a Yale class ring:
Dammit, my 4channing abilities have gone to waste.
Yup, he’s *spit* a Yalie.
Can you really imagine how much of a POS you must be, if you have to go into a job interview, and essentially say, “I promise not to fuck up like last time”?
His beliefs are evolving, shitlord!
Yeah, not buying it. Does he promise not to illegally spy on Americans as well?
There are plenty of existing wars he can ramp up. In the name of the War on Terror, we’re probably already at war with 75% of countries already. Also, the Korean War is technically at a truce, and not officially over, so that wouldn’t count either.
True, we’re technically still at war with the Norks.
North and South Korea are still technically at war however we never declared war on North Korea and so far as I know they never declared war on us so no state of war currently exists between the US and the Norks
https://twitter.com/jonathanvswan/status/977152398564130816
Jonathan Swan
Verified account
@jonathanvswan
Follow Follow @jonathanvswan
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A source close to John Bolton tells me he made no promise to Trump that he “wouldn’t start any wars,” contrary to reports. “Not true, wasn’t discussed,” the source says.
So, he will start a war? Okay.
Good thing the authority and power to declare war is reserved to Congress…
Hah! Hah! Hah!
You are hilarious.
One poll makes you larger, and one poll makes you small.
https://hotair.com/archives/2018/03/23/nbc-wsj-poll-shocker-majority-americans-say-owning-gun-increases-safety/
And the polls that Mother gives you…
uh…
Yeah.
“Thirty-seven percent of respondents view the NRA positively, while 40 percent see it in a negative light. That’s a noticeable shift from April 2017, when it was 45 percent positive, 33 percent negative.”
Clearly the 24/7 smear machine is working. I wouldn’t say I see the NRA in a “negative light” but I wish they were more hard line (I’m pretty sure that’s not what they’re measuring with this poll).
One of the more mystifying two-minutes of hate the Left indulges in is against the NRA. They don’t sell guns and one of their founding missions is teaching proper gun safety and handling.
The second sentence in your last paragraph answers the question implied in the first.
This is why. A populace that is versed with gun safety and handling won’t buy the gun grabbers arguments. That the NRA supports those things and actively promotes them effectively is why the left considers them so dangerous.
Ignoring that they’re the most visible lobbying organization, and that they’ve had the greatest level of access to the White House in decades, they’re also the most prominent national training organization. Everyone who goes to training gets indoctrinated to some degree, even if that ‘degree’ is that NRA-trained citizenry are at least knowledgable enough to realize that guns are tools and what matters is the person who is holding them.
It’s entirely appropriate that the “educational machine” should be destroyed.
National Puppy Day!
t/w Twitchy
WInner.
People who use the term fur baby or consider their pets to be siblings to their children deserve an all inclusive trip to STEVE SMITH’S cave.
Also, most of those puppies are adorable!
Yes. Have a real kid already.
Dogs are excellent training for kids.
It’s interesting to see my wife’s transformation when we had a kid. The dog went from companion and “fur baby” (a major point of contention in the trash can) to annoying thing that requires attention she’s unwilling to give. Now I’m the dog’s advocate.
Saw that with my sister; to the point that she gave the dog away.
🙁
Huh??
We had our GSD for 6+ years before Spawn 1 arrived. My wife never changed at all. Even today, I’m pretty sure our sheepdog ranks higher than any of the rest of us. Me, for sure.
Of course we both have had dogs our whole lives.
My sister has been like that too. Ever since my nephew was born, she gripes about the dog all the time. “Baxter is such a jerk”
Did not happen with our dogs when the kids came along, but our dogs were pretty unobtrusive. Snuggle with them from time to time and they’re good.
I wonder if it’s a big dog v. little dog thing. Ours is a Scottie, so he has the annoying underfoot characteristics of a small dog, but he’s big and old enough that he can’t get out of the way in time on occasion. Hes also attached at the hip to my wife, so there’s the “I need five fucking seconds of privacy, and when the baby isn’t stuck to me, the dog is!”
Winner
https://photos.app.goo.gl/IaylSOZd82iy7rpM2
Yes. She’s a beauty!
Since I missed the orgy of 90s music last night here are a few of my favs (youtube free!).
https://vimeo.com/24977376
https://www.vevo.com/watch/alice-in-chains/down-in-a-hole/USSM20100115
https://vimeo.com/16980794
https://vimeo.com/72274755
Not totally OT: Let the conspiracies begin! Bolton Was Early Beneficiary of Cambridge Analytica’s Facebook Data
“Psychographic messaging”….
“Psychographic messaging”
Sweet euphemism.
Alright, Trump said he will now sign the spending bill, after threatening to veto it this morning.
To recap the week:
– Trump imposed tariffs on China
– Replaced McMaster with Bolton
– Will sign a massive spending bill
So much winning! MAGA!
Can’t wait for Democrats to retake Congress so we can get some MAGA gun control!
Fucking A.
WTF is wrong with this guy? How could he govern quasi-libertarian for a year, then shit it all away? Is he surrounding himself with shitty advisors and just doing whatever they say?
I know he doesn’t really have any principles, but I’d think he understands self-preservation. His chances of reelection get bleaker by the day. Why abandon the platform that got you elected? Are you that stupid?
Guess of the day – he doesn’t actually want to be re-elected.
Year 2 Trump is Worst Trump.
I want Year 1 Trump back.
Fuck this gay earth.
This!
I’m at home sick today, so I’m watching some Star Trek TNG. They usually lay on the “post scarcity” socialist crap pretty thick.
However, I just watched the episode The Drum Head. It reminds me that there used to be a stong civil liberties contingent in the 80-90’s that we seldom hear from in the media today.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eqwsjBpmdl0
Yeah, it’s hard to imagine that episode flying with the “eliminate due process” crew nowadays.
You should switch over to DS9 and watch it along with razorfist. His commentaries are amazing!
I’m not waiting, I’m on season 7 now, and It’s going to be a while before RF catches up
I forget exactly where I am… Season 4 or 5 by now. Just watched the one where Obrien was mind raped by the aliens for breaking one of their laws.
I recently re-watched DS9 again. It was my favorite of the ST series. I liked many of the episodes of Voyager and Enterprise, but they were very inconsistent.
I’ll look at the Razorfist commentary.
RF is why I got back into it, He brings up a lot of things I never considered, and Funny of Course
Over the past ~2 years I’ve been watching all of Star Trek from beginning to end — I’m close to the end of VOY: Season 6 now, and I still have “Enterprise” left. DS9 was the one I remembered the least from my childhood, but it’s pure gold.
I’ve been a Razorfist fan since someone posted his video supporting the Wall (not that I’m in love with a wall, but he made some good arguments) — his DS9 reviews are really good.
The majority of TNG: Season 1 is nigh unwatchable, both because of horrible writing (remember the Africa planet?) and because the preachiness was at its peak. Thank god they changed tack over the next two seasons so that we could get episodes with actual good commentary like “The Drumhead”.
Jean Simmons was excellent in that.
And she should have gotten an Oscar nomination for Elmer Gantry.
A source close to John Bolton tells me he made no promise to Trump that he “wouldn’t start any wars,” contrary to reports. “Not true, wasn’t discussed,” the source says.
So, what he’s saying is Bolton and Trump have vowed to reduce Earth to a lifeless, smoldering cinder?
It’ll solve global warming.
For the children.
SMOD. Bolton. Whatever.
For any Glibs who enjoy college baseball. Starting this evening is what may turn out to be one of tje best series of the year
I enjoyed college basketball until BSU took a crap their last 5 games and missed the dance.
I’m pissed. Weather chick called for rain and mostly cloudy day. I checked the Bridger web cams a few times, and it was socked in. Suddenly, the clouds are gone, and it would be bitchin’ skiing, up there, but….
I judge it a near certainty the clouds will roll back in by the time I could get my shit together to get up there. But only if I go; otherwise, it will remain gloriously clear for the rest of the day. DRAT!
6 more hours and I’m off work. I have the whole weekend off for the first time in a month. It’s going to be 75 on Saturday and 90 on saturday.
The boy and I are headed to the lake. The croppie are calling my name.
We’ll be lucky to get to 70 this Weekend, Meanwhile I’m headed out to fix a roof leak for my Land Lord, this one’s turning out very pesky, Have fun Lach!
/Third Times the Charm
Three to six inches of wet, heavy snow in the forecast.
Still in a leg brace. I won’t be going anywhere until I con someone into coming over to shovel out the fucking driveway.
It’s a variation of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.
I have the whole weekend off for the first time in a month. It’s going to be 75 on Saturday and 90 on saturday.
Sweet. It has rained off and on over the last 48 hours, here. First non-frozen-crystal precipitation since before Thanksgiving, probably.
I need another half dozen days on the hill to “pay” for my pass. I’ve got my fingers crossed.
Throw up a beacon, FS. I don’t give a shit what type of beacon it is. Just anything that says, “I was here. Look at this .” I walked home again. 10 Kilometers. Not much, but goddamn, I want to exert my humanity on the world. I want every human to contribute to the world and say, “I was fucking here!” and not be gutting like fish in a killing field. People that want to take the individual and throw them on a pyre are the enemies of mankind and it’s time we tell them to fuck off.
I’m blasted out of my mind, so just gotta say I love this place. Cheers!
You uh… doin’ okay straffin?
I’m drunk. I’m fine though, thanks, TK.
Oh word, well cheers then! We love you too straffin!
OT: Watched Suvivor’s Guide to Prison last night on amazon video.
There’s a little bit of SJW nonsense and some cop sucking (odd combination right?), but overall it’s actually a pretty libertarian critique of the prison-industrial complex in the USA. Framed as “what you should do if you find yourself in these situations” it’s really a criticism of the sheer number of laws on the books, the absurd circumstances that will put someone in a cage and the omnipotent power of the police.
This group more than most would enjoy it.
Deplorables be deplorables.
https://www.salon.com/2018/03/23/trump-voters-are-selfish-they-love-him-because-they-identify-with-him/
Trump’s Republican and conservative supporters share the following attributes:
They are more likely to be authoritarians and to embrace other extreme right-wing ideologies.
They are racially resentful and hostile to nonwhites. This attitude is especially pronounced towards African-Americans.
They exhibit forms of toxic behavior associated with “collective narcissism.”
They believe that white people are the real victims of racism in America.
They are political bullies who engage in social dominance behavior against individuals and groups they view as Other (nonwhites and immigrants, Muslims, gays and lesbians) or their political enemies (liberals and progressives).
They hold sexist and misogynistic views.
Trump’s most extreme and enthusiastic supporters in the “alt-right” feature the “dark triad” of personality traits: narcissism, a propensity for violence, and a Machiavellian longing to manipulate others.
They have little regard for America’s democratic norms and institutions and believe that winning at costs is all that matters — even if that means siding with a foreign power such as Russia to elect Donald Trump
They live in regions of the United States where people are more likely to be unhappy, miserable and physically unwell and to suffer from the “deaths of despair.”
They are attracted to Trump’s threats of violence and his other antisocial behavior.
They are anti-intellectual, disdainful of higher education and hostile towards experts.
They possess a deep fear of death and social obsolescence which compels them towards “strong leaders,” guns, superficial expressionss of patriotism and Christian fundamentalism
They are extremely gullible and thus vulnerable to disinformation and other lies, as disseminated through the right-wing media.
They seek simple answers to complex problems and are quick to reject new and inconvenient information.
Either directly or indirectly, they want to hurt others whom they consider “un-American” or outside their tribe and community
Now that the left fully understands the Trump voter, they clearly know how to win the next election.
Well, I mean they’re not really people are they? They’re like cockroaches or lice or some other kind of vermin that the country would be so much better off without. It’s long past time to treat these things like they have rights and start exterminating them as they deserve!
Written just like a person who’s never had a single conversation with a Trump voter in their life, outside of trading insults on Twitter.
The republicans have been doing just about everything possible to throw the next election.
And yet, I can’t imagine the democrats are going to do anything but continue to alienate huge swaths of the blue collar workers that used to be the heart and soul of the democratic party.
Some real howlers there, betraying intense projection:
-Political bullies who engage in social dominance over their political enemies? Nooooo sir, not in any way a feature of the American left.
-Little regard for democratic norms and institutions from the disciples of Mr. Pen and Phone?
-Winning at all costs from the slobbering admirers of “Elections have consequences” and “I won”?
-Threats of violence from the Punch-a-Nazi crowd?
Machiavellian
People at Salon know that word? Well I’ll be….
I could have guessed that was DeVega. That guy is a loon, even by Salon standards.
John “Fucking” Bolton. Are you kidding me?
It’s a variation of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.
Is it snowing in the box?
I’m blasted out of my mind, so just gotta say I love this place. Cheers!
Cheers,
Cyborgmate!Thanks, P. Cheers. I’m ready to pop. Then, I’ll go to bed and be all ready to put up with it all again.
They are anti-intellectual, disdainful of higher education and hostile towards experts.
Yup. Like those experts over at “Scientific” “American” for example. You’d have to be some sort of deranged troglodyte to doubt their intellectual superiority.