Banquet Salisbury steaks recalled for bone contamination

Conagra Brands has issued a recall for Banquet Salisbury steaks that may be contaminated by foreign material.

According to the USDA, about 135,159 pounds of Salisbury steak products may contain “extraneous materials, specifically bone.”

Bone contamination. Sounds like a very awkward sexual innuendo a biologist came up with.

“So, did you get lucky with that girl at the bar last night?”

“Oh, yeah. She came down with a severe case of bone contamination.”

Slate culls some choice cuts from the Banquet user review site for us:

“The amount of bones in every piece we considered disgusting.”

“We were sadly disappointed that the Salisbury steaks were not edible because of the bones.”

“Me and my wife couldn’t make it through a single steak because of the amount of bones.”

The Hate Birds That Hate are just lonely and lashing out:

Lonely goose runs a fowl, causing chaos in DeBary neighborhood

For weeks, some neighbors said the goose has been nothing but trouble, chasing people and damaging property. Leah Jones Digges took cellphone video of the goose that she said ripped apart her neighbor’s window screens.”He’s also broken several windows,” Digges said. “You can’t even sit out in your yard in peace anymore because of this guy.”

Resident Jennifer Gesule said the goose will also go after neighborhood kids.

“He usually follows the kids home from the bus stop or he tries to attack everyone who is at the bus stop,” she said.

However, residents said the goose wasn’t always so fowl.

“He had a friend and then the friend passed,” Gesule said. “I don’t know what happened with the friend, but his friend died and that’s when the goose went a little bit crazy.”

Of course they are going to act this way with the so-called Mainstream Media giving them cover.

Sometimes a picture does say a thousand words… classy words…

Caption Contest, of course. Winner gets his home address posted on Woodser, the dating site for lonely Bigfeet.

And you can read the story, too, I guess, you know, if you want.

Louisana State Senate President John A. Alario, Jr.

Louisiana law to ban sex with animals wins Senate vote 25 – 10

The state Senate has approved a bill designed to make it clear that bestiality is illegal in Louisiana.

A law on the books prohibits “crimes against nature,” but it also outlaws so-called sodomy and was ruled unconstitutional in 2003.

New Orleans Senator JP Morrell says it’s important that the state has a way to arrest someone for having sex with animals.

He told fellow lawmakers, “God forbid you vote against this bill, good luck explaining it.”

Ten senators did vote against it.

The measure does also specify that previously illegal forms of “sodomy” are no longer against the law.

“Anal sexual intercourse between two human beings shall not be deemed as a crime,” part of the bill states.

The measure now heads to the House of Representatives.

Those 10 brave pervert hold-outs?

John A. Alario, Jr. (R)
Bret Allain (R)
Dan Claitor (R)
Jack Donahue (R)
James R. Fannin (R)
Ryan Gatti (R)
Gerald Long (R)
Beth Mizell (R)
Jonathan Perry (R)
Neil Riser (R)

One party is clearly dedicated to protecting your rights to have sex with animals and the other wants to strip you of these freedoms. Vote accordingly this November.

Also, it’s now a butt-loving paradise in The Pelican State, y’all! I have a great idea for a Lousiana license plate:

Anal Sex: It’s Not Just For Alabamans Anymore

And some music to help you wash that down…