Afternoon everyone. My clan also made it home safely from the Glibertarian Breeding Project joint vacation-marriage arrangement get down. While nobody encountered STEVE SMITH or his cousin the skunk ape, Sloopy’s oldest daughter swears she was approached by a seal — which is weird because I’ve never seen or heard of any seals or sea lions in that area. Maybe SEA SMITH had identified her as a target before smelling the Glib on her. At any rate, trying to negotiate a dowry with a guy who runs auctions is rough. I’m going to be lucky to get a handful of goats per marriage. Our kids had a really good time, and I highly recommend going over to Skully’s on Cape San Blas and eating some low country boil and meeting their bassador (that’s half basset hound, half labrador — not a southern emabassador) Rowdy. They were sure nice to our families, and the beer is free with your meal, too.

This is some crazy right here. And I’m saying this as someone who would bet anyone who would give me 5-4 odds that Trump gets re-elected in 2020 if he’s still President. Especially reason 1. If you can call the jobs reports 2 years out, you don’t remember how different September of ’06 was from September of ’08

What do you mean people who don’t vote and don’t affirm they still live at the address they registered at for six years might have to register again?

For Negroni, a laugh at our college football team. Everyone else, just sub in your coach and team because this is an evergreen piece.

I could do a whole riff on this piece on “how to survive an alligator attack”

  1. Don’t walk your small dog near any body of fresh water in FL unless you’re willing to drop the leash or shoot the gator
  2. Don’t tie raw chicken to yourself — I’m looking at you Florida Man
  3. Always have your gator-fighting cat at the ready
  4. Sweep the leg
  5. Always give up your meth. The alligators will stop to snort it. It makes them faster, but if you run like hell you’ll usually escape

I feel like there’s a metaphor here. I’m also uncertain about the physics of this one.


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