I woke up this morning and expected the world to have ended. And according to MSNBC and CNN….it has. But more on that later. Right now, I want to congratulate the Washington Capitals before they, and all of their fans, are too drunk to remember that I said it. And I also want to say “PIIIIIIG SOOOOOOOOEY!” or whatever Arkansas Razorback fans say when they stomp on the Cocks and punch their ticket to Omaha. Joining them are the Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech red Raiders and the Floriduh Gators. The Yankees were off yesterday, which makes sense since they’ve played 7-8 fewer games than everyone else it seems. Rumor has it that Aaron Judge used the opportunity to sacrifice a live chicken to satisfy Jobu, who will help him eventually hit the curveball. If only he’d give his life to Jesus, it would all be easier.
Hey, today is George HW Bush’s birthday. Dude made it to 94!. Also born today were diarist Anne Frank, actor/singer Jim Nabors, tv announcer and convicted sexual assaulter Marv Albert, Pretender Pete Farndon, funny man and Canadian Scott Thompson, musician Kenny Wayne Shepherd, and former Liverpool star and current Barcelona benchwarmer Philippe Coutinho. Its also the day for revolting peasants in 1381’s England, Virginia adopted the Declaration of Rights in 1776, the gas mask was patented, the Philippines told Spain to fuck off, Babe Ruth was struck out three times in a row by Hub Pruett, Houdini did the straight jacket escape while hanging 40 ft in the air, Bobby Jones, one of the three greatest golfers to ever play, won the 1930 US Open, Al Capone was indicted, Germany launched its first V-1 attack on London, Cleopatra premiered in 1963…it ended sometime the next day, Nelson Mandela was sentenced to life in prison, and the “colorful” Sparky Anderson was hired by the Tigers. Also, the unforgettable “Raiders Of The Lost Ark” premiered. and Nobel laureate Alexandr Solzhenitsyn was given the State Prize of the Russian Federation by President Putin for his humanitarian work.
A little lean on birthdays there, but some significant events for sure. Feel free to discuss at your leisure. But I need to move on to…the links!
North Korea commits to complete denuclearization while Trump declares end to “war games” on the Korean Peninsula. That’s a good thing, right? Unless you’re an idiot, that should be a good thing. (Protip: if you think its a “good thing”, don’t look at the analysis on CNN or MSNBC this morning. Apparently its a bad thing because we just legitimized a thug. Which is different than Cuba how, exactly? Still waiting on an answer for that question.)
Its shootings like this that are why Germans need strict gun control. Christ, what an asshole.
Somebody out there with some influence over him might want to tell Bill Clinton to just STFU. Seriously, I think there’s a lot of overblown hysteria with the #metoo movement, but he’s gonna come off as a little tone-deaf what with all of the sexual assault (read: rape) allegations against him, his many trips to Epstein’s Pedo Island and the settlements he has made for sexual harassment allegations.
This is why we all need to appreciate “Starship Troopers” (the movie) as an instruction manual rather than lighthearted entertainment.
Hey, man. Nice shot. No, seriously, this was a good shoot by the coppers. And the craziest thing is it was a Chicago cop that did the good deed. Its unknown how many of his “brothers” were out there terrorizing people for no reason at the same time, but I’ll still give credit where due.
Joe Kennedy III faces an angry mob and apologizes. What I don’t get is why a Kennedy would admit to a mistake when he could have just said he was wasted and needed a rehab stint to clean up. That’s been their go-to for a generation now. Meh, maybe he’s saving it for his first manslaughter or hit-and-run
And our runner-up in today’s “Christ, what an asshole” competition is former Texas Judge Stacy W. Bond. What did she do? Well, she locked up a sexual assault victim and pretty much drove her nuts. What was her excuse? Because she’s “busy”, she didn’t do her due diligence.
Well that’s it. Except for this lighthearted little ditty.
Now get out there and have a great day.