Artist’s rendition of BrettL hopped up on Bathsaltz and Florida sunshine

Hey guys, it’s Thursday and Brett is either high on bathsaltz, covered in bacon fat and wrasslin’ gators or in some kind of very dull workplace meeting (your imagination knows best), so I’m filling in today. All links are safe for work, so feel free to you know, click through and then make salient comments about them.

  • Florida oysters viciously murder 71-year-old man. You knew it wasn’t safe to swim in Florida water with open wounds, but you apparently also shouldn’t eat the shellfish while vaguely immunocompromised. VISIT FLORIDA TODAY!
  • We all know that those dastardly Millenials are killing everything from industrial beer production to fabric softener, but what will they be responsible for killing next? Themselves, apparently: A Spike In Liver Disease Deaths Among Young Adults Fueled By Alcohol. Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!
  • I’m guessing you guys are just as into the fringiest Christian eschatology of (repeatedly proven) false prophets/straw-grasper Rabbi Jonathan Cahn and opportunistic asshole John Hagee as I am, so I’ll give you a heads up that a BLOOD MOON (or for the less dramatic: lunar eclipse) is happening soon and it’ll be the longest in the last century. Look to the heavens the night of 07/27 if it’s visible in your area and the weather is good, for the four horsemen will totally be coming this time.
  • Out of respect for/fear of one of the most powerful of us, I will not label this story but will only mention that those who like things trapped in amber, or issues of a herpatological nature might find the story interesting.
  • Speaking of herps, hackers may have the latest results from your HSV1/2 test Hackers Breach Network of LabCorp, US’ Biggest Blood Testing Laboratories, so you may want to engage in some proactive radical honesty with your sex partner(s). Currently the intrusion seems like it was contained and no confidential information was accessed, but that’s always how these things start and then it’s Russians reading your emails and making fun of your use of comic sans. Just be glad those doofy Chevy HHRs aren’t autonomous…yet
  • For the nerds among us…I assume that’s most of you: CNET’s 2018 SDCC roundup. I know you’re all nerds in your unique and meaningful ways and I’m not going to enact your labor if I don’t have to.

Huh, I’m being told that not including a music link is a grievous sin. I’ll let this raccoon DJ some background jams for you while you curate your tittaaaays and whatnot.