You know what really grinds my gears? Disappointment. Kind of like below:
I will resist the urge to point out thst it is not I that lacks taste. On some level I decided I should be open minded enough to write something objective about Unfiltered Sculpin….
…but this article is about disappointment. They had no Unfiltered Sculpin, therefore this is my review of Breakside Lunch Break IPA.
Seriously, though. How hard can it be to stock things and stock things correctly? I did the retail thing before and I get that its demeaning, menial work. Totally suited for somebody with a philosophy degree. Then people like Starbucks have to go, and make things with pretty much the same label. For example, their Cold Brew Coffee comes in multiple versions but the one I get is Black. I get the Black Unsweetened. The problem is—morons, who hire other morons to design the format of their bottles, run Starbucks. In short, Starbucks are a bunch of morons. Here’s what I mean.
Notice how they look nearly identical? I am in a rush and want some coffee in the morning because like most of us, I have an addiction to caffeine. I don’t want the dizzying high and the spellbinding low that comes from the ensuing insulin dump that comes from drinking several spoonful’s of sugar. I just want the buzz.
I can hear you now, “don’t they teach people how to read in Mexico?” I don’t know, but they did teach me to read in Arizona and yes, I can just read the label. This is my own damn fault and I recognize that; I really do. I am half awake, in a rush, and quite frankly I am not the only one that misses this, as I often find the sweetened coffee in the place of the unsweetened coffee. That tells me the morons that run the local Kroger are also in the business of hiring morons that think there is no difference between sweetened coffee and unsweetened coffee, to stock their refrigerated beverages section.
The worst part is I always find out by opening it and taking a swig. I expect to get a blast of burnt coffee and then BAM! Instant tooth decay. This is an outrage, and something should be done to prevent morons from creating confusing labels, so other morons can put the wrong product on the wrong shelf. Something like this:
Its not rocket surgery, Starbucks, just make it green or blue or something, and I will stop calling you morons….okay I’m probably not going to stop calling you morons. I will, however buy from somebody else. Turns out Stōk keeps it simple by having a red label (sweetened) and a green label (not sweet).
As far as the beer goes, its not bad for an IPA. In the grand scheme of things it is disappointing that I can’t find Unfiltered Sculpin at the moment but I probably wouldn’t really like that either. Breakside Lunch Break IPA: 3.2/5.