“You are extremely effective, but you piss everybody else off.” This has been a sentence in every job review I’ve ever had, including my annual review of my position on the Glibertarians’ staff. As part of the Employee Improvement Plan, I was directed to take a Dale Carnegie course in “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” And it was a delightful course, taught by a wonderful and insightful guy, and all of my fellow students were very nice. And so now, I’m nice. I will always find the positive thing to say about anything and anyone.
And everything in the news is nice as well. For example, Florida is being nice and letting people with felony convictions vote once their sentence is complete.
Sheila Holcomb had waited over a decade for her five minutes in the state capitol, even though her conviction had been for a crime so small – a minor theft – she was not sentenced to prison. She had applied for clemency in 2008 and waited for years before the board offered her a slot. “I’d almost given up on it,” she said in an interview the day before the hearing, as she sipped a cocktail from a flask in a bid to calm her nerves. “And it could all change in a matter of months.”
Throughout the hearing last month [Governor Rick Scott- R, Hell On Earth and Disneyworld] and his cabinet often asked those appearing before the board if they had married or had children, if they drank alcohol or if they attended church.
I think we know about the alcohol part in this case.
The people of Louisiana showed their niceness by requiring that criminal convictions be a result of a unanimous jury verdict.
“This would literally change what mass incarceration looks like in Louisiana,” said Henderson, who spent three decades at Louisiana State Penitentiary until he was granted parole in 2004, in an interview last week. “This is probably the most important ballot measure ever in my lifetime.”
While it could affect the rate of many types of convictions, Henderson and others are hope the amendment impacts life sentences without parole in particular.
Yes, that would be nice. And now, the only place in the US that doesn’t require a unanimous verdict to throw people into cages is the redneck redoubt of Oregon. Once day they’ll be as nice as Louisianans, I’m sure of it.
Speaking of nice people, let’s talk about the delightful Emmanuel Macron. When he’s not sexually pleasing senior citizens, this unselfish fellow is honoring his predecessors.
“I consider it entirely legitimate that we pay homage to the marshals who led our army to victory,” Macron said in the eastern town of Charleville-Mezieres that once lay on the frontline between French and German troops. “Marshal Pétain was a great soldier.”
…with the country poised to fall to German forces in the second world war, Pétain was appointed prime minister of France. His administration, based in the unoccupied part of the country known as Vichy France, collaborated with the Nazis and their deportation and extermination of the Jews.
See? This is particularly nice of Macron to overlook minor personal peccadillos in order to honor a fine example of European statesmanship.
And here’s something else that’s really nice: our brave sailors, defending our shores from our not-so-nice enemies have found a really nice way to relax and enjoy themselves that doesn’t involve lashes, rum, or sodomy.
Fourteen sailors from the nuclear reactor department of the aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan face disciplinary action in connection to LSD abuse, Navy officials confirmed this week. Two sailors are already heading to court-martial for using, possessing and distributing the hallucinogenic drug, while three are waiting to see whether they will be charged as well, according to 7th Fleet spokesman Lt. Joe Keiley. Another 10 sailors with the Japan-based ship were administratively disciplined on LSD-related charges, Keiley said. A 15th sailor was also disciplined, but that person was not assigned to the carrier’s reactor department.
Think of the fun they had, staring at the reactors and visualizing the neutron flux. Gentlemen, I thank you for your service!
You know who else we should thank nicely for all the service they unselfishly provide us? TSA, that’s who. With Thanksgiving coming up, they’ll be even more selfless and thoughtful than usual.
So to make the mayhem flow a little easier, the TSA’s advice is arrive early and be prepared. And that means knowing what to pack. Turkey and stuffing are allowed in carry-on bags. So are pies and cakes, because they’re considered solids. But no gravy or mashed potatoes because they’re considered a liquid.
“So a popular Thanksgiving dish is yams. If it’s wet and already made liquid it has to go in checked baggage. If it’s not made yet, dry yams that can go in carry-on baggage,” said the TSA’s Shatimah Brathwaite.
Thanks, Shatimah, you seem very helpful and nice.
Here’s a story about a group of nice people who hold events designed to make everyone feel just as nice as they do.
Cuddling, I am beginning to find out, is not just spooning or hugging. The term contains literally hundreds of actions. Cuddling can be non-touch. Eye gazing and chatting are forms of cuddling. Everything from a gossamer graze of an elbow to a “puppy pile” counts. Alkan wrote an entire book on it, a picture book for adults titled “The Book of Cuddles.” There are certified cuddlists and the higher-ranking trained cuddlists. The training for both requires an online course billed at $149. The sessions range in time and rate; Alkan charges $100 per hour.
Romantic partners through Cuddle Parties have been an unintended consequence for Alice Liu, a engineer in San Francisco, who estimates she’s been to at least a dozen of Alkan’s Cuddle Parties. She’s met four of her romantic partners at Cuddle Parties, including at the first one she went to. She said she didn’t realize it, but her partner later told her she was “moaning pretty hard” during their cuddle.
Alice seems very nice.
He didn’t even make it to the end of the day!
President Donald Trump on Wednesday fired Attorney General Jeff Sessions.
“At your request I am submitting my resignation,” Sessions wrote in a letter to White House chief of staff John Kelly.
Matthew Whitaker will take over as acting attorney general, the President said.
Whitaker is expected to take charge of the the Russia investigation and special counsel Robert Mueller from Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein.
“We are pleased to announce that Matthew G. Whitaker, Chief of Staff to Attorney General Jeff Sessions at the Department of Justice, will become our new Acting Attorney General of the United States. He will serve our Country well …We thank Attorney General Jeff Sessions for his service, and wish him well! A permanent replacement will be nominated at a later date,” Trump tweeted.
For Old Guy Music today, I have a nice song from a nice band. The Nice, playing something nicely appropriate.