As you can see, I’m an eyeball, someone took me out of a perfectly good head and stuck me here, in this black ooze, so here I am.

I don’t look like much, but then again, neither do you.

I see a lot of things, in fact that’s all I do, see things, forget all the Santa Claus sees you when your waking stuff, I see all the Time. I’m found in out of the way places, always looking, at You.


Only one problem, without a brain for storage, I got nothin’ I tells ya,no memories at all, I come home, and can’t remember what I saw half the time.

What kind of life is this for a normal, common eyeball?

Black ooze? Who thought of that? And a Tail? Who was the idiot that decided Eye need a tail? It comes with the ooze so Eye’m stuck with it, What about Contacts? I am getting older Dammit! there’s no Social Security! Eye Carumba!

Ever try getting a Savings account at a bank? “Sorry Mr. ,Eyeball, we don’t serve your kind” A job? I’m a greeter at Walmart for Cornea’s sake! and the customers keep complaining about the Black ooze, what’s an Eyeball to do?

“But, you must have Super powers, right?”

Sure, I can stare at you til you die of boredom, but that’s about it, Eye’ll tell you what, rip your eye out, stick it in some 40 weight motor oil then we’ll talk.

It’s tough out there for a common Eyeball, always looking for the best view, watching your back, and constantly getting pecked at by Birds, not to mention the lighting at night is terrible. A pimp is usually the best way to go, we call them “agents” but they keep us from getting poked, as it were, and they get 20%, and of course they get a personal view IYKWIM

People ask “where do you see yourself in 20 years, when your old and needing glasses, after all you can’t keep your looks forever”
I have some good safe investments, so when I retire I’ll get a place with nice view, and that’s good enough for an old eyeball like me…..

I met another like me once, a real eyeful, and we went for drinks, Bourbon for him and Vodka with Visine for me, and I was regaled in stories of him Eyeing chicks, getting an eyeful and all that went with that kind of thing, I wasn’t impressed. I mean what, stare them into an orgasm? I soon left him in a pitiful state, having crushed his dreams of what? sweet lookable Pussy? Ladies, be on the lookout for this Eye, he only looks good.

Sometimes when I look at the stars, and I wish I had a Telescope.

I wish I knew what this Black ooze was all about, it’s hard to get out of the upholstery.

My Wife asked how it was I could speak to you, I could only reply “Damn your eyes Woman!” but that got me thinking, how am I talking? how am I thinking? how did I get here? Why do I feel like Hedley LaMar right now?

Maybe the Ghost of Napolitanos past?

Here’s looking at You,