How’s everyone today? The pestilence is still abiding at my house, with the wife probably having strep and the oldest an earache and light fever. I ran out to pick him up from school because he didn’t quite reach the threshold for having to be sent home, and if I come and get him, I can send him to school tomorrow if he’s better. Hoping the doc has space for me to slide in and get some antibiotics. Honestly, though, with the shit a five-year-old’s fingers touch every day, I’m surprised they don’t have permanent infections.

Dammit. I don’t even know how I would improve this story: Florida Man vows to destroy town with army of turtles.  h/t: Playa Manhattan

The Day Trump Broke Cher. By which I mean, arrives at a reasonable conclusion on the limits of the welfare state.

China (who has crossed its borders to attack the US in Korea in the last century) says the US treats Latin America like its backyard. It’s called the Monroe Doctrine and its been in place for a while.

From the funhouse mirror: Sudanese protest leaders demand end of ‘deep state’. I lol’d.

Here’s a song about turtles. And probably drugs.