Hi guys, I need some help. I made a tactical error of failing to empathize with how busy my wife is what with her last day of clinical practice ending in a luncheon, and then she has to make dessert for the pot-luck her class has, and she has to assemble all the instructor gifts because she is President of her class. Anyhow, I pointed out that the house was such a wreck that I was going to spend several hours tomorrow morning picking it up for the cleaning people instead of working. Now she is storming around the house loudly cleaning stuff and I am bunkered in my office, hoping that she has to run an errand about the time I’m supposed to pick up the kids (which I volunteered to do because she does have some things to do). Why can’t we do all that stuff tonight? Oh, its date night. She’s totally gonna spit in my drink when I go to the bathroom tonight, isn’t she?

Hey guys, look at this hip chick playing beer pong! If my family was just featured for running a sex cult, I might tone down the drinking aspect of my persona.

Two judges shot in a “disturbance” at a White Castle near Indianapolis today. At 3am. “Police originally said the altercation began at a nearby bar before spilling into the White Castle parking lot, but then said the entire incident unfolded in the parking lot.” I like to imagine it was a duel over qualified immunity for government officials.

English Hooligans strike in Barcelona.

Custom built drone delivers donated kidney. Now they just need to automate the orphan organ removal protocol and we’ll be all set. Don’t ask Swiss, he already gave at the office.

If we’re gonna talk about English hooligans on the Continent, I’m putting up one of the great pop-punk songs of all time.