I am going to try and find a new fetish for all you fine people. Let’s dive right in.


Food Spurting

This is a great entry level new fetish. It is closely related to the money shot facial in vanilla porn and the money shit facial in the more outré corners of the internet.

It even comes in two sub-groups:

The Spurter

Damn girl. Get in there.

The Spurtee

About two inches to the left…

Squirrel Jobs

Just loaded up those fingertips and get it on…

Nibble the head, work the shaft, and gut the nuts.


The ultimate taboo for the gluten-sensitive…

Waifu bread body pillow: Don’t eat your IBS, sleep on it!


Tired of people and their annoying safe words? Why not exorcize your demons on a tree?

“Bite down for Mommy. Bite down hard.”

Giant Sea Penises

Yes, this new fetish would require scuba certification and quite a bit of equipment, but it would be just you and a majestic sea penis that you could have all to yourself. And you can turn down your oxygen for a safe, belt-free bout of autoerotic asphyxiation.

“I… I have a wife. This just means I’m bi, right?”


Need something to do with all those used up baby dolls plotting against you in the attic? Get aroused by night terrors?

Or if swarms are more your style:


Some dark pleasures are so new, they don’t even have a name yet…



Just remember, whatever it is you are into: