Sloopy is at some sleazebag motel (a step down from Motel 6) that doesn’t have wifi. Or so he says. I’m thinking he’s celebrating a sale with four crack ho residents. I mean, really, isn’t a celebration worth $20? So I am generously stepping in, even though I have to get going to drive to work shortly, adding to the ever-spiraling pollution of Mother Earth.

Speaking of which, dialog with Mom last night. SP always urges her to drink water by demanding, “Do you know what the #1 cause of ER visits by old people is???” to which Mom sheepishly responds, “Not drinking enough water.” So  last night, Mom was neglecting her water, SP exhorted, “Do you know what the #1 cause of ER visits by old people is???” to which Mom replied, “Because they don’t have anything better to do.”

But even though we ALL have better things to do, we won’t shortcut birthdays. After all, today’s birthdays include the original Mr. Belvedere; a president who left office with a bang; Nikki Haley’s spirit animal; a guy who could always make you wonder, “How the fuck did he ever get that job?”; a baseball player who would never stand up for himself; and a vicious cultural appropriator (and awesome trombonist).

Oh yeah, news.


“Clouding the Peace Process.” I mean… whaaaaaaa?


Why is this even a question?


Shaun King nods.


And nothing else happened.


I know, I know, we’ve discussed this, but you can’t say often enough, “Joe, I hope you have an aneurysm and die before you fuck up thousands more lives than you already have.”


I can hear the jets warming up on the Heathrow taxiway.


Drama Queen.


This is why people hate vegans and lawyers. 


You want a rental housing shortage? Here’s how you get a rental housing shortage.



Old Guy Music features the birthday boy with some amazing other folks, as well as some creepy photo stuff in the middle.