Happy Monday, y’all. I hope your weekend was as excellent as mine. The Texans stole a victory giving them like, two playoff wins in the ’10s. I fully expect they’ll still have zero playoff wins in the ’20s in February. But that was nice. As was seeing another AFC South team win a game. I’d promote them to a not-quite-scrub division for next year. I also took a long walk in the outdoors with my family yesterday (yes, they all came home, too). I think the highlight of my day was seeing the older one scream like he’d been gutshot after a carpenter ant bit his finger. Seriously, I thought that he was being swarmed by hornets or something the way he was shouting. We’re still working on the manly, stoic way to express pain. I may have to teach him to cuss before that happens.

I can’t tell if this is supposed to be a hammer-and-sickle or a swastika, but some sort of socialist moron vandalized a soldiers’ memorial in St. Louis with anti-war graffiti. Because you know the non-coms get to decide when and where they fight, right? (h/t Heroic Mulatto — link to CNN, you decide safety)

Damn, they shipped Qassem Soleimani’s body back coach. That’s how you honor a martyr. Box seems a little short and narrow for a body-builder.

Massachusetts professor goes to house of love interest, assaults said interest when spurned. Toxic ____nity

Rats on the West Side, bedbugs… in Walmart? What a jerk.

Apparently, wanting to get the Impeachment trial started makes Trump “hasty”.  As if the right to a speedy trial weren’t in the Constitution.