Goal of the year entrant…on day one!

I’m so out of sorts I had to look at the calendar to see what day of the week it was.  I swear, I thought it was Friday. Thank God it’s Thursday though. Because Liverpool play Sheffield United today. The Reds’ crosstown rival played yesterday and went down to Man City, although their points total from the last few matches is exactly where I thought it would be and they’re trending up.  ManUre went down to Arsenal in a game of underachievers.  And Chelsea were stunned with an amazing goal in any language. Villa and Leicester won. Southampton shocked woeful Spuds.Watford beat Wolves. Palace and Norwich drew. And West Ham beat Bournemouth. The bottom of the table all picked up points yesterday and the table is tighter than ever from the middle to the bottom. The second half of the season should be a delight of teams looking up toward Europe and down at relegation at the same time.

And let’s hear it for the Golden Rodents! They kept rowing and rowing and rowing and it paid off with a big win over Auburn.  TTUN lost to Bama, and their seniors on the team will have never won a game after thanksgiving in their college careers.  Georgia won. And Wisconsin lost to Oregon in an exciting game where they turned the ball over too many times.

Nice burns, dude.

Barry Goldwater was born on this day. As were SciFi legend Isaac Asimov, fraudster Dan Rostenkowski, underrated actor Dabney Coleman, country legend Roger Miller, animal man Jack Hanna, (the worst) 90210 actress Gabrielle Carteris, tedious sportscaster Craig James, “Sweet Pea” Pernell Whitaker, the lovely Tia Carrera, actor Cuba Gooding, Jr., actor/”boxer” Tommy Morrison, and hockey goaltender Brian Boucher.

Alrighty then. Let’s get down to business with…the links!

Just in case you were wondering what the dumbest take of 2020 is gonna be, entrants are already coming in and this one will definitely make the list. Sorry your narrative was blown to bits, dickhead.  It almost seems like you’d have rather seen a lot of bodies piled up for you to climb on.

They’re everywhere!

What a bunch of dicks. There’s simply no other way to put it.

Chicagoans finally have something to live for. LOL, just kidding. The high taxes and lack of choice will have the black market operating without so much as a hiccup.

Nothing to see here folks. Move along. I mean, I’m sure judges in cases abruptly recuse themselves all the time after seven months on a case and after dismissing calls to hold one of the parties in contempt for refusing to turn over evidence.

This booking photo alone is an insanity defense.

White nationalist who drank blood and ran for the Senate arrested in…Florida (of course). Sometimes the headlines write themselves!

This was not a very good decision. Doesn’t he know they’ve opened their bathrooms to riff-raff and he was as likely to see a bum sleeping as he was some hottie taking a dump?

This is what I like to call I-ruuuuuuuuh-neeeeeeee.  Lol, what a stupid bastard.

I’m starting the year off with this. Not because I think the year will go this way, just because it jumped into my head. And because it’s so damn good.

Now go out there and get the year off to a wonderful start, friends!