Sad Mourinho is the best Mourinho.

What a nice weekend.  Especially if you like watching Jose Mourinho get beclowned.  And I’m one of those people.  His Spuds lost to Chelsea. Burnley throttled Bournemouth, Palace won, Sheffield drew Brighton (and they needed all three points), Southampton won, Man City beat Leicester when they shouldn’t have, ManUre thumped woeful Watford, Wolves drilled Championship-bound Norwich, and Everton lost to Arsenal, which really hurt their Euro chances. Liverpool will be taking on West Ham today.

On the ice, your winners yesterday were Washington, Buffalo, Dallas, NYI, Calgary (duh, they played the Red Wings), St Louis, Vegas, and Edmonton.  The playoff chase is red hot right now, and I’ll definitely go over it one day this week. But not today, as I’m way behind.

Yes, he really is dead.

Spanish and HRE King Charles V was born on this day.  He shares it with storyteller Wilhelm Grimm, baseball legend Honus Wagner, Navy leader Chester Nimitz, (dead) actor Abe Vigoda, Nike founder Phil Knight, actor Edward James Olmos, rocker George Thorogood, Apple co-founder Steve Jobs, F1 legend Alain Prost, Billy fucking Zane, and boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr.

Good stuff, but now it’s time for…the links!

I wonder if he’ll dress up and dance like that clown from America, Jr.

Trump is in India for the next couple of days. I wonder what he’s gonna eat? And I wonder how he’ll manage to make people’s heads explode while out of the country.  I guess we’ll have to wait and see, because it’s coming.

China has postponed Parliament for the first time in decades due to the coronavirus. Not that having a parliament matters much when you live in a single-party autocratic hellhole where you can be thrown in a concentration camp for pretty much anything. But I guess appearances matter.

The Weinstein trial just keeps on going. Nice job, judge. You could have let them treat each case separately, but you ha to fuck it up by making the jury consider all charges together.  Now it’ll inevitably end in a hung jury.

Back to bartending soon…or hosting a show on CNN.

Well, that’s a shame. What will we ever do without her insight?

I fail to see why taxpayers should be on the hook for this. But it’s Chicago, so you can bet they’ll take it in the shorts. (Please feel free to make your own jokes in the comments.)

Well, this is a dreadfully sad story. The only silver lining is that we know the cops can’t track cellphones as well as I assumed they could.

Am I alone in assuming this is commonplace? I hope not.  Also, that department needs to go away.

This seems like a solid way to start the week. Hope you feel the same.

Now have a wonderful Monday, friends!