ZARDOZ IS PUTTING ON THE RITZ.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ HAS BEEN ENJOYING HIS TIME OFF. ZARDOZ WENT HAT SHOPPING AT THE VORTEX HABERDASHERY, AND SELECTED QUITE A STUNNING NUMBER. I AM SURE THE CHOSEN ONES ARE SUITABLY IMPRESSED.
BUT THE CHOSEN ONES ARE HERE FOR LINKS, AND ADVICE, NOT TO PRAISE THE HEADWEAR OF ZARDOZ. NOT THAT ZARDOZ DOES NOT WELCOME PRAISE…
- ZARDOZ WAS PLEASED TO HEAR OF A LARGE CREATURE BARGING INTO A BRUTAL FILLED AREA…BUT DISAPPOINTED TO LEARN THERE WERE NO FATALITIES. LACK OF CLEANSING ALWAYS DISAPPOINTS.
- THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE FOR A PRIORITY? SHOULDN’T YOU BE CLEANSING CATALONIANS?
PERHAPS WE CAN DO BETTER WITH THE ADVICE?
Q: I have been married to a wonderful man for 20 years. It has been a pretty good marriage. I have tolerated a few of his family members’ rudeness to me, although I have no problem speaking up when I need to, and my husband always defends me as well.
My father-in-law recently passed, and I adored him. For his wake, my two sisters-in-law made a slide show of his life with hundreds of family photos. There was not one single photo of my father-in-law and me. I feel it was the final straw. I have no more room in my heart and life for them. Am I being too sensitive? My husband hasn’t spoken to them since the funeral. I really need your advice on this.
A: ZARDOZ WOULD TAKE GREAT OFFENSE AT BEING DELETED FROM A CLEANSED CEREMONY! AND THUS, SO SHOULD YOU. THIS NEEDS TO BE ESCALATED TO ALL OUT WAR. ZARDOZ WILL SEND YOU SOME BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS TO ASSIST. ONCE THEY HAVE ARRIVED…GO FORTH, AND KILL!
FUNERAL THIS!
IT MAY SEEM A BIT OF AN OVERREACTION TO AN ETIQUETTE BREACH, BUT “CLEANSE THEM ALL!” IS USUALLY THE CORRECT RESPONSE TO SUCH THINGS.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: I have been communicating with this woman that I work with. She is currently seeing a guy she’s been with for about four years. We have a clear connection and primal attraction, and have both discussed our feelings with each other. We communicate by texting. There is no communication through phone calls, for obvious reasons. Her man works for the same company but in a different building than we do. It’s clear to me that he isn’t good enough for her and doesn’t know how to elevate himself to her level.
I let her know that if they were to break up, I would want to give it a try, and she said the same. She contacts me when she wants and flirts, but it’s always at her convenience and not mine. We have “known” each other for about a year and a half now, and she claims she cares for me. My question to you is, how should I move this situation forward?
A: *SIGH* HOW MANY TIMES MUST ZARDOZ REPEAT THIS SELF-EVIDENT TRUTH? THE PENIS IS EVIL!
EVIL. MORE EVIL.
NOT ONLY ARE YOU EVIL, YOUR ARE TREACHEROUS AS WELL. SINCE YOU WANT TO PLOW IN ANOTHER BRUTAL’S FIELD, ZARDOZ HAS A SOLUTION FOR YOU…
POKE ALL YOU WANT NOW, BRUTAL!
ENJOY YOUR NEWFOUND OCCUPATION.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
That’s a cute little Zardoz on the front page.
It looks like the Pankot palace chilled monkey brains dessert heads.
T-Pain wants his hat back.
Classy
Hail Zardoz.
Nice cap. Stylish.
Zardoz: that is the most awesome headwear possible.
Hail Zardoz!
I have tolerated a few of his family members’ rudeness to me
But was this intentional rudeness, or oblivious rudeness?
*bumps into Ted and keeps walkin’*
I aim for a 50/50 split in my day to day activities.
You can throw back that throw back.
What’s the protocol on using cleanse versus kill? Is there a Vortex style guide?
Specific target? Kill.
Widespread removal of the overgrown weeds destroying the earth born from the seeds shot forth by the evil penis? CLEANSE
When in doubt, cleanse.
Fucked up my neck yesterday moving a bunch of golf cart batteries. Just ate a very strong edible.
Guess I’ll shitpost with you merry gentlemen (and our mythical wimmins)
*sigh*
Maybe in 2022.
Peak Florida Man will only be achieved when they legalize bath salts.
But seriously, the fact that weed is still illegal in many places is fucking stupid.
I think it will happen. We seem to have the votes. It’s just getting through all the BS red tape.
I’m not giving up my CCW for pot, so I get mine from a friend who has a card.
Hmm. JB is only 2 hours away…
I just go to any local dive bar.
Are there ever Florida Glib meetups?
Are there ever Florida Glib meetups?-
I think we are all paranoid that we will try to kill each other.
I tried.
LOL pick a right you wish to exercise. You get one choice.
I have the oddball situation that I am in a state where it’s legal, but I work for the Federal govt so I have to comply with Federal law. This one really will have to be a Federal measure.
I think if 35 plus states legalize, the feds will likely cave. Or at least I hope so.
It really needs to get descheduled down a few notches. With all the sentence commuting Trump has been doing, if he pulled that move off before the election (which would be within his power to do so) he would absolutely gain more votes than he would lose over it.
But then that sweet sweet luchre for new DEA toys dries up!
IRT DEA money. They still have “hard drugs”
NFL just caved. It’s happening!
*insert Ron Paul “It’s Happening!” gif*
I’m in Indiana, I’m thinking we’ll be the last state to legalize anything. OH well, at least we have guns.
I assume all these people asking for advice are fictitious. Am I wrong?
Other than me, everyone here is fictitious, so I’d assume the same of Dear Abbey.
They’re as real as ZARDOZ.
ZARDOZ is real! I saw him floating past the Vortex just this afternoon!
but it’s always at her convenience
Ehm, ZARDOZ, not to tell you your business – but you seem to have mistaken this one for a brutal when it is clearly a different b-word.
Backup brutal
BWB (brutal with benefits).
Beta orbiter brutal. That bit about the guy she’s actually screwing not being able to “elevate himself to her level” is classic orbiter self delusion.
Cock Tease does not start with a B.
Dick in a case, is what he is. In case of emergency, break glass.
I am laughing at myself. I’m on lunch, drinking a tasty coffee in the coffee shop, and there is a young lady standing in front of me, almost wearing a shirt, showing off her naughty bits. The issue: she might.be all of seventeen.
I think I’m a dirty old man.
If you aren’t enjoying the view you might be dead. If you put one hand on her, then you’re a dirty old man, and may end up wishing you were dead.
There’s no way I’m going to say a word.
I now have a condition…
Mr Murphy, would you like to come up to the board and solve a problem?
Heh, heh, heh. I just showed that entire routine to my wife the other nite and she laughed her ass off. She’s seen bits and pieces of it over the years but I don’t think the entire set. Comic fucking genius.
Too bad he kind of dropped off. Oh well. Hopefully he is enjoying his fortune.
After the transexual hooker thingy he went PG for a long time, which is a huge shame. If you haven’t seen Dolemite is My Name you should absolutely check it out. Eddie back to R rated form, it is very good.
Will do
Grrr. Every time I work on Eyepiece, I thank God that I’m not a full time web dev. It’s always a pain to get everything to show up in the same place in all the different browsers.
No clue how that got there…
“I just showed that entire routine to my wife the other nite….”
Would you mind posting a link to that routine?
Yep. Looking ain’t touching.
Also, as a friend told me a long time ago: it’s OK to look. Just don’t get caught lookin’.
You and Kip Winger both.
Ouch.
*ahem*
That is not an insult. Kip Winger was then and is still hawt.
There was a very fit young lady in my gym this morning working out in a very small sports bra. She stood out because all the other women wear at least full shirts. I’m not sure she is at the right kind of gym.
The young lady in question has just announced her desire to be a stripper and make quote “a ton of fucking money. It would be fun.” endquote. I’m leaking water out my eyeholes, and trying not to tell her that I love her. I really don’t want to encourage bad decisions.
Offer to teach her other ways to make money.
Where’s HM when we need him?
She’s most of the way there already. Loud and verbose. Clearly, she is very skilled with her mouth.
I’m going to h-e-double- hockey-sticks.
If you’re already going to hell, you might as well help dig the hole deeper!
Dude she’s just a woman. They make ’em in factories every day ?
Vice cop. Run away.
You are a very wise man.
You need to go up to her and make her a bet. Tell her you just learned a way to figure out someone’s birthday by looking at them for a few seconds, five bucks that says you can guess her exact birthday. Randomly pick some date and get her to show you some proof it she wants the five spot when you inevitably lose.
That sounds like a hoot. Sadly, I had to go back to work.
All good things must come to an end.
Was it Spielberg’s daughter?
This absinthe is kicking my ass. In a good way…
Reposting this from the last thread, in response to your bluetooth issue:
Do you have a windows 10 install/recovery disk or thumb drive? If you do restart the computer with the DVD or thumb drive in the computer and boot to the media instead of the harddrive, you’ll end up in recovery mode. From there you can uninstall, or attempt to repair, faulty drivers. I’d just uninstall the bluetooth driver. Restart the computer and reinstall the driver, should fix the issue if it is on windows side, which it almost certainly is.
Also, thanks for the reminder that I have absinthe.
Thank you, and you’re welcome! I will try the recovery mode driver fix.
No worries. I spent the last hour trying to explain how to set up a printer to my grandmother, so I was still in tech support mode.
I was gifted a bottle of Sebor absinthe many years ago. I liked it.
TBH, I am not sure there aren’t some unmentionable add-ins in this stuff.
Nah, they took out the psychosis-inducing wormwood ages ago. Er, so I’m told.
I read it was most likely alcohol poisoning from poor distillation methods and not the wormswood.
Obvs, someone needs to come out with psilocybin laced absinthe.
Yeah, it could also have been fusel oil. That stuff’s bad news.
If you want the old school absinthe experience, buy or make sage oil. Because federal regulations are stupid as hell, anything made with wormwood has to be thujone free, but sage oil can be 50% thujone without a problem.
This only applies to the states, no clue what goes on up your way.
I knew someone who made homemade absinthe with wormwood that he collected. That shit was definitely something else, there was an extra kick to it that was not due to the alcohol.
I’m jelly.
1. Absinthe seems TERRIBLY romantic and possibly creatively beneficial.
2. But I don’t drink.
3. And even if I did, I hate licorice.
Are you doing the whole slotted spoon sugar cube ice water ritual?
Absinthe seems TERRIBLY romantic
Yes, absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Ha! You are the pun master C.
Paging Swiss…
?
I’m green with envy that you came up with that awesome line
It’s a sweet line.
+1 hands Anacreon a tissue
I don’t drink absinthe anymore. It makes me, how do you say, gassy. It wasn’t so much the gas that disturbed both of two exe’s and many coworkers since I was alway kind of gassy, but it was more the sound due to very moist excretions. The sound was, if you can imagine, a throaty well tuned V8 kind of a hauunndaaaa noise. I had to stop drinking it because absinthe made the fart go honda.
*ded d-e-d ded*
That’s a bit harsh for a repurposed childhood joke.
I am not near an emoji.
It means I’m dying of laughter. I have never heard that joke before, and although it is an old man joke, I still laughed.
Aaaaah, I am not up on the cool kids sayings. I read ded ded ded and had a Renée Zellweger flashback in Jerry Maguire when she said “broke broke broke”. I think all cultural references should revolve around Jerry Maguire, Monty Python and the Simpsons.
You had me at Pining for the Fjords, Apu.
I have in the past. It’s so flammable.
You know who else dug a lot of holes?
Shia Labuff?
Is he still yelling at walls, or has he finally moved on?
I hope yelling at walls while no one pays any attention
Alice Merton?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUdyuKaGQd4
Hail ZARDOZ, I didnt click but you now have thst stuck in my head…
To cleanse or not to cleanse?
The boys at Camp Green Lake?
Wilt Chamberlain?
Aloysious?
Suthen?
Hitachi ?
HITLER!
Lookin’ FINE, ZARDOZ baby! Damn!
Wizard’s and Chump Lady should get together. I bet she could get behind a good cleansing.
https://www.chumplady.com
ZARDOZ; I love the hat, but I think you’d look even better with a monocle.
‘Sup?
NM Here, U?
Getting ready to watch the Wild v Oilers. I thought about painting a wall and watching it dry, but I’m too lazy.
*nods*
*winks knowingly*
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/7aebdbcc-5919-47ac-804f-a2387c df2ba36
Damnit it. I’m out.
What’s up?
Sometimes people can really piss me off. I’m running this fundraiser for a friend so she can go to a medical conference this summer. After asking all my friends and family to donate, she informs me that she just spend $300+ dollars on a new tattoo. I don’t mind that she wanted a new tattoo. But when I’m begging on her behalf because she “can’t afford” to go, maybe she shouldn’t be spending relatively large sums on something non-essential.
I laid into her some with comments such as . . . “maybe this is why you don’t have the money to go in the first place” etc. That didn’t go over well. And I got a reply of “well, I just got my tax refund, so I had some money” . . .I replied with “well then maybe we should’ve cancelled the fundraiser.”
I understand people need something to look forward to and to splurge here and there, but that really pissed me off.
Agreed. I’m happy to help people in need, but bragging about splurging on non-essentials while asking for money for essentials just turns me right off.
I used to run in to people checking out at the grocery store with food stamps – while wearing stuff that I couldn’t afford.. the nail salon nails was something that really bugged me. You can go spend $18 to get your nails done every other week, but I’ve got to pay for your cereal and milk? And you get to have name brand? Meanwhile, I’m eating generic because I can’t afford to waste my money on the good stuff.
Yeah, that stuck in my craw.
Where I live now I don’t run in to that very often. It is either the “old people” publix to the north, or the Jag and Range Rover crowd to the south. Hard to say which of those two is more annoying…. slow old lady is inconvenient, but it ain’t her fault she’s gettin’ on. Meanwhile, yoga pants lady is easier to look at, but then you gotta deal with the attitude.
I worked graves weekends at a grocery store for a little extra cash for a while. Every weekend, a group of 3-4 early-20-something kids would come in in their jammies around 2:00 a.m., laughing and playing, load up on chocolate and candy and pop and Little Debbies…and pay for it with their EBT card. If one’s card was running low, another would put it on his/hers.
How do you get an EBT card when you’re early-20-something and able to go out at 2:00 a.m. in your jammies for snacks?
Same way you can get ribeye with EBT and load it into a brand new escalade while flaunting your Gucci purse.
No shame.
Then there are the people with tons of tattoos who bitch about living wages or student loans.
They got their tattoos WITH their student loans.
I’m not proud of how much of my student loans went towards cassettes and CD’s.
I had that happen a few years ago with a (bernie loving) sister in law. They were having a “woe is me” fundraiser with the family because she had just quit her job to travel. Oh, and they were flying to Turkey the next week for a 2 week vacation.
Father in law was actively trying to get us to chip in to their “fallen on hard times” fund.
Fuck. That.
Woe is me I’m going to Istanbul, hmm I’ve never heard that one. That’s a bold move.
As long as it’s Istanbul not Constantinople.
Nice tie-in, Tres, although I am no fan of Tiny Toons.
But Don’t let’s start about that.
That’s ok. It’s better if the statue got you high
I like that they included William White’s face in both videos. What are your thoughts regarding the band “Was Not Was”?
On a less frivolous note, I found Mr. White’s eulogy for his daughter rather moving.
My thoughts ?
Why, I Feel Better Than James Brown
“I went to the dentist and told him, “take out my heart”. I feel better now.”
James Brown is dead
Wow. That’s a level of obnoxious asshole I’ve (thankfully) never experienced.
Yeah, that particular portion of the family is rather, erm, entitled.
You know, I don’t make a lot of money and never have, But, I have a lot pride that I’ve never *had* to ask for help since graduating college. I will say, my parents have thrown me some money a few times, but I’ve never needed it, it was solely because they wanted to.
I think it bothers me more because my mother donated a hefty sum. And if my mother knew she was spending money on tattoos it would (rightly) piss her off to on another level.
If it were me, I’d definitely let Mom know.
You just described my freeloading brother.
Something, something, fundraisers….buying things….too soon?
I’ve not experienced the level of asking for money so they could jet off to foreign lands, but I’ve had those experiences.
A couple of buddies of mine were roommates, and one of them kept shorting the rent and utility bills. “I don’t have the cash right now”. Fifty bucks here, seventy five there…. but he’d go out and buy a bunch of CD’s or a new jacket. Finally they had it out about it. Unsurprisingly, the guy who wasn’t paying his share was terribly offended and thought the other guy was a jerk.
I took that as a life lesson.
So when my sister in law is in to us for thousands and blows her money instead of paying me back – I’ve already written that money off and don’t expect it back.
The part that is extra annoying though…. the entitled attitude. After a while, the gratitude stops, and if anything there’s a touch of attitude, bordering on resentment. I paid for a big chunk of her masters degree – which she still doesn’t have because she didn’t pay the last couple of thousand bucks – and her cell phone for the last several years… so you’d think I’d be at the top of her list of people to suck up to. Yeah… not so much.
So I’ve resigned myself to doing the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing. If I get anything out of it, consider it a bonus.
Okay, the Wagyu ribeye was an off the chart piece of meat. I think I can safely eat one once a year. More than that is asking for death. It easily fed two of us.
Fuck the inlaws. They’re dicks.
Don’t stick it in crazy. Especially one that you’ve never met and wants you based on text messages.
Catoctin Rye is an interesting dram. It’s growing on me, and the $40 price tag makes it even better.
Did you order it online or find it local?
Local. It’s an Idaho product. Effin A expensive, but I wanted to give one a try.
It’s disrespectful towards people trying to help.
It also says, “I make poor decisions.”
That was a fail. dernit.
You know . . . she does make poor decisions in so many ways. I mean really poor. But the other hand, I admire her drive and tenacity in so many ways. She’s a great example of someone who can be brilliant and a complete moron at the same time.
*raises hand*
That would be me.
Me too
I’ve found that finances require discipline more than intelligence. People can convince themselves of anything to avoid the unpleasantness of reining in their finances.
Super secret eyepiece comment test.
Please ignore.
Don’t tell me what to do!
What are you doing, Dave?
Would a feature that allowed one to mark individual comments as read be a eyepiece possibility in the future? Just something I thought of that I would use.
/Thanks for letting me enact your labor
That would be easy enough. I’ll mark it down for next time. The only hard part is going to be finding a place to put the button so that people (especially mobile users) aren’t accidentally clicking it.
Can confirm. I actually made very good money for years but could always justify a reason why I needed to go on a vacation on off time because “I deserved it.” I should be retired right now but I am not due to deserving all those vacations. I am an idiot. But I had fun! An idiot who had fun being an idiot!
At least it was your money and you had fun with it. Better than taking others money and blowing it.
And, is it better to go when you’re young and can enjoy it? Or wait until you’re old and sick? I say go while you’re young! (Still, save for retirement)
“Go when you are young” was also an excuse. I am from a different world than you though. Blue collar guys have a shelf life. I had a whole lot of fun spending that retirement that I did not save for, now I am looking back at it and going to a job I don’t like that much and thinking it would have been better if I had not vacationed and was enjoying life doing nothing but cashing checks and doing maintenance on the five rental houses I could have owned if I didn’t want to have so much fun.
Better plan – be born a genetic freak hot chick and just have guys throw money at you for being hot chick.
Your basic Kardashian plan.
I see a lot of that in south Florida. It is a pretty strong career choice. After you squeeze husband #1 for a bunch, you’ll be living in his house in the good neighborhood, so all the divorced rich guys will be after you, even though you’ve lost a step and you are 40 with kids.
Yeah, I have a couple of friends who are walking that path right now. The one chick had her douche husband abandon her with the kids (and a stack of cash and a nice house in a nice neighborhood). She was panicky. Now, she has different rich guys taking her on their yacht every other weekend when her ex’s dad has the kids (ex doesn’t generally do his weekend. Never gonna understand that).
So that’s my advice. Go back and be born a hot chick, and then exclusively meet and date rich dudes.
I’m watching the Federalist Society’s latest video which is a panel discussion about ‘the law and policy of [SATANIC NARCOTIC PLANT OF EVIL] in Florida’. I’m sympathetic to a degree, to the concerns about neurological health because the libertine lobbying around marijuana aggressively downplays or ignores a lot of the data that suggests strong evidence of use being damaging to developing brains, especially among boys. I’m a libertarian, so yeah people make their own choices, but to do so most effectively involves being as informed as best possible, and to be so informed requires listening to varied informed viewpoints without prejudice. It occurs to me that this is very much a problem with many people, who seem to equate entertaining differing views as having been exposed to a dangerous pathogen or somehow validating them by default. So, I sit here listening to some folks talk about Mary Jane and consider things. It probably won’t change my irrelevant opinion but something something thoughts.
It looks like ZARDOZ is joining Guns N Roses.
I think he’s content ordering his exterminators to Slash their way through the brutals.
I think ZARDOZ needs a little patience.
Nah. He’ll roll in like a night train.
Rolling in like a night train
Re the in-laws: If your husband backs you up, you’re good. Let it go. Without the FIL, you have no more reason to interact with any of them.
Re the texting: She’s cheating on her boyfriend with you. She will cheat on you next, ya cuck-in-progress.
Re: the in laws: She may be (sound like a real possibility) a raging bitch. Hubby “backing her up” may be him talking the path of least resistance.
/Speaking from experience.
*not my current familial situation. I experienced this dynamic with a girlfriend years ago.
That’s also possible. My sister-in-law came into the family with an attitude. Actually, she never actually wanted to come IN to the family, just take my brother OUT of the family and treat us as if we never existed. That was before she ever met us, by the way. Not like she had anything to base that on.
She got a lot nicer after my mom bailed my brother out of his Florida Man escapade.
Florida Man escapade? Have you considered contributing the story to the site?
Absolutely not. It is utterly and completely humiliating, particularly because my maiden name is very unique. I can tell you how I am related to every single person with my maiden name in the WORLD.
Is it Starsky?
Um…sure. Yessirreebob it shorely is.
I thought your last name was Hitler?
No, it’s Starsky.
*squeeee*
I knew it!
Oh crap are you related to me? My last name is very uncommon.
No, I am not related to you (based on your geographic location).
My family is originally from Marshall, MO
Nope.
The side of the family with my maiden name hails from the Ozarks via Belgium (him) and Kentucky (her).
My last name is pretty uncommon – I have never encountered it elsewhere until last year when there appeared a soccer player sharing my name in one of the English leagues. But when I was a kid I thought we wuz kangs or something because there is a road with my name near my hometown and we used to pass the exit sign all the time on the way to summer trips to the beach.
My maiden name is French and is also the name of a canal in Belgium.
The story goes (don’t know how accurate it is) that my great-grandfather was avoiding the draft in Belgium, went to France, got French citizenship, then somehow made his way to China and sailed on a Chinese junk (why…I don’t know). THEN he somehow found himself in the Ozarks and, at 42, married my 16-year-old great-grandmother and promptly left her with a babe in her belly. He had wanderlust and probably a wandering dick, too, but as for any bastards, I don’t know. He came back to her like a sailor: in time to get her pregnant again. She was effectively single most of her life.
I forgot when he died. Or how. Or where. Or of what.
My German ancestors spelled our name differently. Then when two brothers and their families came to the states each brother changed the spelling. So now there are 3 versions of my last name depending on where you are.
My name has a more common variant that I always have to correct when people mis-hear it.
You just have to add the “e” onlto the end of Smith, don’t you? What a cunte.
Mojeaux Charleroi hmmm.
Heh, not quite. I just looked it up and my name is shared by 3000+ Americans – more than I would have thought. The more common one is around 7500 Americans. OTOH my name IS a proper English name, so yeah there are probably tons of ettnick names way less common.
That’s getting a little too close to the mothervillage.
You remember that book idea we were tossing around, don’t you?
Nah, googled Belgian canals and picked one that is a last name and Fench. Lol, I can’t help it the hints people drop always trigger my “must solve the puzzle” circuit.
You will most likely not be able to, but I’m not going to discount your abilities out of hand.
So, my bad. The canal is spelled slightly differently from my maiden name and is actually in France (sue me, it’s been a long time since I was there).
I had forgotten, until this conversation, that though the people in the family spell it the way we all spell it, the place name was not changed. So the place name is spelled completely differently, but is still the family name. Sue me again, but I haven’t had to use my maiden name in 17 years, which is awesome because people mispronounce it constantly. It is very clear, simple, and phonetically correct and yet…nobody can pronounce it.
And I was always very careful to keep from doxxing myself from the very beginning of the internet.
I went from a maiden name about 2.5k people have to a name 500k people have. My first name is also very common, so I now get emails all the time for other people at my company with the same name.
LOL if it is Berry we are related.
Ya can’t spell canal w/o anal, ya know.
My Dutch ancestors were “von Koevenhoeven” when they came to New Amsterdam. Luckily it somehow evolved to “Conover.”
Yup. Cheaters? Fuck ’em and chuck ’em!
I can honestly say I’ve never cheated on anyone. My first GF in high school cheated on me repeatedly and I decided then that I wouldn’t do that to people. I’ve been close, but never have. I did call one girl back in HS and dump her about 10 minutes before making out with her best friend . . .but I did end it first.
Re the in-laws: my wife and I have been married 24 years, and I doubt we even have a picture anywhere of just my dad and her together. Yes, they’re in group shots together, but did the writer mention she was in no pictures at all? Perhaps there just wasn’t a decent one solely of the two of them. Might want to rule that out before deciding to become estranged from the whole family.
I thought the same thing when I read that part.
#metoo
The wording was so odd and contrived.
She’s writing to a advice column for attention my guess is she isn’t being 100% truthful.
On my honeymoon we met a couple from nearby. Really nice, country folk. Second go-around for both. Not only were they both people who cheated on their previous spouse…. it was with each other. We had a good time together hanging out a couple of times…. and I immediately predicted they wouldn’t last more than 2 years. “Not only are they both cheaters, they both KNOW the other one is a cheater. No way they have trust”. My wife called me a cynical asshole.
Within 2 years he was moving the family to North Dakota. No lie…. north freaking Dakota. Seems she was hooking up with her ex. So he decided to put some distance between them. Yeah… that didn’t fix it. They did make it another 6 months after moving to North Dakota though….
North Dakota; it’s for troubled lovers.
Where is this new tulpa?! I demand to know! I was promised fresh meat!
*revs chainsaw*
Well if we did our job correctly, he’s hiding under his bed crying.
Drinking some Evan Willams single Barrel Vintage Bourbon. Damm smooth.
I’ll be doing a Glibs meetup in Allentown Sunday with DEG.
Good times.
Lucky.
On both counts.
I had a brand new, unopened bottle of that once. I was taking it camping with a buddy and his two boys. As they were “helping” load the car, I heard the smash. All of sudden all of our towel smelled like whiskey.
Suck it out of the towel. It’s good.
Towelie approves of this comment.
Alternate response: No, you’re a towel!
Dementia sucks.
That’s really fucking sad.
Just goes to show that everybody will disappoint sooner or later.
Good lord. More “genteel”? Bloomberg is as nasty as it gets.
He makes Trump look like Mr. Rodgers.
I wouldn’t put it past the democracts to vote for Bloomberg. They really only care about power. If they think the super billionaire, white, ex-Republican, sexist, unwoke, cis, hetro old geezer gets them power, so be it. I’m just hoping for some old Blackface pictures they can rationalize away. Has he ever used the OK sign?
That honestly makes me sad.
Perhaps he was saying he would take Bloomberg’s war on sodas over Sander’s war on capitalism. And ya, who knows what he is saying or even if he does.
Well thanks to Turdeau Jr. I can get legal weed but he is going to take away guns, plastic bags and plastic straws, oil and gas. Liberals gave us the trifecta yet they are still statist fucks.
Thinking of making a negroni, but I want to do a long walk tomorrow am. Hmm.
Negroni, please.
(Still haven’t noticed a sale)
I’m like 5 minutes away from one and I can’t wait.
Staying sober tonight. Going to try and finish taxes tomorrow morning. Then get plastered.
I’ve been waiting for a stray 1099 that has not come and that’s all right by me.
I bet. My wife had a 1099 which means I’m going to have to do local taxes too. Uhg.
If I don’t get a 1099, it means I didn’t make that money.
Tomorrow looks like tax day for me too. I’m anticipating a small refund. I’m in the crowd that hates letting the government keep my money interest free, but on the plus side, I’m fairly low on funds lately, so hopefully this helps bring the reserves back to the level I prefer.
I already know I owe a shitload of money:( Luckily the wife put some extra money back for taxes.
I’m still adjusting to the tax cuts so I should get a return. I think we have it figured out for next year.
I’m taking some time off 9n March and will be doing my taxes then.
I already know I owe.
Five returns in at this point (my sons) – ours should go to the accountant this week once final investment docs are complete. I hate tax time.
I’m doing mine Sunday
Mine are done, but I’ll submit in April since I owe $2k
Screw the Buffalo Declaration. Time for you Albertans to do a UDI
I’m a Reluctant Separatist over this issue. I’m fully in the camp that believes that The Hair That Walks Like A Man™ could trigger the dissolution of Confederation.
Considering how Canada was actually pretty libertarian until his daddy came along it will be poetic justice.
Yeah. Unfortunately, I suspect people on both sides will die. And that’s all on him — he could stop this bullshit tomorrow morning, but he won’t.
History won’t be kind to him.
Except Liberals will be the ones writing History…
One can only hope this isn’t true.
Well, history is written in all flavors but the important question is which history is taught.
They won’t be the only ones writing the histories. There will be witnesses they can’t shut up or intimidate.
The moose video never loaded for me. I am bummed. I love me a good moose video.
You’re welcome.
LOL………..?
OK…I’m super pissed that I don’t have a middle finger emoji.
??
??
??⚛️
Can you culturally appropriate emoji’s?…… ??
Thought of you today at Walmart – Great Value Thin Crust for $2.24.
?? I have been holding off replacing my toaster oven partly because I am trying to cut down on frozen pizzas.
??????
“You’re welcome.”
That was precisely what I expected, MikeS.
Abercrombie fan?
Edible in full swing. Very toasty. Time for scotch!
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/02/21/coal-wood-fires-banned-fight-cut-emissions/
Reminder: BoJo is an enviro fuck. Well at least he isn’t Corbyn or a Eurocrat. The only guy who really opposed this shit is Trump and that is likely due to spite. We are fucked.
Very rarely does enviro news drop my jaw, but that did it.
W. T. F.
Boris got a degree in Classics so he can figure out how to bring Britain back to Iron Age technology.
He was mayor of a Large city and got a liberal arts degree from an elite university. How is that possible?
Throughout history and in just about every culture I can think of off the top of my head, there is always a subsection of the upper class that become some enamored of thinking of themselves as gentleman farmers, they wish to remake society according to their georgic vision.
If Thomas Jefferson were alive today, he would be lobbying to enforce carbon-neutral building codes across the country after he retrofitted Monticello.
That and banging the help.
How would you explain Bloomberg, Pelosi, Schumer, Sanders and the Squad who are statists yet very much not part of the old Northeastern WASP elite?
Also Weld and Chafee are Boston Brahmins yet connected to the LP. LOL.
I was more pointing out a specific phenomenon that explains why some old money elite go whole hog over Greenie shit.
Statists, in general, can come from anywhere.
This is true. Aristocrats of old were the ones who complained that the Industrial Revolution was destroying the natural beauty of their landed estates.
Ok, I think it is all BS, but at least with the fossil fuel crap they have a somewhat internally consistent argument. Carbon sequestered for 100 million years is being released. Wood Fires? It’s freaking atmospheric carbon recycling, anything released is captured again by the new trees planted to provide future firewood. It is almost the perfect example of a closed recycling circuit. The fuel is made of the waste from yesterday’s fuel.
We are we flipping the bill to protect Europe.
Why
?
LOL…that still doesn’t make any sense. SMH
?
English Tories have always been pretty paternalistic. The only real exception was Thatcher. Most of the time they have Disraelian one nation types.
You know what other D-israeli was a one nation type?
Thatcher was an American conservative who ran as a Tory. The Tories do not have anything like the same roots as American conservatives. They are European Right, Monarchists in other words, the equivalent party to American Paleo Cons is defunct, replaced by Labour.
Well England was pretty liberal compared to say France even in the 17th century what with Parliament and all. And then you had England’s religious conflicts in which the Anglican Tories sought to support Catholic Stuarts.
I have laugh at the “libertarians are leftists” since America being a pretty (classically) liberal country in the first place and lacking a Monarchy, Aristocracy or State Church meant that the “right-wing” “conservatives” were defending a status quo that was pretty liberal already.
Fun fact: Even in 1848 the likes of Bastiat and Tocqueville would have been considered centre-leftists in France since they opposed the Monarchy and the same time the Socialists
As someone that has spent the better part of 25 years measuring air pollutants from any number of emissions sources…..G_d, they’re stupid.
Who has two thumbs and is at the emergency vet with his dog?
This guy. Oy.
Sucks. Hope everything turns out ok.
Yikes.
(For whatever reason, I immediately got the impression you had stuck your thumbs in your dog’s ass and couldn’t get them back out again. I do not know why, but I thought I would share.)
That sucks, hope it turns out okay.
Sorry slumbrew.
Woof. May you have 10000 more tail wags, Slum.
Best of luck to your doggo, slumbrew
Well, shit.
Pericardial effusion. They drained the fluid, are keeping her overnight, and will run more tests in the morning.
Bad times.
She keeps living up to her billing as The World’s Most Expensive Rescue Dog.
Sorry slumbrew.
I hope she gets better. I gather there’s no such a thing as dog health insurance.
Actually, it seems there is. We just adopted a cat from the local Humane Society, and he’s chipped. I think the Humane Society updated his owner info for us, and after we got the e-mail to complete the registration, I started getting e-mail offers for pet insurance. So far, I have not opted to get any.
I hope your doggie gets better, slumbrew.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep tonight. So outraged.
https://kotaku.com/pokemon-anime-accused-of-whitewashing-1841805403
OFFS.
Between white washing, yellow fever and asians being white for college admissions quotas I don’t know when to be outraged any more.
So, having a different shadowing effect is now white washing?
The Japanese never loved fair skin until those Caucasian Dutch set up port in Kyushu.
Hilarious. A Japanese cartoon is a tool of the white man’s hegemony.
The Nagasaki harbor next to Dejima is so pretty.
It’s a well-known fact that the Japanese prefer to imagine themselves as white. Whenever I travel to Japan I see their local ads where the stylized characters look indistinguishable from Caucasians. Sure, if you squint hard enough you might conclude that it is impossible to rule out that they could be Japanese, in principle. But that’s how they perceive themselves. It’s been going on for awhile. About 15 years ago, before I ever traveled to Japan, I visited a special exhibition of the Japanese propaganda art during the Russo-Japanese war (1905-07) at the MFA in Boston. The propaganda posters typically depicted Japanese soldiers more white/Caucasian than Russian soldiers. It didn’t get unnoticed by the curator of the exhibition.
And this phenomenon is not limited to Japan. When I was in China I kept amusing myself by noticing a billboard from a distance with an apparently white model and then approaching it and conceding that the model could have been Asian.
And now, it’s all bizarre cartoons and infertility. I notice the cartoons are lily-white, though. Not that I’m all that familiar.
Another mention for the Rush fans out there in glibdom that Primus has just announced a summer tour playing the Farewell to Kings album in full and all Rush songs. I’m thinking of checking them out at the Greek.
Rush has a good sound but I can’t get over Geddy Lee’s voice. He sounds like his balls never dropped. I’ve heard counter-tenors that sound more manly.
^^THIS!^^ His voice is worse than Michael Stipe. It’s worse than Bob Dylan. I would rather listen to garbage trucks with squealing brakes. I’d rather listen to my mother-in-law talk about the royal wedding. Geddy Lee sounds like two cats fucking on a chalkboard.
I thought Lee was a woman when I was a teenager.
If I recall correctly, Primus opened for Rush during one of Rush’s tours, so this seems fitting to me.
I hope that they perform very well.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_nO3vRr4DCg
I just can’t get enough of this. The left can’t meme because they ARE the meme.
The original was probably better. Those people are mentally ill. (Autocorrect thought I’d go with mentally challenged.)
The original is just as cringeworthy as those people look. This is downright funny.
Glenn also set it to the Pet Shop Boys “Opportunities” on his radio program. Also funny.
Telling people that you can’t own a tree is barking mad.
More like “scream helplessly at the sky” mad
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ksqgxppOPlU
“That’s the sound of the Democrat party dying.”
LOL
Godspeed.
Rush talk is one up.
The only thing I think when I see a Rush video is, “don’t let that guy near your coke stash”.
“This seems promising!”
Then…
“Where are my earplugs…”
Philistines.
It’s that God-awful voice, Rhy. I’m a singer, so I get to judge.
“I’d hate to see the grindstone!”
“Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once!”
“It must be great to wake up and smell the coffee….. in Columbia…”
“Ok, one last one…… Your name wouldn’t be Dick, would it?”
They seriously sang that at a council meeting? I get it is Beck’s background music but jesus people are nuts.
Yes this really happened. And the nutjob doing the singing angrily instructed everyone to stand up mid-song. They complied.
Sugar Free mentioned he’s running out of source material. I found one for his backstory work.
https://youtu.be/y4P9DA_iNdw
Porn Hub produced McDonald’s commercials?
Hoo boy.
Next suggestion: General Foods International Coffee commercials
If I really didn’t like my in law, I’m sure I could photoshop some pictures of the in law doing stuff with my father in law.
We’re trying out the free standby flight benefits from Mr. Cannoli’s new job for the first time. So far, we’ve been at the airport about six hours, and have not had much luck. This next flight supposedly has 33 available seats, though, so fingers crossed.
Start talking loudly about your honeymoon to Wuhan.
Damn your nimble fingers, straff.
Lol
Idea to pass the time: cover your faces and run around shouting “BOMB!”
Stand up and ask abot the Hawaiian restaraunt you are sure you heard was in the airport. When people don’t know what you are talking about get angry and raise your voice. The goal is to end up screaming Aloha Snack Bar
Loudly mention Aloha Snackbar’s “Infinideal” 72-point rewards program.
You only get that if you order the bomba torta.
For drinks go with a Manhattan and a car bomb.
And it looks like we’re going to Fort Lauterdale!
Now you can continue to A1A! (Beachfront Avenue!)
Don’t smoke a joint in a doorway with a homeless dude. It will make you puke 10 minutes later. Been there.
Welcome south, brother!
brother?
Meh.
220, 221…. whatever it takes.
WSB is an old habit from my ATL days. Force of habit. TV and Radio station call letters, and appellation.
What up my Glibbers. I’m about to see Davis Spade do stand up.
Big mistakey?
Thanks autocorrect. David, not Davis.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD4mqYbVxIo
Tell him the Sabercats suck ass. (His HS mascot)
I think he’s funny but to each their own.
If you mean David Spade I concur. I listen to Dennis Miller’s podcast on occasion and have heard him when he has had Spade on. I had some good chuckles.
Joe Dirt got shafted for the Academy Award. Comedies get no respect.
Just for those of you wondering, first week at the new job has been good. A lot to learn, nothing I can talk about. Feels nice to have a weekend actually mean something, and only 1 week from from my first payday in 3 months!
??
Yay! #winning
He’s on a drug called Charlie Sheen.
I almost wrote #TigerBlood.
Congratulations. It’s a great feeling.
It’s tough to say after just one week, but is it true that a pimp’s love very different from that of a square?
Yes. And after experience a pimp’s love drugs will fall out of your ass.
Jesus, Collins!
Well, don’t want to sound like a dick or nothin’, but, ah… it says on your chart that you’re fucked up. Ah, you talk like a fag, and your shit’s all retarded.
Every 8hr shift this week has felt shorter than some of my 2hr shifts at the radio station, so there is that.
Oh great, Mike! has a new commercial out. A carefully crafted cross-section of America – if America consisted only of people under the age of 25 – express their wish to take down Wall Street and Big Tobacco. Ugh.
I get nothing but doomberg commercials on my youtube app…they’re all so forced and awkward.
It’s like watching fourteen year old me run for president.
He looked like he was 3 seconds away from foaming at the mouth and making a
womanhag suit on that debate stage when Chiew Whining Shrew laid in to him about the NDAs. Trump will have him screaming threats in under 3 minutes if he gets him on a debate stage.take down Wall Street and Big Tobacco
Smoking, the rallying cause Dems have been looking for.
They’re smoking crack at this point.
Won’t that make them libertarian?
No.
They need to smoke pot, gambol, and have buttsex with Mexicans.
Only if they do it in the city and trade with dictators.
Some drugs should ideally fall out of their asses after the Browns bury them.
A generation of golden girls turned gays into frogs, too.
Bloomberg has been nearly every YouTube ad I’ve seen in the last month. Today I heard my first Steyer ad on LA radio. I’m delighted. These guys are burning up their money at a fantastic rate. Keep going you egomaniac.
Okie dokie. Scanning on 3 reams’ worth of doodles, scribbles, and other assorted not-ephemera is complete. Scanned, filed, shredded. Now, on to the rest of my filing cabinets…
https://c2cjournal.ca/2019/11/the-laurentian-elite-canadas-ruling-class/
Thanks….
International postings and roles at British financial institutions describes quite a few of my peers.
This is true. Elites throughout history have been pretty parochial despite their claims to be cosmopolitan. I mean our modern elites think of life as living in the rich parts of a few big cities, going to the same schools, same vacation spots, eating at the same restaurants, reading the same books, blogs etc and having the same social, economic and political views.
See: mini mike doomberg.
“You dig a hole in the ground, put a seed in the hole, cover it with dirt, add water, and up comes the corn!”
Bloomberg eats pigweed on the cob. That is all that grows if you do that.
One correction. I think form my interactions that they read the same reviews not the same books. They don’t read books because if you read a book you might diverge from proper opinion, they read the proper magazines to learn what they should think of the books they were supposed to have read.
You may or may not remember this from The Proviso, but I referenced the movie Born Yesterday (1993 version) (also why I have to check myself when I start getting upset about remakes because I didn’t know it was a remake and then I went back and watched the original).
The “stupid” heroine reads (struggles through) Democracy in America because she felt stupid at a cocktail party. After she did that, Nora Dunn’s character is surprised and says, “Oh, nobody actually reads those. They just say that they have.”
How dare you dismiss your betters! They are the INTELLIGENTSIA!
Don’t you attacking elites is populist and therefore bad? Also tribalism is bad but thinking you are better than the peasants is not tribalism.
Good job on the Right Thinking there, comrade!
I have many betters. I have done little with my life, squandered talents undeveloped and am riddled with regret. I am humbled by the talent and skill I see displayed in every corner of life. People do things daily that flat out stagger me with the care, skill, and sheer love they display.
Virtually none of the self styled elites are my betters. I much rather chat with some guy with a High School diploma that thinks the canon is artillery but read Crime and Punishment, knows he didn’t understand all that is in the book, but knows he liked it and it touched a chord than some asshole who memorized the Spark Notes because it is on the ‘list’
That is well thought out Jar. I’ve had very close to the same thoughts and don’t like to admit them.
That’s one of the many reasons I love this wee corner of sanity so much. I learn so much from everyone here and I value that more than y’all probably realize.
No. Stop. Don’t do that.
http://archive.li/70cIJ/69c54d6ef75bb3d9ead6aec1a8a86b144a77bc54.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/7HtEn/5f5f81fb3da4d57f4bc4703db8e2cef0f12f13a0.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/lyNRK/f2cc6f47b4cd08095e3e2fdc95275b0c315c3e72.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/oGMTP/ba3975efad718f3e21222dcfb1fb54cf11eb8a34.jpg
NSFW.
You got anyone in the B range, maybe a tight C?
http://archive.li/w8NjU/5a91645ba4e3853bde48da54e6300006ec7672c2.jpg
NSFW.
I’m into plain-faced chicks with great bodies and cute chicks with a mess below the collar, so that kinda does it for me.
I’d date her.
A bad Open Mic Night is worse than a bad Karaoke night.
Just wanted to get that off my chest.
Both are unendurable if you are bartending
Thoughts & prayers
Oh God. Why’d you do that to yourself?
Mr. GT wanted to go. It was at a place where we used to play regularly a long time ago, and we just found out that one of the other regular musicians (contradiction in terms?) from that time passed away recently. You can’t go home again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAti8qIGRIg
Seems a shame you can’t find just anything online that you want to know. The internet is a bust.
I can find a thread from 2006 asking what I want to know.
I guess I could dig a centimeter deeper rather than give up when it’s slightly inconvenient. The internet’s back on, great success.
On further reflection I doubt the accuracy of this one, so I’m going on record as saying the internet is still a complete waste of time.
Isn’t IMDB enough??
He’s not listed, I don’t think. Apparently legless old dudes with obviously dubbed lines weren’t a big resource for filmmakers in the 60s. THE INTERNET IS A BUST.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frida_Kahlo
Bisexual pot-smoking Mexican Communist. So Close!
If she were into free markets and strap-ons she would be the pinical MLW.
Pinnacle*
Damn I’m high.
“Everyone we don’t like is a Russian”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/bernie-sanders-briefed-by-us-officials-that-russia-is-trying-to-help-his-presidential-campaign/2020/02/21/5ad396a6-54bd-11ea-929a-64efa7482a77_story.html?outputType=amp
I thought they were helping out Trump?
Russia is apparently a teenage shitposter.
They’re helping Bernie win the nomination so that Trump will win in the general election. Don’t you even Democrat conspiracy, bruh?
the Rushuns gotta be just laughing their asses off.
At this rate drugs should be falling out of Putin’s ass.
I thought if the FBI suspects Russians are trying to help your campaign, they entrap your staff and bug your phones.
Just crawled into bed early after binge watching some Archer.
Getting old! And still suffering a bit from my illness.
So you watched Archer and are now announcing that you’ll be in your bunk?
Danger Zone!
Is there new Archer?
Nope. Series finale was last fall.
I’m just behind. I’ll run out of the new stuff soon enough.
To celebrate my new employment I just bought my birthday present to myself, which was on sale because it’s coming from China during Wuhan Flu Boogaloo (obviously the work of white supremacists). Should arrive in time for my birthday in several months.
In celebration, here’s some Chinese for you
https://youtu.be/LVin6qMHY-0
I’ve probably told you this before, but it is one of my favorite gags; My senior quote was supposed to be ‘I love to eat Chinese, but I never touch the food’; for some reason they thought that was ‘sexual’ so I had to replace it, and that replacement was also found objectionable. So the quote in the year book was not at all what I had submitted.
When I was in HS, we thought up all different ways to pull one over and get something risqué or a double entendre in. I’m sure now the advisor and admins had seen it all before.
I’m still waiting for my Valentine’s Day gift from Mr. GT for the same reason. Maybe it’ll arrive in time for our anniversary in June.
This place needs some music
https://youtu.be/kl1LP81eSKY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzNgAEqPyMI
Amazing that he was still performing 60 years later
https://youtu.be/cwWjpVfEL8Y
Indeed. I like the redhead in this a whole bunch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvmafgJevSo
Good weekend glibs. Documentary time.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/London_School_of_Economics
Huh
And the Rt Hon Jim Hacker.
And now it’s a commie factory.
Just got home from seeing David Spade. He was hilarious. Laugh out loud funny for a solid hour.
Spade has done some funny stuff over the years. And he got robbed for the Oscar for Joe Dirt. That was a tour de force movie. I only somewhat recently saw it. It’s a top 100 of all time comedy.
I’ve never seen it. But you apparently love it so I’ll see if Netflix has it.
Hmmm yes. I too am sufficiently intrigued,
But Saturday is going to be dedicated to some home technology tuning and repair.
This guy really set me straight.
https://twitchy.com/sarahd-313035/2020/02/21/blue-checked-aussie-journos-simple-but-very-woke-request-of-all-men-may-very-well-be-the-tweetiest-tweet-in-all-of-twitterdom/
If he told that to you in person you could hear his penal colony accent make it worse.
Needs more Housos.