As soon as I walked in the boardroom at Glibertarians.com, I knew I was in deep kimchi. OMWC had a twisted grin and was waggling his eyebrows at me, Mex was trying hard to look nonchalant, HM just gave me a slight shrug. Brett was gone….probably “motivating” his MethGator™ distribution chain again. SP was kicking an old desktop computer and threatening its hard drive with reformatting, if it didn’t cooperate. Banjos made some excuse and hotfooted it out of the room, while Sloopy was already on PTO. Jesse was looking a bit uncomfortable – maybe Adorphan, Inc was getting battered on Wall Street?
“OK, now what?”
“You came up for Cryptid duty again.”
“What?! I always get that – why can’t someone else do it?”
“You need to catch up on site contributions…not meeting your quota.”
“…damn. OK, but I want those things OUT of the studio, as soon as we are done!”
“Sure, we can do that.”
Right. So lets get this going, the sooner I can flee. First up, we hear from our Maritime Mayhem Correspondent, SEA SMITH. SEA, what do you have for us this evening, besides leaving seaweed and salt water all over the studio?
SEA SMITH GLAD HE MAKE IT. ALMOST LATE. HAD WORK DO. TRY GET INGREDIENT FOR BARLEY WINE. BUT HE HERE AND HAVE LINK, AND ADVICE! HE GIVE GOOD ADVICE, AND FUN LINK!
- WHEN CORRUPTION GET PAKISTAN CRICKET, IT BAD! SEA SMITH WONDER IF LOSE BET ON FIXED MATCH? SEA SMITH LIKE BET ON CRICKET.
NOW GET GOODEST ADVICE!
Q: I refuse to accept plastic items at gatherings, and do without if there is not another option. Finger foods on a paper napkin work very well, as gatherings that use plastic tend to be casual. I take paper goods as my contribution, so others have a choice, also.
This is done without getting on a soapbox or offending the host. This planet is drowning in plastic, and each person can make a difference, starting with their personal choices. If one can refuse to eat meat, one should also be able to refuse, tactfully, plastic.
A: SEA SMITH LAUGH AT SILLY LAND HOOMAN EAT WITH FINGER OFF NAPKIN! SO BRAVE, BRAVE! SEA SMITH NOT REFUSE MEAT, PLASTIC, ANYTHING. HE EAT ALL. HE THINK HE WANT DISCUSS FURTHER WITH SILLY LAND HOOMAN. BY DISCUSS, MEAN RAPE.
COME ON IN, WATER IS FINE!
Um, thanks for all that, SEA. Now time to turn to our Senior Cascadia Correspondent, STEVE SMITH. STEVE, what do you have for our readers tonight?
STEVE SMITH GLAD BE HERE, AND HAVE RACCOON IN POCKET! HIM GIVE LINK FOR FUNNY GLIBERTARIANS, THEN ADVICE. GOOD ADVICE.
- WHY MEXICO LET AIRPLANE IN? STEVE SMITH NOT SURE THIS IRONY OR NOT. HIM PROMINENT FOREST LAWYER, NOT HUMOR EXPERT.
GOOD ADVICE. FROM STEVE SMITH. HERE. NOW.
Q: What has happened to the art of small talk? It is, or used to be, a style of conversation that exchanges small ideas and small questions, enabling people to know each other better. It should make a person more comfortable.
Starting with, “How do you know the host?” is a good idea. Asking “Do you work near here?” is less intrusive than “What do you do?” and lets the person tell as much as they want. If I have met the person before, I might ask, “Are you still working at ____?” In turn, the person would ask a question such as, “Are you still involved with your hobby?”
I was at a child’s birthday party where there were more adults than children. It was a small gathering, and I have known all the guests several years. I asked each person questions about their work, their family, hobbies, etc.
Everyone seemed comfortable giving me updates on their lives, but not one person asked me a single question. Not one person, not one question, though we did share stories related to the questions I asked. They all know I am involved with volunteering and what my hobbies are. They know me enough to ask me about my life. Except for two other adults, everyone there was a generation or two younger than me.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? Am I being selfish? Am I expecting too much of the younger generation?
A: STEVE SMITH KNOW WHAT MEAN. HIM TRY CHAT WITH HIKER, OR CAMPER…IT JUST “Aieee! Bigfoot, run!” “Argh, a monster!!!!” LIVELY ART CONVERSATION NO MORE THERE.
SUGGEST IF NO TALK BACK, ASK QUESTION, THEN HIT ON HEAD WITH BIG ROCK.
Free Cascadia indeed. Last up, our CLEANSING Correspondent, ZARDOZ. What is on your mind tonight, ZARDOZ?
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ FEELS A BIT LET DOWN. ZARDOZ HAS BEEN OBSERVING THE BRUTAL MASS MEDIA, AND EAGER TO OBSERVE THE DEAD BRUTALS, STACKED LIKE CORDWOOD. NEEDLESS TO SAY, ZARDOZ FOUND THE NUMBER OF THE CLEANSED TO BE TOO LOW FOR HIS TASTE. THIS HAS LEFT ZARDOZ TOO DESPONDENT FOR LINKS. HOWEVER, HE MUST GIVE ADVICE TO THE CHOSEN ONES.
Q: I received an invitation to a friend’s milestone birthday celebration, where the birthday part is incidental to its being a charitable event consisting of a mock version of a popular game show. Guests are expected to pay to attend the event. The celebration will consist of serving an appropriately themed cake at the end of the event.
I am on a budget, and have specific charities to which I donate. I find this invitation distasteful, as it appears to be a minor form of extortion. Of course, I will gracefully decline and wish the celebrant well. Would you consider this invitation acceptable and/or in good taste?
A: WORTHLESS BRUTAL! YOU SHOULD ATTEND, WIN THE GAME SHOW AND DEMAND YOUR PRIZE, IN CASH. WHEN REFUSED – STALK OUT IN A HUFF, NEVER TO SPEAK TO THE BIRTHDAY BRUTAL EVER AGAIN. MUST ZARDOZ DO ALL THE THINKING AROUND HERE? OH, AND LEAVE YOUR OWN “APPROPRIATELY THEMED” BIRTHDAY CAKE, IYKWZMAITYD. (ZARDOZ WOULD LEAVE ONE SHAPED LIKE A LIVE CLAYMORE MINE, AND ACTUALLY BE ONE THAT DETONATES WHEN THE CANDLES ARE BLOWN OUT).
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Um…yes, yes you have spoken, ZARDOZ. Thanks for that. The comments are over to you, Glibs. I am getting the heck out of here.