It’ll look like this until the fall now.

Pie (and a few other people, I guess) hardest hit. Liverpool shit the bed and got bounced from the UCL. OSU and a school in a neighboring state have cancelled their spring football games. Most college basketball is being played in empty arenas, which sucks because now crowd noise can’t even partially drown out Dick Vitale’s screeching. And your hockey winners last night were Chicago, Winnipeg, St Louis, Colorado and LA.

O-Tay!

Beat writer Jack Kerouac was born on this day, man. He shares it with playwright Edward Albee, Buckwheat actor William “Billie” Thomas, open-wheel racer Johny Rutherford, singer Al Jarreau, war criminal Ratko Mladić, mobster and rat Sammy “The Bull” Gravano, sometimes fat/sometimes skinny actress Liza Minelli, Senator-of-conscious (HA!) Mittens Romney, Florida novelist Carl Hiaasen, actor Courtney Vance, cocaine enthusiast and baseball player Darryl Strawberry, and journalisming expert Jake Tapper.

That list sucks as bad as the Wuhan virus. So let’s just move on to…the links!

Take a bath, you disgusting piece of shit.

I’m so sick of bad news, so I want to start this morning off for you with some good news.

And some more good news! I sure hope those pains stop soon.

I wonder how this will be called racist by the left. And as I was wondering this, I’m sure a media talking head or member of congress named Ilhan Omar was tweeting exactly that.  I mean, they’ve been doing so ever since last night.

And second level effects keep piling up. So those of you who were hoping to have one last session of buying low, I think you’ll get your wish and then some.

Letting the free market step in is out of the question, I suppose. Yeah, we can’t have that, can we?  Better to have the government deliver a substandard product and saddle the taxpayers with busted pension systems, I guess.

Illinois government fucking shit up, as usual. If this is a surprise, seek out a mental health care professional immediately.

Awwwwwww, poor baby. Grow up and be adults, you pampered fucks.

Don’t care.

I won’t be on pins and needles worrying about this. Now pardon Edward Snowden, for fuck’s sake. (Because there’s miles of differences between these to cases: one was a whistleblower, one was indiscriminately dumping classified info to no real purpose.)

This is pretty cool. Which is something we need after all the shitty news I am compelled to link to every day, it seems.

Here’s a great song. And so is this. But this is probably the best of the three. Anyway, you guys deserve all three after this set of links.

Now get out there and survive, friends.