STOCKHOLM – Thunberg spoke about the possible deal at a press conference. “These past few weeks have been very hard for me and my family. Especially my sister, who was bitten by a moose. Mind you, moose bites can be very nasty”, said Thunberg. “It is a strange request, but I am willing to make a deal, especially if I can get a pony also”, she added. Biden was quick to react, saying that “if you’re paddling uphill and lose a wheel, how many pancakes can fit in a dog house? None! Because ice cream hasn’t got any bones.” Sources close to Biden have noted that he has been eating lots of meatballs and candy fish to prepare for the momentous day. Elsewhere in Scandinavia, Greenland’s parliament voted to change the country’s name to Shithole to discourage Trump from buying it. According to a statement from the country’s ministry of foreign affairs, “Greenland is not for sale at any price. We are a proud people and will accept nothing less than being rented on a competitive month-to-month basis. There will be additional charges for pets, smokers, and military bases.” Trump downplayed the affair, saying that he “was just looking for places to re-locate the CDC.” In response, Biden published a video in which he stated that “in this time of national Christmas, we must not allow white supreme pizzas like Trump to trample the Pringles of Toblerone that I and President The Rock Omaha fought so hard for, and if elected, I’ll get us out of Velveetanam”. Biden then stood up, put his hand over his heart, dropped his pants and sang “Old Gray Mare, She Ain’t What She Used To Be”.