PORTLAND – “It was a tough decision, but it had to be made,” said Comrade Rainbow Manatee, an Antifa group leader. “Everybody’s wearing masks now, so the intimidation and anonymity factor is gone. We decided it was best to go for something more visible and frightening. And then it hit us: what’s scarier than a ghost? Let’s all dress up in white robes and hoods. We can carry torches and nail threatening letters to the doors of our enemies. That went well, but there were other difficulties. Although in places like Portland we can count on the police and the local government to look the other way, in other places, we need to be more careful. So we developed some secret handshakes and code words, and set up a network of safe houses. Of course, it can all seem kind of silly, but we must do what’s necessary to keep outside Republican agitators are their local allies from making trouble.” At a secret late night rally, dozens of Antifa gathered to perform their newest ritual- the lighting of a giant wooden t to represent their desire to burn Trump and everything he stands for. Comrade Manatee remains optimistic about Antifa’s new look. “It’s all been going really great. The only problem is we’ve been having trouble recruiting and keeping people of color. I’m really excited for the DNC convention this summer, so we can force the party to return to its roots. We’ll have a huge rally and then everyone will see what we stand for.”