SEA SMITH ADVICE BE NO SHIPWRECK!

SEA SMITH HAPPY AS CLAM. TRUST SEA SMITH – CLAMS HAPPY. THEM ALWAYS LAUGHING. SOMETIME KEEP SEA SMITH AWAKE TOO LATE. THEN HIM HAVE CLAM BAKE. SEA SMITH GET LAST LAUGH!

BUT YOU HERE FOR GOODEST ADVICE. SO SEA SMITH GIVE IT! NOW.

Q: While I was at work, a co-worker berated me loudly over an incident in our parking lot.

The lot is overcrowded, and it is quite difficult to find a spot. I had found an available space, and pulled into the (empty) oncoming lane to get a better angle into it. Then my co-worker’s car came around the corner heading in my direction. I quickly abandoned the space, and pulled back into my lane.

At the time, I didn’t think much of it, as it was not really a close call. However, in front of my co-workers, he came up and told me I nearly hit him, and kept repeating this over and over. Of course, everyone else came over to gawk at the situation. I apologized repeatedly and explained that I was just trying to park. I didn’t even mention that he was driving quite fast for a parking lot.

This situation was extremely embarrassing for me, as I am a very sensitive individual and tend to agonize over every mistake I make. I am so embarrassed that I don’t even want to go back into the office. Fortunately, he will be out of the office for the next few days, and we don’t sit near each other, but how do I handle this the next time I see him? Should I apologize again?

A: NO APOLOGIZE! THAT NO HELP. YOU YELL BACK “STOP DRIVE SO FAST, DUMMY!” MAYBE THROW HOT COFFEE ON CO-WORKER. IT LIKE PRISON, YOU NEED ESTABLISH REP AS CRAZY AND BAD AS SHARK! IF THAT NO HELP, SEA SMITH HAVE IDEA…YOU COME WORK IN NEW CAR, LET CO-WORKER PARK…THEN RUN OVER!

HOW YOU LIKE PARKING LOT NOW?

 

Q: My mother-in-law is the WORST! She has no respect for me. She has stolen, lied and gossiped about me numerous times. Each time, I chose to forgive and move on.

Recently, my husband made clear that he wants to cut ties with his mother and siblings because they constantly belittle his success and ask to borrow money. My problem is, I can’t agree to it. I despise his mother, but I was raised to believe families should never sever ties. I believe every family has its ups and downs.

My husband and I constantly argue because I continue to communicate with his mother and extend invitations to her. Abby, I just want to do the right thing, but I can’t seem to figure out what the right thing to do is.

A: WHAT? YOU CRAZY. MIL IS THIEF, AND SAY BAD THINGS. YOU HELP HUSBAND AND TELL HIM FAMILY – GO AWAY LEECHES! MAKE RUDE GESTURE AT THEM. THEN SNEAK INTO HOUSE AND PUT URCHINS IN SINKS,BATHTUBS, TOILETS. WHEN THEM TRY GET THEM OUT, SPINEY THINGS STICK THEM. HAHAHAHA!

OW!

Q: How and when should I come clean about my immigration status to my future in-laws? When I met my significant other, I told them I was undocumented early on, because I saw a future together but couldn’t do a lot of things (like international travel) due to my legal status. My partner was very understanding and supportive, and we’ve now been together for five years. I’ve never told their family, in part for fear of discrimination against myself, but also because my family is undocumented too. I’ve been able to dodge questions but on one occasion was painted into a corner: We were all at a restaurant together, and the discussion turned to immigration. One relative started asking me if I “had [my] papers.” I panicked and said I did before changing the subject.

Now we want to get married, and I’m terrified about breaking the news to my partner’s family. I’m honestly scared they’ll think I’m taking advantage of my partner for a visa when I dearly love them. Should we tell them before the marriage? My partner wants to keep them in the dark forever since they’re worried about my anxiety, but I’m worried that it’ll only backfire on us when they eventually find out.

A: YOU LUCKY SEA SMITH NO SNITCH – OTHERWISE HIM TURN YOU IN AND GET REWARD. SPEND ON FISH AND CHIPS. THROW AWAY CHIPS, GET MOAR FISH! INSTEAD, HIM SAY YOU NEED MOVE TO SEA-STEAD. NO PAPERS IN SEA…THEM GET WET, FALL APART! HA HA! SEA SMITH SUGGEST ABANDON OIL RIG IN NORTH SEA OR GULF MEXICO. YOU START PIRATE RADIO STATION OR OUTLAW INTERWEBZ THING. HAVE NEW, HAPPY LEGAL SEA-LIFE!

YOU NEW HOME!

COME ON IN, WATER IS FINE!