MINNEAPOLIS – The streets were mostly calm in this mostly not burned down city for the first time since the mostly peaceful protests began. However, some have complained of the large number of mostly stationary bricks that were thrown by the mostly peaceful protesters through mostly not broken windows of mostly not looted stores. Meanwhile, the mayor, the chief of police, and the local head of Black Lives Matter were mostly in agreement that Trump is mostly to blame. Fortunately the owners and employees of the mostly not looted and/or burned stores are mostly not destitute. However, a Minneapolis police union spokesman said that the mostly peaceful protesters were out of line because the Minneapolis police mostly do not kill people. Furthermore, the spokesman added, Minneapolis police mostly do not commit crimes of any kind. In fact, the local jails are mostly empty and crime mostly does not happen in the city. The city’s paramedics, doctors, and nurses were able to keep the mostly uninjured protesters from losing most of their blood. Nonetheless, the mostly in control mayor has ordered a curfew since the mostly peaceful protests come mostly at night, mostly. Trump has warned that he may send the National Guard to restore order, adding that they will mostly not be shooting looters. Other critics have complained of the dangers of armed store owners shooting rioters, however several store owners argued that they mostly did not shoot people and that as a result, there stores were mostly not looted. And in other news, most drunk drivers get home safe, most planes do not crash, most soldiers survive combat, most people do not go to jail, most marriages do not end in divorce, most people who smoke do not get lung cancer, most people will reach the age of 70, most Americans are richer than most of the people in the world, most species go extinct, most crimes go unpunished, most of the art in museums are forgeries, and most American college students do not know what country the Vietnam War took place in.