It’s that time of year when we ask ourselves, “Why the fuck did we move here?” We’re sheltering in place this weekend, not because of some virus deal, but because the overnight low temperatures are higher than any reasonable location’s high temperature. I’m melting.

Know what else is melting? The candles on birthday cakes, and those birthdays include a guy who thought Shakespeare was problematic; the Father of Modern Policing; a guy who definitely had style; a guy whose hairstyle inspired Sloopy; a guy who didn’t think Shakespeare was problematic; the star of my favorite John Waters film; a boxer renowned for his sparkling wit and good looks; and a guy who wishes you all the best returns of the day.

News might be crazy-ass, but it’s news.


I am totally shocked at how this story played out. Shocked.


I am totally shocked to find that Chicago police are just one more corrupt and violent gang.


Lawsuit coming in 3…. 2…. 1…


I was wondering if it was but it wasn’t. Damn, we could use the publicity.


But of course there’s no reason that selection bias could possibly account for the high positive COVID test rate here. Nossirree.


So maybe it WAS a (((plot))).


Old Guy Music is one of those country songs that makes me think, “If more country music was like this, I’d listen to more country music.”