STEVE SMITH BACK INTO ROTATION ON FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN WEBSITE! ALL DONE BEING HOBO. HIM MISS CAVE…AND, BE HONEST, HIKER AND CAMPER RAPE CLEANER THAN HOBO RAPE. IYKWSSMAITYD. THEM HAVE BETTER SNACKS TOO.
SO STEVE SMITH GIVE ADVICE FOR FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLES. GOODEST ADVICE CAN FIND! NOW.
START WITH OLD, NOT FUNNY, NOT GLIBERTARIAN HOOMAN.
Q: My boyfriend of two years, “Kevin,” recently broke up with me. We’ve had problems in the past about me lying to him or withholding information. I didn’t lie because I’m an awful person. I lied because he had high expectations of me, and I didn’t want to be a disappointment. He is truly the first person I have loved unconditionally since the breakup with my child’s father five years ago.
I really want my boyfriend back! Kevin and I had talked about a life together, buying a house, taking trips, even getting married, the whole nine yards. But I’m worried this new woman will get the life with the man I love that I had been longing for for so long. What advice, if any, can you offer me?
THAT NOT FOR YOU. IT FOR OLD BOYFRIEND. HIM GOT GOOD THING GOING, AND HIM ABLE HAVE TWO BALL IN AIR AT ONCE. HAHAHAHA! STEVE SMITH MAKE GOOD JOKE!
BUT STEVE SMITH GET SERIOUS NOW… NO, HIM CAN’T. HAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU SILLY. HIM HAVE NEW LIVE IN GIRLFRIEND, AND HAVE YOU ON SIDE. WAKE UP. SMELL COFFEE. SET FIRE HIM APARTMENT AND RUN AWAY. BLAME RIOTERS. YOU WELCOME.
NEXT, VERY SILLY HOOMAN FROM SLATE.
Q: When I was 20, my older sister and her wife approached me about being a sperm donor for them. My family was all for it. Looking back, they all put a lot of pressure on me to say yes. I love my niece, and she understands the circumstances of her birth, but I’ve had a few uncomfortable moments where she looks and acts so much like me that I instinctively think, “Oh wow, she’s my kid.” I don’t regret my decision, but I wouldn’t do it again. I’m now seriously dating a woman I see a future with. My sister and her wife have separated twice (it’s been a tumultuous marriage). They recently reconciled and decided they want a second kid—and for me to donate sperm again. I said no, and my sister got really upset. She said I was “destroying” her chance at a second child because she wants a biological link between the kids. She even tried blaming my girlfriend (they don’t really get along because their personalities clash), but I told my sister to back off, that it was sick to think anyone “owed” her sperm, and that babies don’t fix broken marriages.
That offended my sister-in-law (who, frankly, my parents prefer to all of their own kids). Now my parents are picking apart my refusal: Am I planning to get married and have kids with my girlfriend soon? You said yes before, why not now? Don’t you think they are good moms? Why don’t you want to give us another grandchild? Even my other sister is puzzled about my refusal. I pointed out she could donate an egg to help them out and she said it wasn’t the same. I am beating my head against a brick wall here. I don’t get why my “No” isn’t enough, especially since my family is supposedly very liberal and supports reproductive freedom. This is putting a lot of stress on my relationship because my family has decided to scapegoat my girlfriend rather than deal with my older sister’s entitlement.
A: STEVE SMITH AGOG. HIM AGHAST. HIM FIND FAMILY WEIRDER THAN HIMS, AT LAST!
STEVE SMITH HELP. HIM BE PART OF TWO PRONG STRATEGY. FIRST, YOU GET SILLY FAMILY TOGETHER, THEN STEVE SMITH HIT ON HEAD WITH BIG ROCK.
SECOND, WHEN THEM WAKE UP, SAY DONATION MADE, STOP BOTHER YOU! HOW DONATION MADE?