COME BACK, STEVE SMITH NOT GIVE ADVICE YET!

STEVE SMITH GLAD HIM HAVE ADVICE TALK TONIGHT. NO MANY CAMPER AND HIKER – FIRES AND RIOTS ALL OVER. NOT LOOK LIKE QUOTA GET DONE THIS MONTH TOO. BUT STEVE SMITH NO BE SAD, HIM HAVE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE HERE TO GIVE SMART WORDS TO!

HERE BEST ADVICE AROUND!

Q: My fiance and I have begun planning our wedding for next year. We have both been married before, so family doesn’t think we should have a “big” celebration. Mom actually told me that it can’t be as special as my first one.

While lying in bed the other night, we were discussing how to address people’s opinions because we don’t want our wedding day to be full of people complaining about being there, choices we made regarding our celebration and thinking they need to give us a gift. We would like to include a “disclaimer” saying something like, “If you’re not truly happy for us, stay home!” I realize that etiquette would not allow us to do it. Do you have any suggestions for our situation?

A: STEVE SMITH HAVE ANSWER. COME HAVE WEDDING AT STEVE SMITH FOREST CHAPEL!

WE GOING TO CHAPEL, AND WE GOING TO GET …

 

STEVE SMITH GIVE BRIDE AWAY, NO NEED HATEY PARENTS. AS EXTRA SERVICE, HIM CAN UPBRAID ANY CRITIC. BY UPBRAID, MEAN RAPE. MAKE YOU WEDDING AS BIG YOU WANT, PLENTY ROOM IN FOREST!

 

Q: My father is an elderly man now, and his health, while quite good for his age, is nonetheless not what it once was. In this knowledge, my younger brother is agitating for information about Dad’s will (I have been named executor).

Our father is not a wealthy man, but he does have an amazing lifetime’s worth of goods, and there will probably be a modest estate.

I have no information about the contents of the will, and have not asked. (I figure if Dad wants me to know, he’ll tell me, since he’s been very matter-of-fact about the funeral he has planned and other arrangements he’s made.) Nor will I use the set of spare keys given to me to go snooping, as my brother suggested; I found the very idea outrageous.

My brother has also suggested that I start getting valuations on some items and asking directly about Dad’s will so that he can do “forward financial planning,” which I think is code for “figure out how much I’ll have when the old man pops his clogs.” He says he wants me to do this because I see Dad more often, whereas he is “too busy.”

He says that since I have a reasonably well-paid career and no children, whereas he has a girlfriend, an ex-wife, two children and a mortgage, that he deserves the lion’s share of any bequest. He says he “needs it more,” and expects me to “do the right thing by family” and hand over a goodly portion of anything that might be left to me.

I am utterly horrified by this idea that my father’s modest worldly goods are our ”property in waiting” by some divine right, and I told my brother so (Miss Manners would probably not have approved of the language I used).

Brother claims that he is being level-headed and sensible about a difficult topic, and that disposition of a deceased relative’s estate is a matter of business and there is no room for my soppy sentiment.

My own view is that this man has already spent a small fortune on raising us to adulthood, and that we should have no expectation of any post-mortem windfall. I feel that Dad should A) spend it all on himself before he dies; B) leave everything to the worthy medical charity in which he has been very active for the last two decades; or C) basically do whatever he wants, seeing as it’s his money.

I cannot believe that my brother’s self-proclaimed “hard-headed and practical business sense” is anything beyond the most ungrateful greed.

A: THAT NOT RIGHT! STEVE SMITH SHARE IN NO LIKE EVIL BROTHER. STEVE SMITH THINK ONLY ONE SOLUTION THIS. HIT ON HEAD WITH BIG ROCK.

“HOPE YOU WILL UPDATED, BAD BROTHER!”

NOW HIM ESTATE PAY MORTGAGE, GIRLFRIEND AND EX-WIFE! HA HA HA! STEVE SMITH LIKE IRONY.

 

Q: I have several friends who, in most ways, have good manners and consider themselves polite and refined. We all use cloth napkins, of course, when we dine at each others’ houses.

I was chagrined, however, to see that if they happen to sneeze during a meal at my house, they use the nicely starched and ironed napkins as a handkerchief, blowing their noses in them!

I am revolted by this, but feel uncomfortable asking them to refrain from doing so; nor am I inclined to place a box of tissues in the dining room in easy reach of the guests. What would you suggest?

A: THAT AWFUL. YOU FRIENDS PRIMITIVE. NOT HAVE GOOD MANNERS, LIKE STEVE SMITH. YOU NEED HAVE SEVERAL BUNNY NEAR TABLE. THEM BETTER THAN NAPKIN OR TISSUE!

BUNNY NICE AND SOFT!

…THEM ALSO GOOD IF RUN OUT TOILET PAPER.

FREE CASCADIA!