“‘Clown!’” Donald said. “He called me a ‘clown!’” Donald kicked off his huge floppy shoes and dropped his red nose and rainbow wig in the trash.

“‘National disgrace,’” the hair read off the laptop he was sitting on. “‘A new low for all of American history.’”

“You said he would crack!’ Donald said accusingly to the hat.

“He did!” the hat said. “He mumbled and stumbled and bumbled almost every answer. We all knew the media was going to cover for him.”

“And Wallace, that prune-faced fuck,” Donald fumed. “I should sell Fox News to the fucking Chinese.”

“I think they already own it,” the hair said. The hat coughed loudly and shook his bill to get the hair to shut up.

“I miss Sarah,” Donald said and sighed.



“You did good Grandpadaddy,” Finnegan said, wiping his mouth.

“I gave that malarky a man, man,” Joe said

“Yes, you socked him right in the kisser,” his granddaughter said.

“Why-why-why are my hands shaking,” he asked.

“It’s just a stutter, Joe,” she said. “We put out a lid for today. All you have to do is sleep.”

“I don’t want to go back to the basement,” Joe said. “I don’t like it down there.”

“The doctors are in the basement,” she said, reaching out to stroke the runnels in his face.

“I don’t like the doctors. They keep taking my blood.” Joe showed her the deep bruises along the inside of his arm.

“They replace it. New blood. Fresh.”

“Are they pretty?” he asked. “Do I get blood from the prettiest ones?”

“Yes, and they all have just the cleanest hair,” she said, placing his trembling hand on her breast.

Joe looked down at his applesauce and sighed.



“Did you see all that muttering?!?” Kamala screamed, knocking the glasses of the technician’s face.

“We did what we could,” the little ginger said, cowering, his testicles drawn painfully into his stomach.

“I wanted him forceful and bright!” she said in her adenoidal whine. “I’m trying to get elected President, you dumbfuck!”

“Trump is a racist! He admitted it!” Seresto said. The social media influencer followed Kamala everywhere now. She had one of them beaten when she had tried to “snap a ‘gram!” of Harris straining to take a shit.

She stared at the three of them, of the bruises on Astra’s face barely hidden with concealer.

“Proud Boys,” Kamala sneered.

“Nofap Reddit fags!” Kayleighburrow said brightly. “Hashtagging it!”

Kamala hit the technician again and sighed.



Mike Pence stared at his favorite Thomas Kinkade painting and sighed.