BERKELEY – “No one’s ever tried anything like this” said She-Ro Hardware proprietor Joanna Gambolputty. Among the unique products are the store’s signature bisexual, transgender nuts and bolts. “You see, all the bolts are threaded with a matching nut. It takes a lot of time and makes them more expensive and less convenient, but it’s worth it to make a statement about how everyone should be their authentic self and others should make the effort to accommodate them” added Gambolputty.

“When the user feels the bolt is ready to transition, the nut is removed and both parts are free to express their true gender” explained Gambolputty as she and her only employee worked feverishly to thread nuts onto bolts. Reaction from fellow feminists has been mixed. “The factories should make them Joanna’s way right off the assembly line” said Eileen Dover, who is at home recovering from injuries sustained from falling off a cliff. “Once again we see the dastardly patriarchy at work, undermining and exploiting women at every turn” as she tried to shoo away a cat determined to sit on her face.

Men’s rights activists have also criticized the move. “Once you take the red pill, you see the evil true nature of female hypergamy. I can’t tell you right now how it applies to this specific situation, but trust me, it’s there. It’s always there” said Mighty Sons of Odin president Haywood Jablome. “Can you believe my wife divorced me just because I gave her a limit on the number of words she could speak to me per day? Classic female irrationality” added Jablome. “Oh sure, I know chicks are all touchy-feely and with them it’s yak, yak, yak 24/7. But it’s a man’s world, they know it, and they’d be a lot happier if they would just submit” said Jablome as he thawed hotdogs in his sink.

Gambolputty, Dover, and Jablome all agreed that gender differences are too great for marriage to work.