So you all know about the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn that reaches its maximum tomorrow.  But what does that mean for you?  Well, as you of course remember, anything special in the skies is generally a sign of things being bad.  For those of you that just joined us, that’s because anything abnormal is a violation of heavenly perfection (the ontology of astrology) and also becasue when going through the records to find actual examples of what happened when such-and-such was in the skies generally they discovered Bad Things (the empiricism of astrology).  However, conjunctions are not considered abnormal events since they’re a predictable part of planetary progression.  They can be extremely good signs.  Let’s see what we have here:

Jupiter – ruler of the gods, bringer of lighting, joviality, male fertility, symbolically represented by Thursday, tin, and the color blue.

Saturn – Father time/Chronos, ruler of the titans, father of Jupiter, the Grim Reaper, endings, harvest, slowness, Saturday, lead and indigo. Notably, while all the other planets have some aspect relating to creation or beginnings, Saturn is the only one dealing with endings.

A lot of this is going to be review if you’re a Capricorn since the two of these have been ruling your sign for months now (but this is the week where you shovel all your shit into Aquarius’ yard, see below).

Like I said before conjunctions can be very good signs, but this one isn’t.  Bad things happen whenever Saturn and Jupiter come together, most notably Saturn trying to eat his son (but swallowing a rock instead — he didn’t notice becasue Rhea was a terrible cook) and then later later puking his guts out after some Jupiter fed Saturn some Greek ipecac making him vomit up all the first generation gods (except Venus).  I wonder what they talked about while they were in Saturn’s stomach.  Admittedly they were newborns when consumed so maybe they didn’t age?  Obviously they didn’t pass through so there was some sort of temporal stasis going on.  More on the creation of the universe and fecal matter here.  Anyway Saturn + Jupiter = bad.  Saturn and Jupiter aligned on opposite sides of the skies = good, since that hearkens to the Saturnian golden age and also represents completion/perfection, much like The World in the tarot deck.  The most literal reading of this is the death of a monarch, so Lizzie should be careful getting out of the royal bath.  But… just becasue it’s a bad omen for a particular stellar-important individual doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad for all of us.

The other thing that makes this conjunction important is that it is happening at the same time that both (of course) planets are crossing over into Aquarius.  Yep.  That Aquarius.

And hippie-dippie aside, that really is a good thing.  Aquarius isn’t the water bringer in general, but of fresh water in particular.  Which is one of the ur-dichotomies dating back to, well, Ur.  And this gets back to the whole issue of specific events v. general influences going on in the stars, whic is something I’ve tried to get around (rather successfully, I might add) by casting the cards into the observatory.

So.

For one specific person or a small group of people (probably NOT including anyone reading this), something really awful is going to happen (precipitated by events on the 17th, see last week’s IFLA).

For everyone who was NOT born under the sign of Aquarius, this horrible event is going to actually make life quite a bit better.

For everyone who was born under the sign of Aquarius, while you will get the above benefit, you will also unfortunately have to deal with a surge of strife, wrath, and general toxicity of a rather acute variety for a few weeks, with lingering effects for months.  Sorry about that.  Don’t blame me, I voted for Semi-Bright Border Collie.  Oh, but also don’t schedule anything for May 22 unless you’re ok with it going catastrophically wrong.

Sagittarius finally gets some unmixed blessings as Mercury and Venus join the sun in light up the sign.  There is excellent fishing happening in the first part of the week.  And Mars continues being a dick to goats for another couple of weeks.

Sagittarius:  Queen of Swords reversed – Malice, bigotry, artifice, prudery, bale, deceit.

Capricorn:  7 of Coins – money, business, barter, returns on investment, harvest

Aquarius:  9 of Coins –  Prudence, safety, success, accomplishment, certitude, discernment.

Pisces:  The Lovers – Attraction, love, beauty, trials overcome.

Aries:  Judgement reversed – Weakness, pusillanimity, simplicity, deliberation, decision, sentence.

Taurus:  9 of Cups – Concord, contentment, physical bien-être; victory, success, advantage, satisfaction

Gemini:  Page of Wands reversed – Anecdotes, announcements, evil news, indecision, instability

Cancer:  8 of Coins reversed – Voided ambition, vanity, cupidity, exaction, usury, cunning, intrigue.

Leo:  4 of Cups – Weariness, disgust, aversion, imaginary vexations

Virgo:  5 of Swords – Crush you enemies, see them driven before you.  Nothing about their women is implied.

Libra:  Ace of Cups – House of the false heart, mutation, instability, revolution.

Scorpio:  King of Coins – Valor, realizing intelligence, business and intellectual aptitude