WASHINGTON DC – “It’s unbelievable, like a nightmare you can’t wake up from,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “I mean sure, since I was first elected in 1987, Congress has been directly involved in overthrowing the governments of Panama, Haiti, Serbia, Iraq, Libya, and Egypt, but this is just beyond the pale. I mean, are you serious? Sometimes we have to overthrow the government to find out what’s in it.”

From across the aisle, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said that, “it’s one thing when we spend decades and billions of dollars trying to forcibly alter the politics of Somalia, Afghanistan, Syria, Venezuela, and Cuba, but never in my wildest dreams did I expect it to boomerang like this. It’s almost as though the wind that was once at our backs has changed direction, so that it is blowing back on us, one might say.”

Meanwhile, Senior CIA Spokeswoman Joanna Gambolputty announced that, “we would like to reassure the American people and the military industrial complex that this outburst is a mere speed bump in the status quo,” and added, “remain calm; all is well!” as extremist Trump supporters unleashed thousands of marbles on Pennsylvania Avenue and a mysterious “Deathmobile” raced through the city’s streets.

Other reactions to the riot have come from media outlets and NGOs. CNN stated that it is reconsidering its decision to stop broadcasting in airports, but only until it finds some other captive audience. The Southern Poverty Law Center has now classified Republicans as a hate group and is urging relatives to report suspicious friends and relatives to the FBI.

For its part, the FBI has stated that while they appreciate any efforts to crush resistance to the deep state, their antiquated computer systems cannot handle the increased traffic. Other government agencies responded that they too are unable to handle the backlog because most of them are still working from home and their connections are not reliable.

International reactions have been mixed, with the French offering to send surplus guillotines and a tidal wave in Moscow of former KGB officers laughing themselves to death. When asked for a reaction, President Trump and his staff began humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic and left the press conference room.