Bzzzzzzzzzzzz
My phone buzzed off the nightstand.
”Hello”
”We’ve been trying to reach you. According to our records your car’s warranty is about to expire—”
“Bah. I’ll block it later.” I set the phone back in the nightstand and pretended sleeping was still an option.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzz
I rejected the call.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzz
Bzzzzzzzzzzzz
Bzzzzzzzzzzzz
“What!?”
”This Prathiba from Swiss Corps International Industries. Who you think you are hanging up on Mr. Swiss?”
”Excuse me? I was hanging up on YOU.”
”Exactly. You hang up on me, you hang up on Mr. Swiss.” Swiss’ receptionist was beginning to lose her accent. She sounded like one of the supervisors at a call center that figured out they are paid more to not sound Indian. “You due for a meeting on Zoooom with STEVE SMITH.” Her accent came back for a second there.
”Your accent ZOOOOOOMed on back there.”
”Screw you.”
”Is this one of those screwball clauses Swiss throws in his employment contracts? He does that to find ways to get rid of receptionists. This one time he fired a Belgian woman because she missed the part where she was supposed to make him a pot of Flemish Stew. When she sued the judge had to admit it was part of the contract.”
”Maybe I find it.”
”Swiss said in court it wasn’t his fault she waffled on her duties.”
….
….
”Mr. Swiss say whatever STEVE SMITH tell you, tell him you go along with it and then stop whatever scheme he try to pull.”
“Whatever. Can you send me the link and time?”
”He say you probably ask that, and say ha ha ha, tell me about it. This call over.”
——-
“Can everyone hear me?” Sugarfree asked on the Zoom call. “Are you there?”
”I can hear you.” I said.
”Hello?” Sugarfree asked.
”Right here.” I said again.
”Use computer audio, it says.”
HELLO. IT STEVE SMITH.
”Do you wish to configure your computer audio?” Sugarfree asked.
”Sugarfree, we can all hear you. Can we do this please?” I asked.
HI BROWN MAN
”Oh there you are Mex. STEVE you have the floor.”
STEVE SMITH FIND SEPARATIST MOVEMENT IN SEATTLE. SEATTLE PART OF CASCADIA ANCESTRAL HOMELAND.
”The free Cascadia movement?” Sugarfree asked.
THAT NO CATCH ON. FREE CASCADIA TOO RADICAL IDEA FOR AVERAGE VOTER. STEVE SMITH TAKE OVER EXISTING MOVEMENT. BY TAKE OVER, MEAN RAPE.
“Are you talking about the autonomous zone?” Sugarfree asked.
IT FREE CASCADIA NOW
“You really think they’ll get behind that?” I asked.
Sugarfree snickered.
STEVE SMITH PROMINENT FOREST LAWYER. POWERFUL PERSUASION THING LAWYERS DO.
The Zoom call was interrupted by the sound of the classic bluegrass ringtone on Sugarfree’s phone.
”One second guys.” He put the phone on speaker. Of course he’s the phone on speaker guy.
“We’ve been trying to reach you. According to our records your car’s warranty is about to expire—”
AHAHAHAHA THEY GET YOU GOOD.
”God, I hate those people.” Sugarfree said. “STEVE, you can’t just take over an existing political movement and turn it into your own.” Sugarfree winked at the camera.
STEVE SMITH DOES WHAT HE WANTS. STEVE SMITH TAKE AUTONOMOUS ZONE MOVEMENT, MAKE IT FREE CASCADIA.
”I think STEVE is right,” I began. “We can’t just have zones of total anarchy within American cities.” That hurt a bit to say out loud. “This way they are at least working towards something that makes more sense.” I winked back at Sugarfree.
RAPE MAKE SENSE. STAY AWAY FROM STEVE SMITH. FREE CASCADIA.
STEVE SMITH left the Zoom chat.
”I kind of don’t want to stop him.” Sugarfree said.
”Oddly enough…neither do I.”
“He’s going to sodomize several unsuspecting soyboys.”
”He’d have done that anyways.” I replied.
”It’s certain to sour the scenario, turning south the sensibilities and sensitivities to his separatist state.” Sugarfree said.
”Why are you alliterating?”
”Am I doing that again? Oh dear.” Sugarfree pulled out a mason jar full of gummy candies. “Well…” he said in between bites of gummy candies, “at least its a free trip to Seattle”.
”Free?”
”Yes. Swiss Corps reimburses travel costs and pays a very competitive per diem for all STEVE SMITH related activities.” Sugarfree explained, clearly puzzled at my question.
“They pay you for this shit?”
At that point my cell phone rang.
”One second…hello?”
“We’ve been trying to reach you. According to our records your car’s warranty is about to expire—”
“Ghah!”
——-
“Why is it we always meet like this?” I asked.
”I rather enjoy these. Its like a music festival, except the music sucks, everyone pretends to not notice, and I don’t want to copulate with anyone.” Sugarfree replied.
“Welcome to the Seattle People’s Autonomous Zone.” Some lady with blueish, greenish hair began shouting over a bullhorn.
“The SPAZ?” Sugarfree asked. I just shook my head in amusement.
“We stand here with disadvantaged people of all types, including but not limited to persons of colour, LGBTQ, women, minorities….”
STEVE SMITH?
”….yes and even STEVE SMITH. We stand with our comrades in arms in the FREE CASCADIA MOVEMENT. Without a FREE CASCADIA we will never liberate ourselves from the yoke of corporations like this…” She pointed at the building behind her. “Who pay substandard wages to non-union workers, to RAPE our forests and wetlands.”
”I support shouting random buzzwords!” Sugarfree shouted.
”What are you doing? STEVE will know we’re here.” I said.
”Free buzzwords!” A soyboy shouted.
”Buzzwords are our right!” A um…person, shouted back.
CASCADIA STANDS WITH BUZZWORDS. BY STANDS MEAN RAPE.
“Wait…what?” The bluish, greenish haired woman with the bullhord asked.
”Oh no, the Fuzz just arrived.” Sugarfree said.
UM….STEVE SMITH RAPE CORPORATE CAPITALISTS IN NAME OF CASCADIA…
He stopped when we all heard the classic bluegrass ringtone.
ONE SECOND….WHAT….STEVE SMITH NOT EVEN HAVE CAR
The he picked up the woman with bluish, greenish hair, and threw her into the crowd.
“The cops aren’t going to like that.” I said.
“You can’t stand in the way of our right to buzzwords!”
”You even realize what this company does to the environment?!” A soyboy next to me asked.
”Do you even know what they sell?” I asked him.
”Extended auto warranties.”
At this point, STEVE SMITH picked up a garbage can and threw it at the building.
”They must be destroyed.” Sugarfree said ominously.
“But the cops will start shooting the crowd.” I replied.
”You have a gun, shoot at them.”
”That’s suicide, and besides I flew here and left it at home since the state of Washington doesn’t recognize my non-existent Arizona concealed carry permit.”
”Oh sure….NOW you give a shit about laws. I have an idea.”
Sugarfree shimmied up a traffic light, stood upon the arm, and removed his clothes.
…then the cops watched in awe as he urinated into his own mouth.
Success!
Upon my return home, I received a small gift from STEVE SMITH. It was a delightful libation. A craft brewed imperial stout aged in Buffalo Trace Rye Barrels. Say what you want about STEVE SMITH, at least he reads the articles. Empirical Brewing NeoTronic Imperial Stout: 4.8/5
….along with a personalized note I found troubling.
…then the cops watched in awe as he urinated into his own mouth.
I was not expecting that touch.
Upon my return home, I received a small gift from STEVE SMITH. It was a delightful libation. A craft brewed imperial stout aged in Buffalo Trace Rye Barrels. Say what you want about STEVE SMITH, at least he reads the articles. Empirical Brewing NeoTronic Imperial Stout: 4.8/5
That sounds like a good beer.
Oh, and the Flemish Beef Stew looks good too.
The beer is phenomenal. STEVE SMITH is the man!
And you didn’t bring it over here?
They don’t send us their best, for sure.
Weirdest beer review ever.
*remembers there is a 5Lb bag of gummi bears horded in the basement pantry*
Basement pantry?
Shitlord spotted.
Hey now, I drive a sensible car (used Honda). It that allowed?
No.
You’re responding as if “shitlord” is a BAD thing. 🙂
Well I want to trade it in on a Tesla, but if I do that, XX will never leave home.
Maybe, I’ll get a used old car AKA Corvette instead. That seems shitlordian enough.
old guy car
Anyone else get non-stop calls about their google business listing too?
At work, yes.
Apparently, there is suspicious activity on my iCloud account.
I’m about to be arrested because of suspicious activity from my bank account, unless I talk to an officer from law enforcement unit of Federal Reserve System.
Yes. Annoying when I’m in the office because I can see the caller ID. I no longer answer calls which displace a city/state caller ID. Rage inducing when I’m out in the shop and stop working to walk over to a phone.
And? Did you ever take care of your extended auto warranty? Quite the cliffhanger!
No…I’m driving it until the wheels fall off.
Relevant
Hell yeah!
Yes, but hair metal is always relevant.
Wait…they *are* singing about cars, right?
Booze are good.
Is STEVE SMITH aware that Sugarfree has such a nice ass?
Probably
https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2021/03/20/979489573/overseas-spectators-will-be-banned-from-tokyo-olympics-due-to-covid-19-risks
No irony there… nope. None.
The Japanese are racist!
Uh huh. ?
“Are you talking about the autonomous zone?” Sugarfree asked
Sugarfree would rather talk about the erogenous zone.
I’d really prefer that SF avoid talking about the erogenous zone. At least not before lunch.
I accidentally responded to a strange text back in October. It asked me if I was Voting for Biden or Trump. I stupidly texted back that I would vote for Trump twice if I could. Now, I get texts almost every day saying, ” Hi, this is Ted Cruz. We need your support with XXXX, please donate now!” I imagine if I’d have said Biden, I’d be getting texts from Pelosi and AOC. OOPS!
I gotta say, that was dumb.
Assume anyone not on your call list is some grifter wanting money and do not answer/respond. What is ironic is that we have the most ability to connect to other people in history and because we have learned that most people are a waste of skin our actual connections have shrunk.
I think it’s hilarious when people call me and start asking me for information. Hey asshole, you called me! I don’t know you.
Exactly. It should set off blaring red flashing sirens. But today, it seems not many people get it. I had an actual real well known financial institution call me a couple of weeks ago and when they told me who they are, I said ‘OK, why are you calling me’?
The person said ‘We want to talk to you about your account’.
So I said ‘What account?’. Then they immediately started asking me for information. I said ‘Whoa, you called me, I don’t know who you are and you can’t tell me what this account is you’re asking me about it? Are you nuts or what? When you figure out why you’re calling me about, you can call me back. Bye bye’.
At least you got a company name. Sir, you’re past due. Me: What company are you with? Uhh.
At least you got a human.
I only ever get recordings.
Well, that’s on another level altogether. I did finally find out who they were and that they were actually who they said they were. And also confirmed that I don’t have an account with them and they had contacted the wrong person, lol. You would think they’d actually do some research to find out that who they are contacting is actually the right person.
But this is by far not the worst example that I’ve experienced. I actually had a law firm call me once and just blurt out a bunch of information about their client on my voice mail, problem being they were calling the wrong number.
Since I work nights, daytime here at the Palatial 2X-Wide can be kinda boring. I actually look forward to some local, yet spoofed number on the caller ID. Car insurance or warranty, health insurance, lower my internet or utility bills….I always PRESS 1 to talk to some call-center dude from Chennai.
Fun fact- if you engage with those fuckers from the sub-continent, the words “madarchod” and/or “benchod” will send them into a spittle-spraying hindu rage.
So what are you calling them?
sure, Ill just go ahead an enact the labor on your behalf:
“madarchod” = literally someone that is having secks with his mother. Not our more slang-y, dilute “motherfucker”
“benchod (or bhenchod) = “sister fucker”
I sense a conjugation in common. Paging Derpy…
I accepted one by accident thinking it was my alarm. Good thing it was a recording.
Re pic 2: https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2020/jul/23/genius-chisel-buttocks-best-bottoms-in-art-chosen-by-our-critic-coronavirus
When I get text messages along those lines, I reply with “Fuck Off Slaver” then block the number.
Oh, and thanks Sharpie. I am gonna have to try that Flemish stew.
Also known as Carbonnade Flamande; there are enough recipes out there (and enough variations) to be quite intriguing.
I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before: the best carbonnade I’ve ever had was in Bruges at a place called Gruuthuse Hof (sometimes also spelled as Gruuthusehof), which was sublime. I’d had several others in Antwerp and Bruges, but none held a candle to the one at the Gruuthuse. I begged, pleaded with, attempted to bribe and, to my shame, offered to perform various debased acts for, the chef if he’d just give me the recipe. Alas, no luck. And I’ve not been able to replicate it. ?
“I begged, pleaded with, attempted to bribe and, to my shame, offered to perform various debased acts for, the chef if he’d just give me the recipe.”
I have been there more than once at more than one restaurant. In each case I could tell from the chef’s repressed smile that that is the greatest compliment a chef can receive.
The one in Antwerp that stood out (they’re all good, but some are knock-your-socks-off) was served over fresh leaves of witloof (we call it “Belgian endive”), which I hadn’t seen before and really added a nice contrast to the stew and the fries, but they gotta bring it to you immediately after they’ve dished it, or the endive wilts and then you lose some of that nice mouth contrast.
I could eat good Belgian stews all day long.
Never had it, talk to Swiss.
Good stuff, though I’d have put a bit more distance between someone urinating into his own mouth and the reference to beer.
‘Some U.S. troops view Capitol riots, racial protests equally, worrying Pentagon leaders
‘WASHINGTON — During military training sessions to address extremism in the ranks, some service members have challenged why the Pentagon is not treating the violence during racial injustice protests last summer as equal to the deadly riot at the U.S. Capitol….
““We cannot confuse a First Amendment grievance because of social injustice organization and some of the criminals that latched on to go ahead and loot, destroy and commit other crimes. There’s two clear, distinct groups right there,” Colón-López said, referring to the difference between peaceful Black Lives Matter protesters and looters who disrupted some of those events.’
https://www.dailypress.com/military/vp-nw-troops-capitol-riots-protests-20210319-goft3ubojzhgxnquniz4efthfi-story.html
Yeah? Now pull the other one.
How dare they think for themselves
I get to listen to that shit on Monday. I am probably going to keep my mouth shut, but I haven’t decided for sure.
I gave the navy one to my unit last weekend (along with CO/XO). It’s pretty simple – and doesn’t dig into the January stuff at all thankfully. I do think they emphasize some types of extremism over others, but I will also admit that the other stuff is already covered in the mandatory NCIS counter-intel awareness and reporting training every year (which I gave in Nov) and I hate redundancy.
Also…we were all officers so it went really fast.
I listened in as the gave that one where I work. The presenters tried to stay neutral in a clearly slanted presentation. The General was not at all happy when one of the Colonels asked if he understood the presentation correctly. Xe then said that according to the definition presented in the briefing; Catholics, some other Christian sects, most Jews and Muslims would be considered extremists since their religious beliefs do not accept gay marriage. The General muttered along something but was not amused by the question.
After the last week or two it is clear the leadership of the Military is highly politicized.
I definitely got that feeling the first time I read that – and my issue from my years of counter-jihad is that any member of the “official” university Muslim Student Association is technically associated with CAIR/Muslim Brotherhood – which is a distinct organization in favor of destroying the US as much as CPUSA, etc. But that one seems to get glossed over an awful lot.
I think the Navy one was a lot more basic/generic than the army slide pics I’ve seen that referenced Pepe memes and other super contemporary stuff.
I will admit that UCMJ Art 88 caught me a little offguard…maybe because this is the first time I’ve seen it referenced in any official training…. All the moreso now because I think it may be a product of it’s time. Obeying the constitution has nothing to do with contempt for officials IMO – esp for ones who don’t represent me (other states, etc).
Either way…anonymous is good.
Mine is for the whole office and is scheduled to start at 10:30 and last for the rest of the day — I’m not sure about lunch. And we must use Teams unless we have a special exemption and we must use the camera. I’ve had trouble with Teams in the past – especially if a large number of people are on it and I hate using the camera.
We had to use it on teams last weekend since it wasn’t a drill weekend. Of course, no point using a camera because I was sharing the presentation from my desktop. CO went on camera once or twice but then we just discussed stuff normally.
Because of the corruption in the media, my wife thought 5 people were killed by the rioters at the capitol. I set her straight today. Doing an internet search still yields mostly false narratives.
TMITE
I have been on a cooking spree lately for the wife. Tonight: bacon wrapped boneless skinless thighs with the bone being replaced with half of a jalapeño pepper filled with cream cheese. Side – Asparagus with a mornay (gruyere, nutmeg and cinnamon). Desert – Fresh strawberries with whipped creme.
Just typing that made my mouth water.
Tonight is lamb burgers on the grill, sides TBD. Sadly, I have not greek yogurt, otherwise I’d be making tzatziki for the burgers. Maybe I’ll try a quick red onion pickle.
Wife has been getting ground lamb from Imperfect regularly, and they make awesome burgers.
Imperfect has clearly cut some sort of deal with the producer, Capra. We’ve also made a lamb stew which was just phenomenal. And their we always keep their lamb tamales in the freezer – they’ve become our fall-back “I don’t really want to cook tonight” meal.
Link?
As a lazy bum – I’ve actually been getting a lot of mileage the last few weeks from some of the seasoned, prepackaged porkchops – Food Lion brand. They’ve got a couple varieties of thickness – all I have to do is put it on the pan for a few minutes then flip – just checking temp. And it’s done. Sooooo tasty for something like $5 for 5 medium size or (IIRC) $7 for 2 very large/thick ones.
Now that you mention it I found chops on sale today and plan on making pineapple pork chops later this week. It is hard to beat a good pork chop. I think I paid $4.40 for four medium thick chops, so a buck-ten each. That reminds me, I need to buy soy sauce.
Eh, no real link, I’ll just sort of wing it. Something like this. Dijonnaise is surprisingly excellent with them.
The wife, who is one of (((them))), didn’t eat pork growing up – she’s relented with bacon (because, c’mon, it’s bacon) but is still drawing the line at pork chops. I really want to sous vide some big, bone-in pork chops. At this point I’ll have to wait until she’s back to traveling for work.
Yum. Lamb is definitely one of my favorites but unfortunately I have to limit my intake as it gives me indigestion (the fat?). That is a shame about the tzatziki. So what you are having is a gyro on a hamburger bun. Sounds delicious.
I love lamb too. And yes, the fat seems to be quite filling. I fill up on the lamb whenever I go to one of those Brazilian steakhouses for the all you chow meals. Their lamb always seems better than mine. One time I took a big bite of lamb chop fat and it was so rich, I ruined my appetite.
Not quite a gyro – that’d be shaved lamb vs. ground – but close enough.
(and it’ll be in lettuce wraps, but still)
Has anyone tried “Simple Greek” yet? Marcus Limonis is taking a shot at franchising Greek fast food.
I’ve not – closest location looks to be New Jersey.
The latest dish I’m screwing up my courage to make (I’ve eaten it in some good Thai restaurants, but most everything’s still either closed or restricted here) is Thai Stuffed Chicken Wings, which is here:
https://hot-thai-kitchen.com/stuffed-chicken-wings/
And the chef, Pailin, is really easy on the eyes!
Hmmmm. The main recipe video isn’t showing up on the above link, so here it is on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eg8AVyaViiw
The folks behind the PA Lockdown site have updated the business list and added churches to the list.
Government at work – NYC bus edition
Two buses blocking an intersection. Neither driver wants to back up so that there is enough room for the other bus to pass.
Well….wound up mothballing my first AR lower build. I’ll have to take it apart and fiddle with it to figure out why I’m having trigger issues.
Instead…I bought a complete lower off classicfirearms.com – the difference being that this one was polymer – including the trigger, etc. I guess you get what you pay for – it was in stock. The shop I did the FFL at said they’d seen one guy buy a few of them and use them for 410 – and that it did wind up causing some damage to the buffer spring. But this is just a stopgap because I really want to shoot some 7.62 in the next week or so. Got my Bushnell TRS-25 installed and everything (will need to zero). Tried to put a Daniel Defense (Brownell sale) foregrip on the quad rail, but doesn’t want to fit at all.
Being all polymer…I’ve already noticed that the buttstock doesn’t seem to want to stay in position, but that may change after it gets a few shocks – or it might just stay full retracted. We’ll see.
That said…wanted to give a shout out to bulletproofmadison.com again. The owner is a guy I worked with in Charlottesville for a while. (Didn’t even think about checking if they had complete lowers in stock earlier). Didn’t feel like paying their ammo prices today, but they definitely had all calibers in stock. I did pick up 5 mags and a sling.
You know it’s a good store when they prohibit people from wearing masks and entering. Also a number of Fuck Biden/Northam stickers around the place. But in a place like Madison (across from the Sherriff’s office no less) it’s not generally a concern.
trigger issues
You do a drop in unit, or is this a mil-spec trigger?
Not sure what the issues on my build are. I had some mess painting the 80% lower, so it might be related to that. The kit parts came with my 7.62 upper. I got one good trigger pull, but after resetting it, I can’t get it to pull again. Will probably take it all the way down (aside from the mag release – which works fine – clean everything and try again. But I’ve got some breathing room if this polymer lower works for the short term.
I see. Geiselle for example, sells the trigger as a single unit, so there’s less of a chance something was assembled incorrectly. Drop it in, set the pins and screw down the anchors. The nice part is its a much better trigger than mil-spec kits.
Good news everyone! Yesterday my company sent out some comprehensive Windows and other programs update and I, being a good employee, updated my computer. When I went back to i.,t almost nothing worked. I called the help desk and they were flooded with calls. It seems that if you have a newfangled laptop it would update fine. Those of us with older laptops were Steve Smithed. After a 30 minute wait and almost 90 minutes of them taking control of my machine the “most essential” functions were working and I will get an email for when next week they will get the rest of my issues. Until then no Skype, Teams, internal company chat, or any video heavy websites.
There is only one king and he is Ned Lud!
I can’t say work has ever issued me a newfangled workstation or laptop.
My current workstation predates 2012.
Fortunately, it’s never been fully borked by updates.
It’s vintage!
Well, it does whine from time to time.
BTW did anyone link to this one yesterday? Does guest star Remy.
I didn’t see it, but LOL, that’s fucking great.
Wait… TOS, those commie morons? I now doubt the validity of what I just saw with my own two eyes.
I’m a bit perplexed too. Is their TDS healing?
They’ve also done Libertarian Star Trek, Libertarian GoT, and Libertarian Star Wars. Don’t think the guys who make the vids write articles, but I could be wrong.
No, not really. ReasonTV is about the only decent use of the Koch money they get.
Good. No reason to Reason then.
LOl Waco Wonderland
This new admin is like the return of a Janet Reno nightmare. Just different murderous fugly butchdykes.
As much as I oppose and disagree with the Janet Renos of this world politically and ideologically, I can’t abide that sort of talk.
Rest in peace, disagreeable woman.
Great Find Fish! that was awesome,
I started laughing out loud at “Rick Steves’ Seasteading”
Happy early Spring, Yusef got a Sunburn! Too much fun, way too much money
/FREEDOM!!!!!
Worthless fucking Republicans…
Aye, but you repeat yourself, good sir.
Col. Anderson didn’t need to contact Lincoln in order to fire back at those Separatists firing on Ft. Sumter did he?
“attack our troops and we’ll stand down”
Because we are too feckless to convene and authorize the action. Pussies.
Late to the party I am. Thoroughly enjoyed this, Mex.