For my earlier overview of this wonderful holiday and the beginning of my mockery, see my post here.

Pesach (Passover for you filthy uncircumcised types) is fast approaching, and that means much preparation in the (((Jew))) household. Modern American Judaism is inextricably intertwined with Team Blue and Progressivism. There’s a lot of history and psychology attached to that, but those of (((us))) who aren’t addled get very clearly that antisemitism in America has largely transmuted to a left wing phenomenon. In (((our))) history, we have repeatedly made the mistake of thinking, “If we go along with our neighbors, ostentatiously show that the whole Jew thing is incidental and that we’re no different than they are, they’ll leave us alone.”

No, they won’t. For every one of these:

there was a thousand of these:

Things are no different here. Despite (((our))) mindless loyalty to Team Blue, we have not had a Corbyn-style reckoning here. American Jews have doubled down in their desperate fealty, and it has resulted in exactly zero positive results. The term “self-hating Jew” is thrown around a lot, and of course it’s bullshit- people tagged with that sobriquet never seem to hate themselves, just other Jews who aren’t ready to ostentatiously confess their Whiteness and renounce their status as Oppressors of Brown People. Tikkun Olam has transmuted to, “It’s all our fault, if we grovel enough and send money, will you forgive us?”

Much of this is reflected in modern American approaches to the Seder and the Haggadah prayers. Let’s look at a few of them, remembering that this is supposed to be a RELIGIOUS service, conducted under traditions with multi-thousand year continuity.

Here’s an example. Besides the continuing instructions to “lean to the left,” I note with amusement that the quotes to be read include such famous Jews as Martin Luther King, Reverend Reinhold Niebuhr, John Lennon… But at least we don’t sanctify the American government by including it as part of the prayers. Oh wait…

According to the State Department, somewhere around 17,000 foreign nationals are trafficked into the United States, from at least 35 countries, and enslaved each year. Some victims are smuggled into the United States across the Mexican and Canadian borders; others arrive at our major airports daily, carrying either real or forged papers…

Some sources, including the federal government, estimated in the hundreds of thousands the number of United States citizens – primarily children – at risk of being caught in slavery each year, yet it is largely a crime that goes unpunished. In 2007, the Department of Justice’s Civil Rights Division obtained only 103 convictions for human trafficking, with an average sentence of 9 years…

Seriously, is this the Haggadah or PBS?

Every one of us, every day, touches, wears, and eats products tainted with slavery… Some of them (such as shrimp) might surprise you.

NARRATOR: Shrimp isn’t Kosher.

One student asked the rebbetzin for her opinion about the place of lesbians in Judaism. The rebbetzin suggested that lesbianism was a small transgression, like eating bread during Passover. Something one shouldn’t do, but for which there were few consequences. Some time later, when the Berkeley students were planning their Seder, they chose to place a crust of bread on their Seder plate in solidarity with lesbians who were trying to find a place in Jewish life. Others picked up this story, but struggled with the transgressive symbolism of bread on a seder plate. Professor Susannah Heschel was responsible for substituting a tangerine as a symbol for gay and lesbian solidarity. She then went on to share the story, and as it spread, it changed. The symbol became an orange, not a tangerine, and the focus on Jewish lesbians shifted to a focus on the place of women leaders and rabbis in Judaism. And this is the version that first began to appear in mainstream haggadot. Today, let our orange be a symbol of inclusivity to all genders and sexualities.

NARRATOR: The Torah suggests something quite the opposite, but why worry about that?

 

Here’s a real gem. “Hey, we’re ready for our tattoos now.”

In the wake of the violence, turmoil, colonialist control, and ongoing Occupation, we want to acknowledge the distinction between “mitzrayim” – the narrow place – where the story we tell at Passover takes place and Egypt, the modern-day nation state. We are not conflating contemporary Egyptians with the pharaoh and taskmasters that appear in the Passover story. In the U.S., and worldwide, anti-Arab racism and Islamophobia saturate our media and our culture, and we must be vigilant to oppose it and interrupt it at every turn.

That’s on the first page. A little further, we read

…we eat this olive in sorrow, mindful that olive trees, the source of livelihood for Palestinian farmers, are regularly chopped down, burned and uprooted by Israeli settlers and the Israeli authorities. As we look on, Israel pursues systematic policies that increasingly deny Palestinians access to olive orchards that have belonged to them for generations. As we eat now, we ask one another: How will we, as Jews, bear witness to the unjust actions committed in our name? Will these olives inspire us to be bearers of peace and hope for Palestinians – and for all who are oppressed?

I wonder how this is squared with the whole LGBT thing and what the Palestinian Authority and Hamas do to them?

May this symbolic act inspire us to dismantle the oppressive systems that shatter lives and fracture communities. This Passover, let us commit to sacred struggle, to bring down the Pharaohs of our day, to find true liberation, to enter the Promised Land that is promised to all…This is why we proudly support the Palestinian civil society call for Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) as part of our work for freedom, justice and equality for all people. We join with communities of conscience around the world in supporting Palestinians, who call for BDS until the Israeli government ends its occupation and colonization of all Arab lands occupied in June 1967 and dismantles the Wall; recognizes the fundamental rights of the Arab Palestinian citizens of Israel to full equality; and respects, protects and promotes the rights of Palestinian refugees to return to their homes and properties as stipulated in UN Resolution 194. We believe that the time-honored, non-violent tools proposed by the BDS call provide powerful opportunities to make that vision real. By supporting the Palestinian call, we follow in the footsteps of those who supported similar calls to support struggles in the Jim Crow South and apartheid South Africa.

“Excuse me, Sir, which oven should I use?”

We now end our Seder meal once again with the proclamation “Next Year in Jerusalem!” And so we ask: what will we do to ensure that Jerusalem lives up to its name as a city of peace? How will we respond as the Jewish state increasingly implements policies that claim this holy city in the name of one people only?

Imagine, those (((people))) want to live and pray in their holy city, while allowing mosques and churches. Why can’t they turn it over to the Arabs, who excluded Jews from the city when they were occupying it and will not allow any non-Muslim prayers or Jews on the Temple Mount? Jews are clearly the equivalent of South African apartheid and Jim Crow.

 

Of course, we have to have a Resistance Haggadah. With mentions of Trump, the notorious antisemite. Here’s their version of the ceremony of the Ten Plagues:

The Four Sons doesn’t escape a makeover. And of course, it’s gender-neutral:

         The Four Children of Racism

The Wise Child: Who is considered wise?
In 2006 6.7% of US public school children were Gifted and Talented. However the percentage of white
public school children was more than double the percentage of Black public school children, which
was the lowest of any race/ethnicity. Studies show that white teachers are less likely to view black
students as high achieving and college bound and more likely to expect them to drop out of school.

The Wicked Child: Who is considered wicked?
Studies show that teachers of all races are more likely to punish black children than their white
counterparts. In fact Black children are more likely to be viewed as angry, violent and even older by
white study participants. This has very real and deadly consequences ranging from the creation of a
school to prison pipeline, the physical abuse of children by school safety officers and the murder of
Black children like Tamir Rice.

The Simple Child: Who is considered simple?
Black and Latino youth, particularly boys, are disproportionately classified as students with
disabilities. They are especially likely to be classified with “stigmatized” learning disabilities such as
emotional disturbance, mental retardation or intellectual disabilities and some other categories while
they are underrepresented in categories like autism, speech and language.

The Child Who Does Not Yet Know How to Ask: Whose voices do we listen to?
Are there children who don’t know how to speak? Or are we not listening to the words they’re using?
The language of our Black and Brown children is often devalued. “Speak English” is the common
rejoinder to students trying to express themselves in African American Vernacular English, Spanish
or other (neo)indigenous languages.
But as Teachers College professor Jamila Lyiscott asks, “Who controls articulation?”

 

I’ll leave you with a recipe for Matzo Brei aka (((French))) Toast. I’m sure this is somehow oppressive and racist, but it’s a great breakfast.

4 pieces of matzo

warm water

1/2 tsp salt or to taste

a few grinds of black pepper

1/4 tsp garlic powder

2 eggs

1 tbs butter

Soak the matzos in warm water for 30 seconds. Drain. Beat the eggs, salt, pepper, and garlic together. Pour over the matzo, then mix together. Heat a frying pan to medium-low. Add the butter, swirl around, then add the matzo/egg mixture. Cover, then fry until the bottom is light golden. Flip, then fry for another minute or two. Now it’s time to clog your digestive system.