“I miss my dogs,” Joe said, slumped down in his office chair. He held back a cough and a little more pee dribbled into his diaper.
“They had to go, Joe,” Kamala said, drinking in his sadness like a Citrus Fresca. “Major bit a Secret Service agent.”
“He didn’t mean to!” Joe said.
“Intent doesn’t matter,” Kamala said, “I’m an important lawyer. I know things.”
“It was just a nip!’ Joe said. The color was rising in his face, his heart monitor beeping erratically.
“Joe,” Kamala said gently. “The agent died. That’s not a ‘nip.’”
“He died?” Joe asked, tears in his rheumy eyes.
“Yes. And the family said you aren’t welcome at his funeral.”
“My, my wife’s a doctor! I have to go to the funeral!”
“There might be riots,” Kamala said. “You have to stay here to be safe.”
“But the COVID Relief and State Security bill!’ Joe said. “I have to be on the floor of the Senate to vote for it!”
“The CRABASS will just have to pass without you,” Kamala said, laughing behind her giant man hand.
“Where’s Finnegan? I need Finnegan!” Joe said, struggling to stand and falling back into his office chair.
“She is in Delaware, with the dogs,” Kamala said.
“No! She doesn’t deserve to have to go to Delaware! No one does!” Joe wailed.
“She bit her Secret Service agent as well. No one in your family ever learned tooth manners.”
“That can’t be true. Dr. Finnegan-wife would never bite anyone!”
“She bit him during sex, Joe,” she said.
“This is a nightmare, a nightmare,” Joe sobbed.
“Yes, they were having the biting kind of sex,” Kamala said and crossed the room to frottage the horrifying John F. Kennedy bust.
She didn’t bother to stop when Finnegan came in the Oval Office, officious in her sexless blob of a sweater and clogs.
“Why are you crying, Grandpa?” she asked as she set down his injections and pills and creams and sprays and drops for the day.
“Finnegan killed someone, Jill. Killed him with her sex teeth!” Joe blubbered.
“Women don’t have teeth down there, Grandpa. I’ve told you that before.”
Kamala groaned and laughed.
Oh god, I laughed, Im Dooooomed!
Good stuff SF
Wow…I…I don’t know what to say after reading that.
#metoo
Doooom!
Trouble speaking after you’ve “culminated”?
He held back a cough and a little more pee dribbled into his diaper.
*snort* I’m going to be assuming that is happening whenever I see Biden on the TV now.
When he gets to the point where he’s just babbling nonsensically, it’s a sure sign a turd is sliding out involuntarily.
That JFK pic looks like an entry in the AD&D Monster Manual, under “Bronze Golem”.
“You hear a metallic clank and a slow moan of ‘wannafud’ from behind the door.”
You should see the statue of Fred Rogers along the North Shore in Pittsburgh.
Or Lucille Ball in Jamestown.
I thought that got destroyed.
You utilize your +3 Carcano of Destruction to ward off the attack, but a herd of golems arise from the tunnels!
Sexless blob of sweater and clogs. How does someone think of stuff like this?
You really don’t want to know how SugarFree comes up with this stuff. I mean, at least I don’t.
SugarFree has blackmail on the demon to whom Biden sold the souls of his first wife and son.
Google really wants me to #StopAsianHate but I wasn’t aware that I hated Asians to begin with.
They thought you were the new editor-in-chief of Teen Vogue.
The hate read ratio for that magazine has got to be off the charts. There can’t be a single non-facetious (never mind actually teenaged) reader.
Huh, apparently facetious has a more positive meaning than I thought.
Yup. It’s sardony with the opposite intent of sarcasm.
Google et al. are probably causing more “Asian hate” with this lie than would have existed before.
TMITE
It is very easy for me to separate the evil Chinese Communist regime from Chinese (and certainly other Asian) people. But the people who spread CCP propaganda sure do seem to have a hard time making the same distinction.
There’s nobody progressive hate more than Chinese dissenters, Taiwanese (birm), Hong Kong separatists, and the Uighurs, except maybe Asian applicants to American prestige schools or Asians who complain about being mistreated by blacks.
But other than that they love their slanteyed friends.
Well, the universities really should stop discriminating against Asians when it comes to admissions and scholarships.
High performing Asian-American students: Don’t need ’em, overrepresented
PRC trojan horse “Confucius Institutes”: Come right on in!
That’s what happens when you block trackers.
That ad was meant for Straff or Mejicano.
You weren’t aware because your privilege prevents you from being so.
So shut your trap and JUST STOP IT
My favorite is denying being a racist is de facto proof of racism.
I first need to understand why Asians hate.
How do I stop Asians from hating?
“Women don’t have teeth down there, Grandpa. I’ve told you that before.”
Julian May, and certain afro-carib traditions would beg to differ.
Relevant.
Also relevant.
I remember a short story I read somewhere about a family of hillbillys with poisonous fangs who kidnap and rob people.
a Doctor is trapped by the family and the youngest daughter falls for him.
Twist ending? He’s a periodontist.
Tuck Everlasting?
LOL…
Made me look it up.
Hillbettys by Graham Watkins
It was in the Hot Blood series.
Huh, I was just thinking, earlier today, “I should reread The Saga of Pliocene Exile”.
But I don’t remember dentata.
You just had to include a picture of the statue, didn’t you?
Giant man hand.
Grasping, clutching, clawing man hand.
Line of the week was extremely difficult this time, but I’m going with
Sex teeth?
Between Sloopy’s Morning Lynx pic and your subtitle, my nuts retracted up into my lungs.
It is going to take some happy music, like Tangerine Dreams Leviathan, to get me back to my normal cherub-like demeanor.
https://youtu.be/gkJWQzsQ5v4
The “Kalama” typo actually adds something. Like Joe is unsure in his mind what her name is.
And PROOF that SF is racist.
Someone better at rhyming than me should re-do the Disney song “Hakuna Patata” as Vagina Dentata.
/points up at Animal’s link in a reply to comment 7.
“Gary, Indiana” fits the meter better.
I learned a new word today:
frot·tage /frôˈtäZH/
noun
1. the technique or process of taking a rubbing from an uneven surface to form the basis of a work of art.
2. the practice of touching or rubbing against the clothed body of another person in a crowd as a means of obtaining sexual gratification.
Thanks. SugarFree!
Uh, clothing is optional at best. Definitely a NSFW search term.
Sadly, I already knew what the word meant. However, SF wielded it keenly like a Wilkinson razor in that context.
Wait, Finnegan was in Delaware and in the office? I’m confused and my pee is dribbling. Thing.
Kamala might not always tell the truth to Ol’ Sniffy.
I just realized, one of Biden’s granddaughters, Maisy, is named after my brother’s dog. But, my brother’s dog is useful for hunting turkey. I doubt Joe Biden’s granddaughter is.
He named his boys Hunter and Beau. That is part of a pack of hunting dogs.
“On Hunter, on Rascal, on Scooby and Beau!
On Major, on Psaki, on Champy and Moe!”
Is your brother’s dog also non-binary?
That is not my brother’s dog.
“does your dog bite” is one of the best pieces of Seller’s comedy every
-y
Maisy isn’t non-binary. She’s just plain.
Does she drive a Subaru and wear comfortable shoes?
I used to think I was a cowboy but I just found out I’m a lesbian.
Where’s Hunter?
The answer to that is always the same: burying a stripper.
If buying a stripper was all that politicians and their cronies and family and friends were doing, I’d actually get a little bit of respect for them.
Read again, my hatted friend.
Tomato, potato.
In China, getting the marching orders from Xi on what Chiney Jo is supposed to be pretending to do.
I think Hunter’s a liability at this point. Besides, Xi wouldn’t deign to interact with him, and doesn’t need his hookers and blow connections anyway.
Frottage sounds like a horse’s gait.
Also, that bust-
They should hinge the top of JFK’s head and use it as an ashtray/trashcan.
They should hinge the top of JFK’s head and use it as an ashtray/trashcan
Oswald did try…
Nice.
huh…..I always thought that was a picture of Bob Dylan
Bob Dylan was clearly the third Doctor.
*falls out of chair*
Relevant
Kalama groaned and laughed.
Me too.
Is that statue of JFK from before or after he was shot?
After. The artist misunderstood the commission and had to make the entire bust look like it was messily opened up and re-closed after his error was explained to him and he had to meet a deadline.
After contracting leprosy but before being shot, apparently.
Poor physical likeness, but it does capture the man’s character.
Point of order! I believe ‘frottage’ is a noun, like ‘outercourse’. Not a verb.
So Kamala would ‘perform frottage on Kennedy’s misshapen but totally anatomically correct head’ as a more correct usage.
We’ll verb whatever the fuck we want to!
Using grammar correctly is white supremacy.
Fucking racists.
[launches full-frottagal attack]
Close your eyes! I can’t look at you when you do that!
Jesus… I’m eating here.
During a SugarFree post? Have you learned nothing?
Great goodness, I’ve never seen that JFK bust before. Nossir, I don’t like it.
I assume it is like The Portrait of Dorian Gray; JFK looks fabulous in his grave.
Dorian Gray didn’t have a portrait. :-p
What you just did there.
It was noticed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRaoHi_xcWk
Meanwhile, in Myanmar.
Getting on your knees and begging always works when faced with tyranny. Instead of you know, getting guns and shooting back, that’s just crazy.
“Video showed Sister Ann Rose Nu Tawng in a white robe and black habit kneeling on a street…”
I have the strangest boner right now.
I am conflicted as to whether I should be mildly disappointed or vastly relieved that there is no discussion of erect nipples in this post.
Joe’s nipples cannot get erect. After his fight with Corn Pop, they are just tattoos.
Corn Pop’s purple nurple was legendary.
Wasn’t thinking about Joe.
Vastly relieved of course, remember where you are, before one of these Tulpas starts taking selfies and posting here.
Kamala’s nipples were erect when I saw her, which is completely understandable.
So you really wanted to help her, right?
“Finnegan killed someone, Jill. Killed him with her sex teeth!” Joe blubbered.”
LOL, fucking L! SF, you’ve outdone yourself with this one, a masterpiece for sure.
Biden’s dog killed Brian Sicknick at the Capitol and they are trying to blame it on the protestors. Connect the dots, people!
I missed dbleagle post last night on turkey hunting. Apparently he missed my post on. how to hunt turkeys a few months back.
Two words:
Claymore. Mines.
I still feel bad for the poor dogs. I hope they end up with a good family.
I’m sure the family on the farm they are going to live on out in the country will take good care of them.
Plenty of room to run and all that?
I actually do wonder what really happened to them. Quietly returned to a rescue?
Nailed it.
from a Denver Post article-
“With the first lady traveling for three days, Champ and Major went to Delaware to stay with family friends,” Michael LaRosa, spokesperson for Jill Biden, said Tuesday in an email.”
RIP, you two.
Citation- https://www.denverpost.com/2021/03/09/biden-dog-major-injures-security-agent/
The tongue-bathing the (Im assuming AP wire) is giving to Herr Doktor Jill is nearly as stomach-churning as any random SF story. If any of us (at least in Ohio) moved to a new crib, and my doge bit a cop ? Lights out, Yeller. And them Im sure lawsuits.
Hope they have good insurance.
They’re already dead, cmon.
Much brave
Austin, Texas, is keeping a mask mandate in place despite Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s recent order to lift the state’s requirements on mask wearing, along with other COVID-19 safety protocols.
Austin Chief Medical Officer Mark Escott announced Tuesday the state’s fourth-largest city will remain in Stage 4, the second-highest risk level. That stage advises individuals to avoid nonessential travel and recommends that businesses operate up to 25 to 50 percent capacity, in addition to the wearing of face coverings.
Escott announced the rules, which are required by a City Council ordinance that authorizes public health officials to implement a mask mandate, an Austin City Council spokesperson confirmed in an email to Newsweek. The rules will be in effect until April 15 and require all people over 10 years old to wear a face covering.
“In Austin, we’re committed to saving lives. Period. If state officials don’t want to do their jobs protecting people from the virus, then we will,” said Austin City Council member Greg Casar in an email statement to Newsweek.
Saving lives is easy when you pretend death is a social construct. One merely struts and preens and snaps one’s fingers.
Whereupon the Austin city government was promptly disbanded for insubordination, because Republicans are antidemocratic, unaccountable, get whatever they want, right?
So, a bunch of Austin government officials being dragged out of their offices by the Texas Rangers? The very idea gives me a boner like a hammer handle…
A case o’ the ol’ hickory dick?
or [REDACTED]
Gov. Abbott should order the blocking of all roads into Austin.
“Austin’s CMO has announced that it is a COVID hotbed, and that there should be no non-essential travel in or out of Austin. We’re just doing our part to help Austin with its declared policies.”
And just like that, “Austin City Limits” became a zombie thriller.
So that’s what a bust of JFK formed out of compressed dog shit patties looks like.
That’s actually the real reason Major was kicked out of the WH.
Your theory checks out.
“We’re not anywhere near close to herd immunity,” Escott said at a briefing with the Austin City Council and Travis County commissioners on March 2, the same day Abbott announced the pullback on restrictions. “And the danger that we face by releasing [or] reducing those restrictions—particularly the mask mandate, which really has been the most effective public policy decision the governor has ever made—surely has the potential to initiate a surge at the moment when we have the potential to drive the COVD-19 numbers into the ground.”
“Masks have saved billions of lives. Trust me on this.”
The herd is definitely not immune to fatuous blather.
This person needs a bag of dicks to eat, STAT!
We’re not anywhere near close to herd immunity
Since herd immunity includes variables that are completely obscured to us, such as asymptomatic infections and baseline immunity, there is absolutely no way to know this. All we know is that our official count of immune people, based on vaccinations and recovery from identified COVID infections, is low.
I’ve finally finished reading Bari Weiss’s article on elite private schools that rhywan posted last night. This country is done. A bloody civil war is the only hope. I should start checking property listings in Yalta.
I missed that. Can you toss us a link?
https://www.city-journal.org/the-miseducation-of-americas-elites
https://www.city-journal.org/the-miseducation-of-americas-elites
Thanks to you both.
Jesus, thatis scary ..
That article clearly mirrors many of my thoughts about my kids’ private school.
Just not sure how to approach it, like most of the parents from the article.
Spartan Armor Systems still has 15% off sale on full coated plates. Just saying.
https://www.spartanarmorsystems.com/on-sale/
What the Hell do you eat?
Good lord, that’s frightening.
Nah, no need for a civil war. Parallel institutions.
This. Despite the proggies’ best efforts, the market will find a way. …as will states that exercise federalism and tell fedgov to fuck off.
As the article indicates, the private schools follow the universities. And the universities are the epicenter of this cultural disaster.
Breaking the university system thru economic collapse is the only way out for the majority.
Until then, escape from it will be purely an individual effort.
A specific example of this in action from my son’s school, UNC School of the Arts:
The music school students (most of whom are there to study orchestra, piano, and in his case pipe organ) were told explicitly that if they did not enjoy hip-hop music that they were racist.
Little late to the game. People have been telling me that since at least 1992.
You sound racist
That’s just what a racist would say!
Did your son reply that listening to hip hop was an act of cultural appropriation and he doesn’t want to offend other racial groups?
I believe the answer would have been “Listen to it and like it, but do not imitate it or incorporate it in your work unless you’re black, that would be wrong.”
There’s no possible disproving of them because the rules are impossibly fluid.
?
I like it.
I think that helps me understand the anti-Asian bias at Harvard/Yale – they just won’t take up the indoctrination like the children of rich assholes.
Oh, some of them definitely will. But the ones who won’t, they’re as bad as us right wing extremist shitlords.
Smart.
Good catch or nice way to get out of that shitshow it will be.
If I were in the selection pool, you can bet your ass I’d say anything to avoid being on that fucking jury.
I got a family and a house and shit. Those jurors are going to be doxxed faster than my dog shits in winter.
?
Seriously.
I’d wear a Blue Lives Matter shirt or something.
Anything to signal that I’m definitely not what they want.
I’d ask about jury nullification.
That got me off of one jury when I was called. Of course the judge also scolded me for even talking about it.
She said something like “I will set the terms of the law and as a juror you can only find based on facts”. She even tried saying that the oath the jurors took precluded jury nullification and wouldn’t I abide by that.
My reply was that I wouldn’t take any oath that prevented me from following my conscious. That was when she kicked me out of the courtroom.
Soon Chauvin et al will be recruited to move to the Mexican border.
I remember some story about the OJ jury selection. One of the candidates said that he was a secret agent for the CIA, but if they called them they’d deny it. That got him off the trial.
*snort*
I’ll have to remember that one.
(Makes a note)
“She bit him during sex, Joe,” she said.
That’s all?
That’s all?
(Come on, it’s Corey Feldman in another vampire movie!)
Is vampirism the reason they all still have 1986 hair in 1996?
I figure it was reaching for the true Tales from the Crypt aesthetic.
targetsportsusa.com has wolf 155gf steel cased for $0.58/round.
SInce President Biden has seen fit, in his beneficence, to lift me out of poverty, and the State/City of NY does not want me to own a WWSD2020, I would perhaps like to splurge and get some new tires. I’ve never purchased new tires before, only used; are there any brands y’all like or any to stay away from?
I like Uniroyal Tiger Paws for your non-high performance tire. They are low cost, have decent traction in snow, and great grip in wet weather. High millage as well.
https://www.uniroyaltires.com/products/tiger-paw-touring-all-season
I used them to replace the Pirelli’s on my SUV. They were 1/2 the price and 1.5X the tread life.
Vehicle? Driving style? Budget?
At their price point, i like these – http://www.sumitomotire.com/Tires?linename=HTR%20A%2FS%20P02
I’m on my second set. I had them on my A3 and now on the GTI.
I railed a pothole bad enough to fuck up my wheel, but the tire survived.
https://www.amazon.com/photos/shared/95WwDDPTQN2RA8Fcd_S4kQ.0Sy8JNuHdRZb9BWQ1B7g8f
Middle of the pack, price wise. Stay there and you’ll be good.
I’ve generally had good luck with tire guys steering me in good directions.
I ask the tire guys what they have on their vehicles.
I just browse Mavis and Tirerack looking for what’s good at a modest price-point – preferably with a rebate available.
Goodstone CCP Sports
Michelong Norkyears
Netto FirmGrip 69
Bridgefire Goodhawk
Michael Thomson Lacing Sport
Yohohama Many Season
These and many other Chinese ripoffs are to be avoided, as a part-worns and remoulds *spits*
Uniregal Tiger Feet $10 a tire for gweilo automobile!
My general approach is to buy a decent name brand, new. I know you’ve heard this preaching before but, it’s the only part of your vehicle actually touching the road, so even if everything else is in good shape, it’s all for nothing unless you can trust the tires you have. There are a lot of used parts, aftermarket pattern parts, generic things that are perfectly okay to fit and use on your car, even low end pads and rotors from the auto parts stores will be good enough unless your drive like a bat outta heck, but you absolutely need to have decent tires. Uniroyal was a good shout as I believe they offer very low priced options that are still dependable.
What Would Satan Do?
I’d go with Michelin or Yokohama. Either way, you’re good to go in my opinion. I have Michelins on my SUV and Yokohama on my beater sedan.
My favourite brands are Michelin for three-season (ahem, “all-season”) tires and Nokian Hakkapeliittas for snowies, but if you live in an area where you get anything like “true” winter (ice on roads, temps below 45 F, snow etc.) and don’t want the hassle of swapping tires or rims every year, try to find the relatively new “all-weather” tires, which, unlike all-season tires, are supposed to do a credible job in winter as well as the other seasons.
All the big names make all-weather tires now, so you don’t really have to worry about the brand.
“crossed the room to frottage the horrifying John F. Kennedy bust”
Excellent, SF, caught my attention immediately. Sounds like a middle school gym class, in every aspect.
Um, thought-provoking as usual.
Including such thoughts as “I wonder what happened to SugarFree to make him like this?”.
When you become a literary genius, your mind changes and you to into places where few dare to tread. See: Clive Barker.
Fun game I just thought of…do a wordpress plugin that mixes up the avatars and names for everyone else, but shows you the avatar you expect to see for yourself. Then you get to guess which other poster you are by the way others respond to you.
Of course, there are posters who change their handles/avatars like women change used tampons….
OK I think you’re actually SugarFree.
Not bitchy enough.
Why would they change unused tampons?
Fuck off, Tulpa!
(or am I thinking of the Tulpa-izer plugin?)
Then you get to guess which other poster you are by the way others respond to you.
Its Tulpas all the way down.
#mouthagapeindumbfoundedawe