I arrived at the bar about 9pm. I was meeting a friend who was out with some folk I only knew casually. I wouldn’t call most of them friends. I arrived dead sober. I had just gotten off work and drove straight to the bar. I lived about 2 blocks away from said bar and usually walked, but not that night. After arriving, I saw my friend and the group he had out for the night. I headed over to their table and sat next to a guy I had met a couple times, but didn’t know well. As we got to talking, Somehow it came up that I’d never puked at a bar. I’d puked after the bar many times, but I’d always refrained while I was an active patron. I guess I just knew how to pace myself and hold my liquor.

This gentleman, Dave, decided he was going to make me puke in a bar that night. I was all for it, I mean, free drinks! What wasn’t to love. Dave began buying me shots of 252. I had never heard of 252, but oh my was it right up my alley. It was Bacardi 151 and Wild Turkey 101 mixed, nothing else. 252 total. Dave kept buying me shots of 252 all night. I think it’s the only thing I drank, maybe a beer to sip on, but nothing else. They kept coming and I’m not sure how many I had, but I felt . . . . nothing. I mean, I didn’t feel drunk at all. I was chatting like normal, flirting with a couple ladies at out table. I really didn’t feel like a drop of liquor was in my blood.

I wish they still sold this.

At least until I stood up. WOW! I had to take a piss and the moment I stood up, I realized I had lost all coordination. I couldn’t walk! I was stumbling to the bathroom. I leaned on the wall at the urinal. I stumbled back to the table and nearly fell in my seat. The whole time, my head was fine. I didn’t feel drunk mentally, I had just lost control of my body, not my mind. It was one of the strangest phenomena I had ever felt.

Of course back at the table was another shot. I took it, I don’t turn down free drinks (ok, I might now, but never in college). Dave eventually got tired and headed home for the night. I still didn’t puke. I was getting tire too and decided to head home. I knew I better walk, since I clearly had no coordination and it was only a couple blocks. People who had seen my stumble asked if I was ok to walk, of course I was. I said my goodbyes and headed out the door.

On the two block walk home, I saw one thing I always dreaded. A cop car sitting on the side of the road. “Shit” I thought to myself. “I have to walk a straight line.” I only needed to walk another 100 feet and then I could turn the corner and be out of their site. I couldn’t do it to save my life. I couldn’t walk a straight line. Sure enough, as I got closer to the cop car, two officers stepped out.

“Fuck!”

They asked me how I was doing and I said alright, just walking home. They asked if I had been drinking. They had seen me leave the bar, and had seen me stumbling, so I said yes. I told them my house was one block away and I just wanted to go home for the night. That didn’t fly. They had me start doing sobriety tests. I was screwed. I couldn’t walk a straight line, and I knew it. I had been to jail once before, for a minor consumption and really didn’t want to go back. So I began to make my case. I told the truth, “I could have driven home, my car is at the bar, but I chose to be responsible and walk.” “You see that chimney right there, that is my house. If you let me go, I’ll walk up the alley and be home in less than 30 seconds.”

Nothing seemed to help and the handcuffs went on. They marched me to the back door of the car and sat me down. I was irate. I was worried. WTF?!? A public intox for walking home from the bar? That’s just not right.

Then something happened. They started to laugh. They asked me which house was mine and I pointed to it again. “We’re just fucking with ya kid. we’ll drop you off there.” I was so relieved. I wasn’t going to jail. The two took me home and I went in and went to bed. No jail that night. Thank god.

 

*After the incident and after the relief faded. I grew more and more irate. I’m still angry about the encounter. That’s just not right.

** I’ve still never puked at a bar

*** I’ve had nights drinking 252 a couple more times. Always the same effect, mental abilities seem unaffected, while all bodily coordination is lost. I don’t know why, but It’s actually kind of fun.

****Someone at the bar saw the encounter and the bar went on lockdown for 2 hours, thinking I had been arrested and cops were waiting for drunks to step outside.

***** They don’t sell Bacardi 151 anymore, however, there are other 151 proof rums, so a version of 252 is still possible.