This one is great! I don’t even have to come down to the armored studio at Glibs HQ! All I have to do is have the Cryptids submit an anecdote from their … uh, interesting lives. I hope they come up with something good. Not that anyone is reading this…everyone is on the Glibs Zoom, or out eating, drinking, listening to Finnish Death Metal or what not. But the few of you that straggle in here need an excuse to comment, so here you go:

 

ZARDOZ APPROPRIATES BRUTAL CULTURE!

ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ REMINDS YOU, THE GUN IS GOOD, THE PENIS IS EVIL. SO WE ARE CLEAR ON THAT, YES? GOOD…NOW TO ZARDOZ’S STORY. BEFORE THE FAILED COVID CLEANSING OF THE BRUTALS, ZARDOZ MADE A LONG OTR DELIVERY OF GRAIN, FOR THE VORTEX. IT INVOLVED GOING TO THE BRUTAL CITY OF “EL PASO”. ONCE THE GRAIN WAS OFF LOADED, THE ETERNALS AT THE GRAIN ELEVATOR CONVINCED ZARDOZ TO JOIN THEM, RIGHT ACROSS THE BORDER IN THE BRUTAL CITY OF “CIUDAD JUAREZ” – WHERE THEY OFTEN WENT TO A LOCATION THAT SERVED THE SPECIAL “DRINK AND DROWN”. IT WAS A LARGE AMOUNT OF ETHANOL FOR A SMALL AMOUNT OF CURRENCY.

ZARDOZ LOST COUNT OF THE NUMBER OF BARRELS OF “TEQUILA” AND “BEER” THAT WERE ROLLED INTO HIS MAW. NOR DOES ZARDOZ REMEMBER HAVING A TATTOO CARVED ONTO HIS SIDE WITH A HEART SHAPE AROUND THE NAME OF HIS LOST, BELOVED KITTEH, “MR. WHISKERS”.

IT TOOK THE TECHNICIANS AT THE VORTEX 2 DAYS TO LASER SCRUB IT OFF. ZARDOZ’S HEADACHE CIRCUITS TOOK THAT LONG TO CLEAR UP AS WELL.

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

 

HOW THIS HAPPEN?

SEA SMITH HAPPY BE HERE. HE LIKE TALK WITH FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS. SO HE TELL STORY OF TIME HIM “INTERACT” WITH RUSSIA HOOMAN SUBMARINE. BY INTERACT, MEAN RAPE. SEA SMITH DECIDE HE GO VISIT SWEDEN. HE SWIM UP GULF AND GET TICKLED! IT SONAR FROM RUSSIAN HOOMAN SUBMARINE. SEA SMITH THINK IT FRISKY, SO HE DECIDE PLAY WITH SUB. BY PLAY, MEAN RAPE. SUB GO VERY FAST AND TRY GET AWAY. IT HIT ROCKS!

OOPS.

SEA SMITH FIND OUT LATER, THAT SWEDISH LAND HOOMANS NOT HAPPY. “WHY YOU STUCK ON THE ROCKS IN OUR NAVY HARBOR?” “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” IT BIG MESS.

SEA SMITH JUST LAUGH AND SWIM AWAY. HE GUESS IT TURN OUT OK LATER.

 

COME ON IN, WATER IS FINE!

 

HOW MUCH COMMERCIAL PAY?

 

WHEN STEVE SMITH GRADUATE FOREST LAW SCHOOL, HIM TAKE SIDE JOBS MAKE ENDS MEET. IT TAKE TIME TO BECOME PROMINENT FOREST LAWYER! IN MEANTIME, STEVE SMITH HAVE CAVE RENT PAY. SO HIM SIGN UP AT TEMP AGENCY. IT TAKE THREE TRIES. STAFF KEPT YELLING “SASQUATCH, RUN!” “BIGFOOT ATTACK, AIEEE!” ON THREE TRY, DESK HOOMAN SO STONED ON JAZZ LETTUCE, HIM STAY PUT AND SAY “WOW…CAN I HELP YOU, BIG FELLAH?” STEVE SMITH SIGN UP.

STEVE SMITH GET CALL 3 DAYS LATER, BE IN COMMERCIAL! HIM HELP SELL USED CAR FOR “FAST EDDIE’S USED CAR EMPORIUM” OUTSIDE TACOMA. WHEN HIM SHOW UP AT SET, HOOMANS CONFUSED. THEM SAY “OH, ALREADY IN COSTUME? WE’LL JUST TOUCH UP A FEW THINGS.” STEVE SMITH NOT SURE WHAT THEM MEAN, BUT HIM SIT AND GET FUSS OVER.

JOB NOT HARD, IT INVOLVE BEAT UP CAR WHEN FAST EDDIE SAY PRICE BAD. STEVE SMITH BELIEVE IN METHOD ACTING, SO HIM NOT JUST BEAT UP CAR, HIM RAPE CAR. DIRECTOR YELL “CUT! CUT!” STEVE SMITH NO LISTEN. CREW RUN AWAY, BUT LEAVE CAMERA ON.

COMMERCIAL NOT RUN. BUT STEVE SMITH FIND OUT FILM GO UNDERGROUND. HIM STILL GET RESIDUAL CHECK THIS DAY… SOME IN MONEY, BUT SOME HIM CONFUSE? WHAT IS “EURO”? WHAT IS “YEN”?

FREE CASCADIA.