Everybody loved this guy.

Messi is officially off to Paris. Peyton is in the Hall Of Fame. The USA won the most olympic medals, and some Chinese media talking heads learned a valuable lesson in when to start chanting “Scoreboard! Scoreboard!”. Bobby Bowden has passed away. And that’s the abbreviated sports section for today.

Yes, you.

Big birthdays today are composer Johann Michael Bach (never heard any of his stuff), Italian scientist Amedeo Avogadro, Mexican revolutionary and president Vicente Guerrero, dentist who first used ether William Morton, catcher Ralph Houk, basketball great Bob Cousy, acting great Robert Shaw, tennis legend Rod Laver, pitcher Paul Lindblad, boxer Ken Norton, actor Sam Elliott, actress Melanie Griffith, singer and human vacuum Whitney Houston, hockey player Brett Hull, football great Deion Sanders, actor Eric Bana, and adorable actress Anna Kendrick.

Right-o, now on to…the links!

Rights? What rights?

You do not, in fact, have a right to a speedy and public trial. At least you don’t if your name is R Kelly. Oh, and you’ve got to rot in a cell for two years before you even get to trial, apparently.  Listen, dude is a creep. But everybody has rights.

We’re all gonna die!!!!!!!!!!! Well, that’s true, I suppose.  But these people need to go back to what the UN does best: setting up rape gangs for their cronies in third world countries.

But these people fleeing an actual oppressive shithole regime aren’t welcome. Maybe if they voted the right way once they got here, they would be, right Psaki?

Like rats from a sinking ship. OK, I was wrong about him resigning over the weekend, but I think its inevitable now. He’s toast either by resigning or by impeachment.

The party was electric!

“They’re not like you rubes. They’re better than you.” At least this asshole is honest about how she feels.  Also, she and the partygoers are generally a bunch of fucking hypocrites. And that, not the party itself, is what’s pissed so many people off.

Chicago is mourning the murder of one, and possibly two, cops. And what does the mayor say? Well, seeing as she’s an idiot, she blames the inanimate object.

::SMDH:: Women drivers. Luckily nobody was hurt by this menace. Not even herself.

Yes. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! They can’t stay away from their jobs forever. Or can they? I hear Portugal is nice this time of year.

Here’s a classic. Go enjoy it.

And get your week off to a great start, friends!