That’s some fine walkin’ there, Joe.

A quick round-up of the vile contacting the hideous to discuss the reprehensible.

Andrew Cuomo’s War Against a Federal Prosecutor

In April, 2014, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo placed a call to the White House and reached Valerie Jarrett, a senior adviser to President Barack Obama. Cuomo was, as one official put it, “ranting and raving.” He had announced that he was shuttering the Moreland Commission, a group that he had convened less than a year earlier to root out corruption in New York politics. After Cuomo ended the group’s inquiries, Preet Bharara, then the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York, issued letters instructing commissioners to preserve documents and had investigators from his office interview key witnesses. On the phone with Jarrett, Cuomo railed against Bharara. “This guy’s out of control,” a member of the White House legal team briefed on the call that day recalled Cuomo telling Jarrett. “He’s your guy.”

Jarrett ended the conversation after only a few minutes. Any effort by the White House to influence investigations by a federal prosecutor could constitute criminal obstruction of justice. “He did, in fact, call me and raise concerns about the commission,” Jarrett told me. “As soon as he started talking, and I figured out what he was talking about, I shut down the conversation.” Although Cuomo fumed about Bharara’s efforts, he did not make any specific request before Jarrett ended the call. Nevertheless, Jarrett was alarmed and immediately walked to the office of the White House counsel, Kathryn Ruemmler, to report the conversation. Ruemmler agreed that the call was improper, and told Jarrett that she had acted correctly in ending the conversation without responding to Cuomo’s complaints. “I thought it was highly inappropriate,” the member of the White House’s legal team told me. “It was a stupid call for him to make.” Ruemmler reported the incident to the Deputy Attorney General, James M. Cole, who also criticized the call. “He shouldn’t have been doing that. He’s trying to exert political pressure on basically a prosecution or an investigation,” Cole told me. “So Cuomo trying to use whatever muscle he had with the White House to do it was a nonstarter and probably improper.”

I wonder how long The New Yorker sat on this story. I mean, it was just happenstance that they published it the day Handsy Andy resigned, right? Something I’m sure no one tipped them off in advance about…

Hermit crabs are getting horned up by all the plastic we dump in the ocean

Yesterday, The Washington Post published an article whose headline reads: “Hermit crabs ‘sexually excited’ by plastic pollution in ocean, researchers say.” Because it’s impossible to see this and not immediately want to learn more, we continued onward to find that “a chemical that is leaked from plastic dumped in the ocean is probably arousing hermit crabs.”

Researchers from England’s University Of Hull studied 40 crabs living off the coast of Yorkshire “and found signs that the crustaceans may be ‘sexually excited’ by oleamide—an additive released by plastics found under the sea.” In order to paint this picture a bit better, we’re given the mental image of heavy-breathing, frighteningly horned-up crabs. Apparently, exposure to oleamide “elevates the respiration rate of hermit crabs, which indicates excitement…” of a kind distinct from their reaction to food sources.

Same company, 18 hours earlier…

No, Hermit Crabs Are Not Trying to Bone Plastic Trash

Have you ever been turned on by someone—or something—you knew was trash? Reading the news today, you’d think that was happening to hermit crabs. A number of media outlets have reported that crabs are horny for plastic pollution. While I love a horny crab as much as the next person, I have some bad news: New research discusses crabs being attracted to marine plastic, but no, not like that. The findings suggest the crabs are drawn to the trash because it smells like their food, which is actually quite sad and a dire warning about how our waste disrupts marine ecosystems.

Oleamide, a compound that is leaked from marine plastic pollution but also occurs naturally in many animals, seems to stimulate the crabs, perhaps because they associate the molecule with food, according to a study published in the journal Marine Pollution Bulletin on Tuesday.

That’s some good journalisming.

 

Or, if you prefer, a version with dancing girls.