“How do you do keep getting in here?” Jen shouted.

“The tunnels, the emergency skylights, that faulty teleporter they salvaged from Roswell… honestly: Who knows?” Hunter said. He did a little twirl in his outfit of T-shirt and jockstrap, his indoor soccer shoes digging into the rich pile of the Oval Office carpet.

“If you want my body,” Hunter said, sashaying toward Jen, “And you think I’m sexy, c’mon sugar, and let me know.” He began coughing and spat something dark orange into a wastebasket. Jen realized then what his t-shirt spelled out in hottest pink.

“Hunter,” Jen began.

“Yes, I’m selling them,” Hunter said, holding the shirt away from his nipple to make boobs, “I’ve got the perfect plan. And you are going to help me.”

“I, just…” Jen said.

Hunter stepped in close and licked from her clavicle to the back of her left ear. Jen shuddered and moaned. Hunter dropped to his knees and stuck his face in her sensible skirt. “I can smell how wet you are,” he growled.

“Oh, shit,” Finnegan said as she wheeled Joe into the room. Hunter ignored her in favor of snuffling Jen like a dog digging through the trash to find a tampon.

“Stop that!” Finnegan said.

Joe grabbed at his crotch with a hand curled into a claw and screamed.

“See what you did?” Finnegan yelled at her father.

“What the fuck is going on?” Hunter demanded, rubbing his feather boa up under Jen’s skirt.

Joe screamed and worked his crotch.

“He’s been like that since we got back from California,” Finnegan said. She reached down and tried to pry Joe’s hand away from his crotch and Joe screamed in her face.

“He’ll stop in a minute,” Jen gasped, shuddering again as Hunter tore a hole in the gusset of her pantyhose, his fingers delighted by her lack of underwear.

“Fucking Gavin,” Hunter said. “He shouldn’t have even needed us.”

“Aside from fingerbanging the press secretary, is there another reason you stopped by?” Finnegan asked dryly in between Joe’s wails.

Hunter finally stood up, Jen gasping again, and made a show of smelling along the length of his index finger. He finally looked past her to Joe and said, “He’s going to pull his fucking dick off.”

“I know how to take care of Grandpa!” Finnegan said.

“Look at him and say that!” Hunter shot back. He walked over to Joe and stuck his slimy finger in Joe’s mouth. He quieted and began to suck at it, pulling the entire thing into his mouth. Hunter smirked with satisfaction as Joe’s hand opened and he stopped pulling at his genitals.

“Hunter…” Jen moaned, still stunned from his knuckle-plunging.

“No teeth,” Hunter said to Joe.

“Do you like the new shirt?” Hunter asked, peacocking. “Daddy is going to mandate that everyone has to buy it.”

“Shouldn’t it be Vaccinate Me, Daddy?” Finnegan asked.

Hunter smiled, Joe still working his finger and said, “You don’t know anything about fashion.”