There really seems to be no end to the hilarity here in our little liberal arts college town. My greatest challenge is Looking Serious and Concerned, and not falling over convulsed in laughter. One of the girls (I think that’s her gender this week) working at our shop, an Art History graduate, was having a panicked discussion with our “You can’t talk about chromosomes!” girl. The topic: a house on the main drag, subdivided into student apartments (which describes 90% of the houses on the main drag). The girls were in a lather once again because the boys who live there are murderous bigots. I’ve heard them fretting about this before, but I really did need to fill in some details, so started asking questions.

ME: Have you met any of them?

GIRLS: No, absolutely not!

ME: Do you know any of them?

GIRLS: Fuck, no! These are not the kind of people we would ever talk to!

ME: I have never heard of a murder or a mugging here.

GIRLS: They’re planning violence. Right now, they’re probably talking about beating up queers!

ME: What makes you believe that?

GIRLS: (looking at me like I’m an oblivious moron) Have you SEEN that house????

ME: Yes… looks like some college kids who spend a lot of time out front grilling burgers and hanging out.

GIRLS: There’s a Gadsden Flag! There’s an American flag! There’s Tiki torches! You know what THAT means!

ME: They like a cheap source of light when they’re outside grilling?

GIRLS: (in unison) CHARLOTTESVILLE! RACIST SYMBOLS! (look at each other with that ‘Grandpa is sooooo ignorant and hateful!’ look)

ME: (tries hard not to laugh hysterically, taps out of conversation)

Seriously, I can’t believe the wonderful comedy I get every day for free.

You know what else is free? Yep, birthdays. And today’s include a woman who could keep up with the Joneses; the other female lead in The Devil and Miss Jones; the William Henry Harrison of popes; a guy who invented the most iconic character of the 20th century; a guy who was a step ahead of Joe DiMaggio; a guy who was the perfect “moody and sensitive” gay stereotype; a guy who, like Fred Willard, managed to transcend his material and always be funny; an incredible guitarist who was patient and helpful with questions from an untalented teenage me; a holy gimmick act; the Patron Saint of Butte, Montana; a ridiculously talented and versatile musician and actor; Jeff Garlin’s spirit animal; the most insightful and brilliant comedian of my lifetime; the most insightful and brilliant film and TV auteur and voice actor of my lifetime; and a big fan of the New York subway system.

Let’s do our Links before the queer-beatings commence.


Wait, what????


Man, they are truly determined to fuck up royally. With our money, of course.


Man, they are truly determined to… well, you know.


First, I checked to see if the dateline was April 1. It wasn’t. WTF.


Haven’t done one of these in a while.


Another tard fight.


Leave the profiteering on this to the news professionals, boys.


Monetary apartheid.


Old Guy Music is on theme from yesterday- Jewish electric guitarists, this time featuring a birthday boy of whom I have fond memories. Oh and a guy who played piano OK.