Come, my friends, and descend into Hell with me…

‘Back That Azz Up,’ Comrade (at Least 6 Feet) Partying with Lux magazine’s socialist feminists.

On December 15, just as Omicron preoccupied the city, I went to a party at the Dumbo loft owned by Verso Books, “the largest independent, radical publishing house in the English-speaking world.” The high-ceilinged, book-lined space with a great view of the Manhattan Bridge has long been a gathering place for city socialists, some of whom, I discovered, use the word “comrade” unironically. The event itself was hosted by Lux, a new-ish socialist feminist magazine named after the Marxist thinker and martyr Rosa Luxemburg. Its editor and publisher, Sarah Leonard, described Lux to me as “a cross between Cosmo and Marxism” — a slightly sexier, farther to the left descendent of magazines like Ms. and Bitch. “I think it’s been a bit of a relief for people who are like, yeah I’m a socialist but I’m not a bro who loves to yell at people,” Leonard says. “I’m queer and female and an abolitionist and I want that to be the starting point.” The tagline is “We Want It All.” Or, as another editor put it later, “We’re not here saying don’t drink wine! We’re just saying drink union wine!”

Read on… if you dare!

[Vincent Price laugh]
[disappears in a puff of smoke]
[in reality, just hitting a vape pen to blow them phat clouds]


 

Look! Up in the sky! With his hands over his ears! Stimming! It’s CAPTAIN AUTISM!

Defense: There’s no way ‘Captain Autism’ masterminded Whitmer kidnap plot

He was referred to as “Captain Autism,” the accused ringleader in the alleged plot to kidnap Gov. Gretchen Whitmer.

But with a nickname like that, the defense argues, it’s clear the man’s codefendants didn’t take him seriously, or believe that he could commit a crime — like hatch a plan to snatch and kill the governor.

That was entirely the FBI’s doing, the defense maintains, not Adam Fox’s.

“No one would have conspired with Adam Fox because no one believed he had any ability to form, much less carry out, a plan,” the defense argues in a new court filing that outlines how it plans to fight the government in the upcoming trial that highlights the growth of extremism in America.


 

There’s Even More to the Saga of Straight Men Refusing to Wipe Their Butts

Every super-duper “totes masc” macho man knows that putting anything between your butt cheeks makes you instantly gay, especially if that thing is a sparkly g-string, a finger or another man. But apparently some ultra-masculine men are so unwaveringly heterosexual that they aren’t wiping butts, even their own! And they won’t put toilet paper or even soap between their butt cheeks. No sir!

David Futrell — the writer behind We Hunted the Mammoth, a website that skewers contemporary misogyny — pointed out this gross phenomenon by sharing a tweet in which a woman’s boyfriend explains (quite angrily) that he doesn’t wipe after using the bathroom because “a real man doesn’t go in between his cheeks or spread them open for anything.”

To my misfortune, I actually know one of these people. His ex told us all about, going on a solid 30-minute rant, a detailed rant, a too detailed rant.

It wasn’t a full refusal to wipe or wash, but it was not done properly and his excuse was that cleaning his ass thoroughly was just too gay for him to want to do it. It was the Intimate Cleansing That Dare Not Speak Its Name.

They dated for years.


 

Tomorrow is the perfect day for a Twitter contest!

Tweet Categories:

Most Hysterical (wondering womb, not funny hysterical)
Most Fake (actual fake not fake fake)
Most Fake Fake

Yeah, it’s early, but my current leader for Fake Fake:

Seriously, 1/6 put your Father in a mental institution and you want to flex on Twitter with that? Fake Fake or Psychotic?