As I wrote this review a tornado raged ahead in Panama City Beach. I was the little blue pin, crawling along the shoreline roads. We drove just to the south of it. I clicked on the button that said “Future” on my map and it showed Vincent Price, cackling and leering.

NetherBeast Incorporated 

This movie flew under the radar for the most part. It has a strong cast, a good original storyline so naturally the studio had no idea what to do with it. “It’s not a sequel! What are these, Canadians? I thought this was going to be a vampire film!”

This film was released in Dallas and it slowly faded away from there. Too bad. This is a nice effort, mislabeled as a vampire film (so it disappointed the horror crowd) and shown at an art house theater (so it disappointed the crowd that listens to poetry and drinks coffee).

This movie also gets confused with Bloodsucking Bastards, which also took place in an office, and had corporate vampires. Folks, this isn’t a blood sucking vampire film. It is about a race of nigh-immortal creatures who have to live near a special stone to stay healthy. They also eat human flesh which makes them ghouls. Identify your monsters correctly, IMDB! This secret society of creatures was given a safe place to live by President James Garfield, who himself was one of the creatures. Like most government sponsored projects, once they had a safe place, it never evolved with the times. All the creatures work and live in a business called (Berm-Tech) which makes telephones. This is in 2007, when nobody even had a need for an old style phone. Once the leader of the Nether folk falls prey to a kind of Alzheimer’s that started to make him crazy, the hi-jinks begins!

Human flesh consumption! Puppy Love! Judd Nelson! Remington Bison black powder pistols! Wait, WTF? Yeah. Not going to spoil it but that is a real WTF moment. Was there nothing else in the studio for a weapon, bro? Did anyone on the set know what it was? That’s all I will say.

I have jabbered enough. I am driving back from Orlando in the Mother of All Storms and I haven’t stopped to take a leak in four hours. I wrote this review while the wife drove. So watch! Or don’t! Everything is voluntary!  Except maybe stopping to take a piss in a tornado!  Wait, that is voluntary too, but a really bad idea!

Next week is a Three Stooges movie – Have Rocket, Will Travel.  We are taking a field trip to YouTube!  I hope that link is still up when we get there!

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