“This turkey is delicious,” Joe said. A half-chewed hunk of overcooked meat fell onto The Presidential Bib.
“Yes, I’m sure it is, Grandpa,” Finnegan replied, wiping his mouth. Her vegetarianism was slipping, she had been eying the turkey carcass hungrily as the waitstaff. She had been fantasizing about meat constantly. She woke up sometimes with the taste of blood in her mouth.
“Try the turkey,” her father said. “It’s a real fill-em-up.” Hunter wrenched a leg off the dwindling bird and tore into it with his teeth.
“No,” Finnegan said weakly.
“Try the dark meat, I heard you got a taste for it in college,” Hunter said, turkey-grease smile on his face.
Finnegan began to puff up, but Joe asked, “This isn’t one of the birds I pardoned, is it?”
“No, Grandpa,” she told him. “This is some other bird that was murdered and cooked for you to eat.”
“Can we not?” Dr. Jill Biden asked.
“Just telling Grandpa this wasn’t a pardoned bird,” Finnegan said. Hunter laughed, spraying meat.
“Could I have some more mashed potatoes?” Joe asked. “Or did I also pardon them too?” Joe smiled wide at his joke.
“Oh, Daddy, you’re so funny,” Hunter said, tittering as he wiped his face off with a fistful of yuan.
“I’m coming out as a lesbian,” Finnegan said in the quiet that followed.
“That’s nice, dear,” Hunter said. “But no fatties. I don’t want any land whales hanging around.”
“What about Kamala’s daughter?” Dr. Biden asked. “She makes her own clothes.”
“Lesbians,” Joe croaked, letting his head fall forward.
“Fine, then,” Finnegan said. “I’m joining a polycule.”
“What’s a polycule?” Dr. Grandma asked. “Is it some sort of soul cycling?”
“You could use a spin class or two,” Hunter said, using his foot to poke at her thigh under the table.
“As long as you find a husband, I’ll be happy for you, whether you lose weight or not,” Dr. Mamaw said. She flashed out with a fork and took a stack of turkey slices.
Joe began to cough, his bones of his chest rattling together, and then gagged.
“Are you OK, Grandpa?” Finnegan asked. Joe flailed, his face turning red.
“I think he’s choking,” Hunter observed.
“Call a doctor!” Finnegan yelled at the Secret Service agent guarding the door.
“I’m a doctor!” Jill Biden Ed.D.
“Golden Eagle is down, I repeat, down!” the agent said into his sleeve.
“Do something!” Finnegan cried.
The agent pulled his service weapon and shot the turkey five times.
ZOMG! Fanstastic!
Hunter/Finnie sniping is best.
I like the different titles for Jill.
Yup. That was great.
SF’s been doing that for… not sure if since the beginning but for quite a while now.
Sorry for using “was”…
Yup. That is great.
The agent pulled his service weapon and shot the turkey five times.
Award that agent a medal!
For being economical with use of force? Five times rather than dumping an entire mag into it.
For identifying the proper threat…like Agent J in MiB training.
That’s all the had left after shooting the minkey earlier that morning.
“Do something!” Finnegan cried.
The agent pulled his service weapon and shot the turkey five times.
This was my favorite part.
Me too. That was just…perfection.
Wiping his mouth with a handful of yuan was mine.
same
“I’m coming out as a lesbian,” Finnegan said in the quiet that followed.
BO-riiinnnngggg.
She should come out as a libertarian.
Split the difference and go for lesbitartian?
Hawt.
Does Finny have a PhD in Library Science? I think not.
I thought all the kids were going pansexual these days.
STEVE SMITH ALL GOING PANRAPEUAL. HIM RAPE ANYTHING ANYWHERE.
STEVE SMITH RAPE ALL PRONOUNS!!
all the kids were going pansexual – until it is time for the average guy to suck the first dick, then he is pansexual only in theory. sorry zer is.
“asexual pansexual.”
Too many syllables when ‘dork’ would work just fine.
Dork would be accurate, but I believe the preferred term is pan-ace.
A Great Thanksgiving gift. A lot of humor in one short page. It was humor, wasn’t it?
Thanks, SF.
Shot the Turkey five times.
Which means ten rounds not on target?
I believe the SS carry the FN FiveseveN, so 15 into everything but the turkey.
They have strict orders to stop mag-dumping at holiday dinners.
I see I was anticipated.
“I’m a doctor!” Jill Biden Ed.D.
LOL
How do you do it?
“Oh, Daddy, you’re so funny,” Hunter said, tittering as he wiped his face off with a fistful of yuan.
I’m dead.
I’m dead. – can I have some of your stuff?
Guns and fishing stuff go to the kid. You can have my hockey stuff, though!
Does Pie even have a mullet?
He probably doesn’t even own anything camouflage.
My favorite, too.
Just think: one day, it just slips out. Finnegan says, innocently, “Gosh- maybe we don’t really need to tell people what to do all the time.”
Chaotic dudgeon ensues.
Dr. Mamaw.
ALOL
TIL what a polycule is.
Why, SF?
Why?
really? It is been all over the news since the FTX boondoggle
I’ve only read about the financial fuckery.
Since we lost the Family Friendly certification, SF is trying to get that sweet Edutainment cert.
“The more you know…”
To be fair Finnegan seems bangable a bit
More than Sam Bankman. What drunken maniac wanted that?
you mean Caroline?
Raisin face does not a polycule make for Sam.
wait a guy whos a billionaire don’t need nothin else going
True. He could buy a million dollar fap robot and want for nothing.
+1 Cherry2000
Haha! FAPBOT 3000
I’ve only read about the financial fuckery.
“I practice polyamoralism. I fuck everybody indiscriminately.”
*applause*
STEVE SMITH WONDER WHAT HUMAN WORD FOR ‘I RAPE EVERYBODY INDISCRIMINATELY’ WOULD BE.
“PARTY TIME?”
Politician.
Rapertarian?
POLYRAPYISM
STEVESMITHIANIST
Hey, are you doing OK?
JUST ANOTHER DAY AT WORK.
Lawyer.
Where’s Kamala? Did her Indian half decide to boycott?
dot, not feather
In that case…
Her and Fauxcahontis went to a casino that had a curry buffet.
Her and Fauxcahontis went to a casino.
She’s in an undisclosed location.
In space, no one can hear you cackle.
dot, not feather
Situational ethnicity. Whatever best serves in the moment.
I believe the SS carry the FN FiveseveN, so 15 into everything but the turkey.
I was thinking 15 round Glock.
I also assumed no reloads…
I… am…. dying!…..
What Is A Polycule? Understanding Polyamory Relationship Structures
Clown world.
$#@!!!!! Edit fairy! Help!!!!
Harem
That’s woke now right?
Is there any possibility at all that these people get a life and just fuck off?
What ever happened to good old-fashioned fuck buddies?
Oh good, the millennials reinvented swinging.
I’m thinking more like cheating.
Thanksgiving Talking Points
Hi, want to annoy the fuck out of your poor family with proggie talking points? Well, you’re in luck, just click the link above.
I have a talking point for them, how about Fuck you and go straight to the Hell.
Nothing about cutting spending? For shame.
Two can play that game: https://www.artistshot.com/unvaccinated-and-ready-to-talk-politics-at-thanksgiving-kids-t-shirt-ladies-curvy-t-shirt-p-766550996
I’m not sure that’s a curvy Tee
Too bad there is a misprint on the shirt. 🤪
It is to get the grammar nazis in the convo.
Or maybe it is a command- remove your vaccine and ready your arguments.
We look at this and laugh, but did it occur to anyone this is in fact Finneagan’s life?
It did occur to me.
Then I just laughed harder.
Yeah, me too.
My client just sent everyone home early. So the holiday has begun and I don’t drink. Not sure what I am sposed to do. My first major holiday with no drankin.
Go shooting?
Too expensive.
Sexual relations?
Too expensive.
I was going to suggest masturbation. That *should* be cheaper.
I didn’t specify who the sexual relations would be with.
Nap. Then shit post on Glibs.
…
Well, maybe do better than me.
Is everyone black on the Canadian soccer team? They didn’t look like that when I saw them the last time in 1986.
No, they’re just wearing Trudeau-face.
Diversity, bro. You know how woke Canada is now? White guys are probably illegal on the football team.
It amuses me that there are still Americans who think that soccer is a “white people” sport.
*sigh*
soccer is a white persons sport, invented by white people, to be played by white people. In the course of white colonialism, it was forcibly imposed on oppressed persons of color. These persons of color took up playing this white persons sport because their colonial oppressors allowed them no other means of social advancement. In this post-colonial world, many oppressed soccer-playing persons of color have yet to achieve full post-colonial consciousness and to continue to play a white persons sport in the mistaken belief that they will be treated as white persons.
to these we say, “post-colonial soccer players of color unite! You have nothing to lose but your VAR!”
Soccer origins.
Hah!
“I don’t hate you, Bobby.”
Wait, I thought y’all said SF was coming back?
You think there is only one SugarFree? Interesting.
But I read the entire thing while eating lunch and nothing bad happened.
Pre-COVID, I had an employee who was a Lesbian in a polycule and would talk to her about it. It was so complicated.
So many interlocking agreements of who can do what to whom, and a seemingly endless conversations about boundaries. Outlining her polycule took a long time. There were local and non-local members, and it ran out to everyone with a non-casual relationship. She was technically in a relationship with people that she has never met and never will. So much drama and gossip. Just at work, she spent at least an hour a day managing this polycule, so probably about three or four hours of her entire day.
I told her it sounded like a nightmarishly tedious way of spreading STDs. A piece of cornbread was thrown at me, which I felt I deserved.
A lot of drama and no sex?
I can’t imagine why some women prefer it.
Did you eat the cornbread?
No, she was very strict Lesbian.
Pass. Why do people do that to themselves?!
From what I could tell, the nodes of the network were primarily bisexual women. My student was never going to touch a guy, but she was OK with sleeping with at least three girls who were also sleeping with men regularly. While the FtF relationships were fairly stable, the men, mostly straight themselves, were rotated off the roster fairly often.
But a lot of it seemed based in the “found family” concept. They were mostly a non-hierarchal pseudo-sibling group that occasionally had emotional incest outbursts.
There was a gay boy from Khartoum
Who took a Lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what and with which and to whom.
Gross.
https://polyamory.com/threads/a-couple-of-notes-on-robert-heinlein.143370/
Welp, that ruined Heinlein for me.
Did you not know? lmao.
One of our MIA Glibs (tarran maybe?) has posted once or twice in the past about the two “phases” of Heinlein’s work: pre- and post-1973. He was gravely ill from 1973-1980 and post-1980 produced his, umm, odder works, like Stranger, The Cat Who Walks Through Walls (sorry UCS), To Sail Beyond the Sunset. These works all, in one way or another, were driven by Heinlein’s increasing fear of death (that’s a rough paraphrase of the missing glib).
Unless there are two tarrans, he’s not MIA (he’s in the comments of this very post).
From that thread:
Individualism was appealing until the collective decided to accept my lifestyle, now I’m over it.
Was the cornbread at least good?
I was not aware that there is any such thing as bad cornbread.
Oh, I can find you some bad cornbread. Dry, flavor-less and over-salty all at the same time.
Yuck.
Not cornbread, exactly, but have you ever had Jamaican Festivals?
Amazing. https://leitesculinaria.com/78182/recipes-festival-jamaican-fried-dough.html
Better recipe.
I always go for the goat meat pies.
I’ve had curried goat but not the pies. I’ll have to try them.
Are you unaware that there’s arguments about northern and southern cornbread?
There’s a lot of drama, therefore it must be important.
They’re very serious after all.
Instead, you might want to look into parallel polyamory, wherein a person doesn’t know about their partner’s other partners—the separate relationships simply run parallel to each other.
aka “cheating”
It was so complicated.
Good lord. Getting three people into a car to go to lunch is too much for me to handle anymore.
You have a wife and young child too?
You have a wife and young child too?
Thankfully, no.
Great Joemala episode.
I think these articles have warped my brain. I don’t watch any live news, so when I see the current or past president speaking I can’t help but shape my perception of their behavior and motivations within the framework of SF’s world.
Reality is probably much worse. I’ll take the H&H augmented reality with all of the the piss, shit, and ice-cream that comes along with it.
😉
It is.
345th Tax Tribute Ceremony Of The Mattaponi and Pamunkey Indian Tribes To Virginia
mmm, venison
Hey, that’s my neighborhood.
Well, not Richmond, but where the tribes hail from.
My neighborhood as well.
It looks like my house might be in Patawomeck territory.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYZUBG-YLc0
Armored hermit crabs.
Most excellent + 1 If only.
This was a great story. Bravo!