Saturday Morning Merchant of Death Links

by | Mar 25, 2023 | Daily Links | 202 comments

The children who work for us are an… interesting bunch. This week’s drama involves Snowflake, who has quit because she doesn’t “feel safe” around me. This involved her getting very upset that we had milk containers that were a day or two past the “best by” date. Now, anyone with two functioning brain cells knows that those dates are pretty meaningless, so I advised her to sniff the milk and if it was off, toss it. She was terrified to do so, so I sniffed it (noting that I’m overly sensitive to sour milk aromas which is one reason I never drink milk)- it was absolutely fine. Being a scientist sort, I thought it would be a useful demonstration to run a little experiment to see if she could actually pick up on something I was missing, and if not, to demonstrate what we all know, that date is pretty arbitrary.

I set up six little plastic cups, coded each of them, and made some coffee with milk. Using a coin flip to randomize, I put coffee/milk into each of them, but some with milk that she was worried about, some with milk just bought that day and with the “use by” several days in the future. They smelled and tasted identical to me. I turned her loose on the samples. After smelling and taking a small sip of all of them, she couldn’t find any pattern. The big reveal came and she panicked. “YOU MADE ME DRINK EXPIRED MILK! I’m feeling SICK!” And she was doubly furious when I referred to her response as psychosomatic. I held back on speculating that the etiology of her gastrointestinal discomfort might be excessive cum-guzzling.

I’m a dangerous man, and worse than that, I invalidated her feelings.

And other dangerous people are those born on this date, including a guy whose career cratered; a guy who inspired Alfred Hitchcock; an angry man who left us an idiot son; by far the greatest man in my lifetime; by far the least greatest man in my lifetime; a guy who went through life wearing the fake glasses/nose/mustache accessory; an incredibly interesting and difficult musician; a guy who was as evil as the inventor of pineapple on pizza; the inspiration for generations of nerds; someone who’s had more hits than Snoop Dogg; proof of Sturgeon’s Law; a chick who really should have lived in Pimlico; and proof that our side can sometimes be funny.

Let’s link before you all die of ptomaine.

 

I have a crazy idea that will prevent our soldiers from getting killed in Syria. Care to guess what it is?

 

Someone is a hilarious drama queen.

 

“No, we’re not going to ban your gas stove” is another way of saying, “We’re lying ignorant tyrants.”

 

A giant leaves us. Who’s next, Godwin?

 

“It was horrible, Oompa-Lumpas flying everywhere, pieces of orange bodies strewn all over the landscape. I will never forget that smell.”

 

Our long national nightmare is over.

 

Old Guy Music today was composed by a birthday boy and will sound familiar to fans of early ’70s prog rock.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

202 Comments

  1. UnCivilServant

    How are you lot awake so early on a weekend?

    • Pat

      Early?

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s prenoon on a saturday, it’s early.

      • Pat

        Like Stinky, I have not been to bed, so it’s technically late. Unlike Stinky, there is no pharmaceutical explanation, I’m just a hopeless night owl and sometime insomniac.

      • Fourscore

        “Early to bed, early to….”

        Somehow I have managed to avoid the rest of that message

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Adderall, I never went to bed.

    • SDF-7

      Woke up about 2.5 hours ago… just my normal routine. It happens.

    • rhywun

      I wish I wasn’t.

      Nowadays I start tossing and turning around six every morning, with the remnants of whatever I was dreaming becoming every more ridiculous and at that stage further sleep is impossible.

      • Fourscore

        “Wake up, wake up, Mr Prostate is calling”

        I’m like an old Dr Pepper commercial.

  2. Sean

    ” I held back on speculating that the etiology of her gastrointestinal discomfort might be excessive cum-guzzling. ”

    I hope you have a good labor law attorney. Lulz.

    • UnCivilServant

      Nah, he’s going to defend himself.

    • juris imprudent

      If she felt unsafe I was thinking OMWC was already violating child labor laws.

  3. Sean

    The chocolate factory is about an hour away from me.

    • UnCivilServant

      Did you destroy it in a keto rampage?

      • Sean

        I have an alibi.

      • SDF-7

        So you won’t be behind bars.

  4. Stinky Wizzleteats

    The left is an interesting bunch: before that meat faced idiot Trumka put forth the proposal about gas appliances and whatnot this was a complete NONISSUE that was on zero people’s radar-in fact, NPR leftist foodie types with their Viking stoves were the biggest proponent. Now these same people are begging the government to make it impossible to get their $5,000 oven fixed based on some tenuous evidence and government overreach. They’re fucking lemmings and I hate them all.

  5. Pat

    The big reveal came and she panicked. “YOU MADE ME DRINK EXPIRED MILK! I’m feeling SICK!” And she was doubly furious when I referred to her response as psychosomatic.

    Next time she comes in just casually have this episode of House playing on multiple screens.

    • SDF-7

      Back at the hospital, Wilson sits with the patient and asks her about recent activities that might have contributed to her blackouts. The woman regretfully tells Wilson that she went to Venezuela, where she had probably consumed unsanitary water and food, drank dangerous alcohol mixtures, engaged in unprotected sex, and inhaled cocaine. She assures Dr. Wilson this is not her typical behavior, and she is afraid that her trip is why she is ill.

      Never watched House… and now I think I’m way too square to.

      • Pat

        It was a great series in its day, although I haven’t watched an episode in at least 10 years, and I’m sure it’s painfully dated now – medical shows usually age poorly due to advances in the field or just changes in clinical practice. The medical setting is really just a set up for a basic weekly mystery program. It was based largely on Sherlock Holmes (right down to the main character being a drug addict).

        The other subplot with Dr. House dealing with an airplane full of hysterical psychosomatic patients was the one I had in mind.

      • R C Dean

        I find it nearly impossible to watch either lawyer shows* or hospital shows. They just get so much wrong, when getting it right would actually make for as good or better stories.

        *Better Call Saul being an exception. The depiction of law firms and legal work in that show was actually pretty spot on.

      • Nephilium

        There was a medical doctor who would review and rate House. It was awesome. Looks like the original site is D-E-D, but the archive looks to have them.

      • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

        My wife binge watched it recently, No, it doesn’t hold up.

      • Penguin

        In one of the least subtle references, you can see he lived at 221 B Baker Street. Still, I like that show. Got the series on DVD.

        I also have (referring to below) Better Call Saul, seasons 1-5, which, like dumbass that I am, I thought was the entire series. Still gotta get season 6.

    • rhywun

      Milk must age faster down here because by the “expiration date” it’s always gone bad to my nose and taste buds.

      • Pat

        I usually get 5-7 days past the pull date. I use so little milk I always end up throwing out about half the container. I’d buy quarts instead of half gallons, but the two stores I shop at out here only carry some bougie brand in the quarts, and it’s more than the half gallon of the store brand.

        I wonder if the fat % has anything to do with it. I usually get 1%, 2% if the stores are out of stock of 1% (which they routinely are).

      • R C Dean

        1%? Why bother? It’s not like milk fat is bad for you.

      • Pat

        My cholesterol’s borderline high, so the saturated fat probably wouldn’t do me any favors, but I’ve long since ceased giving a shit about that, and that’s not the reason anyway. I just don’t like the taste of milk fat that much. Even when I was a little kid, my mom would get whole milk, my dad would get 1%, and I’d always pick the 1% if I had the option. Oddly, I love cheese and yogurt.

      • Gender Traitor

        Due to a lack of half gallons of skim at our grocery one night, TT has become a convert to 2%. “OMG!!! WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE???” 🙄

      • Fourscore

        About 10 years ago we went back to whole milk. I’d forgotten how good a glass of cold milk tasted. If I die from the cholesterol I wanna have a white mustache at least

      • rhywun

        Whole milk always disappears first from the shelves around here.

        I was raised on 2%. Whole milk was a revelation the first time I tried it.

      • Grummun

        We were raised on milk my parents bought bootleg from a local dairy farmer. You had to give it a shake to mix the cream back into it before pouring. To this day I still sometimes give a jug of milk a quick shake as an unconscious reflex.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I use so little milk I always end up throwing out about half the container.

        We’re currently going through 4 gallons of whole milk each day. Almost 30 gallons a week.

        Most of that is the two bottle angus calves, which take down 3 gallons a day. Aldi’s started rationing milk again, limit of 6, which is making me nervous. At least they’ll be weaned in another few weeks.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        Milk must age faster down here because by the “expiration date” it’s always gone bad to my nose and taste buds.

        Most people keep their fridges too warm. +4° Celsius (around 39° Fahrenheit, which is the usual recommended target) virtually guarantees that stuff that’s reached its expiry date has indeed expired. When we bought a new fridge, I insisted it had a temperature readout and thermostat.

        We keep our fridge at +2° Celsius (35.6° Fahrenheit), and we don’t ever seem to have expiry date problems. I’d keep it colder but the fridge doesn’t have the ability to tightly thermoregulate that near to freezing, so we keep getting ice crystals in the food if I go lower.

      • LCDR_Fish

        I keep my fridge at 37 – my milk stays good weeks past the sell by date. Also switched last year to lactose-free whole milk – no issues with that or the heavy cream at all.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        The “fattier” the milk, the longer it lasts, ceteris paribus.

      • Michael Malaise

        Meijer milk always goes 3-5 days before the date.

  6. SDF-7

    I’m assuming / hoping Snowflake wasn’t going for a STEM degree — I like the experiment.

    And yeah — I tend to use the expiration dates as “sniff by” dates… though I’ll admit that if I have even the slightest doubt I err on the “pour it out” side. I think our water tends towards the acidic side (it is pretty hard, so either minerals or whatever is done to soften / filter it somewhat by the town, my house filter, etc.) — so using it in coffee if either the coffee maker needs cleaning (extra acidic apparently) or the milk is starting to go turns my morning coffee into curds and whey, hence I have no interest in keeping it around.

    I was so far off on the crater B-day clue… for some reason had Tycho Brahe in my mind (isn’t there a crater named after him?). Yes, I suck.

    Top of the morning, OMWC… fellow reprobates. Hope y’all have a good weekend.

    • juris imprudent

      Yeah, that clue for Clavius didn’t add up.

    • Fourscore

      We use the Sniff Test here too. Mrs F will present something that looks a little suspicious, ask my opinion. “If in doubt throw it out” Trying to save a few pennies isn’t worth getting sick.

      • Nephilium

        The sniff test is the primary test in my house as well. However, the girlfriend doesn’t have a sense of smell, which means I usually wind up getting a carton or container of food shoved into my face with the question, “Is this still good?”

  7. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Isn’t the rule of thumb a week after the sell by date or a sour smell, whichever comes first?

    • Old Man With Candy

      In NY, they don’t have sell by dates, and in places where they do, it’s pretty arbitrary.

  8. Pat

    I have a crazy idea that will prevent our soldiers from getting killed in Syria. Care to guess what it is?

    Start a nuclear war with Russia so they get killed there instead?

    • juris imprudent

      I don’t think Russia would launch nukes at Syria to kill a few dozen American soldiers.

      • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

        But they might get to kill some joos, so, win-win?

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      When did you start working for the “adults” at the State Department?

  9. Rufus the Monocled

    So. This banning gas stove thing. Will it catch?

    • juris imprudent

      COVID inflated their belief that they could arbitrarily impose anything they want – just to demonstrate how stupid the public is.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Their correct belief.

    • SDF-7

      It is a slow burn.

      • Fourscore

        Homeless hardest hit.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If Cali and New York do it it will unfortunately and all the while they’ll claim it’s not a ban because they’re allowing grandfathering.

    • Old Man With Candy

      It’s a pilot program.

    • Pat

      If it does, it’s liable to just blow up in their faces.

    • rhywun

      I love the loopholes for hospitals and restaurants, as if any further clue was needed that electric stoves suck.

      Anyway, NYC has already banned gas in certain situations and the hilarity is starting to ensue.

      TL;DR – It is not possible to satisfy the demands so property owners will instead be paying large vigs to the city. “Problem” solved!

    • SDF-7

      This person in the replies is either the most ass-kissing Dem sycophant I’ve ever seen who somehow thinks Biden is a brilliant energetic strategist playing 64-D chess somehow… or a troll. I have to assume the latter and if so, consider us well played. That’s some grade A quality bullshit being trotted out with a semblance of sincerity to rile folks up….

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Myrthen
        @MyrthenNFT
        ·
        14h
        Replying to
        @alyiasmichael
        and
        @RealAndyLeeShow
        Joe always choreographs his falls and memories his flubs. He’s trying to bait the right into talking about him. He’s always 10 steps ahead

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        He seems to be a Canadian who’s both antiTrudeau and very antiChina and Russia as well-love of Biden seems sincere…

  10. Pat

    House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.) warned Friday that an escalation in violent rhetoric by former President Trump has the potential “to get someone killed.”

    I mean, maybe if drives ol’ Hakeem to suicide…

    • rhywun

      Violent rhetoric is only OK when they do it.

  11. Certified Public Asshat

    “The twice-impeached former president’s rhetoric is reckless, reprehensible and irresponsible. It’s dangerous, and if he keeps it up, he’s going to get someone killed,” Jeffries said during a press briefing in the Capitol.

    “We’ve already seen the consequences of incitement from the former president,” he continued. “He is principally responsible for inciting the violent insurrection that happened on Jan. 6. But clearly he has not learned his lesson.”

    No longer a deadly insurrection?

    • Pat

      I mean, the cops killed at least 2 unarmed insurrections, so *techincally*…

  12. juris imprudent

    Taibbi with something approaching a white pill. It’s public but I’ll give you a long quote, just because it reads so well.

    There was a ridiculous scene at Stanford law school recently, in which a conservative judge was muffled by a gaggle of future lawyers who’d been led by an assistant Dean in a characteristically moronic shouting-down exercise. The current strain of Junior Anti-Sex League-type protesters who fill campuses from coast to coast now sure do love their “heckler’s veto…”

    The Stanford Law School Dean Jenny Martinez was brilliant in response. Instead of doing what the heads of organizations have been doing for years in such situations, instead of doing, frankly, what I did during my own cancelation episode — frantically over-apologizing to people who have no use for or interest in apologies — Martinez sternly called the students out as clowns, reminding them in a long, serious, punishing letter that if they ever become officers of the court, they will be held to a higher standard than “lay people,” swearing to conduct themselves “at all times with dignity, courtesy and integrity.”

    Martinez went further, saying that on her watch, the school would not be doing the usual and committing itself to starter slates of political positions out of fear of reproach. “Our commitment to diversity, equity, and inclusion is not going to take the form of having the school administration announce institutional positions on a wide range of current social and political issues,” she wrote. The age of just giving in to mobs instead of insisting on our right to have different opinions and beliefs seems to be receding. It is beginning to dawn on sane, tolerant people everywhere that there are more of us than there are of them, and this still matters in a democracy.

    [emphasis added]

    • Q Continuum

      “The age of just giving in to mobs instead of insisting on our right to have different opinions and beliefs seems to be receding”

      That would be fantastic, but I’m not seeing a whole lot of evidence outside of one-offs like this.

      Then again, Taibbi could be right in that the genpop is getting wise to it; I’m not holding my breath.

    • Pat

      I hope he’s right, but I’ve never been less optimistic tbh.

      • rhywun

        You have good reason to be.

        Especially concerning Stanford.

        So far neither the diversity dean nor the students have been disciplined by the university. When the dean of the law school, Jenny Martinez, offered an apology (but did not punish the students), most of her own class walked out on her. And dozens of Stanford’s law school students lined the corridor in attempts to intimidate her as if she was some sort of toxic pariah.

        There may be “more of us” but most of us are not going to be inhabiting the seats of power like these snots will be soon.

      • SDF-7

        That’s a touch out of date, not that there’s been a lot on that front – but there has been some discipline.

      • rhywun

        Ah. Something good.

        “on leave” 🙄

        My reaction would have been a little different.

      • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

        God, I am glad my kid went to a top 10 STEM school, 10 years ago.

      • RBS

        JFC. So many punchable faces.

      • rhywun

        The few that aren’t dutifully masked up. 🙄

      • RBS

        I’m just glad I did my undergrad time in the early 00’s.

      • Grosspatzer

        The good news is that most of these kids won’t be breeding. PIV is out of the question for this cohort.

      • R C Dean

        “dozens of Stanford’s law school students lined the corridor in attempts to intimidate her as if she was some sort of toxic pariah.”

        Sounds like this was much milder than what was done to the sitting federal judge.

        Everybody involved in shutting down the judge is still on campus. I did not see the magic word “unpaid” attached to the DEI goon’s leave, so I assume it’s a paid vacation.

      • Not Adahn

        Shrieking at your prof can affect your grade.

      • RBS

        Those students should probably fail the Character and Fitness part of the Bar admission.

      • Sensei

        There are only two things that seem to get an attorney disbarred.

        1. Screwing with attorney trust accounts
        2. Criminal conviction

        Other than that you’re good.

    • nw

      A “long, serious, punishing letter” that does no punishing.

      Martinez here goes to lengths explaining that they
      can’t single out anyone for punishment because
      it would be too hard to distinguish what was protected
      protest and what was unprotected disruption.

      Um… coming up with an answer when the question
      is filled with fuzzy lines and gray boundaries is
      pretty much entirely what the law does. If she
      doesn’t think that an institution that trains lawyers
      can manage that, either she’s in the wrong job
      or Stanford law school is really bad at what its
      primary task is.

      Their actual proposed action? A half day
      of training on the first amendment and
      decorum expected of attorneys. That’s
      a slap on the wrist and effectively sends
      the message that they can continue to
      shout people down.

  13. Gender Traitor

    I would like to state for the record that I am, as I type this, making my chai latte using milk with a “sell by” date of March 24th.

    I am strong. I am invincible.

    • Ted S.

      The bigger problem is “chai latte”, not the milk.

      • Gender Traitor

        Hey! No drink shaming!

    • Grosspatzer
  14. SDF-7

    I’ve mentioned I’m historically more of a conservative than libertarian in many ways… Have to say that this really triggers my “They’re at war with society, act accordingly” impulses. As in “Call out the GA Guard already and take. them. down.”

    Which doesn’t mesh well with how I want the government to stop labeling enemies of the state “domestic terrorists” and abusing their rights, I know… I know… but these folks really are domestic terrorists (and I think the Fed and a lot of the folks in power approve of them and that’s why they aren’t getting the holy smiting they deserve). Very black-pill moment… this crap continues so folks like me will give in eventually to an instinct that “something must be done”, opening the door for new and exciting tactics to use against their political enemies.

    More likely, they’re just out of control Sturmabteilung no one has the will to rein in because they’re aligned with the radicals… but you have to wonder…

    • Pat

      but you have to wonder…

      It’s usually some combination of both. Like with 9/11. There legitimately were a bunch of Saudi terrorists (or Israeli Mossad, if you prefer) who boarded 3 airplanes and successfully crashed 2 of them into buildings. And also there were a bunch of lazy middle managers and evil upper managers in the FBI and intelligence apparatus who spent the previous decade shirking their working (to focus on important shit like stealing Cuban children from their American families to deport them back to Cuba, or nutso 7th Day Adventist off-shoots selling legal firearms and ammo), or orchestrating false flags to arrogate more power to themselves, respectively, and they were happy to exploit the situation to both ends for the next 20+ years.

      • juris imprudent

        Saudi terrorists – which is why we went into Afghanistan and Iraq!

        And to this day, no one ever seems to contemplate that.

      • Homple

        I’ve tried to get people to contemplate that. They respond with gibberish or a deer-in-the-headlights look. I have yet to hear a sensible response.

      • juris imprudent

        I mean, there should be one hell of a “W” joke in that. How dumb was President Bush?…

      • Ted S.

        Four airplanes, three of which were crashed into buildings.

      • Pat

        Right. The Pentagon, too. So much for “Never Forget.”

      • R C Dean

        Maybe five. There was some very suspicious activity around a couple of other planes; it looks like the box cutters for the fifth may have been pre-positioned on the wrong plane.

    • rhywun

      Antifa sees genuine problems like the current state of our system of law and order and uses fake concern for “solving” them as a cover for achieving their real goals which start with chaos and breakdown.

  15. SDF-7

    ‘Orning ‘Ordles… or “How close to Chumping can I shave this?” At least DuoTri wasn’t bad.

    Daily Duotrigordle #388
    Guesses: 36/37
    Time: 03:10.59
    https://duotrigordle.com/

    Daily Quordle 425
    8️⃣3️⃣
    5️⃣9️⃣
    m-w.com/games/quordle

    • Tundra

      Daily Quordle 425
      6️⃣4️⃣
      5️⃣7️⃣

      Lineage.

    • Pat

      Daily Quordle 425
      4️⃣5️⃣
      6️⃣7️⃣

    • rhywun

      Lots of GIGO

      Daily Quordle 425
      7️⃣5️⃣
      4️⃣8️⃣

    • Grosspatzer

      Closest to Chumptown?

      Daily Quordle 425
      8️⃣5️⃣
      4️⃣9️⃣
      m-w.com/games/quordle

      Blossom Puzzle, March 25
      Letters: A B C L E N S
      My score: 319 points
      My longest word: 9 letters
      🌺 🌷 🏵 🌹 💮 💐 🌸 🌻 🌼

      Play Blossom:
      https://www.merriam-webster.com/games/blossom-word-game

      • Penguin

        Daily Quordle 425
        5️⃣6️⃣
        7️⃣9️⃣
        m-w.com/games/quordle

        Didn’t want you to feel alone, GP.

  16. R C Dean

    “The children who work for us are an… interesting bunch.”

    When Old Man With Candy opens with this line . . . .

  17. Pat

    A triumph for women’s sports

    It’s not often that common sense wins out in today’s culture war. However, this week it did. World Athletics, the international governing body for athletics, has announced its new policy on trans participation in competitions. From 31 March, transgender athletes who have gone through male puberty will no longer be eligible to compete in female athletics competitions.

    This is seismic. It is also a much-welcome u-turn from World Athletics’ previous announcement earlier this year. In January, World Athletics stated that its ‘preferred option’ for trans policy was to tighten the criteria regarding minimum testosterone levels. Male-bodied athletes wishing to compete in female events would then have to stay below this required testosterone level for 12 months prior to a competition. Unsurprisingly, that announcement was met with a huge backlash from athletes and coaches alike, as it still allowed biological males to compete against women.

    The new, stricter policy brings World Athletics into line with several other sporting bodies, including World Aquatics (formerly known as FINA). The decision recognises the unambiguous fact that going through male puberty confers significant physiological advantages on athletes. These include increases in upper-body strength, bone density, muscle mass, lung capacity, hand size and height. Suppression of testosterone does not and cannot mitigate against these advantages. This is why World Athletics’ previous policy, with its sole focus on testosterone, was so misguided.

    Thankfully, World Athletics now seems to have turned the corner on the trans issue. Announcing the new policy yesterday, World Athletics president Sebastian Coe stated that the ‘overarching principle’ was to ‘protect the female category’. He said that ‘fairness’ must come first. He also announced that he would be commissioning a working group to conduct further research on issues related to transgender athletes.

    Predictably, the change in policy was met with significant anger from trans ideologues. Pink News described the decision as being the result of ‘moral hysteria’. Stonewall said that it would ‘stand with trans people who now have the door closed on their chance to compete in athletic sports at an international level’.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Will they fold like a lawn chair? The world waits.

    • juris imprudent

      This is unfortunately fuel for the fire of puberty-blocking treatments.

      • rhywun

        My thoughts exactly.

  18. Gender Traitor

    Old Man, another good way to set up the experiment would have been to invite Snowflake to your luh-BORE-uh-TORE-y (mwah-ha-ha!) late one evening, bring a container of milk bearing that day’s “sell by” date, then observe – from a safe distance, of course, wearing full hazmat gear and standing behind multiple layers of lexan (or whatever the kids are using these days) – what happens… ::ominous timpani roll:: at MIDNIGHT!!!! 😲

    Namely, nothing.

    • SDF-7

      He presumably never wants to get Snowflake wet… so he probably also doesn’t want to feed her after midnight.

    • Pat

      invite Snowflake to your luh-BORE-uh-TORE-y (mwah-ha-ha!) late one evening, bring a container of milk bearing that day’s “sell by” date, then observe – from a safe distance, of course, wearing full hazmat gear and standing behind multiple layers of lexan (or whatever the kids are using these days) – what happens… ::ominous timpani roll:: at MIDNIGHT!!!! 😲

      Actual footage

      • SDF-7

        Given the pronunciation — I assume this was her footage.

    • Nephilium

      You could also do a triangle test, which is done in the brewing world. You have two items that you want to compare, and you pour three samples. Two samples from x, and one sample from y. The first question on the survey for the comparison is to identify which sample of the three is different. If that question is wrong, the rest of the survey is invalid. If ~33% of the participants selected the correct sample, you can assume the two items are close enough to be considered identical to the general public.

      It would also be interesting to do the test with none of the “expired” milk, and see if you get the same reaction. Not really a valid test, but a good way to identify psychosomatic issues (this was done multiple times with people reporting to be sensitive to WiFi signals).

  19. Ted S.

    This week’s drama involves Snowflake, who has quit because she doesn’t “feel safe” around me

    I don’t feel safe around her. She’s a lawsuit against me waiting to happen.

  20. PieInTheSky

    With the risk of sounding slightly gay talking about flowers in bucharest, the cherry plum trees these year have an above average number of them

    https://photos.app.goo.gl/wAbxPGQditgyYUg36

    • Tundra

      Gorgeous!

  21. PieInTheSky

    My mom just watched the figuer skating. Your american guy lost. Weak. Did do the first ever quadruple axel in competition, but thst dont get you the dub

    • SDF-7

      Ok… I was going to give you the flower talk…. but following it right up with figure skating? Gay….

    • R C Dean

      I first read that as “your american gay”.

  22. Tundra

    Good morning, Old Man!

    Must have been a gas leak that blew up Wonka’s factory, huh? Awful.

    I don’t feel like looking it up, but how are the expiration dates established? My dad, a retired pharmacist, said that expiration dates on most pharmaceuticals are bullshit and only to keep sales going.

    You should hire retired people instead of retards. The hardware store in my neighborhood has a bunch of old dudes working there and they are fantastic. They know everything and are always cheerful.

    What’s everyone doing today?

    • Gender Traitor

      Haven’t decided what’s on the agenda for today. It’s cloudy and kinda dreary here in SW OH, but not as cold as I’d expected – 49 degrees at the moment.

      There’s always laundry.

      • Tundra

        It’s only gonna get to 36 here today. We should be in the mid 50s, FFS! At least it’s sunny, I guess.

      • Nephilium

        We’re relatively warm up here… up in the 50’s. With rain and near 30 MPH winds.

    • EvilSheldon

      First, I’m planning on dragging myself out of bed and getting some coffee going. I don’t think the heavy cream has expired yet.

      USPSA match starts at 12pm today. It’s gonna be rainy, and I can’t find my GoreTex hardshell. Fuck my life…

      Tonight, if it clears up, I’m gonna go out and play with my new night vision monocular.

      • Not Adahn

        One of the guys at my club participated in Midnight Brutality. I haven’t got details out of him yet, but he said it was a blast.

      • Ted S.

        Technically, aren’t all shooting events a blast?

    • Fourscore

      Do you remember Knox Building Supplies? I stopped in at the one on Snelling Ave in St Paul one evening for some plumbing supplies. The sales person was a woman about 60 years old, I told her what I wanted/needed. She started putting stuff in my shopping cart, when I did the install I had nothing left over and no second trips back and the toilet flushed exactly perfect. Those people are few and far between, though I had a youngster at Menard’s outfit a sump pump repair once, saving me a ton of money.

      • Tundra

        I do remember Knox! It was a great store.

        Even the youngsters at the hardware store are pretty good. There really is nothing better than a good hardware store.

      • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

        ” There really is nothing better than a good hardware store.”

        QFT

    • juris imprudent

      Oh, probably doing taxes.

    • Nephilium

      I’m going to swing by a local bar for Orval day, from their newsletter:

      The importer of Orval, Merchant Du Vin, is donating $.50 💰 of every bottle sold on Orval Day to the National Forest Foundation. We are proud to be a purveyor of Orval and we are a “Cum Laude Ambassadeur” of the Orval brand. We are the only Cum Laude Ambassadeur in the US and one of only 22 Cum Laude Ambassadeurs out of 181 total in the world. This distinction comes from our handling of the revered beer by pouring it in its distinct chalice and offering an older version of Orval-Oud Orval.

      Then I’m going to see a friend and see how they’re doing. Potentially going out with them for a pint and some food.

    • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

      Giving the wife some time to herself, while I go antique hunting.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Meeting with the Feds.

      • Grosspatzer

        Saturday night Zoom?

      • Old Man With Candy

        I’m keeping her far, far away from that.

  23. Brawndo

    I’m going to Boston today to meet up with some friends. Specifically Cambridge. Specifically Harvard Square area. I haven’t been to Boston in 4 years, does anyone know if they are doing vaccine papers for restaurants?

    • slumbrew

      Nah; there are a couple hold-outs that claim to, like Dear Annie, but they didn’t ask last time I was there.

    • Tundra

      Amazing. I don’t understand having cars you don’t drive, though.

      • Sensei

        There are a few there like the RX 7, but it looks he drives a large part of the collection including the race cars.

      • Tundra

        That was the one. I’d drive the hell out of it. I’d rather have that then almost anything else I saw.

      • Nephilium

        The girlfriend loves the Tucker Torpedo, I would never even consider wanting to drive one of those here in Cleveland. Most are in museums and private collections.

    • Gender Traitor

      👍🏼👍🏼

  24. Drake

    I bet your solution for saving our soldiers stationed in Syria would also alleviate the need to kill a bunch of other people periodically.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Nice story.

    If SCIENCE! jumped off a cliff, would you just jump right after it?

  26. Drake

    Kanye has to trolling because that’s hilarious. If only Hitler could have seen Jonah Hill in action.

    • slumbrew

      Shots fired!
      😀

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Murray must have been a blast to hang with.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Ah well, Gilmore’d

        But I get it

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Nice car collection. I like that they paid extra attention to the DTM Mercedes. Of all the Mercedes cars out there, the 16 valve 190 is one of a very few I actually would want to own. I’d park it next to my BMW M6.

  28. Homple

    I agree with OMWC about Borlaug. And now the global warming hairshirts and Davoisie are undoing his work.

    • slumbrew

      I was inordinately pleased that I correctly guessed Borlaug for that link.

      • Gender Traitor

        Isn’t that the creature Gandalf fought in the Mines of Moria? 😕

      • Nephilium

        Norman Borlaug is probably responsible for saving the lives of more people than anyone else (with the possible exception of Alexander Fleming).

      • Sean

        Heh

  29. Count Potato

    “In suspect charged in the violent robbery of a 44-year-old Vietnamese mom who was left paralyzed has made sick phone calls from jail slamming her for setting up a GoFundMe.

    Joseph Harrell was allegedly caught on camera as he body-slammed Nhung Truong on to the concrete as tried to steal cash from her, leaving her with serious bodily injuries from which she may never recover.

    Truong had just taken $4,300 from a cash machine to help pay for what was going to be an upcoming trip back to her native Vietnam.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11900863/Suspect-violent-robbery-Vietnamese-woman-Houston-lashes-victims-GoFundMe.html

    $4,300 from an ATM?

    • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

      I assume you have never been to Little Saigon?

      • Count Potato

        I can’t say that I’ve had.

        Pretty sure most of the bank machines I’ve used had a limit of $400 – $600 dollars.

    • juris imprudent

      More anti-Asian white supremacist violence, tsk, tsk.

    • LCDR_Fish

      It’s pretty nuts – saw some threads on Twitter- apparently he was already on reduced bail for a weapons charge when he did this and the judge reduced the bail on a violent crime that left a woman paralyzed because it was too high for his family to bail him out. Absolutely mind-boggling. (And this while the J6 folks are in for years foe non-violent offenses).

    • juris imprudent

      Why, because our national-security-assholes are jealous?

      • Count Potato

        No.

      • Sensei

        It’s ridiculous. Private employers restrict applications on company equipment all the time for security and privacy.

        And here we have a huge fucking show about some governments doing the same or considering doing the same.

        You can’t eve access the service directly. You need an app and mobile device. JFC.

      • juris imprudent

        The owner of the device is the one to decide. If the govt decides no TikTok on govt-owned devices – cool.

    • Count Potato

      “No I am not going to make an ideologically consistent argument. No I don’t care about being hypocritical. Nope don’t even care about the political implications of it being a Chinese run app.

      I just hate Tik Tok. That’s my stance. GOOD RIDDANCE.”

      https://twitter.com/Lauren_Southern/status/1639402379551604736

      Good video.

      • Sensei

        The best part is that is the common Japanese word for penis the way English uses dick or cock.

        It just flew under the radar.

      • juris imprudent

        Now that I can agree with. That doesn’t make it justifiable for the state to make that pronouncement.

      • Count Potato

        The First Amendment doesn’t mean you can sell typewriters made out of plutonium. Tik Tok is designed to cause mental illness, and it’s working.

        It’s also banned in China, as Tik Tok in China is a completely different app.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Mainstreaming

    Just days after an East High School student shot two of that school’s administrators during a daily “pat down,” the principal of Denver’s largest middle school tells 9NEWS his school must also perform daily pat downs on a student charged with, among other things, attempted first-degree murder and illegal discharge of a firearm.

    McAuliffe International School’s Principal Kurt Dennis also said he believes it’s not just his school that’s received increased pressure from the district to accommodate potentially dangerous students.

    “I think it’s important that people know, and I think it’s important that parents know. I think it’s important that school leaders speak out and say, ‘This is not OK and needs to stop,’” Dennis said.

    His decision to go public will undoubtedly focus even more attention on Denver Public Schools’ (DPS) policy when it comes to placing high-risk students inside middle and high school classrooms.

    ——-

    On Wednesday, a student that had been expelled from the Cherry Creek School District shot and wounded Jerald Mason and Eric Sinclair. Both were performing a daily pat down of Austin Lyle, 17, as part of a district safety plan. That day, DPS Superintendent Dr. Alex Marrero said it was “a result of previous behavior.”

    More than 800 students who could be a danger to themselves or others have gone through threat assessments this school year.

    Stop Monday morning quarterbacking. They’re focused on the important stuff. Like defending the rights of crossdressers.

    • Steve

      “I recognize that every kid deserves an education, regardless of their state in the legal system, that kid deserves a free public education, but there is more than one way to do that,” Dennis said.

      This is the rationale for most of the fuckery surrounding violence in schools today. I was a part of a presentation tour across my former district last year. The message was that, as far the law is concerned, removing a student who has behavioral or mental health issues is no different than removing a student because he or she is black. That sentiment, amongst other related things, is why I left.

  31. Lackadaisical

    “the etiology of her gastrointestinal discomfort might be excessive cum-guzzling.”

    Come for the libertarianism, stay for the bantz.

    • Grosspatzer

      What France needs is human sacrifice, in the great tradition of Robespierrre and the guillotine. Start with Macron.

    • Sensei

      €2.4K Bell and Ross.

    • Ted S.

      The “sacrifice” is waiting until 64 to get your free shit state pension.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Random expostulation of annoyance incoming:

    “Sex assigned at birth”

    Sex is not “assigned” at birth, you cretinous liars. The doctor does not flip a coin and then say, “Tails! Congratulations, it’s a girl.”

    Sex is OBSERVED at birth, and recorded accordingly.

  33. Count Potato

    “The survey covers some of the basic facts of the lives of people who call themselves trans. For example, it reveals that a large majority — 69% — of people who call themselves trans have not used hormone treatments. An even larger majority — 84% — have not had surgery. Most of them, 77%, told researchers they simply changed the types of clothes they wear and/or their hairstyle….

    The survey also looked into the everyday behavior of people who call themselves trans. It found that a large majority — 70% — do not present themselves as trans in public all the time. Some never do. “Trans people don’t always present as a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth,” the Washington Post said. “Three in ten trans people physically present as a different gender all the time, while 20 percent do so ‘most of the time.’ Another 34 percent present as a different gender some of the time, and a small but significant share (16 percent) say they ‘never’ physically present as a gender different from their sex assigned at birth.”

    Finally, the survey found that a majority of people characterized as trans actually prefer to be referred to as something else. The researchers found that 62% of those surveyed preferred to be called “nonbinary” or “gender non-conforming,” while only 22% preferred to be called a “trans woman” and 12% a “trans man.”

    https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/a-new-look-at-trans-in-america

    So most people claiming to be trans aren’t.

    • Gender Traitor

      If younger than, say, 22, how many are “Trans Until Graduation”?

      • Count Potato

        Probably many, just like “Lesbian Until Graduation”. If “nonbinary” or “gender non-conforming” is considered trans, then anyone can claim to be trans.

      • rhywun

        Now you’re cooking with gas.

      • slumbrew

        Now you’re triggering other New York Glibs

    • Mojeaux

      Why can’t they all just be Boy George???

      • Count Potato

        Not everyone can sing?

  34. DEG

    This week’s drama involves Snowflake, who has quit because she doesn’t “feel safe” around me.

    How long until she’s back?

  35. Mojeaux

    @JI from dedthred

    That part is what is confusing me. The preacher-con-man’s wife being more savvy than the man who plays games himself.

    He has his own agenda, which is diametrically opposed to his wife’s. If Trey is conning him, they want the same end, so he really doesn’t care, and in fact, considers Trey a stroke of luck. He’s a showman. He’s putting on a show.

  36. The Late P Brooks

    The message was that, as far the law is concerned, removing a student who has behavioral or mental health issues is no different than removing a student because he or she is black.

    Holy shit. That’s an impressive contortion.

    • Tres Cool

      “So you’re arguing that being black is the same as being retarded. Ok, let’s run with that.”

      Then again, Hillary called them “super-predators” which most likely is a behavioral issue.