Wet Acceptance Saturates American Culture

by | Apr 27, 2023 | Gender, Health Care, Satire | 203 comments

31 year old Sage Azurewood knew they was different after returning to in-person meetings of the Portland Ink and Stationery Show for the first time since Covid forced a pause.

“I didn’t realize just how much people wet shame these days! Like, all sorts of dry gaze and microaggressions and hate speech!” Azurewood, a founder of the Wet Acceptance League, has been victimized in every public outing since they started going outside again this February.

One of the more surprising consequences of covid has been a rise in wet shaming. Over 38% of Americans, according to a recent poll conducted by Depends Marketing, have experienced wet shaming in the last 6 months, and a whopping 17% have been victims of wetscrimination. This is doubly concerning given the substantial 44% increase in people identifying as “wet” or “wetrosexual” .

Wet shaming is a new term gaining traction, but it describes a much older phenomenon.

“Wet shaming, like, isn’t the first choice I had for what to call it. Like, I wanted to call it piss shaming, but my grandma googled it and started telling me stories about her summer backpacking across Europe, ” Azurewood overshared.

Grandma Azurewood, in a voicemail, responded with unfortunate bigotry, “I haven’t seen Sagey in weeks, but if you’ve seen [deadpronoun], tell [deadpronoun] that [deadpronoun] owes me eight hundred fifty bucks for getting the [wet shaming] smell out of the upholstery! Oh, and [deadpronoun] owes me two grand for last month’s rent!”

The wet acceptance movement has gained steam on social media under the #iAmMoreThanMyWetSpot, #transToilet and #PissPositive hashtags, garnering dozens of high profile supporters. Some have even gone so far as supporting free peeing, the natural and admirable practice of urinating wherever and whenever one feels the need.

Some hateful opponents to the wet acceptance movement have seeped out into the public. These wetphobes use their white supremacist language to make bigoted statements about odor and bathrooms. Azurewood is undeterred, though.

“With any great cause, there are always haters. Like, Hitler and Donald Trump probably never peed their pants. It’ll take time, like maybe even weeks, before everybody realizes how wet phobic they are.”

Ultimately, it is unclear whether Azurewood will prevail in conquering wetphobia. Their success depends on many factors. However, if given a chance, they will pullup this critical issue into the general consciousness. At the very least, they and their wet spot will continue to be a fixture at the Portland Ink and Stationery Show.

About The Author

trshmnstr

trshmnstr

I stink, therefore I am.

203 Comments

  1. Not Adahn

    Ew.

  2. Ownbestenemy

    I peed a lil

    Nice work Trashy!

  3. Brochettaward

    Are you Firsting right now? I’m Firstinjg right now.

    • Bobarian LMD

      I hear this in Ted Levine’s voice…

      “I’d first me, I’d first me so hard.”

      • WTF

        *Cues up Goodbye Firstes*

  4. juris imprudent

    I may have to read this on the radio at Burning Man, where wet acceptance is also met with resistance: no peeing on the playa.

  5. The Gunslinger

    I must admit, since we moved onto a couple acres outside town last year I water the trees regularly.

  6. R.J.

    Fantastic. I imagine there are all kinds of subcultures like:
    #wetcoffeescent
    and
    #wetasparagusarmy

    • Sean

      #wetbrightyellowvitamins

      • Bobarian LMD

        #Ketopeemakesmyeyesburn

      • Sean

        You have terrible aim, or quite the fetish.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Indoor plumbing is so bourgeois.

    • Bobarian LMD

      But not as bourgeois as disposable diapers.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Wet shaming is a new term gaining traction, but it describes a much older phenomenon.

    Needs more whack-on-the-nose-with-a-rolled-up-newspaper.

    • Bobarian LMD

      No kink shaming allowed.

  9. Certified Public Asshat

    Gender, Health Care, Satire

    I’m not convinced this isn’t from San Francisco reddit subposting.

  10. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    Wet is OK, but moist is the woist.

  11. Grumbletarian

    Did someone forget the Fiction tag for this? I can only hope someone forgot the Fiction tag.

    • Grumbletarian

      Oh, satire. Phew.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Not satire, a look into our almost certain future.

      • Fourscore

        That future is here for some people, well, OK, for a lot of people.

  12. Grumbletarian

    Carrying over from previous thread Re: NRA and blakpipo.

    In fairness, it does seem to be historical record that the NRA supported the Mulford Act in California, signed by then-Governor Reagan, which outlawed carrying a loaded firearms in public. The law passed shortly after a peaceful armed demonstration by members of the Black Panthers. This seems to be the lynchpin (pun intended?) of the argument that the NRA hates blacks.

    • UnCivilServant

      Repeating myself from the old thread – Nonsense, it means the NRA is too squishy on gun rights.

      • Bobarian LMD

        This right here.

    • db

      “linch pin.”

      it’s spelled “linch pin.”

    • EvilSheldon

      You’d think that they’d be able to come up with an example from the last fifty years…

    • Fatty Bolger

      Wasn’t the NRA also pro gun-control back then?

      • EvilSheldon

        Pro-gun control would be an inaccurate characterization.

        But this was way before the Neal Knox revolt, so it would be fair to say that fighting gun laws wasn’t as much of a concern at the time.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      I’d have to watch the video again, but did Vivek actually say the NRA was involved in securing gun rights for black people, or did Lemon put those words in his mouth? I think Vivek’s argument was that blacks gun rights helped blacks secure their other rights. Gun rights don’t necessarily coincide with the NRA.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Good question.

      • R.J.

        I believe it was the latter, (blacks used guns to secure their other rights) which Lemon dismissed out of hand. Vivek is a very capable debater when faced with an honest opponent.

      • Fourscore

        If I was a voter I’d be taking a second look at Ol’ Vivek. It’s way past the best used by date on many of the candidates, time to pass the torch.

      • R.J.

        I like him too. Sadly that means he has no chance.

      • juris imprudent

        I’d have to register as a Republican to waste my vote on him.

        Not worth it.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        I rewatched it. The NRA came up in the conversation because they played a clip of Vivek giving a speech at the NRA. Eventually in the argument with LeMon, Vivek does say that the NRA played a big role in blacks securing their gun rights. I’m not sure I buy that argument. It seems their record is spotty at best.

        That said, LeMon claims Vivek is saying that the Civil War was fought only so that blacks could have gun rights, and he’s being obtuse about what Vivek means when he says “After the Civil War”.

      • juris imprudent

        Poor Don, never read the Dred Scott decision apparently. Taney included guns among the rights that blacks would have if they were to be treated as equal to whites.

      • R C Dean

        “Vivek does say that the NRA played a big role in blacks securing their gun rights. I’m not sure I buy that argument. It seems their record is spotty at best.”

        To the extent the NRA has advanced gun rights, then it has helped blacks secure gun rights (right alongside everyone else). It’s likely that, if anything, blacks benefited disproportionately from the recent expansions of gun rights, as gun control was pretty much a stealth Jim Crow thing in a lot of place for a lot of years.

    • Brochettaward

      I think you guys are analyzing this way too much. Gun rights is racist is a stupid leftwing talking point that most haven’t thought out for more than two seconds. It’s based on some kneejerk stereotype that people who like guns are all white, and just scared of scary dark people.

      If you get one who has really read into the talking point, they may spew some nonsense about how gun rights were stripped from blacks in the South. So obviously people today who support gun rights, going back to the above, are hypocrites and their support of gun rights stops as soon as it comes to black people owning guns. It’s some sort of retarded gottcha like how segregation in the south was supposedly a market failure and required government intervention.

      The NRA is just a stand-in for gun rights even if a lot of gun owners don’t particularly care for the squishy NRA.

    • juris imprudent

      The Pre-Cincinatti NRA also supported and was neutral on the ’34 NFA and ’68 GCA respectively.

  13. db

    What the fuck?

    Nice work, Trashy; you left me completely bewildered!

  14. Scruffyy Nerfherder

    With each passing minute my ability to discern between satire and truth diminishes.

    • Brochettaward

      The internet has been both the greatest and worst thing to ever happen to humanity.

  15. Michael Malaise

    Sage Azurewood is a much cooler name than Green Bluewood.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Sage’s birth certificate read “Bill Johnson”.

      • R.J.

        “Yellowbeard Wetspot”

      • Bobarian LMD

        But it is spelled “Raymond Luxury Yacht”.

      • whahappan

        And pronounced “Throatwarbler Mangrove.”

      • whahappan

        I know it’s a late reply, but I can’t believe nobody else replied with that.

  16. pistoffnick

    There is a hardcore subculture in motorcycling called the Iron Butt Challenge – ride 1000 miles in less than 24 hours. Some participants have been known to wear an external catheter with a hose running inside the pantleg to below the boot. That way they only have to stop for gas, not bathroom breaks.

    • Sean

      Cuz that sounds like fun.

      🙄

    • Compelled Speechless

      Not the same thing. Wet activists seek to free us from the social construct that running around covered in your own bodily fluids prominently saturating your clothing is anything to be ashamed of. Catheters are patriarchal, racist and ableist at the very least. Bikers should feel free to proudly let their hogs soil their hogs.

      • Michael Malaise

        Catheter
        .
        .
        .
        Cathedral

        Checks out.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Those bikers should then learn how to pee from a moving bike like cyclists do in a race.

    • EvilSheldon

      Long-duration glider pilots, too. Although they at least have the excuse that they really *can’t* stop to drain the vein…

    • Bobarian LMD

      Why would you do that? That’s about 16 hrs of riding time at 60 per, which leaves another 8 hours for rest, relaxation, and recuperation.

      • pistoffnick

        Why do people climb mountains or sail across oceans?

      • Bobarian LMD

        The catheter is for setting a new 2 wheel Cannonball rally record, but ain’t necessary for the iron-butt.

        32+ hours

    • Mojeaux

      I was going to try the iron butt challenge, but then I got married and immediately got pregnant, so I haven’t had a motorcycle since.

      • UnCivilServant

        Sounds like you need a model Motorcycle, or an RC cycle.

  17. Shirley Knott

    The new Yellow Peril!

  18. limey

    Kegel, people, or kugel. Whichever one of those is for your pelvic floor. I know the other one involves a lot of carbs and spinach.

    • Not Adahn

      If you clench really fast, the Germans call that a kugelblitz.

      • Ownbestenemy

        *wipes tear from eye*

  19. EvilSheldon

    “…they will pullup this critical issue…

    *stands, applauds*

    • rhywun

      inorite?

  20. Drake

    I think I’ve been yellow-pilled.

  21. Michael Malaise

    DIURETICS by L. RON TRSHMNSTER

    • pistoffnick

      Very Nice!

      /truly much better than Krishna

      • R.J.

        Beautiful. Trashy will love that when he sees it.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      The Science of Matter over Mind.

  22. Red Pill Matt

    While deadlifting the other day, I had such a good valsalva technique that I peed about a shots worth. I too would like to conquer wetphobia.

    • Tundra

      Nice technique!

  23. Fatty Bolger

    This will not be popular with the sitzpinkler community.

  24. Ownbestenemy

    Reads up and down comments…I absolutely love this community that reverts back to 12 year old boys

    • Bobarian LMD

      Reverts?

      When are we not?

      • Tres Cool

        I’ve noticed that when I’m at work or with my friends, I behave like my 16 year-old son.
        When I’m with my son, I sound exactly like my Father.

    • Grumbletarian

      And if this was a gas powered car, what would they do? I don’t think you guys understand how fucking stupid this argument is.

      Well I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t need to bring a refinery to refuel a gas powered car.

      • DrOtto

        I always see police cars sitting on the side of the road out of gas.

    • rhywun

      Complete with an r-tard swing and a miss in the comments.

      Just saw a blurb yesterday about the new fleet and asked myself what could possibly go wrong.

      • Sean

        There’s gonna be good money to be made in emergency field recharging.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Especially when you can make it a licensed profession and lobby to allow for as few licenses to be allowed as possible. If there’s good money in something, there’s even better money you do it as a cartel.

      • Sean
    • Tundra

      NGL that kind of makes my day.

  25. Brochettaward

    I’m surprised there has been a rather muted reaction to Steven Crowder suggesting/implying that his wife shouldn’t have been allowed to divorce him. It’s like a perfect left wing gottcha moment. What a misogynist pig that Crowder guy is.

    While it clearly isn’t the role of the state to force two people to stay in a relationship, there is a broader point about how people take these vows to stay together and often times people end things simply because they claim they aren’t happy. Your individual happiness, at least when kids involved, doesn’t mean jack shit to me. You made the commitment. And it definitely seems like women are the ones who are more prone to taking the position that its ok to break up families simply because they aren’t happy enough at all times Then they all claim they were abused and the man was toxic because he may have said mean words to her during an argument (ignoring all the awful shit they say in the same situation). And society applauds at this point. What a strong women! How brave, much brave, so courage.

    Men seem more likely to nut up and stay in a relationship when kids are involved.

    • Grumbletarian

      Men seem more likely to nut up and stay in a relationship when kids are involved.

      Not hard to understand when the alternative is likely to be “We’ll take a chunk of your money away for the next decade or more and sometimes you might be allowed to see the kids, maybe.”

      • Brochettaward

        The state definitely does makes it easier for women to call it quits.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I heard a stat yesterday that 70% of no-fault divorces are initiated by women. May not be true. But it makes sense. Meet a nice safe guy, have kids with him, guarantee the kids’ future, and then go have fun with the unstable guys. It’s also called the 7 year itch.

        I sometimes read a site called Bogleheads for investment guidance (passive index). The commentariat mostly consist of men scared of guns and global warming, with steady desk jobs, and who have fat 401ks. Blindside divorce posts are all too common.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Yeah, that’s what studies show, and I remember hearing a divorce lawyer who was on one of those Sunday morning radio shows saying the same thing. I think it skews even higher with college educated women.

        Interesting in Crowder’s case that they stay married for 10 years with no kids, had kids (twins) in 2021, and according to him she asked for a divorce that year. Makes you wonder.

    • Mojeaux

      Men seem more likely to nut up and stay in a relationship when kids are involved.

      If they don’t divorce, they’ve checked out mentally and emotionally because they a) don’t like kids/never wanted kids/don’t like them now that they’ve had them, b) can’t afford to live alone/pay child support, c) are co-dependent on their wife/mother, d) see their wife like a bangmaid, e) married to their job/occupied by their side piece, f) don’t want to care for a health-stricken spouse.

      Staying married isn’t necessarily a virtue and staying married isn’t the only vow taken.

      • Mojeaux

        In any of these circumstances (save the child support), divorce is the most honorable option of dishonorable options. Say it out loud. Then pay for your emotional and mental disability via cash. And then, sometimes not even that.

      • R C Dean

        So, this “bangmaid” thing you mentioned . . . .

    • Fatty Bolger

      He’s getting divorced? Well that didn’t last long, except by Hollywood standards, maybe.

      You touch on something that’s always been a pet peeve of mine, though – the constant refrain that kids are better off with divorced parents than parents who are just staying together for the kids. Gotta call bullshit on that. I saw it both ways with friends growing up, and the kids whose parents stayed together until they were at least college age had the easier time of it.

      • Mojeaux

        the kids whose parents stayed together until they were at least college age had the easier time of it.

        Were the parents fighting all the time/talking shit or were they putting in the work to make a solid family?

        I have zero divorce in my family except possibly my brother, who finally decided to live his authentic gay life, and even then he lives on the property and takes care of the kids, so I really don’t know what I’m talking about, but hey. I have friends who’ve escaped bad relationships. It’s not always on the guy (I’m not one to make excuses for whatever shit my friends dish out), but I know enough women whose husbands stayed in the aforementioned checked-out state.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Well that’s the thing, parents who fight all the time/talk shit in front of their kids aren’t going to change and suddenly become better parents just because they got divorced. They’ll just be the same shitty parents, only divorced, with the kids now in an unstable situation, and often with a steady parade of strangers (aka Mom’s boyfriend/Dad’s girlfriend) stomping through their lives.

        Unless there’s actual abuse, once you have kids, any decision to split up is for you, not for the kids. Don’t try to talk yourself into using “it’s better for the kids” as an excuse, because it’s not. Acknowledge and accept that the kids will almost certainly be better off if you stay together, and work from there.

      • rhywun

        steady parade of strangers (aka Mom’s boyfriend/Dad’s girlfriend) stomping through their lives

        I resemble that comment.

        Though, the way my Mom told it, I was better off without my father around. I never saw him again after the age of 3. I tend to be on side of “parents should stay together” but I’ll take my Mom’s word for it.

      • Fatty Bolger

        There’s nothing wrong with divorcing for the sake of the kids, if that’s what the situation demands. Or divorcing an abusive spouse. But I think we all know that most divorces aren’t like that, it’s just one or both spouses deciding they want something else for themselves. Not for the kids – for themselves.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Paging Elspeth…

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Hm. I did not know that. 🤔

        I hope your ex-SIL is friendly and understanding.

      • Mojeaux

        Well, I don’t advertise it. This is the same brother who came to my rescue when I most needed it, so I don’t discuss it much. Also, it’s not really my business.

        SIL is not an ex, and likely not going to be. He told her before they got married (20+ years ago) that he was gay and it was her decision whether to take that risk or not. I would like to express to her my sympathies on the matter, and that she will always be part of the family no matter what, but I don’t know if such an expression would be welcome or not. I err on the side of not saying anything.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Hmm x2!

        Deeds, not words, I suppose re SIL. If you already get along well, I bet she appreciates your light touch.

    • Fourscore

      I divorced my first wife precisely because there were kids involved. I had to get them out of a schizophrenic environment, where one moment to the next always brought unanticipated, unexpected and bizarre situations.

      • Mojeaux

        This is the way.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Understandable, but that’s an atypical situation that most people considering divorce aren’t facing.

      • Brochettaward

        I didn’t mean to imply there is no reason for divorce. Two parent home is not *always* better, but much of the time it is. I think a lot of people have been fed a line of bullshit they use to justify what is almost entirely a selfish decision.

        I don’t even mean to imply that Crowder’s wife was wrong. Each situation has to be judged on its own terms.

    • kinnath

      I used to tell young couples they should skip marriage and go for the 3-year contract with option to renew.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        👍

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        And a draft pick to be named later.

      • kinnath

        I fucked that up. The only attempt to post without a server error was a mistake.

      • R.J.

        I just thought is was some new sarcasm, to point to the currently open post. I saw it as genius.

      • Fatty Bolger

        LOL, same, for a minute there I was like an art critic standing in front of a blank canvas hanging on the wall of a museum, trying to figure out what it means, but assuming it must be the work of a genius.

      • kinnath

        I can’t even reply because of internal server errors.

      • kinnath

        The system is just fucking with me now.

    • juris imprudent

      Crowder’s marital situation interests me just as much as that of a Kardashian.

      • Brochettaward

        Post wasn’t so much about Crowder’s marital status. His specific comment implying that the law should prevent marriage is the sort of thing that I’d expect some lefties, especially on Youtube, to make hey of.

    • Gustave Lytton

      He’s unhappy that his wife would get louder with him?

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Crowder deserves to be with someone as faithful as you Brochetta.

      • juris imprudent

        But would that be a first, for either of them?

      • Compelled Speechless

        RIght? To bad Brochetta didn’t marry him First.

      • Brochettaward

        I am a very loyal, classy guy.

        I sporadically listen to Crowder. I’m enjoying the drama – all of it, because that’s what it is. Entertainment. It’s probably less entertaining to Crowder. Just because I correctly pointed out that the Daily Wire’s terms were bullshit and the monetary rewards greatly exaggerated does not mean I have undying devotion to a conservative commentator. You were wrong on that subject. Nearly every other content creator agreed with Crowder, as well.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    And if this was a gas powered car, what would they do? I don’t think you guys understand how fucking stupid this argument is.

    If it had been a gas powered car it would have been back underway in five minutes, max.

    • Tundra

      Yeah, that was a pretty sad gotcha.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    If I knew who Steven Crowder was I still wouldn’t give a fuck about his home life.

    • Brochettaward

      The guy has a bigger audience than any cable news talking head, boomer.

      • Tundra

        I want to like him but he’s just not that funny.

        /gen x

      • kinnath

        Just another carnival barker. Not worth my time.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I’ve watched quite a few of his segments and I don’t really get his appeal. I agree that he’s not that funny and I don’t think I’ve ever heard a take that’s all that original or particularly well articulated. I don’t hate him, he’s just far from my first choice for a talking head.

      • Brochettaward

        He is not as funny as he thinks he is and his ego struggles with that. I find the most obnoxious thing about him how he desperately wants to see his show as the successor to late night comedy shows and how much he talks about the hard work he does creating all this professional content.

        Like, he was an early adopter of Youtube and saw its potential to be a better platform than cable news. But he still has an inferiority complex about being a podcaster and has to make it more than it is. And that’s part of the problem he had with Landau, I suspect. He wanted this regimented professional show and he wanted Landau to commit fully to it (some people are saying he may have fallen off the wagon, as well).

        Shows like his are at their best when its people with good chemistry just shooting the shit on current events. And some of his bits are cringy and a waste of time.

      • Not Adahn

        So if I’m watching a long-ass youtube video and it takes me three or four viewing attempts to get through it, am I counted as one viewer, or a new viewer each time I start it?

      • Fatty Bolger

        You’re counted as a new viewer each time, but it also tracks time watched, so it would only be one video’s worth of time (assuming you fast forwarded to where you left off each time).

      • R C Dean

        “how much he talks about the hard work he does creating all this professional content”

        Aw, hell no. Few things grind my gears more than insecure people who won’t shut up about their insecurities.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Steven Crowder’s not
        that funny
        ——————————-
        Change my mind

      • Ted S.

        Not a haiku.

      • rhywun

        I find all the podheads a lot of you people go on about to be unwatchable.

        I just can’t stand that format, I guess.

      • juris imprudent

        Whoa, is he as big as Rogan?

      • Brochettaward

        Maybe you should re-read the statement I made because it was fairly specific. And he probably just did get Joe Rogan type money from Rumble. He is arguably the top conservative personality in the country and is drawing millions of views a day on fucking Rumble. He has a large, devoted audience.

        People can hate him all they want, but very few people can draw an audience all on their own the way he has. Goes back to what I’ve been saying about Tucker Carlson. He’s the rare Fox personality who likely can take his audience with him.

      • Brochettaward

        And yes, some of you show your age here. Crowder is arguably a bigger draw than ‘Tucker Carlson. He’s just on streaming platforms and a not big box network.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I hope my dad’s not quoted in there.

      • Compelled Speechless

        He’s still figuring out how to use the phone so he can call to ask.

      • juris imprudent

        You failed to gauge my sarcasm.

    • Grummun

      You are correct, sir! /Ed McMahon voice

      • Compelled Speechless

        Since we’re doing boomers vs millennials on this topic:

        Who’s Ed McMahon?

      • Ted S.

        Jerry Lewis’ sidekick on the Labor Day telethon, that’s who.

        😉

      • Compelled Speechless

        Jerry Lewis???
        Telethon????????

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Didn’t he also give away those giant checks when you won Publisher’s Clearinghouse?

      • Compelled Speechless

        Checks???????????
        Publisher???????????????????

        You guys sure have a lot of funny old-timey words.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        An overweight drunk of Scottish extraction who chuckled and guffawed for a living.

      • Tres Cool

        Also a Korean war vet that flew 85 combat missions, Naval aviator, Marine Corps. flight instructor, and retired from the reserves as a full colonel.

      • Mojeaux

        I say this all the time. Nobody gets the reference.

  28. Tundra

    Grandma needs to evict the smelly, damp whatever.

    Nice story, trashy!

    • Not Adahn

      I dunno — $2000/month to let out a room? That’s a nice chunk of passive income.

      • Mojeaux

        It comes with maid service and a pool.

      • Gender Traitor

        …and a pool.

        Well, no wonder he’s wet.

      • R C Dean

        Well, it’s not income until somebody actually pays it.

  29. WTF

    “It’s Okay to be Wet”

    • Compelled Speechless

      I heard that’s Hunter Biden’s pickup line.

    • Bobarian LMD

      There’s the good kind of wet, and then there is this.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    boomer.

    *clutches chest, slumps to floor*

  31. Mojeaux

    So, like, “wet acceptance” is the urine counterpart to free bleeding for women? What’s next? Shart acceptance?

    • Tundra

      Kind of have to accept those, don’t you?

      • Mojeaux

        Yeah, I mean, when you gotta, you gotta.

        I have peed on the side of a major interstate and in the gravel parking lot of a make-shift truckstop.

      • Bobarian LMD

        What a coincidence, so have I!

      • Mojeaux

        It’s a little more involved for me than for you. Mine involves baring my ass to the world.

        Oh, and I forgot that time I unknowingly squatted over a patch of poison ivy.

      • R C Dean

        “Mine involves baring my ass to the world.”

        I’m not saying I’ve dropped trou next to an interstate, but I’m not saying I haven’t, either.

      • Pat

        Oh, and I forgot that time I unknowingly squatted over a patch of poison ivy.

        On a paintball outing in northern Idaho a buddy of mine wandered into the woods to take a leak and came out about a minute later red-faced and cursing a blue streak. When he was finally coherent, he explained to us that he had pissed on a bush containing an unseen hornet’s nest and caught a stinger in a place where you don’t really want to catch a stinger…

      • Bobarian LMD

        As a 7 yo, I found out that getting poison ivy rash on your dick leads to a lot of embarrassing boners.

        Dad: “Stop touching it, we’re gonna tie your hands behind your back.”

      • juris imprudent

        And thus a bondage kink was born.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I keep a hole saw on me at all times so that I can turn any bathroom stall I’m in into a make-shift truck stop. It’s gotten me banned from more than one Chuck-E-Cheese.

        That’s kind of similar right???

      • Mojeaux

        I larfed.

      • Bobarian LMD

        This is why I always take a pair of vice grips into the stall with me.

      • Compelled Speechless

        You sound like fun! What places do you frequent? Maybe we could meet up. Anonymously of course.

      • Tres Cool
      • Tundra

        Bravo.

    • Shirley Knott

      Nailer and Roker nod eagerly.

      • Shirley Knott

        Nadler, dammit 🙁

  32. Shirley Knott

    New TV series — The Wild Wild Wet. Starring Lizzo as an incontinent runway model, and her sassy sidekicks, Gail King and Oprah Winfrey who only pee when they laugh. And vice versa.

  33. Pat

    wetrosexual

    Nice.

    • Compelled Speechless

      R Kelly would like to thank Trashy for his work to destigmatize a misunderstood community. Some how MAPs are already further along the normalization curve in society, so he’s already got that base covered.

      • R.J.

        Scat eaters say “hold my beer.”

      • Compelled Speechless

        Congratulations. It’s rare that I’m not already depraved enough to know what something is, but I had to look that up.

        Also, I’m even less interested in remaining a part of this species than I was before I saw that. Thanks.

  34. Mojeaux

    #TFW you pony up the cash to get your house cleaned because you can’t stand doing it.

    In my defense, I am a good housekeeper when I feel like it, which is almost never, because when I was growing up with my mom in charge, every day was spring cleaning day. I just cannot spend my life cleaning to that standard and I don’t know what’s “good enough.”

    • rhywun

      Housework is exhausting. I’m lazy and alone so I do as little of it as I can possibly get away with. But damn I’d love to pay someone else to do it some time.

      • Pat

        I’ve done more cleaning since this place went on the market than probably the previous 5 years combined. I’m not a slob by any means, but I don’t generally reset my house every day like a hotel. There’s an offer in place now, so hopefully no more showings.

  35. Mojeaux

    Speaking of age. My 19yo XX just told me her dream car is a Lexus. Dafuq.

    • Ted S.

      I thought her dream car was a forklift.

      • Mojeaux

        She drives a forklift to save for a Lexus.

      • Pat

        Better still

        I miss forklift memes tbqh…

    • Sean

      “It’s just an expensive Toyota.”

      • Compelled Speechless

        If Biden wins another term, we’ll all be waxing lyrical about the days when Toyotas were accessible to most people.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Better start looking for a good job or a rich husband?

      Ignoring the $3500 Lexus on craigslist with 350K miles that was owned by a wetrosexual.

      • Mojeaux

        She has a decent job, but still waiting for a full-time position to open up. She really likes her circumstance, so she’s loathe to go somewhere else for a full-time paycheck. She loves her coworkers and her boss, and she’s willing to wait, to keep those.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        She has a decent job, but still waiting for a full-time position to open up.

        I’d suggest actively looking for a full-time position asap. Don’t have to take it, but it doesn’t hurt to look. The economy is going to crater shortly and now is the time to get that full-time job.

        It’s already starting. I just had to close a job post after only 2 weeks of being open due to the flood of candidates. Never seen anything like it.

      • Mojeaux

        Her big boss (2 bosses up) has kind of sort of become a mentor and he’s guiding her toward management. She lives at home and pays minimal rent, car’s paid for, doesn’t have to pay for her TP or caffeine or food (if she chose to eat out of our fridge, that is), so she has the luxury of waiting and keeping her workplace situation. She was recruited to the billing office and she’s like, “With all those catty women? lolno.”