Subaru Horror Theater, Vol. 9: Welcome To The Pack

by | Jul 24, 2019 | Fiction, Subaru Horror Theatre, SugarFree | 336 comments

“I’m so glad he finally agreed to a threesome,” he whispered into her ear. “Where did you pack the peanut butter?”

THE END

 

Since brevity was the soul of wit this time around, let’s look at a different sort of Subaru Horror: The Youtube comments.

Quentin Polley 9 months ago
Subaru is not good vehicle
OK, OK, going right for the car part of the car commercial. A little amateur, a little Saturday matinee, but OK. Little worried about the lack of an article in the sentence. Let’s see the argument.
Quentin Polley 9 months ago
It has a timing belt
Er, ah, OK. Maybe we need to move on from Quentin…

Jose Motley 4 months ago
Time to find a better woman.

To which Sgt.Baker replies:

SgtBaker16 3 months ago
She’s your basic passive aggressive spoiled first world woman.

I think the good Sargent eats a lot of frozen fish sticks. And cries when he thinks no one is watching. But we’re watching. We SEE you, Sarge. The inner you. And you’re fucking beautiful, man.

 

Luke Tremble 3 months ago
Your most resent commercial with the white couple with the brown baby is anti-white and distasteful. We don’t want multiculturalism , stop normalizing these ideas . I will never buy a Subaru again . Hateful and racist company . It’s ok to be white ??

The mis-spelling, the odd typography, the 4-chan White Power joke. Mot juste!

Also the odds Luke would have bought a Subaru before the commercial that outraged him? 0.00%

 

Heineken FiftySeven 2 months ago
They should re-title this, “how to be a cuckold” By Subaru, Wow.. This is the complete opposite of the Subaru Commercial that had Brenton Tarrant in it!

Brenton Tarrant is the dillhole who shot all those people in a mosque in New Zealand and now there are no more Muslims in New Zealand. They just all up and quietly left the island. You won Brenton! You saved the White race!

 

remcat answers with a reasonable argument based on the actual commercial and all those romance novels she reads on the toilet. (remcat has IBS, but she’s making the best of it.)

remcat3 weeks ago
NO! It is so romantic! That’s the kind of guy you WANT. She is worth it and he knows it.

Heineken FiftySeven 3 weeks ago
@remcat He’s an emasculated cuckold.. The jews who create these advertisements tell you that you want a beta numale, But in reality we all know that’s not true!

OK, there are the Jews. I was wondering when they would going to show up. Damn Jews ruin everything.

So Heineken FiftySeven:

  • Hates Semites of all religions.
  • Likes mass murderers and long walks on the beach.
  • Uses phrases like “beta numale” without a lick of self-recognition
  • Is way into cuckhold videos.

I don’t know about you, ladies, but I hope for your sakes he’s single and ready to mingle.

 

Pliny Elder 2 months ago
Just watched an ad to watch another ad

Brief, poignant, a cry of innocence betrayed.

 

Unironic Christcuck 1 month ago
Western white women fuck their dogs

Way to spoil my story, brah. Yeesh.

 

Mrcrow Bagins 1 month ago
i had 5 dogs all through my life. dont want anymore dogs no more. they have a beating heart they will die some day. my dog was 16 years old and i found it in the bathroom. half black lab half rot rieler

Is there a German word for “I’m sorry about your lost pets, but why the fuck are you writing about it in youtube comments section and are you Nell, from the movie Nell, because you write like an illiterate hillbilly?” I bet it’s super-long.

 

Michael S. 1 day ago
Once again the cuck boyfriend has to gain acceptance of the girlfriend’s dog and her. Everything he did growing-up is/was wrong.

And, finally, more cucking. So many people are so interested in watching a guy fuck his wife. I don’t get it. I guess I’m just not into seeing guys naked. Maybe I need to interrogate my homophobia.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

336 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    Comments on Subaru commercials…

    • Spudalicious

      And they were harder to read than an actual SF story.

    • Sean

      The commercials must be working. Our area is lousy with Crosstreks. They are everywhere.

  2. Sean

    TOTAL EXONERATION!1!!11

    I got nuthin.

  3. Rhywun

    Someone in the last thread mentioned that YouTube comments are worse than Twitter. I found it hard to believe but I think they were on to something.

  4. hayeksplosives

    I…wut?

    • AlmightyJB

      I’m completely lost as well.

  5. Florida Man

    Wiind in da tays!
    *
    *sways melodically*

  6. Raphael

    So when’s the part where the dog and the guy fight each other to prove the alpha male in this three-way relationship?

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Script flip! She’s going to be pegging both of them to assert her dominance.

      • Raphael

        *subscribes to trshmnstr’s fiction website*

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        I don-Really….?

        I mean, get ur pheak on, I guess. It’s just….I think you’re giving the Subaru corp, and all of its subsidiaries, exactly what they want, if you sign up.

        Yes, I’m calling it here: trsh works for Subaru! He couldn’t have known that was going to be the next ad, unless he had inside info.

  7. leon

    You think the commercial was bad, wait till you read the comments.

    • MikeS

      You think the Youtube comments were bad, wait until you read the Glibs comments.

      • Spudalicious

        Fuck off, Tulpa.

  8. Florida Man

    I don’t get this:

    Your most resent commercial with the white couple with the brown baby is anti-white and distasteful.

    How is that anti-white? They chose to adopt that child. It’s not like white people are being sterilized and forced to raise non-white children.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      SHUT THE FUCK UP, LIBTARD!

      • Florida Man

        yes sir…

      • Spudalicious

        That seems to be working well for you.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Own the Glibs 2019!

    • leon

      They chose to parent a child of color rather than fulfill their duty to the White collective and parent a pure white child. Clearly Subaru wants the death of the White race.

      • Spudalicious

        In reality, that adopted black child is being groomed as a future sacrifice to the Subaru.

      • Florida Man

        Ugh, my wife insisted I watch Help the other night. Not only is it terrible movie, I think many people would consider the stereotypes racist now. I mentioned this because the movie is about human sacrifice, if you aren’t familiar.

      • Spudalicious

        I tend to avoid movies like that.

      • Count Potato

        I thought Help was about keeping Ringo from getting robbed.

      • Florida Man

        He was wearing the ring necessary to be a human sacrifice. It started as a robbery to get the ring back, then he became the sacrifice.

      • C. Anacreon

        I remember seeing that movie at the drive-in as a child, right when it first came out. Dad and Mom in the front seat, my little sister and I in the back seat in our pajamas. Mom had popped corn before we left and filled a shopping bag with it. We also had a glass milk bottle filled with cherry koolaid, the top being aluminum foil held on by a rubber band. Family night out on a budget in the 1960s, but a really wonderful memory. But yeah, I didn’t much like the movie Help! even then. Fortunately I think we liked the first feature, some kid comedy about a chimp going into space in a rocket ship.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Jebus Crout, you have described my upbringing. Add in there my brother climbing into the wrong car after leaving for the bathroom.

      • Count Potato

        First Pearl Harbor, and now this.

  9. Heroic Mulatto

    Can you imagine being so insecure and so joyless that you read your racial and sexual anxieties into a fucking car commercial?

    • leon

      I mean the sexual anxieties makes sense a commercial about car fucking.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      There’s something seriously fucked up about those people. It’s like somebody said the other day, the reactionaries to the derp are even derpier than the derp itself. Yeah, the commercial is sappy and not particularly good. What does that have to do with cuckoldry and all the other shit in the comments?

      • leon

        If anyone’s a cuck it’s clearly the dog. I bet he let the chick cut his balls off.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Well, and he’ll probably be watching the new guy bone his bitch tonight.

      • Florida Man

        I liked it, but the dog in the commercial reminds me of one of my dogs.

      • ElspethFlashman

        Yes. You captured my thought exactly !

    • Sean

      Again, most…err…many Americans are not this insane. Though the sane ones may be losing some ground.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah – the phenomenon we are seeing here is that social media is a magnet for horrible people.

    • Raphael

      Sounds like one helluva tiring and depressing existence, my dude.

    • MikeS

      SHUT THE FUCK UP, LIBTARD!

      • Spudalicious

        You’re delivery needs work. Not quite up to HM’s standards.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I agree.

      • blackjack

        I hadda go back and check, but, yeah HM was better.

      • MikeS

        SHUT THE FUCK UP, LIBTARD!

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Better.

      • Tulip

        Better, but not…quite…there.

      • Spudalicious

        I think the font makes him sound a little effeminate.

      • MikeS

        ? ???? ⬆, ?

      • Spudalicious

        Interesting. Taking the millennial route.

    • Chipwooder

      Thankfully, no, I cannot

  10. The Bearded Hobbit

    Quentin Polley 9 months ago
    Subaru is not good vehicle

    For once I agree with a youtube comment. My Suburus were the biggest maintenance hogs and the lousiest 4x4s I’ve ever driven.

    • Florida Man

      Huh. I have heard good things in general.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        For The Last Subaru I’ll Even Own the monthly repair bills were on the the order of the monthly car payment.

      • Dr Mossy Lawn

        After about 100K miles my 1999 Subaru really hit an inflection point.. fine before, and after 100K, rattles, failing electronics, slipping torque converter. etc.

        The 4wd of that era was the limited slip clutch pack system, and was so/so.. it worked but, took time to respond.

        The 2003 MB 4matic system was far superior, I put 300K on that car and it drove like a tank, with the transmission showing a bit of age.

        Right now I have a 2007 range rover with 200K miles and once you put good tires on it I haven’t found anything it can’t handle.. traction control, dual hub lockers.

        The wife’s F350 4×4 doesn’t have traction control or lockers, so it is only 2+ wheel drive and I have stuck it in 2’+ of snow when plowing, but for normal driving it is ok..

      • Count Potato

        Curious why your wife needs such a heavy truck.

      • Dr Mossy Lawn

        Well, she works at a horse barn, so when it was the last time to pick a vehicle, we wanted a truck, and the 350 just arrived at the right time. We run a 8′ Western plow on it for the driveway, I used to clear that with a Kubota tractor, the truck is much more efficient. When towing horse trailers or the other stuff the diesel can’t be beat…. I tried to move another person’s gas Ram 1500 truck in the mud, it was underpowered. Once you use a diesel to tow, you won’t go back. The Rover also is a backup tow vehicle if necessary. 7000lbs limit.

      • Sean

        A 100k? Cars last that long?
        Inconceivable!

        I’ve been in a cycle to get rid of them before warranties expire. I’m trying to get comfortable driving them longer. It’s not easy.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        It’s a lot easier when you have the tools required to do most of the minor work.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I drove my Hyundai Elentra to 350,000 miles. It could have kept going except for some nit-picky inspection bullshit about the front fender wheel well.

      • Florida Man

        Jeez man. You’re throwing money away like it’s candy if you’re trading your car every three years.

      • CPRM

        I’ve never owned a car with less than 100k on it.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        :sigh::

        Fine: I’ll buy some stickers!

      • CPRM

        That’ll bring me the big bucks.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        I know, right?!?

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        As I mentioned, worst 4×4 that declares itself a “4×4”.

        I got stuck in the LSIIO trying to get it into the garage. Flat surface. 30 feet. Would. Not. Move.

        Fuck Subarus.

    • LJW

      They usually seem to rank high on reliability, but I can understand personal experience is usually a better gauge for most people. I’ll never buy another Chevy again after having to deal with their garbage.

      • Sean

        ^^^ Never, ever again.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        During the last 30 years I drove Chevies (S-10 Blazers and Suburbans) over 1.5 Million miles with no major problems. During that same time I was inside the engines of all three Toyotas that I owned. (shrugs) To each his own.

      • blackjack

        I got a ’08 trailblazer ss with a 402 stroker at about 500hp at the wheels. I drive it 50 miles a day. I love it. I did have to replace the cats, which cost 1500.00, but that’s because I live in a police state. Anywhere else and it’d have been 350.00 or so.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        When I was last shopping for cars, I was comparing Chevy (malibu? I forget) versus Ford (fusion), and the Chevy felt like it was put together by a blind orphan with Parkinson’s. The Ford at least seemed to be made of decent materials and assembled by a person with some level of self-respect.

        Granted, Ford is no reliability king. My wife’s Flex has a broken rearview camera, and evidently it’s a well known issue for that year’s model. How the hell, in 2013, when gopros were a thing, was a $500 backup camera not bulletproof? Anyway, I’ll find one at a junkyard eventually,

        Thankfully, no real mechanical issues on either car. Just stupid small stuff like the camera and the fact that one of the seat belt buckles broke into pieces.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Huh…’Cause, never fucking again with Fords.

        No way, Hose A.

    • Count Potato

      The old ones were cheap and easy to fix, but then like all cars, they got more complicated. Regulations are a large part of what makes new cars more expensive. If it were legal, with modern robotics, a company could probably sell late 70’s Volvo knock-offs for $10K that last a million miles.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        completely correct

    • Not Adahn

      So far, my WRX STI is running great. But it’s only a couple of years old.

      • Tripacer

        I bought my 2003 WRX new, it’s at 300K now. It’s never broke bad enough that I couldn’t fix it myself. Being a mechanic helps.

  11. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I come to glibertarians.com for the YouTube comments psychoanalysis, I stay for the fiction.

    • Sean

      Not the titties?

      • Spudalicious

        That wins the internet, this day.

      • AlmightyJB

        Lol

      • Rufus the Monocled

        i swear that ‘you think I’m a clown’ scene from Goodfellas and Henry’s laugh is an ageless all-timer.

    • Tulip

      I love the fiction, slightly surreal, definitely subversive

      • Not Adahn

        The one from earlier today needs to be filmed. It would be amazing.

  12. DEG

    You know, no one said who gets to wear the peanut butter.

    • Spudalicious

      Duh. The dog, of course.

  13. AlmightyJB

    I don’t speak jive.

  14. straffinrun

    This answers the question of whether to watch the video or read the comments first. Video first.

    “I’m so glad he finally agreed to a threesome,”

    LOL. No beating around the bush.

    • blackjack

      That would be a 1980’s threesome.

  15. straffinrun

    What’s the story behind the three old dudes that sat behind Mueller all day? Was that another threesome? Also, Mueller’s hands looked muppet hands. No offense, Rufus.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Jesus Christ!

      I read about dogs licking peanut butter out of some guy’s asshole to get away from all this shit.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Ok.

      • AlmightyJB

        I don’t think so

      • blackjack

        That looked like what the cat was thinking, too.

      • The Hyperbole

        Oh you are missing out, that’s a classic, fucking spunky!

      • MikeS

        Ummm…yeah…that’s why I read it, too…!

      • Raphael

        Wait…what?

      • Florida Man

        The story above is escapism from the non-stop politics. HTH

      • Raphael

        Ah right, my brain is a bit fried today.

      • straffinrun

        Sorry. I was sleeping during all the fun stuff.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I just wanted to type “dogs licking peanut butter out of some guy’s asshole.” Don’t take it too seriously.

      • Count Potato

        It reminds me of the R. Crumb comic of a farm girl putting salt on her hooha to get a cow to lick it.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        There was an R. Crumb comic where Mr. Natural had to take a gigantic baby across the desert. He had nothing to feed it but his ejaculate.

        Guess which comic Mom found.

      • straffinrun

        Fine. I’ll post more mayooo pics.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Straf–to be honest, I’m not sure which of those I disapprove of less. It really is a coin toss kinda thing.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      Those aren’t muppet hands.

      THESE ARE MUPPET HANDS.

  16. Raven Nation

    If anyone’s interested, Tom Woods is doing “Scott Horton Week” on his show.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      Tom Woods. Scott Horton.

      Could you be anymore whypippo?

      • Raven Nation

        I’m part Latino. One of my dad’s ancestors was on the Spanish Armada, washed up on a beach in Scotland and married into the local village.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        I was joking. Let the Scottish humour flow through you.

        On a serious note, Spanish is considered Latino?

        I think Woods’ book on the history of Christianity and Catholicism is a nice refresher on the subject. We’ve long since forgotten the positive contributions made by it.

      • Spudalicious

        I thought Spanish was Hispanic based on the previous name Island of Hispaniola.

      • blackjack

        Unless it’s a chick, then it’s SHEspanic.

      • Raven Nation

        I have no idea on the Latino, it’s just that Latinos in North America are the descendants of Spanish immigrants in the 16th century.

        Scottish humor? Is there such a thing?

      • Rhywun

        My understanding is that it typically involves some admixture with American natives. It was not intended to include Euro-Spaniards or Euro-only mixtures. After all, the whole point is grievance, and what do Euros have to grieve about?

      • Raven Nation

        Well, that’s true. In the Spanish racial hierarchy it was Peninsulare > Creole > mestizos > mulattoes

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Have you listened to Gavin’s father?

        And Michael Myers?

        And watched Scottish soccer? /wink.

      • Spudalicious

        Q. What’s under the Scotsman’s kilt?

        A. The Loch Ness monster.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        A: ‘Your wife’s lipstick.’

        (Apparently this was the reply Mel Gibson recieved when he asked this question of a Sotch extra. Unruly Picts.)

      • Rufus the Monocled

        And I do find Craig Ferguson funny.

      • Raphael

        Sean Connery has a sad.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        SNL Connery was funny. Actor Connery less so.

      • Raphael

        +1 JAP Anus Relations

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        “That’s what your mother wanted to discuss last night, Trebek!”

        /my version

      • Rufus the Monocled

        And by ‘you’ I meant those two names as a shot at SJW culture.

        Not you ‘you’.

    • Raphael

      Oooh, nice. I’ll give those a listen and reminds me I got a lot of stuff I wanna listen from both of them. I’ve been reading a bunch of Tom Wood’s FREE e-books and stuff like the Politically Incorrect Guide to Amer. History though.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Is Woods considered ‘alt-right’? I’ve lost track.

      • Raphael

        I would reckon he probably is called so by the prog-camps.

  17. Count Potato

    “Our reporter @SheilaGunnReid wrote a best-selling book criticizing the government. The government has now sent investigators to prosecute her and threaten her with “severe” consequences if she doesn’t turn over her editorial notes & emails. Please help”

    https://twitter.com/ezralevant/status/1154157513853550592

    WTF, Canada?

      • Rhywun

        Rachel Notley

        Her Wikipedia page helpfully explains that “Notley is the Alberta premier with the most death threats”. Courage, Rachel!

      • blackjack

        Well, we’re Americans, dammit. We can threaten to feed politicians into woodchippers and nothing happens. Well, maybe some subpoenas are issued and maybe our names get reported. Sometimes there’s a threat of prosecution…Goddamit, we ain’t no better!

      • Q Continuum

        And if the gov’t don’t get you, they’ll send their proxies in Big Tech to unperson you, get you fired and get your bank account cancelled.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      Notley is a psycho left-wing idiot.

      Well done Alberta.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      More
      Replying to @RachelNotley @DungareesBand
      You are the best premier Alberta has ever had. Thank you for all you have done and for the work you continue to do for Alberta.
      3 replies 1 retweet 12 likes

      • Rufus the Monocled

        I would like to know more about this story because Notley is no longer in power so what are the details here?

        But yes, she has made it a personal vendetta to go after Rebel Media.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Actually, this is in Pan Zagloba’s neck of the woods. He may know more.

        /looks at watch.

      • Pan Zagloba

        I live in BC thank you very much, where our commies are reasonable because idiots go over to the Greens.

        I also don’t much trust Ezra Levant’s panicky pleas for money, but I hate and fear NDP more. Harsh choices here…

      • Rufus the Monocled

        I know you’re in B.C. but Alberta is a neighbouring province and part of the Western front!

        Yeh, I read Rebel Media cautiously. I think they do good stuff but still it’s probably wise to just treat them as you would most outlets I reckon.

        That being said, I trust Notley and the NDP even less as well.

    • hayeksplosives

      Slooooooo news day…

      • Count Potato

        The [REDACTED] sucked all the air out of the room.

      • Chafed

        It’s not like something important happened today.

    • Spudalicious

      Vanity Fair derp.

    • CPRM

      Heh, there was one Dem Rep (wasn’t watching just listening at this point) who used her whole time to just spout shit, not even caring if Mueller understood the questions she was asking instead saying “We’ll just move along.” When he started to sputter about not understanding the quackery. It was just about her making assertions for sound bites.

    • Rhywun

      The hearings were always unlikely to move the needle one way or another. Mueller’s approach, which allowed the GOP to feed talking points to their base, virtually assures that they won’t.

      Thank goodness Vanity Fair doesn’t play that game.

    • cyto

      “Maddow said, “At the very top of Chairman Schiff’s question at the close of the hearing, Schiff said ‘I want to close out my questioning and turn to the exchange we had earlier. From your testimony today I gather you believe knowingly accepting foreign assistance during a campaign is an unethical thing to do.’ And Mueller interjects—’and a crime.’ ”

      https://www.breitbart.com/clips/2019/07/24/msnbcs-maddow-mueller-was-aggressive-volunteered-investigations-ongoing/

      Ok…. so Schiff is eager to point out that accepting foreign assistance in a campaign is a crime. And so is Maddow.

      Uh….

      We have iron-clad proof that one campaign did so. We even know how much they paid for that assistance. And their national committee has a money trail to the Russian dirt as well. Yet they smugly think that proclaiming this to be a crime is somehow going to help them and hurt Trump?

      I’m really surprised that nobody seized on that fact.

      • Rhywun

        -1 purview

  18. Q Continuum

    Ahem:

    These cuck gamma failurs leting there whte women fuck interacial canine dick will destroy the BELOVD WHITE RACE>. Fuking intitled western womn only wan to submit to ISLAM so they open there legs to fuck the CONQERORS. Western women RUNINED the country and will end our livs just like the JEWS planed~!

    • Spudalicious

      I think TedS just stroked out.

    • Raphael

      Wouldn’t it be interspecies canine dick?

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Who art thou,who are so wise in the ways of science canine dick?

    • Rufus the Monocled

      It’s interesting how far right racists who connect the Jews to everything from banks to communism to capitalism and so on, are essentially the same as far left racists who hate Israel and call it an ‘apartheid’ state. They cancel each other out and are just plain old anti-semites.

      *Yes, I recognize the argument you can criticize Israel and not hate Jews or the religion. But with the left, I’m not so sure there’s a distinction like they claim.

    • Pan Zagloba

      I was wondering where Chateu Heartiste would go after they got BTFOd.

  19. Rufus the Monocled

    These guys going off on ‘it’s ok to be white’ are really not helping in my view.

    • AlmightyJB

      They’re not that bright.

  20. Gustave Lytton

    I think Subaru Horror Theatre just reached a new low.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Bravo SF! Mission accomplished.

      • SugarFree

        Finally, someone understands me.

  21. Rufus the Monocled

    Did anyone hear about Mueller saying it’s likely Russia will meddle, ahem, again in the 2020 election?

  22. LJW

    What is the Libertarian thing to do in this situation? I’m not one that likes to call the cops but I’m considering it. We have a no soliciting sign on our front door and at our neighborhood entrance. This pest control company has been canvassing our neighborhood all summer. They ignore the no soliciting sign, I’ve confronted them twice and told them to stop they still continue to ring our doorbell.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      If you call the cops, you mean having them go talk to the company sort of thing?

      Warn them first (assuming you didn’t).

      • LJW

        Called the company they won’t respond. Told the door to door sales guy twice to read the sign.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Is there a soliciting ordinance in your jurisdiction? Failing that, file a complaint with their regulator.

      • Rhywun

        BBB?

        “Channel # on your side” or local equivalent? They love this stuff.

    • Spudalicious

      Answer the door with a piece on your hip.

      • LJW

        And then the cops will be called on me…

      • Spudalicious

        Aw. You’re in one of those states.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I am not sure what the libertarian answer is but I thinl the proper glib protocol is to post one of your orphans outside your door with a pointy stick. That or pressure plate triggered M18A1 Claymores, either or.

    • CPRM

      A tiger pit on the front porch?

      • Spudalicious

        Moat and alligators.

  23. BEAM's not a team player

    Aw, crap.

    Ken (Kulak), a frequent and longtime commenter over at Small Dead Animals, suddenly died of a heart attack on the 22nd of July, and the rest of us are just finding out now.

    While no libertarian, he was a thoughtful commenter from the conservative side of the line, and a keen observer and judge of the shape of Canadian and international political events.

    He’ll be missed.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      They always struck me as more neo-connish but in recent times have taken to some libertarian publications and even link to Reason.

      Sorry about Ken. I vaguely recall seeing him but I’m not a frequent reader but his name rings a bell.

  24. Gustave Lytton

    EPA can go fuck themselves, pt XXV

    Good job guys. Because no consumer would ever buy 16lbs of rodenticide. And then they have far more on hand than they really need because of you assholes.

    • CPRM

      I buy the bait blocks without the ‘stations’ in a bucket. Never checked the label.

      • Gustave Lytton

        We have a pest company handle it, but i think they just raised their prices too far. I can buy a pail and the reusable stations (since we have a dog and my wife would slip some into my food if other wildlife got inadvertently poisoned) and still come out well ahead.

        Also further fuck the EPA because I don’t see a lot of difference between my Ace hardware and TSC stores.

      • CPRM

        We have a pest company handle it

        Ok Richie Rich.

    • CPRM

      Tatonka.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        ? Tatonka

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Buff….Buff…a low.

    • whahappan

      Am I a bad person because I laughed?

  25. CPRM

    Oh, Youtube showed me how Anderson Cooper POWNED DRUPF! You get that!? People connected to Drumpf were convicted of things that had nothing to do with Russia, but they WERE CONVICTED! And Mueller said it wasn’t a witch-hunt, BOOMSHAKALAKA!

    • Rufus the Monocled

      7.1 million subscribers for CNN?

    • cyto

      If today’s hearing proved anything, it was that this was unequivocally a witch hunt.

      Dude didn’t even understand how Fusion GPS, the Steele dossier and the Russian Lawyer might be related to an investigation into Russian interference.

      • CPRM

        But Mueller said it wasn’t a witch-hunt BOOMSHAKALAKA!

  26. Chipping Pioneer

    I don’t know about you, ladies, but I hope for your sakes he’s single and ready to mingle.

    Paging Tulip to the courtesy phone.

    • Sir Digby (PBUH)

      Paging Tulip to the courtesy phone.

      Who read that in Ricky’s voice?

      /you know damned well you did

      • CPRM
      • Rhywun
      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        OK, kudos to the both of you for your efforts.

        But, you know good and well what works best.

        /Rhy, I gotta give you the win on this one

      • Rhywun

        Also, I am old and not Canadian.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Yeah, but you’re closer to America Hat than I am. Also, not quite that old…

  27. whahappan

    Chickopee?

    • Sir Digby (PBUH)

      Are we naming off various pet projects vices, in honor of the commercial?

      I suppose that’s not a bad start, per se…

  28. Sir Digby (PBUH)

    The video evidence IS IN!! And, it clearly shows all parties are assholes.

    So, Case. Closed.

    /yeah, ‘facts already in evidence’–yada yada

    • CPRM

      “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.”
      Genesis 3:19, KJV

      Fucking racists telling me to go back to where I came from!

      • CPRM

        Fuck that lot of heathens, may they burn in hell! Do you want a cookie?

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Just tea, please.

        /TYVM

  29. KSuellington

    Brevity is the soul of wit sometimes, but this particular Suburu commercial could use the long form SF treatment. I think we all need the backstory before the peanut butter jar got brought out.

  30. DenverJ

    So, today I unsweated and resweated 1 1/2 inch copper for the first time. Bought MAPP gas because I suspected propane wouldn’t do it. MAPP had a hard time, to be honest.
    Anywhoos, after I was done I noticed that my torch said “for propane only”. So I was wondering what the problem was with using this particular torch with MAAP? I googled, and got nothing but discussion board urban legends.
    So, I figured that I would ask this message board esteemed group of fine and learned scholars if they knew why one should not use MAPP gas in a propane torch?

    • Sir Digby (PBUH)

      “MAPP”…………..MAPP……..mapp…

      MAPP?

      • DenverJ

        Thank you for your help.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        You know you my boy! Plus, I ain’t so handy around the house. Reg Green would have a sad.

      • Chafed

        The guy writes one article and thinks he’s SP.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Uh, TWO, actually. With a third written and needing a proof.

        I may be a slouch, but I’m an incredible slouch.

    • CPRM

      MAPP gas

      This?

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Oohh…good one!

      • DenverJ

        MAPP gas” is a trademarked name, belonging to The Linde Group, and previously belonging to the Dow Chemical Company, for a fuel gas based on a stabilized mixture of methylacetylene (propyne) and propadiene. The name comes from the original chemical composition, methylacetylene-propadiene propane. “MAPP gas” is also widely used as a generic name for UN 1060 stabilised methylacetylene-propadiene (unstabilised methylacetylene-propadiene is known as MAPD).

      • CPRM

        Sounds like something an anti-semite would say.

      • Rhywun

        Holy shit, that’s some of the most epic word-salad I’ve seen in a while.

      • Chafed

        You just need to learn how to speak chemistry.

      • DenverJ

        Nonsense. It’s #Ilovescience

      • Rhywun

        I’m not talking about chemistry or science. I’m talking about CPRM’s link.

      • Chafed

        Oh yeah. That’s total word salad.

    • CPRM

      You should know better than to ask the late night crowd for serious answers on anything besides Star Trek and Star Wars.

      • DenverJ

        Trek Stars

      • Chafed

        We also know about Babylon 5 thank you very much.

      • Raphael

        What happened to the other 4 Babylons?

        *runs away*

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Well, you see: A long time ago…well, in the future, but going back in time… No; hold on… See, there was a war, and this guy, Jeffrey, he found this thing….

      • Chafed

        The first three were successfully sabotaged. Babylon 4 was transported 1000 years back in time by Sinclair/Valen to serve as a base in the fight against the Shadows. Any more questions?

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Chafed, dammit! I had him really confused….

      • Chafed

        Sorry SD. I thought you were confused.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Yeah, I can see why you’d think that, generally…

        ::blush::

      • Gustave Lytton

        What are the three ages?

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Oh, I think I know this!

        Umm…there is the….age of…getting to know your body….

        Next, is, uh….the age of consent….

      • Gustave Lytton

        Mmmm… Helen mirren…

      • Chafed

        Sheridan : It’s a new age, Delenn. A third age.

        Delenn : Why third?

        Sheridan : Well, we began in chaos, too primitive to make our own decisions. Then we were manipulated by forces that thought they knew what was best for us. And now, now we’re finally standing on our own.

        The third age is the founding/building of Babylon 5.

      • Raphael

        Dangit, I was trying to be a butt head.

        *kicks a pebble down and walks away*

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        ::Hugs Raphael::

        Oh, Raph–you ARE a butt head, big fella!!

      • Raphael

        Thank you for validating me.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        ::fist bump::

        You my man, fitty grand.

      • CPRM

        But I said serious answers.

      • Chafed

        Philistine.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        I just. Can’t. Even.

      • Chafed

        And he calls himself an artist.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Ooooohhh…..that was….DAYUM!

    • Spudalicious

      I probably would have used Butane.

      • DenverJ

        Is that hotter?

      • DenverJ

        No. It would probably not even work for 1/2″ copper

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’ve used a heat gun. But only for a 3/4″ pipe.

      • DenverJ

        No way, for serious? Like an overgrown hair dryer /body shop heat gun?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yeah, I was putting on the overflow pipe on a hot water heater and didn’t have a torch. I did have a heat gun (pre Chinese Milwaukee that can put out a lot of heat) for heat shrink tubing. Worked pretty well overall even if it did take a bit longer for the pipe to heat. Solder’s melting temp is fairly low and well within the range of the gun. And i didn’t scorch the wall.

      • DenverJ

        That’s just badass

      • Gustave Lytton

        Or lazy

    • Chafed

      You lost me at sweated and unsweated copper line. Way out of my league. Kudos to you for knowing what you are doing.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Says it burns hotter. But also recommends using MAPP for cooking which I’ve always heard is a nono.

      • DenverJ

        I learned a new word today, “stoichiometry”.

    • DenverJ

      After a couple of shots some serious thinking, I’ve decided that there is no danger, rather the configuration of a propane torch fails to utilize the full potential of the MAPP gas, and that’s why I was having trouble; it simply wasn’t getting hot enough.

  31. Don Escaped Texas

    “timing belt”

    maybe in contrast to a timing chain: some folks are used to an OE timing chain lasting forever (they dont / they stretch) and are terrified of valve crashes if the belt dies before you get around to changing it

    • DenverJ

      Lost an 86 Nissan stanza engine because timing belt failed.

    • Rhywun
      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        What is it with you lot, getting all phreeky deeky when time travel is involved?

      • Chafed

        Just be glad no one mentioned an onion worn on their belt as was the style at the time.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Well, that’s a bit better than all the Heinlein sex-stuff they seem to dig.

    • Sir Digby (PBUH)

      Too rich for my blood.

  32. Sir Digby (PBUH)

    I’m sorry: WHAT! THE! FUCK?!?

    Why did no one mention this horse shit??

    • Chafed

      You may want to look in the afternoon thread.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        NEVER!

    • DenverJ

      Wow. I liked him in Bladerunner, and Wanted: Dead or Alive.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        I actually did go back a thread to see the OP (ahem)…

        Can’t believe more glibs didn’t say respond then. What are we, a bunch of Gene Simmonses?

        /h/t to Denver

      • Chafed

        Apparently not. He said something.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Who–Gene?

        If so, good on him!

      • DenverJ

        Fuck the bonus

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        My Cinematography class in HS watched that (my teacher loved it, so it was a shoe-in).

        Love that line.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Getting ready to watch it (RF is lower down on my YT subs, and I just go in alpha order).

  33. Don Escaped Texas

    Since it’s late, here’s some really Don stuff from today’s game

    STL@PIT: STL score five earned runs in an inning after scoring an unearned run, and Goldschmidt scored two unearned runs in a single inning

  34. Lachowsky

    I just read about the Mueller thing. All I can say is that everyone involved is dumb as two wheelbarrows full of hammers.

    • Sir Digby (PBUH)

      Right. We may live in the best timeline, but, that also means a lot of stupidity to go ’round.

      • DenverJ

        Can you imagine what it’s like in the worst timeline?

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Yes.

        Um…no, actually.

      • Chafed

        Yes. I read Harrison Bergeron.

      • DenverJ

        God I hate Kurt Voniegan, or how ever it’s spelt. I mean, I loved him when first introduced, but god what a downer.
        The one where the guy was a prison guard then became a prisoner? Was that Cat’s Cradle or somesuch?
        I don’t know why Orwell’s stuff didn’t effect me the same. KV is dark.

    • Chafed

      Do yourself a favor and watch as much of the House’s hearing as you can. I lasted an hour and a half. It was a circus. The Dems embarrassed themselves, the Republicans embarrassed themselves, and Mueller embarrassed himself. The only winners were skeptics. This showed government really is as venal, dumb, and shallow as we believed.

      • KSuellington

        I watched about ten minutes total of a few clips. Wow, Mueller is in serious cognitive decline. Even though this is as plain a view that you could see of that government incompetence mixed with power and stupidity, I think most people already kind of know, but it’s too far gone to stop easily. It’s like a giant Hitchcock carousel that has gone vastly amuck and no one wants to pull the stop lever.

        *cue the crazy carnie that crawls under it and emergency brakes it and sends bodies and machinery flying.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I skipped a bit before throwing in the towel. Director is a (temporary) position, not a hereditary title. What sealed it for me was Swalwell. What a little prick. His face screams for a 2×4. He reminds me of the asshole in a meeting who wants to go over the same item again and again after it’s been decided. Or keeps a training class from leaving for the day because he wants to ask stupid questions.

      • l0b0t

        I think Pelosi may have suffered a stroke at some point.

    • Sir Digby (PBUH)

      Chafed: if you’re still around, do you have an opinion about whether or not a defamation lawsuit against this poor professional victim would likely be successful? Given her position and all of the going before the press with her bullshit?

      It seems to me that, given everything she’s said and done concerning this guy, a defamation suit might just be successful, especially since she appears to have lied.

    • l0b0t

      WTF is going on with the skin tone of the lady on the Rep.’s left? Her face is several shades darker than her torso.

  35. SP

    Public Service Announcement: If any Glibs are considering registering a domain and starting a website, please, please, PLEASE hit me up for a free consult first so you don’t get roped into some truly horrible contracts and situations. I won’t try to sell you anything, it just kills me to see the shitshow situations people get into with registrars and hosts because they simply don’t have anyone to ask if something is reasonable or not.

    Glibs don’t let friends use STEVE SMITH WEB SERVICES.

    • Sir Digby (PBUH)

      Friends don’t let friends use STEVE SMITH WEB SERVICES.

      What a great concept: STEVE SMITH WEB SERVICES, and the effort to save the world from it.

      Can we please get SF and CPRM working on this concept, stat?

      • SP

        I would be very afraid of what the two of them would devise.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Sort of the contra-STEVE SMITH, I suppose.

      • hayeksplosives

        Something about a creature with ten horns emerging out of the sea….

    • Gustave Lytton

      Wait, registering thru godaddy won’t get me time with Danika?

      • SP

        STEVE SMITH SAY SORRY NOT SORRY!

    • Sir Digby (PBUH)

      Gustave is Lt. Gruber: CONFIRMED

      OK–maybe a grand-nephew…

    • l0b0t

      Hey Gustave, did you ever get to experience the fun of an NTC rotation? The OPFOR unit has some AMAZING vehicles, both actual Warsaw Pact stuff and US stuff with fiberglass shells. My rotation was a blast as I was taken from my squad and tasked with field testing a new portable radar system for Lockheed-Martin (we broke the fuck out of it) so I ended up with a great deal of time to hang out at the Star Wars building and with the OPFOR guys and O/Cs.

      • Gustave Lytton

        No, never to NTC. Special assignments that don’t work and end up with free time are the best.

    • l0b0t

      OMG! That Kübelwagen and Kettenkrad though. When I lived in Tallahassee in the mid ’90s, there was fellow who drove a Volkswagon Thing, painted in the Afrika Korps livery but with the FSU logo replacing the swastika in the palm tree.

  36. l0b0t

    SPEEK ENGLUSH OR DYE!

    I posted those words yesterday on a DerpBook post from Creative Loafing (Tampa edition) about FL gov. authorizing the printing of ballots in foreign tongues. It garnered dozen of comments, all negative, many threatening me with violence, several saying horrendous things about my relatives. By late afternoon, I received an email from DerpBook stating that my post violated their Community Standards and I must delete it. I clicked the button to initiate a further review. within seconds, I received another email informing me that yes, my post was in violation, they were deleting it for me, and I was blocked from signing in to DerpBook for 7 days. I think when allowed back, I will just harvest all my pictures and messages and walk away.

    • Lackadaisical

      You telling me the drones at Facebook are too stupid to get sarcasm? *astonished look*

  37. The Hyperbole

    Get your ‘The Clintons tried to have Epstein shanked” Hot takes ready.

    *buys Alcoa stock*

      • Lachowsky

        I dont know anything about Alcoa other than they had a factory in my town that made prop for the fracking industry. The place closed down about 7 years ago when the fracking people figured out how to use sand instead.

        I never worked there, but I work with a half dozen guys who did.

      • UnCivilServant

        They are known for being the largest aluminum manufacturer in the world. Or they were at one point. Unless Hyperbole is counting on people not knowing you need real tin foil for the hats and not aluminum foil.

      • The Hyperbole

        This, you tell people to make a tin foil hat and they are going to grab the aluminum. Pedants don’t like it but words change over time, now-a-days a “tin” foil hat is made a aluminum 99% of the time.

      • UnCivilServant

        That was an introduced shift in terminology so people would not be able to provide themselves with effective protection.

        /adds extra layer of real tin to fedora.

      • Lachowsky

        Something coll I know about the prop factory-

        The prop was baked in large large drum style rotating kilns.

        If too much moisture was accumulated in the atmosphere of the kiln, the prop would stick together and form clumps that would gum up the works.

        The prop plant had 2 gauge shotguns that they would shoot at the clumped up prop in the kiln to break it up.

        AFAIK, the only 2 gauge still made in the world was used in this process or those similar to it.

      • UnCivilServant

        Was the process called Troubleshooting?

      • Sean

        ??

    • Lachowsky

      I have no idea, but it wouldn’t be shocking If they did…

      I figure mr. Epstein has enough dirt on enough powerful people that his mortality is in serious jeapordy.

      Whether it be the Clintons or whoever, it dont really matter.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        If I was an extremely rich and powerful person and Epstein had the goods on me I’d be trying to get to him if I had the opportunity, no doubt. Likely not the Clintons though but I’d imagine they aren’t shedding tears at his misfortune.

    • Suthenboy

      “…further imperiling its economy…”

      I didn’t think that was possible. Bravo.

      • l0b0t

        Can’t FedGov just give the place back to Spain? Perhaps it could be used to sweeten the pot of Basque independence.

      • UnCivilServant

        “We’ll give you this impoverished shithole that has had all its infrastructure destroyed in exchange for you letting your most productive regions leave”

        Would you take that deal as Spain?

      • l0b0t

        This is a nation that had ALL THE SILVER IN THE WORLD and used it all to build beautiful buildings in The Netherlands. I think Trump can best them in any negotiation.

      • UnCivilServant

        Reading that comment in isolation, I had a mental image of buildings made out of silver.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s fantastic.