ZARDOZ SUNDAY EVENING LINKS OF PERFORMANCE MANAGEMENT

by | Jan 5, 2020 | Daily Links | 382 comments

A MEETING, ON SUNDAY?

 

ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ HAS BEEN PLACED ON “PERFORMANCE MANAGEMENT”. WHEN ZARDOZ DEMANDED TO KNOW WHY, HE WAS GIVEN ANSWERS SUCH AS “YOU MISSED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT”, “YOUR BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS CLEANSED HALF THE JANITORIAL STAFF…AGAIN!”

THIS IS A MANIFEST OUTRAGE. ZARDOZ PROVIDES MUCH VALUE TO THIS SITE. DOES NOT ZARDOZ REMIND THE CHOSEN ONES THAT THE GUN IS GOOD AND THE PENIS IS EVIL? HAS HE NOT PROVIDED MANY LINKS AND STORY LINES?

THEREFOR, ZARDOZ WILL ONCE AGAIN DEMONSTRATE HIS VALUE ADD TO THIS ENTERPRISE BY PROVIDING LINKS THIS VERY EVENING! GO FORTH AND COMMENT!

  • ZARDOZ OBSERVES THAT THE GERMANS HAVE TURNED TO NEW WAYS OF CLEANSING.
  • THIS MUST BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF…ER, COGITATED UPON.
  • GOOD KITTEH!

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

“Yes, weekend work is fine with me. Holidays too.”

About The Author

ZARDOZ

ZARDOZ

SERVANT OF THE TABERNACLE, THE ETERNALS OF THE VORTEX. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, SEE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwZhKGgmoUI

382 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    Zardoz has been a bad cement head.

    • Ted S.

      Just for that insult you’re getting sent to the grain fields.

      ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

      • Spudalicious

        At least I don’t have to face derision for a wall of code.

      • MikeS

        You’re right; there’s many other reasons for you to face derision.

      • Spudalicious

        Exactly. I certainly don’t need to bring it on myself.

      • Rebel Scum

        grain fields

        Ukraine?

  2. banginglc1

    There’s an Early Edition marathon on some side channel right now. I haven’t seen this show since it was originally run. But it was one my dad and I loved to watch on the CBS Saturday night crap-o-rama. Good show.

    • banginglc1

      Gary is a lot more high strung than I remember. I’m still enjoying it, but the guy needs a Xanax.

      • AlmightyJB

        Who doesn’t?

    • CPRM

      One of my college profs wrote for that show.

      • Agent Cooper

        It’s a great, simple premise.

  3. MikeS

    If ZARDOZ gets fired, I may just write a letter expressing my extreme displeasure.

    • Spudalicious

      Strong letter to follow?

      • MikeS

        ??✍?

    • juris imprudent

      You could [threaten to] cancel your subscription too.

      • Not Adahn

        You can cancel your green bread subscription?

      • Fourscore

        Or stop following the advice Miss Manners/Prudence have been reluctant to give us. How am I supposed to be a Glib if I get no advice not to follow?

  4. Not Adahn

    GAAAH! PM isn’t complete for this year yet. Fuck you very much for reminding me.

    Being the highest level engineer in the group (/humblebrag) I’m one level too high to be eligible for a quarterly bonus — unlike everyone else, I get to have my bonus dinged on the basis of what I do, as opposed to the company’s performance. And yes, since the maximum mutiplier is 1x, there is literally no way I can get a higher bonus than my techs/junior engineers/managers.

    • UnCivilServant

      That doesn’t sound right.

      Then again, I’ve never been eligable for bonuses. I’m not even eligable for overtime.

      • blackjack

        We have zero bonus action, but unlimited overtime. I would trade for a decent bonus, I’d rather be elsewhere.

      • Not Adahn

        This is the first company I’ve worked for that has bonuses in the form of cash.

        When I worked for St. Gobain, we got stuff. For example, St. Gobain makes >90% of the wine bottles used in France, so we all got a case of shit-tier (but French!) champagne. And because we used natural burn out (i.e. walnut shells) we got pounds of product from Diamond nuts.

      • grrizzly

        Is it better or worse than Costco champagne?

      • Not Adahn

        Unfortunately, I’m way out i the boonies, so I don’t have access to Costco. I would imagine that Costco champagne would be better than what we got. This stuff was below Gruet, below Moet, hell it was below Frexinet.

      • Not Adahn

        LOL.

        When I took this job, it was for a 50% pay raise — but a transition from non-exempt to exempt.

        If I had remained eligible for overtime, I would have made a LOT more in my first year.

        Admittedly, once things settled down into a routine, I do benefit. But being on call 24/7 can be annoying.

      • Yusef in Space......

        24/7? Never again, the money was excellent, but the timing was always bad for some reason…..

      • Not Adahn

        I have gotten amazingly good at fixing things over the phone.

      • UnCivilServant

        *places phone under server*

      • Rhywun

        non-exempt to exempt

        I’ve never fully understood this. I was told “exempt” is for managers but I’ve been exempt my entire career as a desk-jockey and I’ve never been a manager.

      • UnCivilServant

        Managers and “Professionals” like computer technical staff. Or, if you’re above a $ amount, they can just declare you overtime exempt.

      • Not Adahn

        I forget the exact delineation. But basically, “exempt” is supposed to be for people that need flexibility but won’t actually be required to put in >2000 hours a year. That second half is pretty much never enforced.

        However, in my business it does some with some perks. If you work AT ALL during a pay period, you’re supposed to get a full paycheck. So during cost-saving furloughs if anyone from work calls you, you get a full paycheck on to of your vacation pay.

      • UnCivilServant

        My employer cheats. We can work as many hours over minimum as we want without compensation, but we get docked if we go below.

      • UnCivilServant

        Actually that’s the result of the Union contract.

        The non-unionized salaried employess get the “present/absent” checkboxes..

      • Not Adahn

        You must be in some sort of weird NYS thing then, because if you’re getting paid by the hour (instead of the pay period) you’re non-exempt. Hell, the synonyms for non-exempt/exempt are hourly/salaried

      • Rhywun

        Hell, the synonyms for non-exempt/exempt are hourly/salaried

        So am I misremembering some sort of “manager vs. direct reports” component to this?

      • Not Adahn

        …maybe?

        I’ve never heard of a non-exempt manager (flexibility, yo) but there are vast amounts of exempt direct reports (like yours truly).

      • Jarflax

        Here are the rules. Now figure out what they mean.

      • Rhywun

        That’s a lot to wade through but yeah I think “white-collar exemption” covers it.

      • Not Adahn

        Being paid on a “salary basis” means an employee regularly receives a predetermined amount of compensation each pay period on a weekly, or less frequent, basis. The predetermined amount cannot be reduced because of variations in the quality or quantity of the employee’s work. Subject to exceptions listed below, an exempt employee must receive the full salary for any week in which the employee performs any work, regardless of the number of days or hours worked. Exempt employees do not need to be paid for any workweek in which they perform no work. If the employer makes deductions from an employee’s predetermined salary, i.e., because of the operating requirements of the business, that employee is not paid on a “salary basis.”

        UnCiv, at first glance you’re getting screwed.

      • UnCivilServant

        I had noticed.

        I blame the Union.

      • Not Adahn

        Yes, but you don’t have to worry about your company going under because the public doesn’t like the product you make.

      • UnCivilServant

        Sure we can. We just have the productive people reject the state, leaving only welfare recipients.

        I’d rather they trim before that… but I’m not fool enough to believe that will happen.

      • Ted S.

        That hasn’t stopped Illinois from having a massive government-sector work force.

      • UnCivilServant

        They’re still on the way down, so it’s coming at some point.

      • Jarflax

        Depends how much the public doesn’t like it.

      • blackjack

        I work for the city, but it’s the airport. They make their own money. Prolly not going anywhere fast.

      • Jarflax

        Greta would like a word.

      • blackjack

        That chick gets around, I hear.

      • Not Adahn

        I’ve heard her bunghole is so loose she has to wear Depends.

      • C. Anacreon

        Does she need some oleo?

    • Rebel Scum

      My company does yearly bonuses for everyone who has been employed for a certain amount of time. Idk the exact metrics but it is based on company and department performance. I think we had a decent year again as mine was about what it was last year. That said it is almost gone already. But at least my car is now paid off.

      • Not Adahn

        My favorite story was when San Antonio Shoes had a really good year and gave out a bonus of all their employees of $1k x years of service. With no limit. There were a couple of tiny abuelas working sewing machines that had been there more than 40 years.

      • Rebel Scum

        Damn. I am pretty sure our cfo is aware of the bonuses and profit-sharing expenditures. Might have to do with being a smaller company with multiple offices but only in one state.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I got a good bonus this year dollar-wise. I’m not sure what the expectation should be percentage of salary wise for my role, but I’m happy enough so I won’t bother researching. Half of it went to having some fun over the holidays. The other half went to my law school care of my student loan servicer. $113k to go!

  5. AlmightyJB

    Hail Zardoz! ! !!!!

    • MikeS

      ??

  6. Rhywun

    Wuhan police on Wednesday said they had punished eight people for “publishing or forwarding false information on the internet without verification.”

    “Punished”.

    • blackjack

      They still have one kidney, right?

    • JD is Unemployed

      President Xi is a practising Muslim with a fetish for Japanese transvestites and a very small penis that his wife is very ashamed of.

      COME AT ME BRO

      • Spudalicious

        Cashew dick?

  7. westernsloper

    Wuhan police on Wednesday said they had punished eight people for “publishing or forwarding false information on the internet without verification.

    I heard Greta raked in 10 grand to take it up the ass.

    • Yusef in Space......

      Verified, I heard it from an unnamed source,

      • Jarflax

        Was it “Sources familiar with the President”? That guy has the best scoops, two of them.

      • Not Adahn

        It was on the internet. You can only publish true information on the internet.

        If it’s on the internet, it’s true.

        -Abraham Lincoln

    • Spudalicious

      Okay, I lol’ed.

    • Animal

      STEVE SMITH UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT.

  8. MikeS

    Wuhan police on Wednesday said they had punished eight people for “publishing or forwarding false information on the internet without verification.”

    3rd!!!

    • Fourscore

      Can you send me a copy? I wasn’t even info-ed as to when the 10 Gs deal got consummated. Always the last to know, damned dial-up anyway.

    • Chafed

      DenverJ hardest hit.

  9. Yusef in Space......

    Sup ZarDoZ! Time for
    Tall Cans!

    Goin to Cali, one more time,
    Getting my Stuff,
    With a Friend of mine,
    That place can stick it,
    Where the sun don’t shine,
    Hail ZARDOZ!!!!

    • Spudalicious

      Awesome. There’s a whole country outside, er, inside of the coasts.

    • UnCivilServant

      You sound in better spirits. Does that mean things are going better?

      • Yusef in Space......

        Better, but not swimming quite yet, I have a PFD on so I wont drown,

      • UnCivilServant

        That’s good to hear. Here’s hoping it keeps getting better.

      • Yusef in Space......

        Still waiting on some pics of your troops, I’m thinking of Road/trail/ path width, I’m thinking about it, and what I want to do..

      • Fourscore

        Good to hear, Yusef, I’m always the last to know.

      • westernsloper

        ?

      • DEG

        Better, but not swimming quite yet, I have a PFD on so I wont drown,

        I like hearing things are better. I hope they continue to get better.

    • blackjack

      Aching in your heart?

      • Yusef in Space......

        I wish I could have stayed, it was my Home

      • blackjack

        I was riffing off the zeppelin song, but there is something about this place. Sucks they’ve wrecked so much of it.

      • Not Adahn

        As long as you weren’t riffing on the Billy Ray Cyrus song.

      • Yusef in Space......

        *narrows gaze*

      • Yusef in Space......

        Made up my mind,
        To make a new start,

    • Tres Cool

      HEY YUFUS!

      I don’t think so.

      TALL CANS @ you, Wendy & Bella

      • Yusef in Space......

        Only for a moment,
        and the Moments gone……
        Sup Tres!

      • Tres Cool

        I’m drunk. And getting ready to make chicken WANGS that have been swimmin in buttermilk since last night.
        Have some Candyskins- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdfFVBMXJHE

      • Tres Cool

        Oh, that was shupposed to be at the bottom.
        Heh.

  10. blackjack

    Vacation’s over. Got to give my older son a Sportster for Christmas. That’s the most expensive present I’ve ever given. He oughta get some good use out of it. Went to Universal during New Years week. Bad plan. The place was filled to capacity with people from far flung places. From 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. we only got to do 3 things because of the lines.

    • banginglc1

      I love theme parks, but hate people. I prefer to go in early spring or late fall, avoiding times when kids are on breaks if possible.

      • Yusef in Space......

        I live on the Colorado River, and this is the time of year we get to enjoy it, soon will be the rats, now it’s just the birds, they cant drive, but otherwise harmless…

      • Rhywun

        I don’t mind people but yeah if I’m not hitting at least a couple dozen rides over nine hours… no.

      • Yusef in Space......

        Tuesday, open the place, no frilly bullshit, just ride the rides, grab a drink, and go,

  11. banginglc1

    Don’t you hate when you’re out all day, come home and then get hungry, only to realize you don’t have anything in the house? Do I go back out or starve?

    • Yusef in Space......

      Grubhub or doordash….

      • Yusef in Space......

        and Bevmo for Alcohol,

    • Spudalicious

      Pizza delivery. Duh.

    • blackjack

      There’s a raft of delivery options. Cost about an extra twenty, but they bring it to your door.

      • Yusef in Space......

        20$? try 6$ tops

      • blackjack

        Use them regularly. Tax, delivery fee, surcharge equals right around twenty. 30 bucks worth of food costs 50. Still worth it sometimes.

      • Rhywun

        Everyone around here has free delivery if you order more than ten bucks. So tax and tip.

        Then again, I’m cheap and have ordered in exactly once in the last dozen years or so.

      • blackjack

        That’s NYC. They’ll deliver basically anything to your door in about 5 minutes there. We had lasagne and cheesecake delivered to our room at midnight when I was there. And, it was really, really good.

      • Yusef in Space......

        I live in ShiPaTown AZ and its like 4-6$ what gives?

      • Jarflax

        How about a large soda?

      • blackjack

        Well, they list delivery at around that, but they slip a bunch of other stuff in here. It comes out to twenty. Maybe Bullhead pulls off the cheap delivery, but CA tosses in enough to make it sorta hurt.

      • Yusef in Space......

        Why I moved to AZ part 1435,56775,677u8967

      • banginglc1

        I’ve spent far too much lately to justify delivery. I really should go down the street to Aldi and buy something quick,

    • Rebel Scum

      I made a Costco trip this weekend and literally have a fridge/freezer (and chest freezer!) full of fish/meat and vegetables. But what did I do this afternoon? I ordered pizza and wings. Should have grilled something. ///lazy

  12. Rebel Scum

    registering more than four times the maximum level

    Lightweight.

  13. Rebel Scum

    China on Sunday said a mysterious viral pneumonia outbreak that has affected 59 people was not the flu-like virus SARS that killed hundreds more than a decade ago.

    I recall the media-driven hysteria about SARS back in the day. *sigh*

  14. Rebel Scum

    “There is no reason to panic,” a local forest official said: “We will tranquillize the animal if needed and we have kept two hunters on standby to give it the tranquilizer shot.”

    I, too, will tranquilize it…with a .30-06. I promise it will be quite tranquil after the, um, injection.

    • Not Adahn

      HBI > HLI

    • Jarflax

      Dude leopard hunting is an excuse for buying something exotic! Something custom fitted with hand selected walnut.

      • Not Adahn

        And chambered in something ending in “Holland and Holland”

      • Jarflax

        Or Weatherby. Exactly, you get it!

      • Yusef in Space......

        then gets lost in a canoe accident?

      • Rebel Scum

        And luckily it doesn’t have a detachable magazine that can hold more than ten *arbitrary number* of rounds!

      • Jarflax

        Two, one for each barrel.

    • Agent Cooper

      Leopard on the loose? Must be a Tuesday in India.

  15. Jarflax

    So I haven’t watched any football this weekend, but from the box score it looks like defense came back from the dead? What happened? Not a single 30 spot?

    • Rhywun

      Those college game scores were getting a little ridiculous.

  16. blackjack

    Did anyone else notice the drunk asshole driver story mentioned that 160 people were involved in the rescue? That’s like jobs program numbers, right there.

    • Rebel Scum

      Well, it IS Europe.

    • Spudalicious

      Fire, EMS and PD. Doesn’t surprise me at all in Europe. It would have been half that here.

    • westernsloper

      Ya I noticed that. Surprised there wasn’t more accidents with that many people responding to the accident.

    • Don Escaped Bloomington

      * running out of candles to light in my TedS shrine *

      you boyz are gonna hafta fend fo yo sefs soon

      * returns to vespers *

      • Ted S.

        Glad to know you have a shrine to me.

      • Don Escaped Bloomington

        wax everywhere 🙁

      • Jarflax

        When you exclaim “Oh Ted S.” in response to a your you’re error, is that an apostrophe squared?

      • Not Adahn

        @Don

        I link a place on Manor.

        You respond with a place on S. Lamar.

        I win Austin forever.

      • Don Escaped Bloomington

        I figured they had one site for both their locations. Of course I meant the location close to campus.

        You’re in charge of AUS, amigo: my expertise burned down with the Oasis, and my gumption evaporated when Albert Collins died. I haven’t counted in a couple of coons’ ages.

        Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind?

      • blackjack

        Love that guy!

      • Not Adahn

        I knew a wonderful woman from Humble, so yes I vastly prefer Ft. Worth to Dallas. Even though I had some amazing sex with a Dallasite. Dallas to me is a shopping mall that somehow manages to be 50 square miles in size.

        But I can’t say I know anything about it since Amye moved away to Fairfield, IA to get her degree.

        Note to UnCiv: this is the woman I made innumerable variants of that beer bread for. Her favorite involved hazelnuts and oregano oil.

      • westernsloper

        avatarAnna
        MIU Admissions
        avatar
        Anna 17:55
        Hey I’m Anna (and I’m a real person). Can I help you with anything?

        What should I ask Anna to help me with?

      • Not Adahn

        No matter what you ask for, the cost will be a donation to the maharishi.

      • Fourscore

        Fairfield Tx is 1/2 way between Dallas and Houston, maybe Amy went to college there?

      • Not Adahn

        Oh no. She went to Maharishi U.

      • Not Adahn

        Oh, but I should mention, she took apiary classes while she was there.

      • Don Escaped Bloomington

        from Humble, so yes I vastly prefer Ft. Worth

        ¿ beg pardon ?

      • Not Adahn

        That suburb was more on the Ft. Worth side of the metroplex axis than say Clearview.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Yeah, I’m not grokking that, NA–Considering where Humble (I’m pronouncing the “H”, you southern assholes!) is, in comparison to the Metroplex (much further East than Dallas), how is it “more on the FW side”?

        Or, are you talking culture-wise?

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        burned down with the Oasis

        Wait, the Oasis burned down? I was just drinking out of my Oasis cup today.

      • Don Escaped Bloomington

        today’s tiled Disneyland with the golf carts, a parking lot, and little umbrellas in the drinks was built with insurance money

        originally, you parked in a field and followed a wire fence to a cut through some live oak scrub and a path that led to decks strung up and down the bluff, the heavy stuff being sleepers and cross ties bolted to telephone poles: all highly combustible

        https://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/Fire-ravages-Austin-s-Oasis-restaurant-1943364.php

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If we had meaningful common sense gun control in this nation they wouldn’t need that armed security.

    • banginglc1

      There is nothing I hate more than the Hollywood Circle Jerk ceremonies.

      • MikeS

        Not even the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner?

      • banginglc1

        Aren’t they part of the hollywood crowd? They play make believe with the news each night, close enough.

      • MikeS

        They invite the Hollywood crowd every year, so yeah…I guess so.

      • Agent Cooper

        I only watch for Gervais’s eviscerations.

  17. Rebel Scum

    If there is anyone who’s perspective and assessment you can trust…

    Schiff said, “It was a reckless decision that increased the risk to America all around the world, not decreased it. When Secretary Pompeo says that this decision to take out Qasem Soleimani saved American lives, saved European lives, he is expressing a personal opinion, not an intelligence conclusion.

    He continued, “I think it will increase the risk to Americans around the world. I have not seen the intelligence that taking out Soleimani was going to either stop the plotting that is going on or decrease other risks to the United States.”

    He added, “The question is, did the plotting here rise to the level that required his elimination from the battlefield? Would that elimination stop the plotting, or would it accelerate it? Or would it make the attacks in the United States greater or not worse? I don’t think the intelligence supports the conclusion that removing Soleimani increases our security.”

    There is a ‘weapons of mass destruction’ joke in here somewhere…Personally I am a fan of WMD’s…women on my d*ck.

    • Spudalicious

      Schiff is a cunte.

    • Don Escaped Bloomington

      wax everywhere, I tells ya

      With both ZARDOZ and Ted on the job, you’d think . . .

  18. Rhywun

    Good grief this game was a bore.

      • Rebel Scum

        Sportsball?

      • Rhywun

        ?‍♂️ I’ve already forgotten.

    • westernsloper

      Ya, that was anticlimactic.

    • straffinrun

      Just finished watching the first game. Just…wow.

      • Rhywun

        That was a good one. Don’t waste your time on the second one.

      • straffinrun

        Last play pass interference? I’m biased AF so my opinion is worthless.

      • Rhywun

        Shit, I don’t remember details like that.

      • straffinrun

        Details like the game winner. Nice.

      • Naptown Bill

        Vikings Saints? I’m not a fan of offensive pass interference, but if you must have it I’d probably put that at the edge of where I’d begin to call it. I could see the argument either way, but I don’t have a big issue with the non call.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Clearly NOT interference!

        I might be more sympathetic to the Saints’ claims if the announcers hadn’t just been chatting about the excitement of the 2009 OT between the Saints and the Vikes…. WITHOUT MENTIONING THE BOUNTIES!!!!

        As long as Peyton is the coach of the Saints, they should never get a call in the playoffs.

  19. Rebel Scum

    Not a good day for teams with home field advantage.

    • AlmightyJB

      Hopefully that continues next week.

      • MikeS

        Negative. Go ‘Niners!

      • Rebel Scum

        I don’t know who to root for now since I was rooting for ‘not-the-patriots’.

        But maybe I’ll go for Baltimore. I don’t have a connection except that my dad is from Maryland.

      • juris imprudent

        Hoping to invoke the wrath of both OMWC and SP are you?

      • AlmightyJB

        I’m a Vikings fan so….

      • Ted S.

        My condolences.

      • straffinrun

        *Fist bumps AJB*

      • Pope Jimbo

        *moves over on the Vikes bandwagon bench to make room for Straff and AJB*

        Welcome aboard boys!

      • straffinrun

        We’re still playing in January. Let’s hope Lucy isn’t our holder anymore.

      • The Last American Hero

        So are they going to lose in San Fran next week or are they going to lose in Seattle the following week?

  20. commodious spittoon

    Twitter witches condemn Trump to death.

    on saturday 11 january 3 am EST, i will broadcast a death ritual against president trump. witches far and near please join me and perform the ritual alongwith me as i lead through it. to see what you’ll need, open the thread. rt so all witches get to see this.

    • Rebel Scum

      death ritual against president trump

      Sounds like an assassination threat.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The Secret Service dunking chair should straighten those broads right out.

      • Jarflax

        Damn, all these self proclaimed witches drowned. I guess they were lying.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        If the water refuses them and they live they’re witches and are executed, if the water accepts them and they drown their profession of innocence was true. I think that’s how witchcraft science works anyway.

      • Jarflax

        Yes, but my money is on they all drown.

      • Lackadaisical

        Correct, say least somewhat. They also go to heaven. What most prone don’t know it’s that our judicial system convicts a higher percentage of people than the trial by ordeal system did.

      • Plinker762

        i don’t live in the US and i use a proxy so ill be okay.

        Does she have a spell that works against drone strikes?

    • blackjack

      Schiff oughta see about an honorary witchdom or something.

    • blackjack

      Thats the kinda thing I’d expect to see for, I dunno, maybe being the first president to extrajudicially kill an American citizen. Mean tweets against people who are trying to ruin him just don’t seem as bad to me.

      • Jarflax

        I wonder who was actually the first President to kill an American citizen without trial? Lincoln certainly did, when he sent the army in to put down the New York draft riots, but I suspect earlier presidents did as well. Washington sent troops to end the whiskey rebellion, but I don’t think anyone was killed by them.

      • Rebel Scum

        Lincoln certainly did, when he sent the army in to put down the New York draft riots

        Among other things…

      • Jarflax

        Well y’all had quite emphatically surrendered your citizenship 🙂

      • Rebel Scum

        One should be free to leave that which one voluntarily joined.

      • Jarflax

        Not arguing that, but if you leave you are no longer a citizen.

      • blackjack

        Ok, then EXPLICITLY. Quelling a riot is a different animal than aiming at someone in particular and pulling a trigger. Not saying it was right, though.

    • Not Adahn

      Oh please, these bitches can’t even outspell Raven Silverwolf.

    • blackjack

      I mean, he won the election, but they keep trying to snatch it back.

    • MikeS

      No worries, the White Witches got this!

      JenniferinNJ
      Replying to
      @yourholygaymom

      Oohhh please! LOL! This white witch, who has angels here, will only say “have fun with the threefold return!” BOOMERANG!

      Boomerang, indeed.

      • Mojeaux

        That’s what I was thinking. The law of Threefold Return.

        Karma bitchez.

    • Ted S.

      Imagine if people did this to Obama.

      Remember the rodeo clown?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Fired right?

      • commodious spittoon

        Out of a cannon, into the sun.

    • Naptown Bill

      “rt so all witches get to see this.”

      Well, shit, I for one take these people seriously and respect their beliefs.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Heh, that was pretty good.

    • Chafed

      I love the Critical Drinker.

    • The Hyperbole

      That’s absolutely horrible in every way.

  21. The Bearded Hobbit

    It’s getting better

    How is it that we have troops in Kenya?

    Get out now.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      But who’ll protect the ivory trade?

      • straffinrun

        Paul McCartney?

    • Don Escaped Bloomington

      e

      the answer is still e

      • straffinrun

        *Shakes head knowingly*

      • straffinrun

        What am I, Bulgarian? *Nods head knowingly*

    • AlmightyJB

      Pax Americana.

    • The Last American Hero

      Our Kenyan president sent them there to protect the homeland.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        I figured they were there on some R&R after being in Somalia…where nothing exists due to no government.

  22. creech

    Jesus, Joseph and Mary; the Eagles had to pull three drunks out of the stands in order to keep 11 players on the field. Might have won, too, if the zebras didn’t screw them on a few bad/missed calls. Packers should have little problem with the Seahawks next week.

    • CPRM

      If the Eagles had signed Kaepernik instead of McCown (for obvious political and racist motivations!) they’d be playing next week !!!1111!!!11!!!1

    • AlmightyJB

      I think that Packers-Seahawks game might be better than you think.

      • CPRM

        Only because the Packers can’t get the offense and defense to be good at the same time during the game this year. If the offense is playing good, the defense lets the other team keep up. And if the defense is playing good, then the offense won’t score any points. (Unless they’re in California, then the whole team plays like shit the whole time, which is why I wanted the Saints and Seahawks to win. Because I thought the Seahawks would beat the 49ers and we could get the championship at Lambeau.)

      • MikeS

        Because I thought the Seahawks would beat the 49ers and we could get the championship at Lambeau.

        Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

        *takes big breath*

        Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

      • CPRM

        Cuz the 49ers WRECKED the Seahawks the other two times they played this season?

      • CPRM

        Kur Kuzins sure ain’t gonna get as close to beating them as the Seahawks could.

    • CPRM

      So, forget about MREs and Twinkies, instead stock up on McDonald’s Hamburgers for the end times?

    • Don Escaped Bloomington

      But most rarely live that long

      * violent retching *

    • blackjack

      I saw a hawk kill one in my driveway once. It sounded like someone playing 52 pickup. The hawk just kept the pigeon pinned while he caught his breath and scouted a place to eat him. Then, he flew him up into a tree and scarfed him down. It was…dramatic.

    • Don Escaped Bloomington

      “I owed Uncle Sam trillions for some airbases, but Phelps & Phelps PC helped structure a payment schedule that fits into my lifestyle: all those bills erased for one easy monthly payment. Thanks, Phelps and Phelps!”

      • Urthona

        I’ve always liked that Phelps. His brother Phelps, on the other hand, is a massive prick.

      • Don Escaped Bloomington

        “Fucking Arabs and Persians making payments, sure, but I’ve got things I want to do. That money’s mine! I’ve got things to do and I need it now!”

        ♩♩♩♩ Call CEB FundSource: +49 . . . 555 . . . 911 . . . 26 ….two two oh! ♩♩♩♩

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        +1 J.G. Wentworth

        877-CASH-NOW

    • Urthona

      Cut your losses, Trumpy boy. You can’t squeeze blood from a stone.

      • The Last American Hero

        What about oil? We were supposed to get oil for blood. That was the deal.

    • commodious spittoon

      Trump’s gonna leave Iraq and make Iraq pay for it.

    • Gustave Lytton

      And then the Iraqis present a bill for the appropriated land and destruction caused by the US forces. See how that works?

      • Jarflax

        Our collections department is more aggressive.

      • CPRM

        I have no idea who that is.

      • straffinrun

        Me neither. It’s a hottake IYKWIM.

      • straffinrun

        Sign in to see whatever filth you posted? This site is going downhill.

      • commodious spittoon

        Sign in?! I didn’t mark it mature!

      • straffinrun

        How about you just describe what nonsense you’re up to?

      • commodious spittoon

        Use my words instead of images to convey my thoughts? OK boomer.

        (It’s a still of one of the chicks in a shot who’s downing a glass of champagne or whatever while everyone else is laughing.)

      • straffinrun

        Thank you. I went through puberty before the internet got hawt.

      • commodious spittoon

        I mean, I was pretty well into puberty myself when the internet became a thing.

        I did not hide my first pictures folder well enough. My mother found it immediately.

    • CPRM

      Packed house that seats 30, WOW!

  23. straffinrun

    “You just keep chasing the next mountain.”

    Cousins post game presser. More cliches than in a Hall and Oats song.

    • CPRM

      He should just come out and say, ‘I got paid, I don’t give a shit. HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW!’

      • straffinrun

        He played great today when it mattered. I’ll take it.

    • Pope Jimbo

      But he was wearing those dreamy suspenders.

      I’m waiting for him to win the SB and still not get a contract extension. Because even if he gets hot for the playoffs, he still isn’t the guy who has swagger.

      • straffinrun

        Swaggert had swagger and look what happened to him. It’s over rated.

      • CPRM

        How many HOF quarterbacks do you need sign past their prime to carry you to the precipice before you realize the QB isn’t the problem?

      • Pope Jimbo

        Go ahead and laugh now, but what are you going to do now that Rodgers is edging into Vikings-bait territory?

        I think Rogers is over the hill now and in a few years we might be signing him.

      • CPRM

        I honestly don’t know what’s next for us, but when you sign Rodgers and lose the NFC Championship because he danced around in the pocket for 3 minutes before throwing the ball away, it’ll be great to watch yall melt down again.

      • PudPaisley

        The Viking put together losing masterpieces in the playoffs like the Lions and Chargers do 4-5 times a year in the regular season. . It came close to happening today, but there’s always next week. Luckily Cook’s knee was down before the fumble.

        For that OT Championship game against the Saints, I was in a packed blues bar for the OT. The bar had about 20 Vikings fan there and everyone paid $20 to get in the see the kick ass band. Since everyone was watching the game, the band waited to start until the game was over. Half the band was from New Orleans and the rest from Houston.

        When the game ended in dramatic fashion, the band went right into When the Saints Come Marching In. Before the song was done every Vikings fan had stormed out of the bar, including a couple friends. It was glorious.

      • CPRM

        Since everyone was watching the game, the band waited to start until the game was over.

        Local Polka bands update all the old people on the Packers’ game score between sets. ‘Can’t stop the polka Mal.’

  24. CPRM

    Such a boring night on here, I might as well be Counting Blue Cars.

    • Rhywun

      That is the most nineties thing I have ever seen.

      ? I miss the nineties.

      • Rhywun

        …I recall laughing at how awful the 2nd one was…

        /notall90s

      • CPRM

        The Jamiroquai song was popular, but sucked, but I found the video intriguing and looking into it is how discovered gimbals.

        The New Radicals were alt rock posers (that’s how shit it was) and was the downfall of alt rock.

      • Rhywun

        Ugh now I click and remember that. Awful. Proof the nineties were over by 1998.

      • Mojeaux

        I like Jamiroquai.

        Shocking, I know. ?

      • Rhywun

        Oh I vaguely remember liking them in the late 80s – don’t remember the song tho.

      • Mojeaux

        Me too, especially the clothes.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And no tattoos!

      • Rhywun

        ^THIS + the hair

      • Gustave Lytton

        I was watching some YouTube video of current soldiers. One of the guys had sleeve tatts all the way down to the tops of his knuckles. Shit would have gotten you chaptered out twenty years ago.

      • Rhywun

        On tattoos

        Totally overwrought but some of it I agree with. I don’t like them and I think they’re a sign of increasing narcissism – something I am allergic to.

      • straffinrun

        Piss of your parents by getting a tattoo. Now you’re parents and what are your kids gonna do?

      • Mojeaux

        Cut off their dicks and tits.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Cut off their dicks and tits.

        That turned dark rather quickly.

      • CPRM

        That’s fucking dark Mo.

      • straffinrun

        That’ll show’em. *winces*

      • straffinrun

        Being a wamen, I’ll forgive you for not realizing the discomfort that cuz us boys.

      • Mojeaux

        It’s very dark and I’m not joking.

        Being trans or furries or of some other outré sexual proclivity is the in thing. Unfortunately, a few parents are gung-ho to indulge it.

      • CPRM

        You know who else was Gung How?

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        a few parents are gung-ho

        More than a few are just straight-up hos.

      • Mojeaux

        More than a few are just straight-up hos.

        Attention whores.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Possibly ‘bitchettes’, as we learned yesterday.

      • Rhywun

        what are your kids gonna do?

        Not tatt or pierce anything.

      • Gender Traitor

        Does “bitchette” refer to small bitches? Otherwise it seems redundant to add the usually-feminine “-ette” suffix.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        GT–I suppose it could. But, when males are referred to as “bitch”, and even more feminine suffix is called for.

        Because, some dudes are just bitchettes.

        /I can’t claim ownership of the word

      • slumbrew
      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Slum FTW!

        Excellent find!

      • slumbrew

        Excellent find!

        He finished up on the BoSox, which I why I instantly thought of him.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        I have no idea what any of that means.

        /goes back to watching Star Trek

        😉

      • Akira

        I don’t care one bit about people’s tattoos, but what annoys the hell out of me is that some people still think it’s a super-edgy, rebellious, anti-authoritarian thing to do.

        When suburban housewives are getting their kids’ names tattooed on their forearms, it’s no longer badass. It’s gone the way of blue jeans and leather jackets – once a rebellious fashion statement, but now utterly commonplace.

        Hell, I think I’m being more rebellious (and I’m not even trying) by NOT having any tattoos.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        “Why come you got no tattoo?”

    • CPRM

      Depends if you count Heavy Metal as Rock and Roll. What has ruined that is nostalgia. In the 90s and 00s bass was finally emerging as a sound in metal. Then the backlash to Nu Metal started and it all went back to the twidd-diddle-waa-deloodle guitar solo and no bass.

      • The Last American Hero

        CPRM is Jason Newstead???!!!!

  25. Mojeaux

    Yeah, so I’m watching an Amazon Prime show called Lore. Just got to a frontal lobotomy.

    ?

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      With an ice pick?

      • Mojeaux

        An orbitoclast, but they did talk about the ice pick.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        ::blushes::

        I snuck a quick look at the list of episodes…

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, now we’re into thorazine!

      • Plinker762

        Ice picks remind me of the death of Trotsky. (yes I know it was actually an ice axe)

      • l0b0t

        Fun Fact – Trotsky’s great-granddaughter, Mexican psychiatrist Dr. Nora Volkow, heads the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). NIDA is the governmental agency tasked with providing a fig-leaf of scientific rationale for the War On Drugs™.

    • CPRM

      show called Lore

      Is it about Data’s brother?

      • slumbrew

        Neeeeeeerd!

        (I also had that thought)

      • CPRM

        My dad was a cowboy boot wearing, knife carrying Air Force enlistee who became a bearded truck driver who had played HS football. It wasn’t until after he died and thought about his love of Star Trek, that as a married man had convinced his wife to keep up his Star Trek the The Motion Picture Poster for over 30 years, that I realized he was a nerd.

      • Rhywun

        My mom was a small-town Pennsylvania gal and divorcee who took her four sons to see ST:TMP on opening night. Yep, she was a nerd too.

      • Mojeaux

        I didn’t know Data had a brother.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        2, ackshually (that the series/movies showed).

        And, his li’l girl.

        And, cat.

      • Mojeaux

        I remember he had a cat.

      • Rhywun

        And, cat.

        Who morphed from male to female or vice versa I forget which….

      • CPRM

        I don’t think the 1st model was treated as a brother, in a story context, but I suppose if they were biologic it would be so.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Good point. He was…what, version 0.1?

      • CPRM

        I don’t know, I’m not Mike Stoklasa.

      • Gender Traitor

        Oh, yes! And IIRC, Lore could use contractions!

    • The Last American Hero

      That was the best episode of the lot.

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, it doesn’t get any better?

      • CPRM

        You can’t trust him, until this week his avitar was gyro, not a hero (Ignore all the previous years he used this same avitar, it only proves he’s now a Russian asset!). Clearly a Russian Asset.

      • Mojeaux

        I need a gyro.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        So, meat stuffed into a pocket of sorts?

        /I ain’t judgin’!

      • Rhywun

        Mmmm… gyro.

    • CPRM

      Greece, fucking up the Vox Populi, those sneaky fucking Russians.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        +1 Boris the Bullet Dodgah

    • Rhywun

      There are black people in Greece now?! Man, things really have changed since my youth.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        With Wayne Brady as Danny!

      • Rhywun

        It’s a suburb of my hometown – I grew up a couple houses away. The sight of Greece Arcadia High School in a rap video makes my chuckle.

  26. Mojeaux

    Now we’re on to changelings. Irish faerie rings #FTW!

    • Mojeaux

      This is the quality urban legend programming that’s been lacking from History, TLC, Discovery, et al.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Too bad it’s not Irish pearl necklaces.

      • Gender Traitor

        Purty!

      • Mojeaux

        I was afraid to click that link …

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        What do you take me for, Mo???

        /where’s my fainting couch?

        ?

    • Plinker762

      I think they prefer to be called the Founders

      • Rhywun

        thank you

    • Mojeaux

      Yanno, I did used to write by hand. Now I only do it if I’m out and there are napkins available.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Well, let’s get you some of that ink and some napkins!

        Bounty? Vanity Fair?

      • Mojeaux

        Bounty. It’s actually one thing I insist on buying name brand.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Duly noted.

        /you know, you coulda asked for linen napkins…

      • Rhywun

        ^metoo (well, paper towels – I don’t buy napkins)

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Me three.

      • Rhywun

        So useful – I use them a ton for cooking and during the summer they are sweatrags I carry everywhere

      • Gustave Lytton

        Brawny man here. Bounty screwed with their paper towel widths and they no longer fit on our towel holder securely. We’ve had the select a size a size for a while but the select a square has won me over.

        Napkins are only for special occasions like Christmas ones.

      • Rhywun

        select a square

        I’m not sure what sorcery that is but I’ll have to check it out.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        No select-a-size in our house. I don’t rightly care, but, spousal unit does, and my apathy keeps me from pushing back.

  27. Mojeaux

    Okay, I am sufficiently sleepy. Nighters, Glibbies.

  28. Donation Not Taxation

    amazon.com/Brawny-Square-Regular-Options-Quarter/dp/B07ND3P3SR

    “Brawny Tear-A-Square Paper Towels, 12 = 24 Regular Rolls, 3 Sheet Size Options, Quarter Size Sheets, 12 Count Brawny Tear-A-Square paper towel roll gives you the option of a quarter sheet, half sheet or full sheet to choose the right paper towel sheet size to suit your needs.”

    • l0b0t

      That’s why they call it dope?

      Seriously though, I was once muggled and went to conduct some business at the French Quarter Whitney Bank. While trying to find all the cash money to make my deposit, my wee pouch with pipe and fresh bag of dried flower flopped out of my ruck ontot he banking counter. The wonderfully kind teller swept everything into a large envelope, sealed it, and handed it back with a wink.

      • Gender Traitor

        Now that’s a Bank Secrecy Act I can admire!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Know Your Customer!

  29. Festus

    This girl fascinates me.

      • Gender Traitor

        Cool! Thanks! Pleasant dreams!

      • UnCivilServant

        I must be asleep, I read that as ‘Pheasant Dreams”

      • Gender Traitor

        Well, whatever you do in the privacy of your own head…

      • UnCivilServant

        Now I’m wondering how gamebirds were hunted pre-firearms. Was it just bowshot? Or were there some other techniques?

      • R C Dean

        Nets also, I think.

      • R C Dean

        Oh, and falconry.

      • UnCivilServant

        I should have remembered the falcons.

        But I’m only partly awake.

    • Gender Traitor

      Which girl?