Wednesday Night Open Post

by | Jun 24, 2020 | Open Post | 252 comments

Hi, kids.

I am now wending my way back to hell Arizona where it was over 107 today. I’m currently in Ohio, where it is a lovely 73.

Had a great visit with my Dad, whom I had not seen in way too long, and also was able to spend time with both my kids, WebDom and Captain America.

Next stop, Wisconsin to stock up at our favorite Italian grocer. Then on to the Great Plains.

Here! I got you a souvenir Open Post on my trip!

 

 

About The Author

SP

SP

I've got an idea! How about we just stick to the Constitution as written and then the government can leave me the fuck alone.

252 Comments

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    Howdy SP! say hi to OMWC and the Wonderdog! BTW 111 today and humidity at 25% ugh

    • SP

      They are home enjoying the heat!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Ha! Safe travels,

      • commodious spittoon

        I imagine lies from those who’d lead us, bit not lies as brazen as that.

  2. Sean

    Drive safely

    ?

    • SP

      Well, if you insist!

  3. Semi-Spartan Dad

    Glad you were able to spend time with family SP.

    Posted this on the dead thread. Glib opinion on the VR80 12GA shotgun?
    https://armscor.com/firearms/ria-imports/shotgun-series/shotguns-mag-fed-series/vr80/

    It’s magazine fed and has gotten good reviews on several sites. Seems really cheap though. Not at all familiar with the AR platform for shotgun, though I have to say it’s appealing.

    Loaded up on Federal HST this morning. Need to switch gears back to getting another shotgun… not easy right now.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Mossberg 590M of GTFO,
      Mag feed from hell

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I hear ya but good luck finding a Mossberg, Remington, or Beretta right now.

        Found some hidden complaints about cycling failure on the VR80. Choosy about shells too. Sounds like a pass.

      • kinnath

        The best time to buy a shotgun is a year ago.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I couldn’t find a spare 10 round mag, but plenty of 20’s at the same price, so I bought one, if nothing else, just fill it with 10 rounds….
        NAHHHHH!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Second best is today. 🙂

    • hayeksplosives

      I enjoyed that. Good pacing.

    • Sensei

      Although I have two cats at the house….

      The Chinese Zodiac Story — The Zodiac Rankings Race

      Why No Cat — Enmity Between Cat and Rat

      Although Cat and Rat were neighbors, the former always bullied the latter, and Rat felt very angry but dared not say it out loud; therefore, he sought revenge on Cat.
      Upon hearing the Emperor’s decree Rat chuckled to himself and thought: “This is an opportunity”.The sleepyhead Cat kicked open Rat’s door, ordering Rat to keep him informed of when he was going to the Emperor’s birthday party, and Rat readily promised that he would. On the morning, however, Rat left quietly without informing Cat. Cat didn’t wake up until the race was over and it was too late — he was not able to make it into the cycle. After the party, a great enmity grew between Cat and Rat, so that rats scatter in all directions when a cat appears.

  4. Tres Cool

    I dont know where in Ohio you are, but Im sure me & GT woulda bought you dinner.
    Well, she woulda….Im skint.

    • SP

      CLE.

      I stayed near Wright-Patterson outbound, but since I’m headed to WI tomorrow, I went this direction.

      • Annoyed Nomad

        Wright-Patt?! That’s where I used to work before retirement. You were in my neighborhood.

      • SP

        Well, next time, I’ll know! (Stayed at the La Quinta across from Wright State.)

      • Gender Traitor

        I’ve heard that “La Quinta” is Spanish for “next door to Denny’s.”

      • Incentives Matter

        Moons Over My Hammys for everyone!

      • Gender Traitor

        Or, since she’s now in Cleveland…

      • Gender Traitor

        (Which gives me a flimsy excuse to follow up with this one, my fave!)

      • TARDIS

        My first married 10 pounds.

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        That was THE best for Drew.

        Da Vougues!

      • Chafed

        So drinking with Nephilium. Got it.

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      Mr. Wick atop file cabinet, stage left.

      • Festus' Mustache

        The brunette is one of my flavors of Kryptonite.

  5. hayeksplosives

    Woo-hoo! An open post giftie! Thanks, SP.

    Others already told you to be careful so I’ll just say if you get hungry, get you something to eat. Or was it change a tire?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I’m going to try to avoid Politricks, and have some fun tonight, who’s with me?

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’ll drink virtual beers to that!

  6. Spudalicious

    SP travels across the country and all I got was this lousy open post.

    • SP

      Nah, you also got to listen to OMWC moan about it, on the site and off. ;),

      • Spudalicious

        You have the most testosterone in the household, but I don’t know about the estrogen.

      • commodious spittoon

        OMWC does not sound as old as Mr. Plinkett. He sounds like maybe Mike Stoklasa’s age.

    • peachy rex

      Thrawn trilogy. As written.

      • Drake

        Only way I can imagine paying to see a Star Wars movie again.

      • peachy rex

        One advantage Zahn had was that he got there when the EU was still embryonic, so he didn’t have to account for all the crap other people wrote. His much later duology is pretty good too, but the poor guy had to twist himself into knots to make the pieces fit.

      • Rebel Scum

        I have heard of the Thrawn books* but never read them. Are they that good and where can I find them?

        Actually haven’t read any SW books, but I understand some are very good. Open to suggestions on the best ones.

      • peachy rex

        I haven’t read much in the EU – there’s lots of crap, alas. I definitely recommend the Thrawn trilogy (Heir to the Empire/Dark Force Rising/Last Command), however. And there are several short story anthologies that can give you an introduction to many of the more prolific writers.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Thrawn books are good, although they do have their problems (“Luuke”)

        I read a some other EU trilogy though and it was complete garbage.

        Right now I’m reading Alphabet Squadron and so far it’s not bad – more on the gritty “Rogue One” side of things.

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        (“Luuke”)

        This.

      • Contrarian P

        Thrawn books are quite good. Zahn had the definite advantage in that he was going in with almost a blank slate. The original movies left way more questions than answers so he was free to fill in some details without being too specific. I liked his proposed scenario for the Clone Wars way more than what we eventually got. He also really stuck to who the principal characters were while expanding their characters and bring some new faces into the mix that blend in well with the universe created by the films. It’s not on par with the best science fiction and fantasy, but it’s quite good and you’ll be satisfied when you get to the end of the books.

  7. Old Man With Candy

    Yes, the rumors are true- while she was gone, SP made me wear a chastity belt.

    110 here today, 111 tomorrow. A/C is out. I’m so fucking sick of summer.

    • Sensei

      Did you get to turn the music up at least?

    • Spudalicious

      Don’t cook the wine!!!

    • SP

      I did not. I just left the rusty tin can lid collection out where you could see it.

    • westernsloper

      Dood, it hasn’t even hit summer in PHX yet. This is still spring.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Fuck you.

      • westernsloper

        lol….we only hit a near perfect 92 today.

      • Spudalicious

        We hit 97. It was really hot. Good thing the AC has the house at 75.

    • grrizzly

      Didn’t you have your A/C out last summer?

      • Old Man With Candy

        Yes. That was the downstairs unit. This is the upstairs unit.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Call me you Fool! I’m in business, jeez…

      • Spudalicious

        He’s none too bright.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Check your homeowner privilege.

  8. Raven Nation

    Great Plains? Generally whereabouts?

    • SP

      Haven’t decided on a route yet! I was going to check the weather forecasts beforehand.

      Leaving Wisconsin on Friday morning.

      • kinnath

        Friday is a non-work day.

      • SP

        Uh-huh. And?

      • RAHeinlein

        We’re home – have room – just throwing it out there.

      • kinnath

        If you happen to be passing this way, we could grab lunch or something.

      • SP

        You guys are all so nice. I’m keeping it loose for now, but I’ll see how things develop!

        Thanks!

      • Incentives Matter

        Are you crazy?!?

        IT’S YOUR CHANCE TO EAT MEAT!!!

        MEEEEAAAATTTT!!!

      • TARDIS

        I bought a big package(giggles) of beef sticks today. But it’s downstairs and I’m too lazy to go get it.

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        Beef Sticks: The BIG Package!

  9. Sensei

    Oh the whining and cognitive dissonance on the Tesla forums is going to be awesome!

    Tesla included in J.D. Power survey for the first time, and it’s bad

    Nice to know I’ve found a vehicle with even worse initial quality than the Land Rover I used to own. I like my Tesla, but the thing has the build quality of an early 2000 Chrysler product with 1980s GM paint.

    • pistoffnick

      Our new CEO, sorry, EO (“chief” is racist donchaknow) came from T3sla. I’m afraid he is trying to turn us into T3sla.

      THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANT.

    • Naptown Bill

      I think Teslas are interesting ideas and I know there are people who love them. All I know is that based on the models I’ve seen in person I’d be mad as hell if I spent that much money on a car that looked like that. I’ve never been inside one but based on the defensiveness of some of the owners the inside’s nothing to write home about. Quirky and neat and lots of “gee whiz” factor but not well-made, allegedly. That’s not because they’re electric, it’s just because they’re designed that way and the manufacturing is hinky, I’d guess.

      • Sensei

        I’m a car guy. So I appreciate them for breaking the mold and completely rethinking how many things are done.

        The acceleration is crazy and for my needs as a second car it’s awesome. Minimal maintenance and perfect for short hops. Priced modestly too high for what you get with the Model 3. I wouldn’t spend the cash on their more expensive offerings, but they aren’t really the awfully made things that the haters make them out to to be.

        So I really like the car, but I wouldn’t recommend to everyone and I wouldn’t recommend it as your only car.

  10. westernsloper

    I am envious of the road trip SP. I am in need of one but life doesn’t agree. What’s the best road trip food you have came across so far?

    • Mojeaux

      I too need a road trip, but I’d settle for a massage.

      • Tulip

        Yes. I want a massage and a pedicure.

      • Mojeaux

        We glibbroads need a spa retreat.

      • Tulip

        Wouldn’t that be awesome

      • Gender Traitor

        ^^^Oh, so very much this!

      • TARDIS

        That would be great!

        What am I saying. Bleach! Stop touching me!

      • Mojeaux

        We don’t have cooties!

      • TARDIS

        Do too! But we don’t mind.

    • SP

      I’ve just been grabbing stuff from truck stops mostly, because I was trying to make good time on the way out. I love that Love’s always has fresh fruit, so I’ve had quite a bit of that.

      Yesterday I had a really good panini with pepperjack, turkey, and roasted red bell peppers, but that doesn’t count as road food since it was at my favorite Amish store back home in the Finger Lakes.

      Today Captain America bought me lunch before I headed out.

      Otherwise, I’ve been wined and dined by my family members at their homes.

      • westernsloper

        Best truck stop food I have had was a little one in east Texas back in my short lived truck driving career. It was a bit fancier than most truck stops and they had a BBQ joint in the place. I was there in the morning and kid behind the BBQ counter said, “we can turn anything on the menu into a breakfast burrito”. I said, “YOU ARE ON!” I had an awesome brisket and egg burrito. Second best was a worn out truck stop I don’t remember where that had smoked turkey legs and smoked sausage on a stick in the hot cabinet. That was good sausage. Never bought fruit at a truck stop. Might explain why I gained 30 lbs that year.

      • Old Man With Candy

        On a road trip a few years back, SP and I stumbled onto an excellent pizza spot in Erie. And of course, out west here, many of the truckstops serve northern Indian because of all the Sikh drivers.

      • SP

        Ooooh, the brisket and egg burrito sounds great! Bet I won’t find that tomorrow.

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        I gotta ask–more the I-20 area, or, the I-10?

      • dbleagle

        Tenuta’s in Kenosha? That is my favorite Italian deli in that section of the country.

        Make sure to bring a strong provolone and calabrese salami sandwich on your flight.

      • SP

        Yes, Tenuta’s, of course!

        I’m driving. I can bring home a lot more great stuff that way. 😉

      • PudPaisley

        I need to get down that way for a Tenuta’s run. All I have left is some marinara, a couple pounds of stuffed gnocci, and some giardiniera.

        SP, if you need some snack food for the drive, Tenuna’s has gallon containers of peperoncini for 8 bucks in the back aisle.

      • Tulip

        I am jealous of your road trip. I really love road trips.

      • Old Man With Candy

        It’s killing me that I couldn’t do this one with her. Road trips are fun, and we travel really well together.

    • SandMan

      The ink on 8, why in the Hell would someone do that?

      • TARDIS

        Low self esteem?

    • westernsloper

      JFC……another word to look up.

    • Sensei

      Oh my.

    • Rhywun

      I love this song

    • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

      They sound quite a bit like Phoenix Foundation

      • tripacer

        The one that Angus Macgyver worked for?

      • Rhywun

        I am reminded of Swirl.

        *looks up Phoenix Foundation*

  11. The Bearded Hobbit

    SP,

    We are also traveling the midwest on a similar trip where we visited with you.

    If you have an opportunity to stop in Cedar Rapids or thereabout, please look up kinnath and his Mrs. Delightful people and pleasant dinner companions.

    • SP

      I guess I won’t ask if I can stop and visit with you when I get to NM!

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        It would have been great but we’re moving opposite directions. Getting ready to spend a week with D2 here in Michigan.

        BTW, definite feel of East Berlin here.

  12. Ownbestenemy

    Teying to parse NV govs new edict. What does “mask in public” even mean? When I walk my dog? Driving in my car? What about a supermarket? Love the open ended bullshit these fuckers are doing

    • leon

      Even Hammurabi’s code was clear.

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        I’m going to guess that a lack of attorney input has some bearing on that.

        /with all due….etc, etc.

    • KSuellington

      They are meant to be ignored. I have a halfwit mayor that has decreed thus and a shitstain governor that did the same. I’ll wear it in businesses that require it, otherwise they can piss up a tree. It’s not enforced at all.

    • Lachowsky

      it means, “submit, serf”

      No need to think any further than that.

    • mrfamous

      It means: “Do as your told. Do you want to kill grandma?”

    • Not an Economist

      Personally, I want this bowling setup.

    • Lackadaisical

      link posting robot? :p

    • egould310

      Good hand work. Cool video of a dude doing something productive.

      Here’s some Aussies doing some music. The Goon Sax “Sweaty Hands” https://youtu.be/wn2KttTWl5Y

    • Lachowsky

      Probably the best tool song, and I’m an aficionado.

      We barely remember who or what came before….

  13. Lackadaisical

    Been thinking more and more about acquiring some long arms for the first time.

    would you say it’s worthwhile to rent some guns and see what I like shooting?

    • Drake

      Yep. You live in a free state or a shitholw?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Free State, yay

    • Lachowsky

      try a fusil automatique Leger.

      Best self loading rifle on the market, IMHO.

  14. Derpetologist

    A bit early for a glibfit post, but since I’m up, I invented a new exercise. With a dumbbell in each hand, bend over and touch them to the ground. Straighten up and bring the dumbbells to you waist, then extend out your arms to make yourself into a Y shape. Press the dumbbells together over your head, then bring them to shoulder level and do a squat. Do a bent arm chest fly and return to the starting position. Do as many reps as it takes for something to get sore.

    I like it because it’s a fluid motion that hits all the main muscles.

    • Lachowsky

      I eat one meal a day and climb several hundred feet of stairs a day in steel mill.

      I keep my self around 200 on a 6 foot frame that way.

      YMMV.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Always walk,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I have an old person drink for the morning, then Meat and that’s it

  15. Lachowsky

    My nephew kinda pissed me off, so I told him to go pound sand. You won’t believe what happened next.

    Go pound sand https://imgur.com/gallery/HUX5rEE

  16. Yusef drives a Kia

    “A bit early for a glibfit post, but since I’m up, I invented a new exercise” it involves lifting 12 ounce weights repetitively, untill your body gives out, and you fall asleep,
    /130 lb. Yusef

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      Just 12 ounces?

  17. straffinrun

    I wonder what Japan would do if Chinese or Koreans were running around beating up Japanese people and screaming, “Chinese/Korean lives matter!” For that matter, how would any non Western country handle a minority group doing similar things?

    • Tres Cool

      Well, the Palestinians have been crying forever that their lives matter.
      Not a direct correlation…but people are assholes all over

      • straffinrun

        Sure. Right now, what country treats their minorities better than Western countries? That’s the question.

      • straffinrun

        Yeah, it’s only about the virus and not the horrifying acts of arson and looting they are seeing on the news. That guy is using a convenient excuse to avoid telling the whole truth.

      • straffinrun

        There’s no question that Japanese are woefully unprepared for the onslaught of Western woke criticism coming their way soon. I have a feeling that they’ll soon catch up, however, and reject it outright. It’s at odds too much with their concept of “Japan” and what debts Japan owes for its recent past. China is too fucking close and too much of a threat to take wokeness very seriously as an alternative way of dealing with the world.

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        That’s quite interesting. I hope you’re right–for them, and you (and, yours).

      • straffinrun

        Don’t know if it’s good for me in the long run. If they swing too inward, my presence becomes tenuous.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Reminds me if wokesters got in a time machine and started harassing Victorians for their views. Not exactly the same thing but perhaps a similar disconnect of commonality.

      • straffinrun

        You could go to any point point in history and woke ideology would be reject. Hell, I bet even Maoist China or Pol Pot’s Cambodia would have a problem with it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Bemused puzzlement, followed by a sound thrashing? Probably universal.

  18. Tres Cool

    I don’t understand how a Marxist/Socialist/Centrally-Planned gov’t is much different than a Theocracy- its just you have a different deity.

    Change my mind.

    • slumbrew

      The difference is that the Marxists all secretly (or not so secretly) think they’ll be the ones in charge.

      • straffinrun

        And they aren’t wrong usually. You create a tool and you can be sure that your worst enemy will get their hands on it eventually.

      • Chafed

        Trotsky hardest hit.

      • slumbrew

        Huh.

        TIL:

        The blow to his head was bungled and failed to kill Trotsky instantly. Witnesses stated that Trotsky spat on Mercader and began struggling fiercely with him, which resulted in Mercader’s hand being broken. … Trotsky was then taken to a hospital and operated on, surviving for more than a day, but dying… from exsanguination and shock

      • grrizzly

        Last year I visited his house in Mexico City where he was killed. My mom was there, so we wanted to see some Russian history.

      • l0b0t

        FUN FACT – Trotsky’s great-granddaughter is Dr. Nora Volkow. She is the Psychiatrist who helms the US National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), providing scientific fig-leaves to justify the War On Drugs™.

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      Honi soit qui mal y pense.

      • Chafed

        What does that mean for us non-latin speaking types.

      • dbleagle

        “We would encourage you to think less about the possibility of your rights being violated and think instead of the heightened feelings of risk that people of color in your neighborhoods daily endure. ”

        Fuck off and die in a fire. The individual is smallest and most vulnerable minority. If you are not protecting my rights then nobodies rights are protected.

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        While shocking, it did not surprise us to receive racist calls from elsewhere in the country…because that is where we tell ourselves the world’s problems are right?

        \

        You people will burn in lakes of fire; drown in rivers of blood.

        Or, what dbl said. If your neck of the woods was so fucking pure, why did you need the exemption? That racial shit you mentioned obviously wasn’t going in in your community.

    • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

      Spread this shit around, and let people savor just how big a bunch of fuckstains these people are.

      • straffinrun

        Given the danger of vaporizing droplets, they better make separate water fountains, too.

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        And splash-back from the toilets…better separate them, too.

      • Chafed

        AllLidsMatter

    • Chafed

      He was a great interview with Brendan O’Neill.

  19. CPRM

    Was too tired after work today to flip my schedule for my days off, so I slept all day. Means I couldn’t get any errands done because all the stores are still closing early because of the Rona.

    • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

      “I’m gonna knock off early for COVID…”
      ::makes pathogen sign::

      • CPRM

        making everyone pack in during the day is only way to keep everyone safe!

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        Or, just give everyone the ‘rona, and roll the bones.

        At least, then the Gov gods would know

    • straffinrun

      New normal!

    • CPRM

      One of those errands was restocking my beer…so sobriety…this is what it’s luck, huh?

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        Lucky you.

  20. grrizzly

    I’m afraid I’ll have to stay among you people. My flight to Central Europe in late July was cancelled by the airline today.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Sorry grrizzly. When I saw EU’s new ban guidelines, I feared the worst for your trip.

  21. J. Frank Parnell

    Well, in extremely local news, the unemployment count around these parts increased by 1 today.

    On the bright side, I already have one promising lead on a new gig, one “I have no openings now but if anything opens up you’re in”, and I’ve got a list of people to follow up with. I’ve got a couple months of severance too, so if I get something new lined up by August, I might actually come out ahead.

    • straffinrun

      Fingers crossed. Hope you keep yourself busy during the downtime and learn some useful stuff. Or porn. Your body, your choice.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Yeah, (un?)fortunately wife and kids are home all the time due to muh pandemic, so I should be able to minimize the porn and stick to doing useful things like learning new skills and spreading my resume around like the kung flu.

      • slumbrew

        Just keep spraying that resume all over the place.

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        See? slum understands…

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        Spreading you “resume”….riiiiiight

    • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

      Dang….I guess? I mean, it sounds both up and down, which can be nice, in other situations.

      • J. Frank Parnell
      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        She’s Lump!

    • slumbrew

      Booo. I hope things turn around for you quickly.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Duuuuuude.

      Been there. Ended up doing much better. So will you.

    • Chafed

      Sorry JFP. I hope you make a quick transition.

  22. Broswater

    Bonne Saint-Jean!

    Okay I know nobody cares but it’s a good excuse to use tomorrow if you had too much to drink tonight. I know I am.

    • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

      I don’t disagree with the words, but, the imagery is not gonna win too many hearts.

      Oh, well….I guess.

    • CPRM

      That’s not The Hyperbole, he don’t have no hair.

      • Festus' Mustache

        No strings or cork-board. Also not terrifying enough to be OUR Hyperbole.

    • slumbrew

      They seem nice.

    • Chafed

      Or understanding they were being recorded. They should be fired for being racist. And very dumb.

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        6 of one…

    • Q Continuum

      The virus is clearly racist.

      • Chafed

        Obviously. It avoids black people and even their friends.

      • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

        Who doesn’t??

        /ducks,runs

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Only when it’s politically expedient for the left though.

      • banginglc1

        This thing has quite the racial/ethnic component, doesn’t it? A chinese virus, names after mexican beer, that doesn’t affect black people.

    • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

      Inorite?? Tricky Wu Flu….

  23. KSuellington

    I’ve always wanted to see the Monty Brewster idea get put into reality. We should be able to cast a vote for “none of the above”. Ideally if that choice won, then there would be another election after a time and the candidates that were rejected couldn’t run for that cycle. You could have an appointed person that voted present for everything and did the ribbon cutting bullshit until someone was actually elected. It would make voting much more worthy.

    • Digby's Peek-A-Boo!

      That was refreshing!

    • l0b0t

      Every few months, we get another drowning here on Rockaway Beach. Invariably, the victim is someone who couldn’t swim. It’s simultaneously heartbreaking and infuriating. If you watch video from the US v. Panama adventure, you may notice soldiers wearing armbands of white engineer tape; this indicates they do not know how to swim and must be accompanied by a competent swimmer during our operations near the locks and coasts. This lead to a BIG push to teach everyone how to drown-proof. Those of us who were strong swimmers, were able to enjoy several days per month goldbricking instructing the non-swimmers in the secrets of not dying in the water.

      • UnCivilServant

        I have found it quite easy to not die in water by not entering into situations where I might end up submerged.

      • Rhywun

        I am not a strong swimmer but it was definitely a thing to teach everyone when I was a kid. Hence free classes at the local HS when I was a tyke.

    • Gender Traitor

      I realized recently how lucky I was to have had such rudimentary swimming lessons as I did. I recall making it through “advanced beginner,” but I don’t think I made it through “Intermediate.” My boss, who’s in much better financial condition to go on cruises (and has done so) says he never learned to swim.

      • banginglc1

        In my mind, It’s close to child abuse to not teach a kid how to swim. They don’t need to be great, but knowing the basics is so important.

      • Naptown Bill

        Our daughter started swimming lessons at 4, and we’ll do the same for my son when he’s old enough. Around here not only have you got pools and so forth but you’re likely to find yourself near some kind of water at some point just between all the rivers and creeks and so forth, not to mention the bay. I still meet people my age from around here who don’t know how to swim now and again and it blows my mind.

      • Festus' Mustache

        My Brother was a fish until he hit puberty and then he became non-bouyant. I remember beating him back to the beach one day and then he started flailing about 30 feet from shore. I’m standing there laughing my ass off because it was an inside joke that we’d play. Next thing I know there are about a dozen people running into the water to drag him back. Turns out the drop off at that beach was about 12 feet from shore. Boy! Was my face red. No wonder he hates me.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      My family had a tragedy back in the 1920s (my mom’s uncle I think) where they were at the river on a picnic and one of the little girl kids started to drown, the brother jumped in to get her and got in trouble with her flailing, and the father jumped in to get them and drowned too. Three at one time is rare I suppose but it happens and they all knew how to swim.

      • Naptown Bill

        They say that’s pretty common. I remember from Boy Scouts the strategy is supposed to be that you first try to throw something buoyant to the person to grab on to so they don’t try to grab on to you instead. Failing that, you get behind them and try to avoid their arms, because their instinct will be to a.) freak right the fuck out, and b.) grab on to you for dear life. I’ve heard rumors of Coast Guard and so forth who dive in to save drowning people cracking them in the head once or twice to knock them silly first so they’ll go limp and float instead of thrashing around and drowning the both of them.

    • Tejicano

      My youngest started swimming lessons at 6 months and we started the oldest soon after that. Both were in weekly (year-round) swimming lessons until they started grade school. They were just short of competitive level – so I figure we did what we could do to waterproof them.

  24. Festus' Mustache

    Watch. Police Karen is a cunte to a nursing student. https://youtu.be/KqmzqjibncY Ba dabah da ba… She’s Lovin’ it!

    • Festus' Mustache

      Note the bitching, haranguing and the nice boot rub near the end of the video. They issue these people sidearms. Poor chick was having an episode and little Miss Glock 2020 had to do this.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Especially for a wellness check, it’s not like the arrestee had just gunned down a couple of people (which still wouldn’t have justified that but still).

      • Festus' Mustache

        She’s dragging her in handcuffs face-down over carpet fer fuck’s sake. Human shoulders don’t work that way. That’s one sick bitch. When I first caught wind of this I was sorta eye-rolling but having just now seen the footage I’m incensed. I wonder how the audio would sound. Never mind, I don’t really want to know. I don’t care if the arrestee tried to kick Wonder Woman in the cunt, this is reprehensible.

    • Festus' Mustache

      I actually like Spam, Velveeta, fake cheese in individual wrappers and margarine. We didn’t get any of that stuff when we were boys. I’m a loner and a rebel.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Bacon in a bag courtesy of our friends at Costco is pretty great, though. Kirkland Brand FTW!

    • Rhywun

      *recoils in horror from memory of German canned head cheese*

      • Festus' Mustache

        Pimento loaf. That is all.

      • Festus' Mustache

        No wait. Mock chicken loaf… I think Rhy and I grew up in the same household.