Sunday Night “Just Wait Until August!” Open Post

by | Jul 12, 2020 | Open Post | 535 comments

Now, some of the members of our household are more tolerant and less prone to kvetching than others.

So, am I going to mention that when I turned on the cold water tap this morning, the water which surged forth into the basin was hot enough to brew tea?

Or that I’ve had to create a non-stop waterfall so my outdoor herb pot gets enough water?

Or the fact that The Wonder Dog has started to use a (gigantic) litter box just to avoid dashing outside for 30 seconds to pee?

No, I’m not.

 

But I will mention that this is your Sunday Night Open Post! Have fun, kids!

About The Author

SP

SP

I've got an idea! How about we just stick to the Constitution as written and then the government can leave me the fuck alone.

535 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    Wow. SP just gave Zardoz the stink eye on the front page.

    • SP

      I ain’t afraid of no ZARDOZ.

  2. Gender Traitor

    Of interest to exactly me, I just managed to establish the base row for a new crochet project on only my second attempt. So…yay me?

    The words I live by: anything is possible if you set your sights low enough.

    • westernsloper

      UNDERACHIEVERS UNITE!

      • Incentives Matter

        UNDERACHIEVERS UNITE!

        You rang?

        Bought a brand-new steel-string acoustic-electric guitar about ten days ago, and have realized that, no matter what, I’m going to suck at it for a very long time — I’ve got no strength in my left hand (and osteoarthritis is threatening to spoil my fun), and no toughened-up fingertips either.

        On the plus side, I’m finally learning to read actual music after 46 years.

        Underachiever, indeed.

        Oh, the guitar? It’s this one:

        https://www.amazon.ca/Seagull-032471-Peformer-Jumbo-Guitar/dp/B001RIY6EU

        Nicest one I’ve ever owned, that’s for sure.

      • Don Escaped both Landslides

        a/ stay at it but go slow
        b/ sound is more important than anything: don’t worry about speed or complexity at all, it will come; focus on fretting properly
        c/ good posture will be really important later, but you can screw it up now; force yourself to sit and hold correctly always; bad habits are shockingly hard to break later

      • Incentives Matter

        Yep. I’m already trying to figure out the best way to hold my left hand so that, when I’m fretting the two bottom “bass” strings, I’m not curling my wrist so much that my tendons want to spasm on me. Bit of a challenge, it is.

        I’m only doing “walking the fretboard” exercises for five minutes a day and soaking my fingertips in saturated saline solution every night to toughen them up. I’m not 22 years old any more, that’s for sure.

    • TARDIS

      My people.
      *nods, fist to chest*

    • Mojeaux

      I have managed to finish a few colors in my cross stitch project.

  3. westernsloper

    *checks local weather

    Only 106. No wonder it felt a bit warm when I was upstairs. No I don’t do AC. I think my tomatoes might need it though. Things go green grow to half size and stop.

    • Count Potato

      Your indeterminate tomatoes stopped growing? Try watering the ground in the morning and evening and see what happens.

      • westernsloper

        They are all in big pots. Friday I moved them to a shadier area to try and cool them off a bit. Hope that helps the poor things. They are roasting on the vine.

      • Count Potato

        Pots will raise soil temperature. If they are clay pots, you know those brownish orange things, try keeping them wet, or set the pots in an inch or so of water.

  4. ruodberht

    Covid has been an absolute boon for my line of work. Apparently I am countercyclical.

    • westernsloper

      Work for a mask factory do ya?

      • Spudalicious

        Sign printer.

      • ruodberht

        Online teaching of a certain sort.

        Business is busier than ever. It’s great, though working 7 days a week is tough. Yes, I don’t leave my chair, but it’s still draining being that on all the time.

      • westernsloper

        Online teaching of a certain sort.

        Aaaaah, Chaturbate model. Gotcha. 20 years ago I would have done the same.

      • ruodberht

        NO EUPHEMISM I SWEAR

      • Chafed

        Teaching to code?

    • Tres Cool

      CDC-funded doctor ?

    • Animal

      I have a double-cousin who worked for a major candy company for over thirty years. He always said their sales boomed during every economic downturn. Apparently when people are worried about money, they can go get a candy bar for a dime (or a dollar, over the course of his career) and have a cheap treat that makes them feel better.

      That has me wondering how the ‘rona is affecting candy sales.

      • Rhywun

        I have a bowl of chocolates in my refrigerator. I never do that.

      • Ted S.

        Ex-Lax?

      • Rhywun

        Ha. No, Dove mint chocolate minis.

      • Tres Cool

        Gay.

      • Rhywun

        ?️‍?

      • Tres Cool

        Oh, good luck tomorrow. I hope you’re reading Glibs while you convalesce.

      • DEG

        Apparently when people are worried about money, they can go get a candy bar for a dime (or a dollar, over the course of his career) and have a cheap treat that makes them feel better.

        A friend of mine pointed this out to me. The small luxuries keep going.

      • Fourscore

        I thought they (we) went to a bar. I would go every time something good happened or some thing not so good. Then I started going every night and some thing bad happened every night when I got home. Small necessities…

        It’s a dry heat, right, SP? So not too noticeable if you’re cooking eggs on the sidewalk.

      • Don Escaped both Landslides

        lipstick as well in the last century: it was the one nice thing women never deny themselves

  5. Ted S.

    So, am I going to mention that when I turned on the cold water tap this morning, the water which surged forth into the basin was hot enough to brew tea?

    When I was a kid the family did a cross country trip. We spent a night at Valley of Fire State Park in Nevada. I swear the water came out of the taps there hot too.

    • Nephilium

      Well, if it was only tea, it’s not that useful.

      • Rhywun

        Hawt, if you squint a little.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Hawt, if you squint a little.

        What a perfectly cromulent phrase!

      • Gender Traitor

        One more (very mellow) waterfall.

    • westernsloper

      This is a first. Ted linked a song I like.

      • Ted S.

        You just like the thought of burning down Andre Rison’s house, don’t you?

      • westernsloper

        Who?

      • westernsloper

        Aaah, yes I do have a slight recollection of some such nonsense.

  6. westernsloper

    How big of litter box?

    • SP

      It was soooooo big that…

      • Gender Traitor

        I thought Arizona WAS a litter box.

      • Jarflax

        Yeah but for some reason they store it in the oven

      • Mojeaux

        GT wins the internet.

      • Gender Traitor

        That’s quite an honor, but where am I going to put it?

      • Jarflax

        The toilet seems a good choice.

      • Rhywun

        And take 2020 with it.

    • Hyperion

      “Imagine what machines will be able to do in the next 5-10 years.”

      In less than 5 years, they won’t even know which bathroom to use.

      • Jarflax

        Vote Blue?

      • Hyperion

        Every robot gets $15 an hour and a vagina that no one can use. Progress!

      • Jarflax

        Front hole you transphobic bigot!

      • AlmightyJB

        Lol!

  7. Nephilium

    There are no links to ignore?

    /goes to pour another drink

    /panics

    • Hyperion

      I’m losing count of how many beers I’ve drank. I wanted to pot up some more peppers, but I didn’t get it done.

    • Tres Cool

      whatchu talkin’ bout, Willis ?

    • Don Escaped both Landslides

      somehow when we were agreeing how unattractive the south and west were earlier, I decided to just let it go that our using AC down here was cultural (NY) appropriation

      conversely, all those Friedrich window units in all those NY apartments were made in San Antonio

  8. Evan from Evansville

    I was the last poster on the morning links! So I’ll repeat here! And, do not worry about doxxing with my surname. I lie about everything! Even that!

    I didn’t know about Milton Berle. From his wiki: 1908-2002. “Milton aided Fred Travalena, Ruth Buzzi, John Ritter, Marla Gibbs, Lily Tomlin, Dick Shawn and Will Smith.”

    But i learned something that…interests me. His first marriage was to a showgirl, who was quite the looker. Her name is JOYCE MATHEWS. “Mathews, with one T.” (That’s something all of us have to say, as the one T spelling is very rare and mistakes happen unless we say that constantly.)

    *Cough*

    I imagine this is why my prodigious pecker comes in handy and where my rugged handsomeness comes from… *Looks around…Runs away!*

    • LemonGrenade

      Holy shit. I just do not understand the sort of mentality that causes a person to tease wildlife like that. Makes you wonder what she thought the outcome would be; she’d tame it and ride bareback around the park?
      On our way into the park on the second day, a minor traffic jam tipped us off so the hubby pulled over and sure enough there was a bison grazing not fifteen feet from the shoulder. In my eagerness to get a close shot, I slipped in the gravel on the shoulder and landed on my ass, and I just *froze* until I was sure the bison wasn’t paying me any attention.

      • Count Potato

        Every year people are killed trying to play with baby animals.

      • LemonGrenade

        I was raised too much on ‘“leave no trace.” I suppose. I don’t even pick flowers in the park: that’s what cameras are for.

      • Don Escaped both Landslides

        * lifts beer *

  9. Animal

    First weekend in August, we’ll be in the Mat-Su borough, looking over some properties. ‘Rona be damned.

    It’s past time to get the hell out of Colorado.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Good luck! Beautiful there and great tasting water.

    • SP

      Wow! That will make for a longer commute for some of your projects.

      • Animal

        Worth it.

      • Derpetologist

        But he’ll be closer to his fellow bears.

  10. CPRM

    I saw mention in the morning thread that OMWC and SP watched Watermelon Man last night; it was directed by Melvin Van Peebles, the focus of an article I wrote.

    • Old Man With Candy

      It’s a genre that Ms. Rural Appalachia was not much exposed to before.

      • Tres Cool

        Point of order- ‘Appalachia’ implies ‘rural’.

      • Jarflax

        Wheeling disagrees

      • Tres Cool

        Nah, thats just general white trash like Lower Price Hill, Norwood, or Dayton, Ky.
        Not truly impoverished.

      • Jarflax

        Lower Price Hill is truly impoverished. Trust me my office is in Price Hill and the barely 18 going on 97 junky whores can be seen from my window

      • Chafed

        Time to close the blinds.

      • Tres Cool

        Nah…its a slum.
        I used to have a client in Prestonsburg, KY. Driving the Mountain Parkway to get there, and upon arrival into town- people living in dirt. Thats Appalachia to me.

    • Tres Cool

      Pam Grier FTW

      *NSFW

      *warning to Q- she got some jacked-up t0ts

      • Tres Cool

        Of course its Robert DoQui.
        And a friend of mine that was a cop for the Rosewell PD in Georgia said that women would actually put razor blades in their hurr.

      • Crusty Juggler

        She was sexy as a mug even later on in Jackie Brown.

      • Lackadaisical

        The comments are a bit crude to say the least

      • Tres Cool

        yo B….dont hate the playa- hate that game aight ?

    • Digby Says Invest in Malden

      I have a friend who looks a lot like Mario Van Peebles. His wife woman was our real estate agent when we bought our house. Damn, can she work some negotiating magic.

  11. TARDIS

    I play a game with my wife’s old cat (she’s 15). I call it, are you still alive? She was the runt of the litter, and has never been healthy. She is still a runt with a tiny head and a rat tail. For years, we stare at her on the deck, with her arthritic back pressed up against the posts. “Is she still breathing?”, we ask. This evening I sat there for five minutes, watching her. Please don’t be dead yet. Not today. She’s always tired and in pain. I don’t want to disturb her if she is sleeping. Dammit, she is not breathing. I approach her as quietly as my fat self will allow. She wakes up with her ‘I can’t wait to eat your dead face’ look. Whew! One more night with herpes cat. Life is good.

    • LemonGrenade

      Ours is 19 now and we’ve been referring to him as zombie cat for the past year. He looks like he should be dead already but he still gets up and moves once in a while.

      • Hyperion

        I had a huge yellow Tabby that was 22 years old before he just disappeared. I assume, he went off by himself to die. In his latter years, he became famous in the neighborhood as the meanest cat around. He was like the Alpha Male Prime.

        One of my neighbors kept telling me that he was getting in her Koi pond. I also worked at the same company as her. One morning, like 8am, she bursts through the door of the IT office and, all purple faced, said ‘That cat! That mean cat of yours, he’s the meanest cat ever, he was in my pond again this morning! I tried to run him off, but he just hissed at me! That’s the meanest cat ever! You better keep him over there!’. LOL fucking L. I have no doubt he was doing it, but fuck, he’s a cat, what am I going to do?

      • UnCivilServant

        Like, you’re going to tell him not to and he’ll knock it off, right?

      • TARDIS

        I shall quote Heinlein…again.

        “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” …

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t be silly. I got a shotgun and a shovel, and an undisclosed location.

      • TARDIS

        That might actually work for felines, womenfolk not so much.

    • Don Escaped both Landslides

      we’ve got a runt; sometimes she hisses and I just laugh and scratch her on the top of the head: you don’t know what to do or who your friends are

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        our runt turned into a 15+ lb bruiser. all the prickly personality, and the muscle to back it up.

        he’s the most loving cat around people, but he doesn’t take any shit around animals. He’s the cat who didn’t bother moving from his sunning spot on the driveway when big dogs walked past.

  12. Lackadaisical

    Its just right for a fire outside tonight.

    • Lackadaisical

      Went ahead and did it. The cool night air reminds me of camping and the fire is crackling just right.

      Got an Ellicottville cold spresso open, good stuff.

      • LemonGrenade

        *lifts beer* finally started our campfire. Dinner will be late tonight but the kids have been hiding inside playing on their iPads all day, we wore them out so badly earlier in the week. They won’t care.

      • Lackadaisical

        Cheers. Little guy and wife are already in bed, so I’m just chilling with you folk.

      • LemonGrenade

        Enjoy the peace and quiet by the fire. It really is one of the joys of life.

      • Lackadaisical

        Thank you, if not well deserved, it certainly is needed.

      • LemonGrenade

        So long as your fire wasn’t built with the timber from an orphanage, I’ll bet you deserve it.

      • UnCivilServant

        Worse, it was a haunted orphanage.

      • Lackadaisical

        Wouldn’t I be doing the world a favor I either case?

        More free range orphans/no More ghosts?

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m afraid the ghosts now haunt your place.

        Sorry man.

      • CPRM

        someone in their group used a slang version of the N-word.

        What?

        Eventually the two sides separated because they realized they were both armed. The groups then fist bumped and walked away from each other.

        Huh?

      • Chafed

        What’s the slang version? Nigga? Serious question.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        “Our message is that the canal is still a safe to go,” said IMPD Capt. Jerry Leary.

        Never mind those two, dead, young people…

      • UnCivilServant

        The canal didn’t kill them.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      A cursory search does indeed verify that the national media is ignoring it.

      • Jarflax

        Erzählung über alles

      • Derpetologist

        I had a German book of stories called Erzaehl mir was! – tell me something, tell me a story

        The stories started out easy and got progressively harder. It was the first foreign language book I read. I think I was about 12.

      • Hyperion

        There’s no way in hell CNN is reporting that.

      • Tres Cool

        So Im spitballing here, but Jessica Whittaker (sounds white) was with her financier Jose Ramirez (sounds latin(x)) and… “were hanging out along the canal when someone in their group used a slang version of the N-word.” (nigga)

        “That word prompted a confrontation by a group of strangers.”

        “Eventually the two sides separated because they realized they were both armed.”

        Works for me.

        “However, minutes later Ramirez claims the killer opened fire from a nearby bridge and ran away.”

        This is where I hate in everyone in Indiana even more than I did before. (Not you Evan- you’re cool).

    • Derpetologist

      I’m sure any minute now angry mobs of white people will be burning down BET headquarters in a peaceful protest.

  13. Derpetologist

    I saw a really big stag beetle last night. I didn’t know they lived in the southern US. Fun fact: the word stag comes from a Norse word that means male. Steggr means male bird in Old Norse and steggi means tomcat in Icelandic.

    ***
    late 12c., probably from Old English stagga “a stag,” from Proto-Germanic *stag-, from PIE root *stegh- “to stick, prick, sting.” The Old Norse equivalent was used of male foxes, tomcats, and dragons; and the Germanic root word perhaps originally meant “male animal in its prime.”

    Adjectival meaning “pertaining to or composed of males only” (as in stag party) is American English slang from 1848. Compare bull-dance, slang for one performed by men only (1845); gander (n.) also was used in the same sense. Stag film “pornographic movie” is attested from 1968. Stag beetle, so called for its” horns,” is from 1680s.
    ***

    • Don Escaped both Landslides

      Bucksnort

      now hightail it outta here

  14. Mojeaux

    For Derpy.

    As I have mentioned, I am cross stitching. Some of us save our thread scraps as a measure of our work. I used to save mine in a jar.

    Anyway, even though the word “ort” means “a scrap or remainder of food from a meal”, we call our thread scraps “orts”.

    • Derpetologist

      Ooh, that’s a new bit of language trivia for me. Thanks!

      I got hooked on videos which try to analyze the languages of Star Wars:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bnBqXQ1DE8

      • Ted S.

        She stores them in the Ort Cloud.

      • Incentives Matter

        *Ahem*

        “Oort” Cloud.

        You’re welcome.

      • Ted S.

        It was a bad pun.

      • Mojeaux

        I was waiting for that. You never disappoint.

    • Don Escaped both Landslides

      offal is the gutpack of left-over critter parts after one butchers the skeletal muscle away

      it’s also what industrial engineers call the scraps from trimming/cutting operations

      • Lackadaisical

        I never knew the second part, great term.

      • Derpetologist

        I’ve heard swarf and dross, but never that.

        ***
        Life, as many people have spotted, is, of course, terribly unfair. For instance, the first time the Heart of Gold ever crossed the galaxy the massive improbability field it generated caused two-hundred-and-thirty-nine thousand lightly-fried eggs to materialise in a large, wobbly heap on the famine-struck land of Poghril in the Pansel system. The whole Poghril tribe had just died out from famine, except for one man who died of cholesterol-poisoning some weeks later. The Poghrils, always a pessimistic race, had a little riddle, the asking of which used to give them the only tiny twinges of pleasure they ever experienced. One Poghril would ask another Poghril, “Why is life like hanging upside down with your head in a bucket of hyena offal?” To which the second Poghril would reply “I don’t know, why is life like hanging upside down with your head in a bucket of hyena offal?” To which the first Poghril would reply, “I don’t know either – wretched isn’t it?”
        ***

        I see those egg council creeps got to Douglas Adams to. You’d better run, egg!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHAFMFFQlkI

      • Derpetologist

        Douglas Adams too even

      • Lackadaisical

        Funny (to me anyway) is I eat a shitload of eggs ,sausage, etc. My total and bad colesterol is below the normal range

      • Fourscore

        My ex-wife too

  15. DEG

    So, am I going to mention that when I turned on the cold water tap this morning, the water which surged forth into the basin was hot enough to brew tea?

    That reminds me of my trip to Darwin, Northern Territory. My hotel did not have cold water. Warm water and hot water.

  16. Crusty Juggler

    Air-conditioning is unhealthy, bad, miserable, and sexist. I can’t explain how many times I’ve gotten sick over the summer b/c overzealous AC in offices.

    #banAC

    • Jarflax

      You left out the O

      • Raven Nation

        *polite applause*

      • Crusty Juggler

        Just like you in bed with your wife!

        OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

      • Derpetologist

        AOC suggests NYC crime surge due to unemployment, residents who need to ‘shoplift some bread’
        https://www.foxnews.com/politics/alexandria-ocasio-cortez-nyc-crime-shoplifting

        ***
        “Maybe this has to do with the fact that people aren’t paying their rent and are scared to pay their rent and so they go out, and they need to feed their child and they don’t have money,” Ocasio-Cortez continued, “so they feel like they either need to shoplift some bread or go hungry.”

        The New York Police Department (NYPD) has reported a staggering increase in shootings and violent crimes in recent weeks, as officials warn there’s “a storm on the horizon” amid calls for changes.
        ***

        Most commonly shoplifted items:

        ***
        Grocery. Cigarettes. Energy drinks. High-end liquor. …
        Over-the-Counter Medicine. Allergy medicine. Diabetic testing strips. …
        Health and Beauty. Electric toothbrushes & replacement heads. Lotions and creams. …
        Clothing. Denim jeans. Designer clothing/denim. …
        Electronics. Cell Phones. Digital cameras. …
        Home. High-end vacuums. KitchenAid mixers.
        ***

        Note the absence of food staples.

        Try harder, Gulag Barbie.

      • Count Potato

        “KitchenAid mixers”

        Wow.

      • Tres Cool

        Ive never really shoplifted anything more valuable than maybe a snickers bar. Ive had a kitchen aid. Those things are heavy and bulky. Im not clear on how someone thinks they can pull that off, other that just crash through the door and jump in a waiting car.

      • Hyperion

        MY parents would have beaten the shit out of me for at least a week if they knew I did something like that. Seriously, I’m not a saint, but I have never stolen anything in my entire life.

      • Rhywun

        Major stores (i.e. ones with a PR department) will just let you walk out the door with anything.

      • Count Potato

        Really?

      • Rhywun

        @Count

        Sure, they just write it off. Rather than deal with any possible PR issues.

      • Lackadaisical

        I shoplifted some ear buds once, that’s probably the most expensive I ever did. Though I did once buy a case of beer at knife point. Lol.

      • Tejicano

        I’ve had some bad beer before but nobody ever had to threaten me with violence to buy it from them.

      • Lackadaisical

        Pesky blue laws. ..

      • Hyperion

        Hispanic Olive Oyl is confused. College was hard. Bar tending was harder, congress, too hard.

      • Lackadaisical

        Took more a minute, bit that’s a great nickname, also probably ‘racist’ somehow.

        I love this place.

      • Count Potato

        Also, not seeing how shoplifting increases murder.

      • Derpetologist

        QUIET, YOU!

      • Ted S.

        Fuck you, that’s how.

      • Hyperion

        We gotta write off shrinkage as a result of racism, and just charge wypipo for that. So when your bill shows up to cover shoplifting, just shut up, it was your fault.

      • Rhywun

        I swear to god she has to be performance art. It’s just too spot-on.

    • Hyperion

      Sure, go back to your cave.

    • Threedoor

      It should never be below 10-15 degrees from ambient.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Number 7 should be chased through a town with pitchforks.

    • DEG

      Was it Tonio that wrote an article about photography? Setting up a shot was part of it if I remember correctly. I think #5 should read that article.

      #11 is cute.

      I like #23’s iChive gallery.

      • Crusty Juggler

        11 is the knees.

    • Lackadaisical

      I’d do them all except the real doll, but 3 and 24 would hold a special place in my heart

      • Chafed

        3 will kill you after sex and eat your body over several weeks.

      • Lackadaisical

        Hawt.

  17. Crusty Juggler

    Rank your top 5 dad movies. Mind you, dad movies rock.

    1. The Great Escape
    2. The Hunt for Red October
    3. The Dirty Dozen
    4. The Blues Brothers
    5 – tie. Depending on their sport of choice: Rudy/Field of Dreams/Hoosiers.

    Dudes rock.

    Honorable mention: Ronin. Ronin rocks.

    • Hyperion

      I love the Blue Brothers. I’m on a mission from God.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Exactly. Movies with dads in them. Movies that a dad would like. Movies that a dad would show their kid.

        Whatever the criteria, Ronin doesn’t belong in there. Stop trying to dragJohn Frankeheimer through the dirt.

      • Crusty Juggler

        The list was made with love – I’m a Frankenfan from way back.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Carry on!

        Black Sunday it is.

      • mindyourbusiness

        Zulu
        Young Frankenstein
        The Producers
        The Wrong Box
        Kelly’s Heroes

      • LJW

        My dad has always been a comedy genre guy. So my definition is probably way different than others.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Caddyshack

        Animal House

        Odd Couple

        Planes Trains Auto

        Blazing Saddles

    • LJW

      No Rocky or Rambo? I feel like one of those must be included.

      • Crusty Juggler

        I feel like Rocky 2 is more of a dad movie than Rocky 4, which is just an all-around perfect movie.

        Missing In Action series > Rambo in the dad world imo

    • Derpetologist

      Red Dawn, Jaws, Terminator, Blues Brothers, Robocop

    • Oy the Billy-Bumbler

      Shawshank redemption, stand by me, die hard, airplane, 3:10 to yuma

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Huh…..this is actually the best of the five-lists. Damn, good on ya.

    • Incentives Matter

      Ronin only gets an Honourable Mention?

      What the Hell is wrong with you?

      • Crusty Juggler

        Alcoholism. Depression. Huge balls. Out of shape. Overworked. Unlikable. Nasty farter. No respect for authority. Stubborn. Sharp toenails.

      • Gustave Lytton

        My wife says I’m charitable to myself in criticism as well.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        You left out “an HVAC lightweight”

    • straffinrun

      As usual, your list works also for top Porn titles.

      • Lackadaisical

        Debbie does Dallas ous pretty good actually.

    • The Hyperbole

      One from each

      Kurosawa
      Leone
      Brooks
      The guy who did Dog Day Afternoon
      And ConAir.

    • Sensei

      Eiger Sanction.

      OT for Gustave

      https://youtu.be/OJ_-aA-ofIE

      Popped up on my playlist. No idea why somebody subbed this. However, it’s an interesting conversation study. Two young women joined the voice actor’s agency . Ages 15 and 17. The differences in how the two girls speak is interesting. The older significantly more adult like and the interviewers responses to her are also different. Also with the interviewer, but not her two kouhais she speaks in a more typically feminine manner.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Clint did his own stunts! Truly impressive.

      • Sensei

        Plus there is an Archer homage to it episode.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Thx! Added to watchlist.

    • Lackadaisical

      I always think of clash of the titans as a dad movie. I thought it was great when i was 6 (?)

      • UnCivilServant

        I wanted to watch a bunch of ray harryhousen movies recently, but I can only find them in forms like Region 2 DVDs and crap like that.

      • Lackadaisical

        I know almost nothing about actors or directors. This is why my list had just one movie.

        I remembered clash of the titans because I saw it was available on Netflix.

      • UnCivilServant

        Harryhousen was a special effects guy, famous for stop-motion work,

      • Lackadaisical

        Ah, I did like the special effects, though I’m sure they’re fairly unimpressive now.

    • LemonGrenade

      If it’s movies to watch with your dad, mine are:
      Young Frankenstein
      Army of Darkness
      Die Hard
      Airplane
      Aliens

    • Old Man With Candy

      My dad made sure I was conversant in anything involving the Marx Brothers, WC Fields, Huntz Hall, and Charlie Chan. So…

      1. It’s a Gift
      2. Duck Soup
      3. Million Dollar Legs
      4. A Night At The Opera
      5. The Old Fashioned Way

      Sorry, Charlie. But damn, I love me movies with Mantan Moreland.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Duck Soup is a true classic. I really like A Night At The Opera, too.

        But their post-Paramount movies…yeesh.

    • Chipwooder

      Miracle, Caddyshack, The French Connection, The Dirty Dozen, The Godfather.

  18. Annoyed Nomad

    My latest look at Ohio coronavirus numbers:
    According to the latest Health Dept numbers there have been 3,058 deaths. But as recently as July 9th, nursing home patients accounted for 70% of the deaths (2,101) and prisoners accounted for 3% (86). That leaves only 27% (804) for “the rest of us.” Source: Cleveland.com
    According to the Kff.org site, Ohio has about 74,000 nursing facility residents. The state has a population of about 11.73 million, so nursing home residents are less than 1% of the population, but represent 70% of the Covid deaths.
    The Covid death rate “for the rest of us” has reached about 7 per 100,000 total population (the way it’s tracked on the CDC site). The most recent year, 2018, of Ohio’s Influenza/Pneumonia Mortality Rate was 15.7 per 100,000 total population. We would have to more than double the death rate of non-nursing home/prison residents to achieve the level of flu/pneumonia deaths.

    If I swear to never visit a nursing facility or prison, can I stop having to wear the stupid mask?

    • Akira

      It’s so fucking stupid that we KNEW very early on that this thing was going to mostly affect the elderly and/or those with health conditions, but they chose not to use that knowledge. All the “experts” pushed the idea that every single person is at a huge risk of dying from this thing. As a result, efforts were not focused where they should have been; tons of people died as a result and a great many more had their lives severely disrupted.

      With every other health issue, they make use of demography to determine where the efforts need to be focused. For example, they don’t tell men to get mammograms for breast cancer, and they don’t tell young people to get colonoscopies to detect colorectal cancer because there’s such a low chance of those groups having those diseases. (Yes, I know that 70% is not a particularly huge supermajority, but I bet a large part of that remaining 30% were elderly).

      • Tres Cool

        And now ‘testing locations’ are popping up all over, and the media is encouraging people that arent sick to get tested. If something like around 80% of people with the ‘rona are asymptomatic, who cares?

        What happened during all our other “crises” ? Were people being tested ?? ????? for AIDS? Pissed tested for crack cocaine? Checked for SARS, Zika or H1N1 ?

        I keep hearing how our infection rate is doubling nearly everyday, yet I dont know anyone thats had it- granted, Im just 1 person in the state. But where are the dead bodies that should be piling up in the streets ?

      • Crusty Juggler

        I am north of NYC so in a prime zone and I know a few people who have died, and they were all elderly and/or overweight.

        If you’re 65 and a 275lb lady…I mean…it’s not like life was going to be everlasting.

      • Chafed

        And yet there are school districts that won’t open in the fall.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Take away lesson: if you have a confrontation, particularly one involving threats of violence or firearms- leave the area immediately.

      • Count Potato

        It sounds like she was shot from a distance.

    • Jarflax

      The statement goes on to point out the differences in swastikas, such as the Nazi swastika is “pointed clockwise and tilted at an angle.

      So it is ok as long as you remember to put it on right side out?

      • Drake

        Those things are everywhere in parts of southern Asia. Basically an Aryan peace sign (a lot Aryans went south into Asia instead of west into Europe). I was with a bunch of people studying in Sri Lanka – we used to say “who wants to eat at the Nazi place today?”

      • UnCivilServant

        Can I get Schnitzel, Spatzle, and Strudel?

        Wait, it’s not really a Nazi restaurant?

      • Tres Cool

        True story- a consulting company I worked for shared a building with an accounting firm. One of the accounting staff people happened to be (((them))) and was in a breakup, when her ex (allegedly) painted a swastika on the outside of the building. My boss and the guy that owned the accounting firm were partners in owning the building, and me and some co-workers were tasked with scrubbing the thing off and painting. She came out while we were cleaning it up (prolly more upset over the breakup than the imagery) and I told her, “look, whomever did this was a dumbfuck- the swastika is backwards. They cant even do a proper hate-crime. You’re better off.”

        Hilarity failed to ensue.

    • Tres Cool

      Preet ?

    • Rhywun

      There is ignorance and then there is blatant stupidity

      O RLY?

    • AlmightyJB

      Wow, now that’s how you white privilege

  19. kinnath

    For the next ZARDOS help desk article.

    My wife bravely has confided in me she was sexually active with her older brother for 20 years (give or take). She ran for home and left him right before she arrived in my state. She cut communication for three years. We’ve decided to be radically honest with each other, but unfortunately, that means I know everything we do in bed came from him: threesomes, filming, every dirty thing that my wife amazed me with was all taught by her older brother. I can’t seem to move past that. They were kids when this started—he was a young teenager, and she was even younger. I know it’s not her fault, and she was abused. But she has talked to him a few times in secret, and once read a text saying “I can’t get you out of my head.” I now feel like the woman I live to serve and love will never crave me or enjoy me more than her secret abusive lover. I am drowning, and don’t want to let this hurt ruin us. What the hell do I do?

    • Tres Cool

      Dear Penthouse Letters….

    • Lackadaisical

      After 20 years I’m not convinced it’s abuse. ..

    • one true athena

      That’s basically the plot of one of the later “Flowers in the Attic” novels.

      • one true athena

        Oh yes, there was a whole series of them. Virginia Andrews only wrote the first 3, IIRC, tracing the main protagonist up to a (very messed up) adulthood, and then a ghostwriter did more about descendants. I read them back in the 80s as my Rebellious Teen Trash Novels, lol.

      • Jarflax

        My only contact with them was one night flipping through channels I watched about 25 minutes of a movie. Once I grasped the plot was Mom poisoning her captive children, who were being raised by their older brother and sister, who were in a commited sexual relationship I turned it off so I have no idea what happens after that, and don’t have any desire to know.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Care for a powdered doughnut?

      • LemonGrenade

        True stories: my husband was assigned Flowers in the Attic for his senior year English class in Oklahoma. Also, amazon once recommended VC Andrews in ‘Parenting and Relationship Advice’ just no.

  20. Evan from Evansville

    I’m doing one of my favorite things right now. Colombo is one of my favorite shows, and I think Colombo is one of the best characters in the history of TV/film. Peter Falk was perfect and his idiosyncrasies for the character make him stand out and give the show it’s fundamental draw.

    Tonight it’s the pilot, Prescription: Murder.

    I’m having a great time. I also finished editing a novel and this is how I’m enjoying my evening. I also JUST applied to a new school and am feeling well accomplished for my Sunday.

    Enjoy the things you can. Focus on the positive and never sink into the negative.

    • Tulip

      Good advice. Thanks Evan

    • UnCivilServant

      I remember watching through the series and there were some episodes where I went “That guy will get off with a good lawyer.”

      The episode with Leonard Nemoy as the guest killer is a prime example. At the end of the episode, Colombo has no incriminating statements, no unexplainable contradictions, and the only piece of physical evidence anywhere was discovered – in the pocket of the thusfar frustrated investigator. A decent lawyer would savage that case if a fool of a DA brought charges.

      • Crusty Juggler

        *Nimoy*

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t think that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the show, I agree on the points you raised.

      • Rhywun

        there were some episodes where I went “That guy will get off with a good lawyer.”

        It does seem to be an idiosyncrasy of the show.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Colombo antagonist villians, ranked:

      Jack Cassidy – obvious choice but still
      Patrick McGoohan. Dude rocked.
      Robert Conrad – that episode has the cute blonde from The Rockford Files in a bikini and I think heels. My God.
      Eddie Albert
      Dick Van Dyke

    • Rhywun

      I’m watching it too.

    • straffinrun

      *Turns around before leaving room*
      Oh, just one thing I don’t understand…

      • Drake

        Why would you talk to a cop? Don’t you have a lawyer?

      • Evan from Evansville

        EXACTLY!

        Never speak to the police! None of that shit would EVER hold up in court! Just don’t talk to them! Anything you say can and absolutely WILL be used against you!

        I refused police searches back even when I was 18. They surrounded me and even brought drug dogs and there were maybe 10 cops that time. Yes, I was driving dirty. Didn’t consent to shit.

        Even my law-abiding mother thinks that was a great No to tell to the authorities.

        Got off scot free. Not even a speeding ticket. EEH!

      • Lackadaisical

        Good work I’m always such a pussy around cops.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Never speak to the police!

        Yeah, shut the fuck up.

      • Lackadaisical

        Hah!

        I hate shows where the criminal basically chooses just because the cops figured out it was him, when they’re not even confronted with evidence or anything.

  21. LJW

    Texas hospital says man, 30, died after attending ‘COVID party’

    ““Just before the person died they looked at the nurse and they said, ‘I think I made a mistake. I thought it was a hoax but it’s not,” she said, according to the station.”

    Paging Doctor Bullshit to the ER paging Doctor Bullshit.

    • Derpetologist

      If he was intubated (presumably) how did he talk? Did he write a note? Blink in Morse code?

      I suspect a man who tested positive died of something else.

      • LJW

        It was super gonorrhea wasn’t it?

      • Derpetologist

        worse – Mongolian Yak Herpes

    • Fourscore

      Exactly what I thought when I saw that. My nemesis (my niece doctor) sent that to me.

      My reply:

      A government that lied us into war in Viet Nam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, a government that has put us almost 30 T in debt, a government that can’t deliver the mail, can’t teach kids how to read. some how is telling the truth about some mystery killer from China.

      You’ve got me convinced.

      People that use hand sanitizer multiple times a day but buy organic food are on top of the science? You’ve got me convinced.

      People that didn’t attend covid parties also died, 3 ,000,000 (actually more) is 2020

      • Derpetologist

        If you want to really have fun, ask an I-love-science drone or maskanista about food irradiation.

        No, you dunces, it doesn’t make the food radioactive, for the same reason you don’t gain superpowers when you get x-rayed at the dentist.

        take it away, John Stossel

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cojejse50pY

        It would save more lives than masks.

      • Fourscore

        Ban microwaves!

        Watching TV will damage your eyes, circa 1955, you’ll need glasses soon.

      • Tres Cool

        5G cell service caused the corona!

        (seriously, they’re tearing shit down in Europe over that)

    • Rhywun

      All that’s missing is “Trump told me so”.

      • TARDIS

        Shouldn’t you be in bed? Or are you still purging?

        /Mom

      • Rhywun

        I can’t possibly turn in at 10 o’clock. I wasn’t planning on more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep anyway.

      • Tres Cool

        You got a lot on your mind (or ass)….but like I said above, good luck. The (937) contingent is on your side.

      • RAHeinlein

        Best wishes, Rhywun – hope all goes well!

      • straffinrun

        ^This.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        “I know a covid party has led me to this sorry fate, and yet, I blame Trump. Trump made me what I am.”

  22. creech

    Five favorite comedy movies: Caddyshack, Animal House, Slapshot, Blazing Saddles, Some Like it Hot.

    • Chipwooder

      Repo Man, Duck Soup, The Big Lebowski, Dr Strangelove, Used Cars

    • LemonGrenade

      Blazing Saddles
      Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy
      Ed and His Dead Mother
      Safe Men
      Young Frankenstein

    • straffinrun

      Birth of a Nation 2

      • mrfamous

        Well there goes your writing gig for Tucker Carlson

    • Derpetologist

      Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Beetlejuice, Animal House, Airplane, Spaceballs

    • Grumbletarian

      Airplane!, Blazing Saddles, Caddyshack, The Private Eyes, Spaceballs

    • Gdragon

      Am I correct in assuming that “South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut” falls under musical rather than comedy?

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Fuck, I hope not!

      • Jarflax

        It’s a war movie.

  23. straffinrun

    Strafforism: How you say something is not as important as how you say it.

    • Digby Says Invest in Malden

      so, it > something….got ‘it’

  24. Chipwooder

    This may in fact be the dumbest man on earth. Just start minting those trillion dollar coins I’ve heard so much about and send everyone one. Problemo solved!

    • Derpetologist

      It won’t be safe to go outside until there’s a cure for the common cold and until we find the fountain of youth.

      ***
      On average in the US, the flu’s death rate is .1%, while the coronavirus’ death rate is 5.2%.
      Both viruses are most deadly for the elderly. The flu kills .83% of infected people above age 65, whereas the coronavirus’s death rate is 10.4% for infected people from age 65 to 74, 20.8% for the 75-84 group, and 30.1% for people over 85.
      ***

      https://www.businessinsider.com/coronavirus-death-rate-us-compared-to-flu-by-age-2020-6

      movie pitch – Cocoon 2: Coronavirus Boogaloo

      5 spunky seniors escape from the old folks home and embark on a quest to the reach the fountain of youth before the plague takes them.

      Yeah, I know there was a Cocoon 2 already.

      • C. Anacreon

        No one except Business Insider believes the mortality rate for infections is 5.2%, they’re only dividing deaths out if when there were only confirmed cases of people with serious symptoms, and ignoring all asymptomatic and mildly infected people who never tested. The CDC’s own numbers currently predict the overall mortality of all people infected as .0024, far, far less than .052!

    • Fourscore

      His followers are on the same bus. We can print our way out of this. Trump is actually on board with those from Keynesville.

    • straffinrun

      Wow.

    • leon

      Yep. Our puritanical “everyone must work because moral degeneracy, probably” ethos is bad for us in normal times and lethal now.

      Congresscritters are like, “we don’t want to incentivize people not to work!!!” And I’m like, yes, thats precisely what we want to do.

      ….

    • leon

      Megan
      @meganlaser
      Replying to
      @BFriedmanDC
      As an epidemiologist this would make my job much, much easier

      Well, i mean it would make everyone’s job easier…

    • Gdragon

      I read the responses, holy fuck. I have to keep repeating to myself that they aren’t that many and not everyone is that stupid.

    • Tejicano

      I remember when I was 6 or 7 and have an idea – then wonder why nobody ever did that, then immediately think that I probably was missing something about that idea and try to figure it out.

    • Jarflax

      A nation of billionaires with nothing to buy, sounds idyllic. I always wanted to starve to death with 10 figures in the bank.

    • Digby Says Invest in Malden

      Ummm…”Men”. Did you see those fucks gobbling up his shit?? “My job could easily be done from home, so lock everything down! It’s the other side that doesn’t care about people!”

      Piss on those turds.

  25. straffinrun

    There are very few Japanese women that are rendered less attractive by wearing a mask.

    • Sensei

      It’s the eye focus.

      Just had this discussion with my friend. We were talking about my class describing people for something like to give a description. We noted that in English color plays a role that doesn’t really exist in Japanese which focuses on shapes.

      We also noted that emojis in Japanese have a big eye focus whereas in English it is mouth focused.

      • straffinrun

        Yep. You don’t take a picture of a beautiful sunset with a dumpster in the shot.

      • UnCivilServant

        Yes, you do.

        Contrast and juxtaposition can make for a great image.

        But if you’re comparing the mouth to a dumpster, you’re sorely mistaken.

      • straffinrun

        They’re dumpsters when I’m done with them.

      • straffinrun

        God’s work is getting derivative.

      • UnCivilServant

        I need an excuse to share my vacation photos.

      • Sensei

        You have a way with words…

        Also although braces are becoming more the norm, I find it amazing that a gal with a snaggletooth is a thing there.

      • straffinrun

        They cover their mouths when they laugh for a reason.

        *These are just jokes. They’ve said wildly offensive things about me. Of course, they thought it was a compliment.

      • Sensei

        I took it as such. No worries!

        I do find the mouth covering cute. You’ll note mostly women only however.

      • straffinrun

        They cover their mouths so the other person doesn’t puke in it.

      • straffinrun

        Yeesh. Even offended myself with that on second reading.

      • Lackadaisical

        Japan is a weird place.

        Also the native people are a bit unusual.

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t pick on the Ainu, they get enough shit from the Japanese.

      • Gustave Lytton

        What’s wrong with the Ainu?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Hah! UCS beat me to it.

      • Lackadaisical

        DSL are vital.

    • Count Potato

      I find that hard to believe.

    • grrizzly

      And yet you live there. I actually have a photo in the living room that I took in Yokohama with two elderly bicyclists wearing face masks: in the last four years I traveled three times to Japan in the fall or winter.

      • straffinrun

        I’m a bit confused. My comment was by no means an insult.

      • grrizzly

        There are effectively two negations in your sentence: it’s getting hard to follow.

      • straffinrun

        Masks leave the most beautiful aspect in view. I got an eye fetish.

      • grrizzly

        Here it’s not like in Japan. People wear masks AND they stay away from each other as much as they can. Perhaps someone with 20/20 vision is unaffected, I am.

      • Gustave Lytton

        neo-Islamicist confirmed

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        ^THIS!!!^

  26. Crusty Juggler

    29 years ago today “Point Break” was released.

    America was great.

    • Tres Cool

      “I got my 1st tube today. Sir.”

    • pistoffnick

      The best worst Patrick Swayze movie is Road House.

      • Tres Cool

        DO NOT ever watch “Black Dog” with Randy Travis and Patrick Swayze.
        Really- Im not like the others. Im you’re friend. It will completely lower the bar for what you think a “bad movie” is.

      • pistoffnick

        That sounds like a challenge!

      • Spudalicious

        SHUT YOUR DIRTY WHORE MOUTH!!!

      • pistoffnick

        “I thought you’d be bigger.”

        “Pain don’t hurt.”

        “It’s my way or the highway.”

  27. Derpetologist

    I have a silver coin that says Abolish The Federal Reserve, Debt Is Slavery! from the Gold is Money mint. It’s my 2nd favorite silver coin. My favorite is my Shark Week coin.

    • Spudalicious

      The Vonn Trappe family?

    • TARDIS

      My mom?

    • straffinrun

      Learn German. It will set you free.

      • Tejicano

        But that sounds like a lot of work

      • TARDIS

        Lies! Plus, too much work.

      • TARDIS

        LOL

      • Rhywun

        It is work.

      • Sensei

        Agreed. The number of people who pick up second languages (outside the home) readily with minimal effort ain’t huge.

        I’m calling it a night. Feel better. Hopefully see you back here soon.

      • straffinrun

        All three of you get oven time for goose stepping on the punchline.

  28. Adama, Yusef Adama

    Oh C’mon, it was only 122 today, you didn’t go out i it did you?

    • Lackadaisical

      I was wondering,at what temperature do people just die?

      • UnCivilServant

        If your brain temp gets to 106 or thereabouts, you’re toast.

        The question is how much you can avoid that.

      • TARDIS

        Stay hydrated!

      • Adama, Yusef Adama

        Tons of Tall Cans!

      • Lackadaisical

        Yeah, but there is a temperature that will just kill you no matter how much you drink. I want to say it’s around 140 or so.

      • Count Potato

        123, Apparently.

      • Adama, Yusef Adama

        123, dry heat, Eyeball death………………

      • Adama, Yusef Adama

        it’s deadly out right now, not fit for humans, Fortunately, we made A/C, so life is wonderful, remember that next time you go shopping or fresh food.

      • pistoffnick

        Lackadaisical wrote: “I was wondering,at what temperature do people just die?”

        Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year, it’s just not widely reported.”

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW6W9iOjTKM

      • Jarflax

        In Arizona it is not spontaneous. It is God playing with his magnifying glass.

  29. Adama, Yusef Adama

    122, and I can’t get my place below 90, yippee?

    • RAHeinlein

      All your handle changes are making me want to re-watch Caprica.

      • Tres Cool

        Fuck that. Im still trying to get my head around Battlestar Galactica. The 80s ruined this one for me.

      • RAHeinlein

        Dirk Benedict as Starbuck – HAWT! – Dirk Benedict turns into a snake – lifelong nightmares!

      • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

        Katie Sackhofff as Starbuck, Hawt!

      • Adama, Yusef Adama

        Caprica was the best show, watch it,

  30. Adama, Yusef Adama

    The thing is, unlike other Az Glibs, I thrive in this shit, til about 110, then its time to hide, but if you want to play, get up before dawn…

    • Lackadaisical

      Why would you get up before dawn if you’re already up drinking tall cans?

      • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

        I wait til 8, it’s only proper,
        League of lonely Drunks………….

      • straffinrun

        Charter member. Cheers!

    • Threedoor

      After 115 it’s just hot.

      • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

        No, thats 105

    • mrfamous

      It is strange how much worse 113 is than 103. You wouldn’t think so, but it is.

      • straffinrun

        Go on…

        Measure it in BSPM. Balls sweat per minute.

    • Jarflax

      Im morbidly obese, 52 years old, haven’t had a fist fight in 20+ years, and was far from a badass then, and no one in that video is rocking my shit.

    • Tejicano

      Ha ha ha… Yeah, I suspect any number of those freaks would see me and think me too old to do much in return but once they did lay hands on me, well, I’d be done with “polite”. And they’d best have a) their health insurance paid up and b) enough is cash and savings to cover the deductibles.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        They can rock their own shit, after a painful shot in the gut.

        #ColostomyBagsMatter

  31. Threedoor

    I’d like to ask you praying Glibs to put a word in to the big Man for my wife and I. We’re expecting our second kid pretty soon and he’s really screwed up. The last six weeks have been a rolling tragedy and I’m not taking it well. Id never thought in my worst nightmares I’d be mourning for someone not born yet and who might yet ‘make’ it.

    • straffinrun

      Not religious, but I’ll throw one up to the big Guy for you. That must be unbelievably tough on you.

    • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

      God Bless You and yours, Life can suck pretty bad….

    • Jarflax

      I pray things work out the best possible for you and yours.

    • Tres Cool

      Dude….hmu on gmail @ nonplussed16
      Ill have my church and the entire eastern seaboard prsying to Jesus H. Vishnu and w/e deity you like.
      “We need positive vibes” -Oddball

    • mrfamous

      Best wishes 3D.

    • Count Potato

      Prayers sent.

    • Lackadaisical

      I’m sorry to hear that. I will remember you, your wife and little one I my prayers. Best of luck.

    • Threedoor

      Thanks a bunch. I’ve only met one Glib in meatspace but I think you guys are some the the nicest semi anonymous people I’ve never met. It means a lot to me that you all are out there. You’re a glimmer of what’s not shit in the world.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Count me in on this as well. Prayers sent, clothing rent.

        /something like that.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        I am sorry that you are going through that. Praying things turn out ok for you guys. God bless.

      • tripacer

        Fo reals. I hope this works out for you guys.

    • LemonGrenade

      Non-religious but I can hope for the best for you and your family. Wishing for happiness and peace for you.

    • Chafed

      I’m sorry Threedoor. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

    • Gdragon

      I am so sorry Threedoor, I will certainly be wishing for good things and trying to throw whatever positive juju I can at all 4 of you.

    • SP

      I shall hold a good thought for all of you and your medical team, as well.

    • Threedoor

      Sadly for my boy there is no good outcome. It looks like major brain damage, he has severe bilateral ventromegaly, and downs was confirmed as icing on the cake last week. If he makes it into the world alive, at this point it looks like he will but that’s not guaranteed either. Odds of him making it to his second birthday are pretty fucking low.

      We’re not prepared emotionally for any of this. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with and it hasent really happened yet.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Not being a parent myself, I hope this will be received in the manner it’s intended–

        Prepare for both situations (birth & living with that disability vs the other outcome) as much as you are able. Fight for him as much as possible, so as to demonstrate tenacity, even to a new-born. It seems babies often surprise experts and parents alike in health scares. Let us know should you need anything.

      • Gender Traitor

        I’m so sorry, Threedoor. In case the prayers of an agnostic do any good, you have mine. I hope the medical pros working with you can steer you toward the appropriate support, whatever the outcome. And of course this here gang of miscreants always seems to be prepared to step up for one another in a crisis and do whatever we can.

    • Sean

      Prayers sent your way.

    • Not an Economist

      Sending my wishes to you and your wife.

    • DEG

      Sorry. Best wishes to you.

  32. straffinrun

    Can you imagine looking around the US and thinking, “Perfect. We’re going in exactly the right direction”?

      • straffinrun

        No kidding.

      • Lackadaisical

        I thought this was going to be the dog on fire saying ‘this is fine’

  33. UnCivilServant

    I’m trying to watch Mrs. Columbo, and I can see why it flopped.

    The main character is distinctly unlikeable. After describing a malfunctioning intercom as if she were a crazy person, she blows up on the person who reacts as if she’s talking like a crazy person.

    • UnCivilServant

      Cinematography doesn’t help. A lot of wasted time on the screen that doesn’t contribute to the plot.

      • UnCivilServant

        Oh, yes the scene where the dogs walks across the freshly mopped floor is so vital, especially when the plot has nothing to do with tracks, and it doesn’t even inspire a revalation.

      • Lackadaisical

        Spoilers much? Geeze.

  34. CPRM

    Unlike Sean I don’t have I don’t have have any pics, but I got a ribeye about to go on the grill with asparagus and sliced new potatoes smothered in butter, onions and an anaheim pepper.

    • UnCivilServant

      do you at least have firearms in proximity?

      • straffinrun

        He’s in rural Wisconsin. On his person? Maybe not, but there is one in proximity.

      • CPRM

        No, my arm did not catch on fire, this time.

    • Lackadaisical

      Nice.

      I just grilled a burger with pepper jack on the coals from my fire. Ducking top notch with a nice Smokey flavor.

    • Digby Says Invest in Malden

      I don’t have I don’t have have

      But, do you have have have?

    • CPRM

      Good, now people can stop telling me I should smile more, because for some reason it’s sexist.

      • UnCivilServant

        Only if you’re telling a woman to smile.

        You have to keep smiling while they abuse you.

      • straffinrun

        I’ve learned how to pass of a wince as a smile. 20 year marriage vet.

      • Lackadaisical

        Right in the feels. /6 years

    • Lackadaisical

      What happens if they’re wearing a mask?

      • Lackadaisical

        Also, reminds me of a plot line from ghost in the shell.

      • straffinrun

        Never seen it. Good?

      • Lackadaisical

        Absolutely. One if the best anime ever.

      • Threedoor

        Oh yes.

    • mrfamous

      As if. We’re still gonna all be in masks then.

  35. straffinrun

    There isn’t a song that is better than its Muzak version.

    • straffinrun

      This fucking comment literally cost me ¥720.

      • Lackadaisical

        You really ducked up the cost benefit on that one.

      • straffinrun

        Yes I did. Missed train by 5 seconds. *Taxi!*

      • straffinrun

        Lolly gagging up escalator to catch train. Got to see the doors closing at least.

    • Threedoor

      I got in an elevator once and the Muzak version of ‘Love in an Elevator’ was playing.

      • straffinrun

        Perfect. Get off at lingerie?

      • Threedoor

        I was in Nordstrom. I think I was looking for a bathroom.

  36. Lackadaisical

    Happy new years!

    Hitting the hay, g’night all

    • straffinrun

      Night.

    • Chafed

      What do you expect from modern day England? *reads story again* WTF!?!

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Inorite?!

  37. PieInTheSky

    Well the forecast was accurate and it rained and cooled down some. a nice 15 degrees outside as we speak

    • PieInTheSky

      Good morning glibbies

    • Digby Says Invest in Malden

      Damn, that does sound nice. It’s almost 90F here at just before midnight. 65% humidity, so, it’s close to being like living in Crusty’s trousers.

    • Threedoor

      Are those real degrees or silly metric ones?

  38. egould310

    Good Morning, Pie!

    Do you drink coffee or tea in the morning?

    I’m a black coffee guy. And I get my wife some variation on a latte.

    • PieInTheSky

      Coffee. V60. I have some Ethiopian right now.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Bow-chocka-bow-bow!

    • Threedoor

      BLACK COFFEE? RACIST!

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Pffft…..OF COURSE you’d want that coffee “whitened”.

  39. C. Anacreon

    Our local SF suburbs elementary schools are talking about being 100% online this fall. Even though the great majority of parents want onsite schooling, the local news only shows teachers union members saying how unsafe it will be, no parents. Meanwhile, the number of deaths in those under 18 in this state of 40 million people remains at zero.

    • Digby Says Invest in Malden

      Teachers, OTOH, are scared as shit about kids giving them the Wu Flu.

      “Ladies–we have to protect our phony-baloney jobs!”

      • C. Anacreon

        Meanwhile, there’s research out there showing that kids rarely pass the disease on to adults, though adults may pass to kids. Perhaps the frightened teachers can just stay at their desks with a mask on and no kids may come close to the teacher’s desks, should be safe, right? But the teachers are counting on still being paid if they’re too afraid to work, of course.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        The Pres of our college district said that, while they will listen to concerns (fears) about returning to work with COVID still out there, no one will be getting paid to stay home.

        So, fuck ’em. These union assholes are just worried that people will start questioning their long-held beliefs that public schools are a must-have.

      • Tejicano

        You take the Queen’s shilling, you do the Queen’s bidding

    • DenverJ

      Studies have shown that missing a year of school leads to lifelong lower income, higher rates of drug and alcohol abuse, higher rates of suicide, etc. But hey, as long as Trump loses, then it’s all good: those kids were all gonna be fucked anyway once they learned magic thinking- like boys can be girls just by tapping their shoes together and reciting “there’s no sex by genome, there’s no sex by genome.”

      • C. Anacreon

        The schools actually should “follow the science” like they always say, and the science is overwhelming that the kids should go back, already strongly endorsed by the American Academy of Pediatrics. But oops! Almost forgot, Teachers Unions are more important than science.

    • salted earth

      The one teacher I know is pretty concerned about going back. Wants testing and contact tracing to even consider going back. And when back, masks and reduced or rotated students in order to social distance. If kids do go back I think they may spend most of their day disinfecting things.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        If kids do go back I think they may spend most of their day disinfecting things.

        This. The 3 R’s–Readin’, Writin’, and ‘Radicatin’ COVID.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Huh. It’s like the teacher is wearing a goatee. In pre covid days, the germ breeders spent most of their time infecting things. Agar with legs.

  40. Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

    Hey! everybody! I’m awake again! the Desert really fucks with your sleep habits, but hey, only 100 degrees out now, time to chill………
    Fuck,

    • Digby Says Invest in Malden

      Yup–time to chill, indeed.

      • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

        Well, got my Megadeth radio on, and a beer in hand, waiting til I’m sober to work on PROJECT: Telecaster again, a good idea,

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        99 Ways to Die Live!

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        I know he has a really bad rep, but, Dave Mustaine in a helluva guitarist, and had to re-teach himself to play after nerve damage. So, kudos to him.

      • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

        Dave is my Fucking Hero! Megadeth is the best technical band in the world, and Dave writes a great song,

      • Threedoor

        My first rock show. I managed to catch a drum stick Nick Menza threw.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        RIP, Nick.

        You never know who will say what about Dave, but, the more I hear, the more I think Megadeth should have been called the Thinking Man’s Rock/Metal band (it was Queensryche the last time I heard).

        They, and Iron Maiden, can tell some damn good stories with their music, and gt you thinking while rocking.

      • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

        Damn good Call Digby! Dave and IM are the marks to match in modern rock, Nick will be missed……..

  41. Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

    Aaaand, now I have to break out the Dremel, to make room in my guitar body for the new pickups. yikes!

    • JD is in the United Karendom

      After watching some shill video on a guitar building course I’m really into the idea of building my own solid body electric git-tar.

    • Digby Says Invest in Malden

      Ohhhh, shit.

      • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

        Oh, simple to install……………….
        /yikes

  42. Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

    Stairway o Heaven is a Contrived Piece of shit song, there,
    Someone had to say it,

    • JD is in the United Karendom

      This just in: 70s noodly rock song discovered to be well-executed, pretentious crap.

      • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

        +It takes Balls to trash Zeppelin

      • JD is in the United Karendom

        Nah. The first two albums are excellent. Everything after that I’ve got no particular affinity for.

      • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

        Ahem Z3 is my favorite, different

      • JD is in the United Karendom

        It has it’s moments.

      • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

        I’m so sick of Claasic rock, Steve Miller? really?

      • JD is in the United Karendom

        I ain’t harborin’ no particular fondness for them neither.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Hey, I like Steve well enough. I can’t say I’m gonna buy me any retro tour shirts, or anything. But, he’s got his charms.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Led Zep not good? Insanity plain and simple.

      • Festus' Mustache

        It’s just listening fatigue at this point. I still dig their later albums because they didn’t get played to death on the radio. “Physical Graffitti” and “Presence” are my favorites but I’m growing tired of them, too. Can’t listen to Beatles or Stones.

  43. JD is in the United Karendom

    I only found out about Charlie Daniels’ recent passing just last night. It’s time to swap out the old long-haired country boy in my avatar again.

    • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

      British Goat ropers? who knew?
      /looking out my Backdoor

  44. Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

    Otis Redding doesn’t do Stand by me very well, trust me on this………….

  45. Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

    I love Motown, it reminds me of my Parents, cool people they were,

    • Gender Traitor

      Have you ever seen Standing in the Shadows of Motown? It’s a wonderful documentary about the Funk Brothers, the house band. There’s also modern concert footage featuring the surviving musicians and current artists singing the big hits. My particular favorites: Joan Osborne tearing up Heat Wave and Bootsy Collins being Bootsy on Do You Love Me. We were lucky enough to catch the Funk Brothers live not long after the film was released – an honor and a privilege!

      • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

        Way cool Bootsy Rules! as does Motown in general….

  46. Festus' Mustache

    Grrrr! I’m at my downtown site yesterday afternoon when I spy one of the walking dead traipsing down the middle of the thoroughfare. It stops and weaves a bit and makes a beeline for my Tacoma, the only vehicle parked on both sides of the block and tests the doors. It was a female of the species so all I could do was scamper outside and bark at it until it shuffled away. Fucking thieving junkies. Thing was, I was feeling sorry for her until she tried to rip me off. If it had been a guy I’d probably be in jail right now. Broad daylight and so brazen. This shit has gotten out of control, even here. Don’t rip off the working man you Cunte! My stuff costs me blood, sweat and toil.

    • Gender Traitor

      I’ll cut a bitch who touches my Subaru!

    • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

      They are lost Souls, I am nice, but Firm, back the Fuck up! you cannot trust them at all, don’t ever feel for them, sad but true, and I like to help,

      • Festus' Mustache

        When I told Judi about it over the phone there was a moment’s pause and then “Oh Dear. What did you do?” She knows old Festus is another scary white boy…

    • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

      the Romans?

  47. UnCivilServant

    I think I have a drinking problem – I keep downing water faster than I can filter and chill more.

    • Josef Adams, Tauron Lawyer

      It’s down to 100 here, quit bitching,
      /I know its hot everywhere,

    • Gender Traitor

      Hmmm….I hope this is just due to the heat. If the thirst persists after the weather cools down, please don’t ignore it.

      • UnCivilServant

        Of course it’s due to the heat. I’m spending sweat-drenched days in front of the fan trying to avoid heat rash.

  48. Festus' Mustache

    We’ve got a rewarding bad behavior problem here just like the big cities on the Coast. If you build it, they will come. Our small city set out the salt licks and every bum, hobo, junkie and vagrant in a three hundred mile radius has descended on our downtown like a plague of fucking locusts. There are literally hundreds of them and we just keep sweetening the pot for the ne’er-do-wells and rapscallions. Just last week a young woman was stabbed to death right outside the fucking courthouse. Shitting on the streets, needles everywhere. Sorry guys, I’ve been a little tightly wound lately.

    • Gender Traitor

      What a nightmare! So sorry to hear that.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Downtown PG has always been rough but it used to be because we had more bars per capita than anywhere else in the country. Now it has become a true shithole and we keep making it easier for the indigent to set up house even while trying to gentrify the area with boutique shopping, new condo developments, brew pubs and tony restaurants.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I just don’t get it with municipalities kissing the asses of the homeless. They deserve pity, sure, but coddling them only leads to more and more problems and it’s not good for them either.

      https://youtu.be/NFNaRGcZ28Y

      South Park got it right years ago.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Change? Spare some change mister?

      • Festus' Mustache

        “Chaaaannnnge”

      • Festus' Mustache

        Lol. We kind of are South Park.

  49. Ownbestenemy

    4am in Vegas…100 damn degrees nearly. Ugh this summer is gonna suck.

    • Festus' Mustache

      It damn near froze here on Saturday night. I’ve lived here for fifty years and I’ve never seen such a summer of suckitude. We still haven’t got over 75 American and here it is, mid-July. Today’s high temp was in the 50’s with wind and yet more rain.

      • UnCivilServant

        Here, I don’t think it’s gotten below 75 even in the dead of night for a long time.

      • Festus' Mustache

        I shouldn’t complain overmuch. Heat and high humidity are not my friends. Festus runs at a higher temp than the average bear. It’s just so fucking dreary.

      • Lackadaisical

        It was actually cool ish here last night. Still nice this morning.

    • Cy

      81 here in Tejas. The coffee came out of the pot at work luke warm. Bunch of fucking amateurs.

  50. Sean

    7:30 am and I’m already cranky.

    Not a good sign for today.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m just kind of… numb.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Could be worse. Could be Rhyun.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I gotta ride a sketchy elevator up a 200′ radar tower just to document a serial number. I am not happy but its easy OT monies.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Ill snap some photos…noce view of the airport and vegas from up there

      • UnCivilServant

        Will you also share them?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yeah of course

  51. Cy

    Psssst…. hey! Want some glib?

    • UnCivilServant

      *Rogal Dorn*
      Nnno.
      */Rogal*

      • Cy

        Magnus did nothing wrong!

      • UnCivilServant

        Except for the whole making a deal with Tzeentch thing.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Hell of a week to quit Glibs

    • Lackadaisical

      Give me some of that good yokel shit.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Thicc!

    • Lackadaisical

      I had no idea there were any blacks(?) in Latvia.

      Also, that’s an ugly statue. Here I thought Latvian were based.

    • Festus' Mustache

      I know where the crimson spray paint is headed.

      • Lackadaisical

        Rofl

    • Lackadaisical

      Maybe I’m slow but I don’t see what he actually did wrong.

      • Sean

        Yeah. I didn’t get it either. There might be some missing footage. /shrug

      • Lackadaisical

        I kind of don’t think so. Just bootlickers licking.

      • Festus' Mustache

        He had his punching gloves on and he was being an asshole. Fuck him and fuck the NYPD for hiring tiny girls to do a man’s job. What good were they in that situation? Stand around at the back of the scrum and get jittery.

    • Lackadaisical

      Just like the lives of 90 year olds are more important than the entire lives of children, this lady’s life doesn’t matter to liberals.It doesn’t fit the narrative so it doesn’t exist. try arguing about statistics regarding the blm movement. .. anecdotes are more powerful than data, so long as it conforms to your view of society.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Oh, that is not good.

  52. Sean